useless minions

Horoscope signs as Ganondorf
  • Aries - Twilight Princess Ganondorf: you ruined everything why did we invite you
  • Taurus - OoT Ganondorf: sassy schemer who don't take no lip from no hero and also secretly a boar
  • Gemini - Wind Waker Ganondorf: sometimes you look like a bird also stop harassing small children
  • Cancer - SSB Ganondorf: you run slow and we all like you ironically
  • Leo - a Link to the Past Ganondorf: you are actually a pig demon
  • Virgo - Hyrule Warriors Ganondorf: your minions are useless but that hair tho
  • Libra - Skyward Sword Ganondorf: you don't exist. Sorry. Someone who looks kinda like you does some bad stuff tho
  • Scorpio - Four Swords Adventures Ganondorf: you had to break the law didn't you. See where that got you?? The race consisting of only girls hates you now. Hot girls. NICE GOING.
  • Sagittarius - Phantom Hourglass Ganondorf: you're but a distant memory of the small children you once harassed. Those children killed you. This is your own fault.
  • Capricorn - Oracle of Ages & Oracle of Seasons Ganondorf: you were supposed to show up. We invited you and everything. Are you too cool for us??? Jerk.
  • Aquarius - Manga OoT Ganondorf: how did you go seven years thinking a wooden ocarina was the ocarina of time no wonder you lost
  • Pisces - SSBB storyline Ganondorf: stop following the hand guy and stop trusting people stop just stop.

i just wanna remind people that ZIM collects sidekicks like a lint roller collects lint. He has GIR and Minimoose and then Skoodge (eventually) and he was quite willing to take on Derb. I think that irkens are supposed to be pretty self sustaining and independent and yet here is ZIM, collecting little useless minions. 

Reverse "fans ship you with"...starring Kurotsuchi


As requested by anon. :)


Bleach Lists is back! And as our first post-hiatus list, we’re going to find out what the Squad 12 captain thinks of his “most popular” ships. So, Kurotsuchi, how do you feel about being shipped with…


1. …Urahara?

“Why would I date a man I despise, with whom I have nothing in common?”

Urahara: I planted some leftover Valentine’s Day cards somewhere on your body! See if you can find them all!

Urahara: Hiding things on your body! Never gets old! Am I right?

Kurotsuchi: Also there’s that.


2. …Nemu?

“I do not date my own creations. I am not a weirdo.”

Nemu: Do you think we would count as incest or self-cest, Mayuri-sama?

Kurotsuchi: What does it matter, you dolt?

Nemu: I don’t know. Abarai keeps asking.


3. …Ichigo?

“That human? He may be useful, but he couldn’t find his way out of a garganta without a map.”

Ichigo: Is that…bad?

Kurotsuchi: And this guy is our savior.


4. …Unohana?

“Is there a stronger word than ‘no’?”

Unohana: “No” with an exclamation point.

Unohana: “Definitely not.”

Unohana: “Absolutely, positively in the negative.”

Kurotsuchi: STOP THAT


5. …Szayel?

“He seemed interesting at first. But ultimately he bored me.”

Szayel: You know what’s really boring? DYING FOR 15 MILLION YEARS

Kurtosuchi: I can’t believe you still won’t let that go.


6. …Askin Nakk Le Vaar?

“If I wanted to date a Quincy version of Aizen, I would create the monstrosity myself, not borrow one of Yhwach’s useless minions.”

Askin: Ah, but you just said that you wouldn’t date your own creations!

Askin: Looks like I got you in a logical TRAP, my friend!

Kurotsuchi: What is it with you and traps?

Askin: So I don’t have much of a personality yet. Sue me.


7. …Akon?

“Akon is occasionally an adequate subordinate. But personally I find his appearance to be much too conservative to be sexually appealing.”

Akon: I have horns, captain. On my face.

Kurotsuchi: The same horns for like a hundred years now. Way to keep innovation at bay!

Akon: We can’t all be flowers, sir.


8. …Ishida?

“I thought I made it clear that I do not want that Quincy as my research subject. If I had, I wouldn’t have let him go at the end of our fight.”

Ishida: Um, I turned you into goo, you monstrous pile of utter crap.

Kurotsuchi: I choose to remember it differently.


9. …Renji?

“He let Szayel Aporro beat him. No power-ups or new outfits or even the ability to sleep in the middle of battle can wash that stain away. He is - how shall I put this? - lame.”

Renji: You know I can’t implant extra organs in myself, right?

