Isak will remember it this way, the happiness and love he felt in that locker room [click for part 1] but Even, he won’t. It all starts with him walking to school, with only one purpose for today. To find Isak. To tell him that Sonja knows. He told her about how he didn’t want to hurt her but he fell for this boy. A boy he has had his eyes on since the first time his eyes adjusted to him, except, he didn’t tell her that. They meet in the locker room and this is where he tells him about Sonja. Like he planned to. Everything goes great. Until: “I’ve decided that my life is better without mentally ill people around me.” And everything falls. People have come and gone his entire life. He has almost gotten used to it by now. The leaving part. But it never hurt as much as it does right now. He wants to leave, to just let himself fall apart, but he keeps a straight face. “What do you think your parents would say, about me?” Isak asks him. And he knows right then that, he will never know. They will never have anything to say about him. His mind is racing, but the clock rings then as if to say “Say your goodbyes.” So he takes one last look at this boy. The one he saw the very first day of school. That beautiful, beautiful boy, that he must get to know, and that he got to know. And that he loved. Loves. He Sucks it in. His bright blue eyes, his soft lips, the birthmark right above them. And he knows he shouldn’t, because it will only hurt so much more later, but he reaches up, feels his soft skin and his curly hair under his hands, and he says “I think they would you”. As in, they would if they ever met you, because how can anyone not love you? Just look at me. But they never will. They never will. And he reaches in, their lips touch, and his eyes stay closed for a while. As if, maybe, just maybe, if I just don’t open them again, this isn’t real. But he hears voices now so he opens his eyes, and find Isak’s. And they don’t leave his until he’s walked past him. Then it all, just, ends.
Mom! Dad! This isn't really anything big, but it felt so great I had to tell you! As part of my job description, I have to change toilet paper in the bathrooms. Somehow, today was the first time I entered the men's while there were people there. When I entered, the two guys looked up bewildered at me, until they saw that I worked there and all three of us laughed about it and I was "accepted" as "supposed to be there". I'm pre-T, but I felt like I "passed". Felt amazing!