used it for the first time today and it felt great


Isak will remember it this way, the happiness and love he felt in that locker room [click for part 1] but Even, he won’t. It all starts with him walking to school, with only one purpose for today. To find Isak. To tell him that Sonja knows. He told her about how he didn’t want to hurt her but he fell for this boy. A boy he has had his eyes on since the first time his eyes adjusted to him, except, he didn’t tell her that. They meet in the locker room and this is where he tells him about Sonja. Like he planned to. Everything goes great. Until: “I’ve decided that my life is better without mentally ill people around me.” And everything falls. People have come and gone his entire life. He has almost gotten used to it by now. The leaving part. But it never hurt as much as it does right now. He wants to leave, to just let himself fall apart, but he keeps a straight face. “What do you think your parents would say, about me?” Isak asks him. And he knows right then that, he will never know. They will never have anything to say about him. His mind is racing, but the clock rings then as if to say “Say your goodbyes.” So he takes one last look at this boy. The one he saw the very first day of school. That beautiful, beautiful boy, that he must get to know, and that he got to know. And that he loved. Loves. He Sucks it in. His bright blue eyes, his soft lips, the birthmark right above them. And he knows he shouldn’t, because it will only hurt so much more later, but he reaches up, feels his soft skin and his curly hair under his hands, and he says “I think they would you”. As in, they would if they ever met you, because how can anyone not love you? Just look at me. But they never will. They never will. And he reaches in, their lips touch, and his eyes stay closed for a while. As if, maybe, just maybe, if I just don’t open them again, this isn’t real. But he hears voices now so he opens his eyes, and find Isak’s. And they don’t leave his until he’s walked past him. Then it all, just, ends.

To those of you who experience a feeling of being powerless, disparaged, victimized, antagonized, threatened and abused, to those of you who for the first time felt the pain that my people have felt since they were brought here with chains shackled on our legs, today I say to you, welcome to my world. Welcome to our world. I stand here as a black woman, the descendent of slaves. My ancestors literally nursed our slave masters. Through the blood and tears of my people, we built this country. America cannot be great without me, you and all of us who are here today. Today you may be feeling aggrieved, but know that this country has been hostile to its people for a long time. For some of you, it is new. For some of us, it is not so new at all.
—  Tamika Mallory, co-chair of the Women’s March on Washington

today was honestly the best day ive had in a long time. finally got to a psychiatrist and got my adhd diagnosed and prescribed adderall, publix had my favorite sushi that they’d been out of for like 2 months, went out to a new korean bbq place for dinner which was fun and good, came home and took my first dose and now i have superpowers, im making monumental progress on this painting that’s taken me months so far, i haven’t felt depression’s cold death grip on my poor little neck in weeks, lucoa’s outfits in the new maidragon episode blasted my ass into a million pieces, things are great

im excited because feel like once i get used to this dosage ill really be able to get my life going and finally get my driver’s license and a job, since id been unable to retain what i studied and wasn’t confident that my attention span would allow me to perform well at work before. im hoping to really get things going sometime after my birthday this year. i felt bad before since im almost a gotdam legal adult and had jack shit so much as planned let alone done but now i feel pretty optimistic!

i hope everyone else is having good days!!

anonymous asked:

Mom! Dad! This isn't really anything big, but it felt so great I had to tell you! As part of my job description, I have to change toilet paper in the bathrooms. Somehow, today was the first time I entered the men's while there were people there. When I entered, the two guys looked up bewildered at me, until they saw that I worked there and all three of us laughed about it and I was "accepted" as "supposed to be there". I'm pre-T, but I felt like I "passed". Felt amazing!

That’s lovely.

We had a capoeira roda today and one guy came from the other group that plays with us

But when I got out of the roda this first time his eyes were huge and he was all, “Great game!” and then he kept buying me every time he could

Which is flattering, except that I didn’t like his game.

Today, I fell again.

Not that I don’t fall in love with you every single day passes; today’s was about certainty. I was used to falling first and today, before landing myself, I already felt your arms wide open; so eager, attentive and careful to catch me.

You are my silver lining. To be able to live in this chaotic world and stay sane is such a great challenge but you, you just drift my mind. You make me want to be in the center of the chaos with you because I know that no matter what happen, you will protect me and I, too, will do.

You make me want to keep living. I’d admit that there are times that I want to end things because I think it would be the easiest way out but your words, gaze and touch makes me stay. And I do, stay, as long as you do too.

You invade me in such a way nobody ever has and don’t take it as an insult because it’s exactly the opposite. You are so enthusiastic of learning new things about me no matter how dark it might be.

