So this girl is similar to the one that stole my heart as a 16 year old boy in 1979.  My step dad and I were visiting local used car lots looking for my first car and a lady like this caught my eye and has had my heart in her hands ever since.

1969 Camaro Super Sport with the Rally Sport option, D90 striping, non-functional hood breathers, triple black, rally wheels.  The pictured car is a small block 350.  The one that stole my heart had a 396 big block, 325, 350 or 375 horsepower mated to a 4-speed and gauges on the console.  The only aftermarket product on her was a set of chrome traction bars peeking out from in front of the rear tires.

I wasn’t able to purchase her that day as 1) My stepdad said I’d probably get killed in her (and he was probably right) and 2) The asking price was $3,500 which was a pretty penny in 1979 for a 16 year old who bagged groceries for a living.

Maybe one day I can still fulfill that dream.

Welcome To Voltron

What goes up must come down
What goes down must come up again.
And what is slowly moving towards you from the distance should be avoided.
It’s getting closer.
Too late to run now.
Too late to do anything now.
Welcome to Voltron.

Mayor Allura has asked me to remind you all that the floating acid spores that will be migrating through town later this week are not to be touched.
We do not wish for a repeat of last years incident of children being carried off to please the spore god in the sky.
The spores are not to be touched and doing so will warrant a visit from the secret police and a reprogramming while you sleep.
However if the spores touch you, then be sure to hop on down to the community radio station for a free t-shirt for you to be sacrificed in.

I am receiving reports that a stranger has come to our quiet desert community.
Who is he?
Where did he come from?
Why is his beautiful hair so perfectly tied back from his strong tanned face by something a simple as an orange headband.
Can this beautiful stranger be trusted?
Or has or doom come in the form of his strong muscular arms?

Old man Coran out by the used car lot has claimed to of seen angles. Of course since the town council has made it illegal to acknowledge the existent of angles he is surly mistaken.
Either way Coran says these beings that may or may not be angles are all seven feet tall made of light and rock and that all of them are named Balmera. Oh and that one of them is black.
He also says that they helped him change the government issued crystal that lights his porch and is now selling the old used crystal that had been touched by an angle.
It was the black angle if that sweetens the deal for anyone.

Pidge my intern is holding up a piece of paper covered in strange unreadable symbols and gesturing wildly in the direction of the fish shaped clock on the wall.
Not sure why since the hands haven’t moved from 13 o'clock for almost two months now ever since the time vortex passed through town destroying our entire concept of time passing…
Does it still pass?
Has time ever really passed?
Or have we simply been decaying in a long endless loop?
Oh I see!
Pidge has now flipped over the paper to show that the meaningless symbols were in fact ancient Altean reminding me that there is a town meeting today at the time the sun is a loverly shade of brown with pink stripes going vertically not horizontally.
As all good Voltron residents know this was not a previously scheduled meeting and not even i the voice of. Voltron know what the meeting will be about.
Perhaps it has something to do with our neighbouring town and long time sporting rivals the Galra.
While I try to figure this out I take you to the weather.:

I’m sitting in the back row of the autotiom of the local high school waiting for the town meeting to begin.
Usually it would take place in the medieval castle surrounded by sentient lions that acts as town hall. However ever since the entire castle began to hover thirty feet up in the air no one has been able to actually return up there to try and figure out what’s going on.
There has been some suggestion of using multiple ladders to reach the polished marble steps by numerous people who are all now in prison awaiting trail as we all know ladders have been illegal in Voltron since the great culling a few years back.
Their trials have been delayed indefiently because the court house is also floating out of reach.
My brother in law Keith Kogane has suggested that the floating is the work of some god and that there are symbols in the sky suggesting this to be true.
Yeah well no ones interested in your dumb conspiracy theories Keith!
Oh listeners the room has gone quiet as Allura has made her way onto the stage, stepping over the beheaded dragon set piece used in the drama clubs production of the life story of the Beatles.
The blood still soaking the stage from the scene where Paul calls upon dark forces to defeat the invading robots is now staining the mayors long white cloak.
She opens her mouth to speak but all that comes out is a low pitched wailing noise that sends shivers down not ones spine but their very soul.
After a few moments she steps aside and well dear listeners I wish I could tell you exactly what happened next but im afraid that soon as I saw the strangers face I felt myself go into some kind of trance as I watched his lips move.
I can’t explain it but… I was sure that in that moment I fell instantly in love.
The stranger introduced himself as Hunk, explaining he was a scientist and was in Voltron because it was the most scientifically interesting town in America.
After the ceremonial gifting of the four dozen chipmunk eggs Hunk the scientist left to go set up his lab in the empty building just across from the inter dimension bowling ally run by Slav.
The inter dimension bowling Ally: just because in this reality you didn’t get a strike doesn’t mean the same a true in every reality.