Kurotsuchi: I believe I covered that with 'lame,’ you moron.


10. …Weirdly handsome Squad 12 guy?

“………………………………………………………………who?”

Weirdly handsome Squad 12 guy: I EXPLODED FOR YOU

Kurotsuchi: Right. Like I’d bother to remember all of my bombs.

Kurotsuchi: Get over yourself, dude.

Weirdly handsome Squad 12 guy:

Weirdly handsome Squad 12 guy: I really should have joined a different squad.

It’d been a few hours since the bloody fiasco at Sunnydale High, and Spike was brewing in irritation and disappointment. If it weren’t for his damn useless minions and that Slayer’s damn mum, he would have had another Slayer under his belt. Spike growled softly under his breath was his eyes gazed at the television screen unseeingly. Drusilla stirred next to him, but she looked more distraught than anything. She had been ever since he’d gotten back to her without a dead Slayer to show off. Spike thought she was just as disappointed as he was.

“Poor lost lil William. Meant for the sunshine, you are. Not mine, never mine …,” she moaned out next to him, and he stroked her hair in reassurance despite not knowing what she was blithering on about. She sighed, stilled, and eventually fell back asleep.

A yawn left Spike’s lips, and he assumed it was already mid-morning. Normally he never slept more than a few hours during the day in the late afternoon, but the events of the previous night must have worn him out – and he had a bloody headache from getting hit in the head with that axe. With Dru at his side, he closed his eyes and began to drift off to sleep. In a few minutes, he was breathing softly – it was always a habit when he slept – and he began to dream. Rather than vague dreams of blood and chaos, he found himself in a vivid dream. It wasn’t of something he wanted either. It was a memory more than anything. A memory of days gone by. Of his mother.

He found himself in the stiff clothing he’d worn on the day his mother’s illness had worsened enough that he needed to hire a nurse to live on the property in order to take care of her. William paced in the sitting room while his mother tried to focus on her embroidery – today was a good day, in fact, and that he was thankful for. Interviewing women to take care of his mother was enough to strike a good amount of fear and nervousness into the man. Women other than his mother always made him entirely uncomfortable.

                                               “Master William – there’s a Ms. Summers
                                                here for you and your mum. Says she’s
                                                a nurse. Shall I let her in?”

While William started fidgeting even more than he had been previously, his mother replied for him and the servant went away to go get the visitor.

                                               “William, dear. Calm your nerves. I’m sure
                                                 she’ll be lovely.”

That’s what I’m worried about, he thought as the sound of footsteps coming down the hallway reached his ears and his heart thumped louder in his chest. He needed to calm himself, for mother.

Next on Pretty Little Liars - 4x16

- Radley Sanitarium closes their rooftop trampoline due to health and safety concerns.

- While decoding Ali’s diary, the liars struggle to work out the identities of a group of four girls Alison refers to as “my useless minions”.

- Ezra thanks Emily for color-coding all her assignments, tells her it makes it much easier for him to find what he is looking for.

- Aria repeatedly asks the others why Ali called her Suzy Clueless.

- The liars try to work out where Alison could be staying. They bump into Jessica DiLaurentis, who says she would love to talk, but she has to tidy Alison’s room, wash Alison’s clothes and cook dinner for two.

- Emily has another vivid dream about Alison, only this time Alison asks Emily to tie her up first before telling her off.

- Paige sets up a bear trap outside Emily’s window.

- Spencer insists they not keep secrets from each other anymore. Also advocates not dating members of the elaborate conspiracy which is out to destroy them. “Who would do that?” Aria scoffs.

- Aria assures Hanna she is not angry about her and Mike, though it would have been more appropriate had Hanna been tutoring Mike at the time.

- Travis tells Hanna he loves her and her friends’ adorable habit of answering the door armed with makeshift weapons.

- Jessica DiLaurentis assures Spencer that no matter how mentally unbalanced she has become since Alison died, she is still nowhere near crazy enough to sleep with Peter Hastings again.

- Ezra promotes the new Rosewood High home tuition service. Slogan: “Rosewood High - Reaching out and touching our students.”

- Ashley Marin quickly impresses in her new job, particularly with her unique financing tips for clients.

- Spencer’s dad asks if he can rephrase that line about “As long as you live under this roof…”

- Veronica and Peter Hastings set up the law firm of Hastings & Hastings, with the motto “The only lawyers in town!”

Please note: Description above may not resemble actual show.

[More ‘Next on Pretty Little Liars’]