Love, I am so glad you are here. And I know it will still be a long way but I have no plans of setting you free. Because if you’re not the one, I’d make a way to make you be the one.


I place my head at the crook of his neck. I always loved mornings like this. Maybe it was his raspy voice saying my name, talking in general or maybe it was the fact that he was pouty in the mornings and begged for me to stay with him. Though today he didn’t need to. We both had the day off and so far it was great. He hummed at me kissing his neck. I stopped and looked into his green eyes.
“I love you” he said and even though it wasn’t the first time he had said it my heart swelled like every time he does.
“And I love you”
“Do you want to do anything today?” He asked. Did I? I mean it was my day off and I shouldn’t stay at home but being in his arms felt so good, just natural, just us and it felt like nothing else mattered, like nothing could hurt us, just us. Our bodies fitted together like we were made for each other, just curled up either on the couch watching a sappy movie, Harry saying that he wants to see an action film while secretly crying at the end of ‘The notebook’, or at bed, just enjoying each others presence and everything that comes with it.
“I kind of want to stay here, with you. Do you want to do something else?”
“No, not at all. I just thought you were getting bored”
“I am not getting bored when I am with you, you never fail to surprise me actually”
“Well what can I say, I am a man of mystery. But today I have no surprises, so aren’t you getting bored of staying in bed? I mean I am not but-”
I cut him off kissing him. He took a few seconds to catch up and start moving his lips with mine.
“Will you stop blubbering?”
“I love being with you, that is something. I don’t need to go sonewhere to have fun. Being in your arms is enough. I could stay here all day”
“How did I get this lucky?”
“I don’t know how did you?” I teased him.
“Come closer”
I layed on his chest, tracing his butterfly tattoo while he played with my hair. His actions were so gentle and meaningful. I loved all of the little things about him. Even the fact he gets grumpy when we are out of bananas or that when I am out he will call a thousand times just to say hi and let me know that the boys miss me too. He was perfect in every way.
“Never leave me please” he said puckering his lips, so childlike, kissing the top of my head.
“I never will”
“Yeah… guess I will be stuck with you forever”
“Works for me” he smiled and a few minutes later we both slowly drifted off to sleep, in each other’s arms.

Day 17- I Miss You (album 6)

Not entirely sure about this one but anyway, here it is

I walked into my house and collapsed on my bed, exhausted. Today my 6th album came out, 5 years after the release of 1989. If it was up to me, I’d put out the album 3 years ago, 2 years after I put out 1989, just like I used to, but I felt like people needed a break from me, and I was right. This album sold more copies than all my other albums by far.

Since I took my time with this album, I had a lot of stories to tell, and I decided to build this album like a timeline, unlike my other albums.

The first songs were about the beginning of my relationship with Adam. After swearing off romance for 2 years, I decided I’m ready to start dating, and I felt like it was a great decision for a while. I never considered myself good at writing love songs, at least not as good as I am with sad and emotional ones, but the first songs on the record proved me that I’m able to do it.

Then, everything got worse. We started fighting, stopped seeing each other, and our relationship died slowly but surely, just like the rest of them. I wrote a lot of songs back then, and they make the most of the album.

The last song on the album is special. I’ve never had doubts before putting out a song, no matter how emotional and revealing it was, but this song changed that. The song is titled “I Miss You”. Over the last months, I started missing Adam badly, so I wrote this song. It’s a very personal song and directed at Adam. I wrote about how much I miss him, about all the good times we had together, and about how we can still make it work. I sat on my bed, resting my head on the headboard, when suddenly my phone rang, and the number was blocked. I wondered who it was, no one I don’t know personally is supposed to know my number. I picked up the phone hesitantly and recognized the familiar Scottish accent immediately.

“I listened to your album”, he said.
I swallowed hard. “Did you like it?” I asked him.
“I did”, he answered shortly. “Can I come over?” he asked.
“Yes”, I answered him quietly.

I changed my clothes and waited for him to arrive, my heart racing in my chest. 20 minutes later I heard a knock on the door and opened it to see Adam’s tall figure, closer to me than he has been in the last 3 years. “Hi”, I breathed out. “Hi. Can I come in?” He asked. “Yeah, sure”, I mumbled and moved away. Adam walked straight to the living room, took a CD out of his pocket and inserted it to my CD player. A song I’ve never heard before started playing and Adam’s voice filled the room. “I wrote this song 2 years ago”, he said. “It’s called I Miss You”.

When the song ended, I was crying uncontrollably. Adam got up and wrapped his hands tight around me. “I missed you so much”, I said, “Please never leave”. “Never”, he replied.