Exciting news! When I arrived at the radio station this morning I was informed by Pidge that a stray cat has made her home in the men’s bathroom.
Of course I ran straight there wanting to see the cuties and oh I wasn’t discounted.
Let’s see like all cats she was a deep blue colour with metallic plating around her long poisonous spines. Her twelve eyes are a loverly purple colour and seem to be able to stare through solid brick. She was floating about five feet from the ground and unable to move, but she seemed to be able to reach the sinks for water and I had Pidge go out to pick her up some food so rest assured Blue, that’s what we named her will be well looked after.
Hunk just dropped by the station! And I swear I almost died!
He strolled in looking worriedly down at a beeping device in his hands. When he looked up he seemed surprised that their were people going about their daily business.
He told me that he was picking up huge amounts of radiation from this location and that we should evacuate immediately!
Which was silly, the readings were likely just coming from station management and no more deadly then the entity they they come from.
He scratched his head and looked around for a moment before sighing and looking down at me with those big brown eyes of his.
Then! You will never guess what happened!
He pulled out a card and told me to call him if I noticed anything strange!
Call him!
Oh Voltron what a wonderful day!
I got his number without even having to use one of my famous pick up lines on him!
Such as on a scale of one to ten how free are you tonight? The secret police want to know if you feel repressed in anyway and likely to revolt?
But no it wasn’t needed! He just smiled at me and I promised I would call if anything strange happened at all!
I hope something strange could happen in our sleepy little town just so I could call him.
Coming up next a man screaming in French for the next six hours.
Good night Voltron.
Good night.


In 2006, Simpson starred in his own improv, hidden-camera prank TV show, Juiced. Typical of the genre, Simpson would play a prank on everyday people while secretly filming them and at the end of each prank, he would shout, “You’ve been Juiced!” Less typical, each episode opened with topless strippers dancing around Simpson, who is dressed as a pimp. He sings his own rap song, which includes the lyrics “Don’t you know there’s no stopping the Juice / When I’m on the floor I’m like a lion on the loose / Better shoot me with a tranquilizer dart / Don’t be stupid, I’m not a Simpson named Bart.” In one episode, Simpson is at a used car lot in Las Vegas where he attempts to sell his white Bronco (made famous during the chase in Los Angeles prior to his arrest). A bullet hole in the front of the SUV is circled with his autograph, and he pitches it to a prospective buyer by saying that if they “ever get into some trouble and have to get away, it has escapability.”[45] In another sketch called “B-I-N-G-O.J.”, Simpson pretends to be having an affair with another man’s girlfriend. Later he transforms into an old white man whose dying wish is to call a game of bingo. “Juiced” aired as a one-time special on pay-per-view television and was later released on DVD.[46]

Bonus episode - an excerpt from the next Night Vale novel!


Not everyone believes in mountains. Yet, there they are, in plain sight. Scientists insist, rather halfheartedly, that mountains are the bulging results of tectonic shifts along massive rocky plates. Mountains develop naturally over the course of many millennia, scientists say under their breaths.

Most people believe that mountains aren’t there at all, even if mountains are visible, as they often are. Nonbelievers will explain that our minds create sensory illusions to help explain what we cannot understand. Like the shapes of gods and monsters in the stars, or messages in tea leaves, or government codes in cloud patterns.

Mountains, real or not, ring this desert like the rim of an empty dinner plate. Scattered sparsely along the flat middle are small towns with names like Red Mesa, Pine Cliff, and right in the center, Night Vale.

