utz

Maryland Gothic
  • Your house was built in 1920. It has been marked historic. It will now stand here untouched until the end of time. The bridge has been marked historic. It was built in 1930. No one is allowed to drive on it. Your neighbor’s fence has been marked historic. He built it three years ago. You go to church. The church falls down. It was built in 2005. No one will clear the rubble to save you. It has been marked historic. 
  • You get in your dinghy. You motor to town. You tie up your dinghy at the docks. You buy your government mandated industrial carton of Old Bay and Old Bay seasoned UTZ chips at the Royal Farms. You can’t remember the taste of water. You don’t remember sunlight. There is only Old Bay. 
  • You are on a mountain. The fog is too thick to see the road in front of you. You wait for it to clear. You drive until you reach a town below sea level. The fog is still here. It has followed you. 
  • Your friend from out of state asks if you want to go swimming in the Bay. You say no. You’ll be too busy contacting their next of kin.  
  • You are driving. The DC NPR station signal is growing weaker. You are not yet in range of the Baltimore NPR station. The signal is growing fainter. Fainter. Fainter. You flip between the static of both stations. Nothing. You are trapped. You pass a road sign that reads: New Market. Your flesh melts from your bones as Rush Limbaugh comes in loud and clear. 
  • You sailed your preposterously large yacht into Ego Alley. All eyes are upon you. You approach the dead end docks. The tourists look on in confusion. The dockside bar patrons begin to take bets. It is time to turn around and motor your way out. There is no space left. You cannot turn. You are stuck. The harbor patrol calls the Tugboat Of Shame. In the end, your body is strung up with the others. 
  • You are in Severna park. A woman approaches you. In one hand she holds a field hockey stick. In her other hand, a lacrosse stick. You must chose. You do not know how to play lacrosse. You do not know how to play field hockey. With a heavy heart, you say, “I don’t play sports.” The woman smiles.  She brandishes the lacrosse stick. You close your eyes. You feel your nose break. You see your own blood staining your Sperrys. You do not resist. It is your own fault for entering Severna Park without the proper training. 
  • The stink bugs are here. The stink bugs are here. The stink bugs are here. Ț̠̠̻̤́̍̅͊̑ͧ̊h̍̏͊ͤe̻ͬ͋̽ͤ ͖̦̼̣̰̝͙s̮̬̦̜͌ͭ̍͋͒̔ť̫̲̞͖̈́̅ȉ͉̓͌̈͌n̤̩̭̲ͣ̔ͧ̿k̲̝͓̠͓̥̙ͥͤ ̣̺̤̻ͩ̊̅̍̄ͯb̠̈́́͊̈́͗u̜̭̔͑̚g̘͎̼̪̳͌̍̅ͥ̋ͅsͨ́ ̒͛͌̂ͫ̾ă̬̣̹̲̠̠̘̋̇͊̋r͈͈͓͆͊ͯͧ̎ͯ̈́ě̯̒̓ͩͥ̽ͥ ̠ͭͦ̉h̬̘͓̉͆̋ͤ̚ë̻̟͉̊r̤͙̱̠̝̮͇ͬ́̋̿̄e͕̯̯͔͈.ͫͩ

justaddcoffeetome  asked:

Sam, I learned tonight that Warren Buffet plays the ukulele, and I felt like you were the kind of person that should know that, if you didn't already. Also, thank you for sharing about how net worth is valuated - that was surprisingly relevant to my current work life and gave me something to talk about with my finance department :D.

WARREN BUFFETT, MY FAVORITE BILLIONAIRE. Oh my god.

Look at this oldmanchild playing his ukulele with the coke-bottle sound hole. 

LET ME TELL YOU SOME SHIT ABOUT WARREN BUFFETT

He lives on coca-cola, Utz potato sticks, and ice cream, because he looked at the actuarial tables and found that six-year-olds have the lowest mortality rate. Also his son Howard is a farmer. Just a straight-up gentleman farmer. Warren’s like “Well yes I hope Howard will take over as chair of Berkshire Hathaway when I die but let’s be clear he’ll be a figurehead because he’s a farmer, not a financial genius, so he’ll be like, the moral compass of the company.” 

This is why I, myself, am the Warren Buffett fandom, a fandom of one. (Unless you count a lot of gross investment advisors which I don’t because they’re not really in the Warren Buffett fandom, they’re in the money fandom, he’s just a BNF in the money fandom.) 

Harry Potter Vocab

I started reading Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince eons ago, and seeing the language differences was quite interesting. Some of these words are fairly specific to this book, but you can find most of them throughout the whole series :)

Characters:
Hermione- Hermine
Moaning Myrtle- Maulende Myrte
The Dark Lord/He Who Shall Not be Named/You-Know-Who- der Dunkle Lord/Er, dessen Name nicht genannt werden darf/ Du-weißt-schon-wer
Crookshanks- Krummbein
Buckbeak- Seidenschnabel
Nearly-Headless Nick- fast kopflose Nick
Death Eater- Todesser

Places:
Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry- Hogwarts-Schule für Hexerei und Zauberei
Number 4 Privet Drive- Ligusterweg Nummer 4
The Burrow- Fuchsbau
St. Mungo’s Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries- St.-Mungo-Hospital für magische Krankheiten und Verletzungen
The Leaky Cauldron- Der Tropfende Kessel
Diagon Alley- Die Winkelgasse
Knockturn Alley- Nokturngasse
Weasleys’ Wizard Wheezes- Weasleys Zauberhafte Zauberscherze
Platform 9 ¾- Bahnsteig neundreiviertel
Common Room- der Gemeinschaftsraum
Azkaban- Askaban

Courses/Exams:
Defense Against the Dark Arts- Verteidigung gegen die dunkle Künste
Occulemency- Okklumentik
Potions- Zaubertränke
Ancient Ruins- Alte Runen
Care of Magical Creatures- Pflege magischer Geschöpfe
Divination- Wahrsagen
Transfiguration- Verwandlung
OWLS- ZAG
NEWTS- UTZ