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A couple of intriguing views of Mayrose Motors used car lot in Melrose Park, Illinois sometime in the 1950s.  There’s a lot to love about these midcentury cars, especially the turret-nosed Studebaker in the top photo or the boxy Mopars lined up in the bottom photo.  Chrysler designed its cars of this era specifically so men could drive them comfortably while wearing the mandatory fedora or stetson.  Images from the Flickr collection of Dave Gelinas.

"Mmmm, chocolate! D'oh!"

I worked at a certain chocolatier that may or may not be associated with a lady who rode naked and bareback.

I didn’t have a job as easy as it looked. It was okay, but not a walk in the park. But anyway, the customers could be such turdsacks. They get their nasty fingerprints all over the glass, get their greasy nose prints on the windows, they get the boxes out of order, and mess up the place in general.

There was always some snobby rich douchnozzle who would micromanage how we prepared the order, and then change his/her mind CONSTANTLY, then decided to cancel the order.

People brought their screaming little demon spawn in with them, and demand a free sample for themselves and their evil seed before placing an order, or simply expect a free sample despite never buying anything.

One pervert “customer” who is a tacky buttworm of a man had the cajones to say to me “I’d like to place an order with YOU coated completely in chocolate!”. To that I replied with “Excuse me, I need to throw up now!”. He said this to two other female coworkers of mine. We complained to the boss, but he just made excuses like “He spends a lot of money here, stop taking it so personal!”. Actually, he doesn’t spend THAT much, he just makes it look like he does, but he just comes in to bug the ladies, hangs around, buys a lower priced item, then leaves. But he does it 3 times a week.

Halloween and Christmas were apeshit crazy, and these customers were extra nasty that time of year. Fighting, line cutting, bratty kids having epic meltdowns, and people trying to haggle with us or lamenting over the high prices.

I hated the kids smearing their chocolatey hand prints EVERYWHERE! They made messes like this, when they weren’t littering, but I really hated their scummy parents because they never called their kids out on those awful habits. The kids were extra messy on the holidays, as were some of the parents.

The entitlement minded customers thought that they could haggle, but our prices are what they are. These are designer chocolates and candies, they’re gonna cost more! We’re not a used car lot! If any candies are on sale, then they are clearly marked as such, if that is the situation.

The browsers who never buy are irritating. Stop blocking the line area for costumers who are actually here to buy something!

Most of these people who visit our store have a lot of money, but no class.

Driving with Evan and Jared hc(s)

A/n: yoyo Home slices here’s a thing nobody asked for but took me forever to post because I NEVER HAVE WIFI

Warnings: mentions of car sex


- Ok
- Evan has a white Chevy Cruze
- He got it from a used car lot
- And he helped Heidi pay for it
- Because he felt like it was his responsibility because it’s his car
- nervous boi
- He’s a nervous driver in general
- But with you
- Oooo
- A VERY heavy breaker
- Literally drives with his foot on the break
- If someone cuts him off HE apologizes to THEM
- He’s actually a decent driver tho
- Like he’s very aware of his surroundings
- And surprisingly good at parallel parking
- The only thing he refuses to do is drive on the highway
- It freaks him out so bad
- He will only drive on one if he ABSOLUTELY has to
- He focuses so hard on the road
- His eyes squint and his nose crinkles
- You tried to give him road head once
- That didn’t end well
- He had to pull over into a wooded area
- You did end up finishing him off tho
- Evan keeps his car SO clean
- And he always has one of those lil air fresheners in it
- Usually it’s like a really clean scent
- But occasionally if he’s feeling wild ‘n crazy he’ll put in a fruity scent
- He washes his own car
- He doesn’t want to deal with the people at actual car washes
- So he just does it himself
- With your assistance of course
- This has led to many water fights in the Hansen’s front lawn
- Ok so when he’s with you he’ll play like regular songs on the radio
- But when he’s alone he’ll play classical music Bc it calms him down
- 100% always has what ever you need in his car
- Gum
- Bandaids
- Condoms
- He’s got it all


- he has a red punch buggy
- He says he only has it for the meme factor
- But he loves his car
- He named her Shirley
- Sometimes you wonder if he loves his car more than you
- (He doesn’t)
- But he sure acts like it
- He’s made you apologize to his car before
- All because you said he should clean his car
- “Shhh Shirley she doesn’t mean it, she’s just jealous that i’m inside you more than I’m in her.”
- “Jared that’s a lie and we both know it.”
- Speaking of
- Lotsa car sex
- And a lot of car - sex related jokes
- “Hey look I’m inside my two favorite girls.”
- He’s kinda like ‘meh’ on road head
- Surprisingly
- But know what he does love?
- Fingering you as he drives
- He loves seeing you squirm next to him
- Ok
- You’d think his car would be a hot mess of just trash right?
- No
- His car is surprisingly clean
- And actually keeps it clean
- Will FREAK if anything spills in his car
- Including water
- Or easily cleanable things
- Like skittles
- He’s a total neat freak about his car
- BLASTS 80’s rock songs
- Or random bo burnham songs
- No in between
- His favorite is ‘I’m bo yo’
- Can rap that shiz like a mofo
- This boi
- Gets SO MUCH road rage
- Screams profanities at the top of his lungs
- Flips them off
- Honks the horn
- But if he’s in the wrong
- And he knows he’s in the wrong
- He gets all quiet and shy
- For once in his life

Dear Florida

I’ve heard ppl say they hate living here my entire life. All 26 years of it. While it gets old, I understand! There’s a lot of bad stuff here, like SO much, but I was born here and I have so many memories here, I can’t imagine hating it with my entire being. I grew up near the gulf in the suburbs and then moved to orlando so I know my experiences may not be universal but whatever :). Here’s some Florida positivity and feelings:

- I know it doesn’t appeal to everybody, but perfect beach weather! I grew up near pine island and I swear my family had every birthday there. Eating burgers and hot dogs at the picnic tables so close to the water, the gulf breeze ruffling sundresses and cheap plastic table cloths.

- where I lived there was a large wooden tower you could climb up and watch the sunset/rise from. Years of teenaged graffiti had been carved into it’s beams and made you nostalgic for the days of hanging out with friends during the summer and not worrying about having to pay your bills or go to work.

-swimming at the spring, crystal clear cold water with the warm sun at your back, your nerves awake and tingling.

- ice cream sandwiches and freezepops while you walked down the cracked pavement, prickly grass poking through.

- nature always shines through the urbanization, Florida can’t stop being Florida.

- gaggles of kids during the summer, running up to any house where there was evidence of another child and ringing the doorbell, asking if there were any other kids there to come out and play.

- the cities are ugly and regular draughts dry up the grass and ponds, but there’s something weirdly nostalgic and unique about those stretches of road, lined with failed businesses and strip clubs and used car lots. As a kid I always imagined those empty parking lots as the perfect place for a fight between superpowered folks or werewolves lol idk

- waking up early to see the sun rise from the overpass and waving to the cars below as ppl commuted to work. ALMOST as beautiful as the sunsets.

- imagine if you got to see the most gorgeous explosion of color in the sky every single night. So much so that you almost get used to it and then, one night, you stop to really looked at the gradient of pinks and purples and oranges and realize all over again how breathtaking it all is.

- the stars at night over the beach and the smell of fried food from a seafood shack close to shore.

- cicadas screaming while you try to get a dragonfly to land on your kayak or catching lizards and grasshoppers in the grassy lot near the woods.

- little crabs scurrying in the sand and finding a seagull feather to put in your headband. Sandhill crane couples making their way across the street and making you late to class (but they’re so pretty!) And the sounds of wild peacocks while you swim in your friends pool before dark. Signs of animals everywhere you go.

- publixes in Orlando with the best guava pastries and even better croquettes. The subs! The fried chicken!! The sweet tea!!!

- tiny ice cream shops like papa Clyde’s thatve been around for 30+ years and have the best handspun shakes you’ll ever taste.

- the mermaid shows and tubing down a lazyriver and manatees that are too chill. Getting lucky enough for a baby manatee to fearlessly brush against your leg.

-a warm breeze rustling through the palms at night. Bonfires during the short winters while the dogs dig in the dirt for a nice cool place to sleep.

- theme parks just an hour away. Knowing every loop of the coasters by heart and leading your out of state friends on a tour of a place you know like the back of your hand.

- hurricane parties and waving to your neighbors as you wade across the cul-de-sac, water up to your knees. You haven’t spoken to them in a while but you catch up under an umbrella and ask if they need any batteries or toilet paper.

- fresh oranges and feeding baby Gators and the scent of sunblock and a hot water bottle rolling around the floor of your car.

Feel free to add any good/nostalgic Florida memories!

Preview: Nice Girls Finish Last. (Swan Song S05E22)

Episode Summary: The showdown between good and evil is at hand. With the apocalypse looming, the reader, now a demon, abandons the Winchesters to work at Lucifer’s side to help further his plans along. Sam and Dean realize they are out of options to save her and the fate of humanity. They are forced to make heart-breaking decisions that will change their lives forever.
Warnings: Demon!Reader, mentions of violence, blasphemy. 
Pairing: Dean Winchester x Reader (Very minor Lucifer x Reader)
Word Count: 3,574.

Previous Part | Supernatural Rewrite Masterlist

Originally posted by celestialsonata7

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The farmer and the restaurant owner.

Once upon a time there was a man who owned a piece of land next to a thriving restaurant. Now this man had owned the land for a long time, (22 years), and it was undeveloped. He had bought it cheaply, but it had great highway frontage, and he had always dreamed of building a little used cars lot or gun shop on the tract, as his retirement pastime.

Now, the man had had the tract zoned as a commercial lot when he bought it, but when news leaked about the upcoming development, the restaurant owners petitioned the zoning board to overturn the commercial zoning, and re-institute the original agricultural zoning. By the way, all land in the mythical state of Kentucky is zoned as agricultural by default. This was unfair, illegal, and generally rude, but the restaurateur’s brother was the county zoning commissioner, so things naturally turned against our would-be entrepreneur.

After fighting the good, clean, play-by-the-rules sort of battle and losing, our would-be entrepreneur gave up. He decided to accept the county zoning.

Not to see the tract go idly unused, the enterprising retiree decided to pursue another business venture. He raised hogs. Lots of them. Two hundred and four, to be exact, on his little 12 acre tract. For those of you unfamiliar with the climate in time-lost Kentucky, the summers are downright southernly in their humidity and heat. As you can imagine, a rather malignant odor grew up around the thriving hog farm. Patrons of the restaurant ate elsewhere, anywhere else to be exact.

In a matter of weeks, the zoning commissioner reversed his earlier ruling, returning the commercial status of the lot. It is another caveat of Kentucky zoning law that land can always be used for a purpose lesser on the scale of hierarchy than its current zoning. Everyone, especially the restaurateur, was surprised when the hog farm remained in operation. Nothing, not even substantial financial offers, could convince the new farmer to quit his now beloved occupation.

Exactly 3 months, and four days after the opening of the hog farm, the restaurant closed its doors for good. The farmer, in a fit of depression, ceased hog farming and decided to open a small sporting goods store instead. It remains there to this day, alongside his newly-acquired restaurant.

anonymous asked:

What are your honest opinions of everyone

Ryan: Ryan’s okay. He has a problem with believing in stuff he shouldn’t, like aliens, ghosts, Shane, etc. His theory voice isn’t nearly as cool as he thinks it is. It sounds like he’s constipated.

Adam: Adam’s good. He is like the stray dog that follows you around that I never knew I wanted.

Eugene: Eugene’s okay. He’s doesn’t care much for personal space and thinks more of himself than he should. His hair is overrated. And the theme isn’t that impressive.

Shane: Shane’s less than okay. He follows Ryan around like a lost puppy. His impressions all kind of sound the same and aren’t funny. People say he looks like bigfoot but a more accurate description would be one of those crazy dancing noodles in a used car lot.

Steven: Steven calls his facts fun but they are not enjoyable to listen to. He always finds some way to be embarrassing when we’re out in public. He always gets too close to me and it’s weird. He’s an idiot but he’s my idiot.

On April 21, 1967, the 100 millionth GM vehicle rolled off the line at the plant in Janesville – a blue two-door Caprice.

There was a big ceremony, speeches. The lieutenant governor even showed up. Three days later, another car rolled off that same line. No one gave two craps about her. But they should have, because this 1967 Chevrolet Impala would turn out to be the most important car – no, the most important object – in pretty much the whole universe.

She was first owned by Sal Moriarty, an alcoholic with two ex-wives and three blocked arteries. On weekends, he’d drive around giving Bibles to the poor “gettin’ folks right for Judgment Day.” That’s what he said. Sam and Dean don’t know any of this, but if they did, I bet they’d smile.

After Sal died, she ended up at Rainbow Motors, a used-car lot in Lawrence, where a young marine bought her on impulse. That is, after a little advice from a friend. I guess that’s where this story begins.

And here’s where it ends.

It’s the Impala’s 50th Birthday! - April 24, 1967 - 2017

On April 21, 1967, the 100 millionth GM vehicle rolled off the line at the plant in Janesville – a blue two-door Caprice. 

There was a big ceremony, speeches. The lieutenant governor even showed up. Three days later, another car rolled off that same line. No one gave two craps about her. But they should have, because this 1967 Chevrolet Impala would turn out to be the most important car – no, the most important object – in pretty much the whole universe. 

She was first owned by Sal Moriarty, an alcoholic with two ex-wives and three blocked arteries. On weekends, he’d drive around giving Bibles to the poor “gettin’ folks right for Judgment Day.” That’s what he said. Sam and Dean don’t know any of this, but if they did, I bet they’d smile.

After Sal died, she ended up at Rainbow Motors, a used-car lot in Lawrence, where a young marine bought her on impulse. That is, after a little advice from a friend. I guess that’s where this story begins.

“Some people see a tunnel or a river. What do you see?”

                “Nothing.  My dash.  I’m in my car.  I’m on a road.”

“Alright.  A road.  For you, it’s a road.  
  Follow it, Dean.  You’ll find Sam.  Follow the road.”

“It never occurred to them that, sure, maybe they never really had a roof and four walls…

…but they were never, in fact, homeless.”

*Happy birthday to Dean’s Baby, Mary’s Sweetheart, the Metallicar, The Impala!  She’s a hunter at heart and still badass at 50!*

We were so innocent then…

I found this thing I wrote a year ago, just before the election. My coworkers had a lot to say then about what a great businessman Trump was and how much the country needed that. I still can’t believe so many people fell for such an obvious con. And how many still won’t admit they got conned, or face up to the resulting disaster. I think the characterization I wrote then still holds up…

“There’s no way in hell I’d even buy a used car from this guy. He’s supposed to be this great sales guy and a great dealmaker, but all I see is a stereotypically bad salesman who is obviously overconfident, over-promising. You know you’ve met him before. He’s the guy who swears to you that this is the best used car on the lot, that it will run forever, that it gets the best gas mileage of any car ever. It has the best warranty and they give tremendous service and you will never regret this because every customer ever has been more than satisfied. The guy who will happily sell you a lemon and then insist he’s never met you when you come back in a week to complain.

He’s the guy you don’t hire because his claims in his job interview are so obviously ridiculous. “I will be the healthiest, strongest person who’s ever applied for a job here.” The contractor you don’t hire because he doesn’t seem to understand what you need remodeled and his price and timeline seem hugely unrealistic. “I’ll have your whole kitchen redone in two days. It’ll be the best kitchen in the city.”

He’s the guy you’re trying to get away from in the bar because he keeps going on about how he’s the best, most masculine guy around and all the other guys are weak and cowardly. He could stop all the terrorists singlehandedly. He knows exactly what’s wrong with our government and could fix it in 30 days, if only people would listen to him. The gin in his martini has clearly made alcoholic promises to him and told him he’s a great orator, because you can’t get him to stop talking. You only came up to the bar to get another beer and why is that bartender taking so long anyway? Maybe that beer isn’t worth the wait because now he’s talking about how much money he makes. He’s slurring and gesturing expansively and telling you he could just buy the whole bar. Seriously. That guy.

For the love of all that’s holy, *why* are we listening to that guy’s ideas about anything?“