usda beef

look, it’s HYPOTHETICAL

SO APPARENTLY it turns out that grading friends’ bodies/muscles based upon the USDA Beef Grading scale is “weird” and “disconcerting” and “not right”

on a more interesting note it’s the friend who scored highest that took the most umbrage. look, eating you first is a COMPLIMENT. you have ideal mass and body fat ratio and probably have some Select Grade marbling given your active-but-well-fed lifestyle!

jeeze. you’d think these people had never been complimented on their meats before.

I love when I see cat and dog food commercials that are all “Made with the finest whole grains and fresh vegetables” when whole grains and vegetables are things dogs and cats (especially cats) don’t even need or necessarily want to eat.

Imagine seeing an advertisement for rabbit food that proudly stated that it’s made with the finest USDA choice beef or white meat chicken breast. You’d be confused as Hell, right? Maybe even somewhat disgusted that they’re feeding these animals something that they don’t need and that’s actually kind of bad for them.

So why is it still so popular in carnivore food? I feel like it’s because cats and dogs, moreso than any other pet, are seen as “little people,” and the anthropomorphism goes so far that their owners feel better if they FEED them like little people and make sure they get a “well rounded” diet and that they eat their veggies because children should eat their veggies.

anonymous asked:

wait soo like we make up an AU and you give us headcanons? OKAY Shaw is the owner of a restaurant and all is well until annoying Root opens up in front! um restaurant!competition AU!

i. It is not a good idea to drag Shaw into a fully-stocked commercial kitchen when she shows up at your door itching for a confrontation, do you know how many dangerous objects are within reach right now? Shaw knows about a dozen ways she could make a weapon out of 90% of the things in this room.

ii. Oh yes, Root thinks, this was definitely a good idea—moving this little confrontation to the kitchen. Look at all the dangerous objects within reach right now. Root can think of about a dozen fun ways they could use 90% of the things in this room.

iii. A fillet knife is a beautiful thing.

iv. Ok well that’s definitely a health code violation. Good thing they’re in Root’s kitchen. Shaw decides to try and break as many food safety rules as she can manage tonight.

v. Sameen’s always the first one to arrive at the restaurant in the mornings, but today when she flicks on the lights in the kitchen, she finds an insulated styrofoam shipping cooler waiting for her on the main prep table. There’s a note taped to the top - “a peace offering.” Shaw opens it to find a dozen gorgeous cuts of imported (and thoroughly illegal) Kobe beef. Another note sits on top of the meat.

I just happened to have these on hand (morally flexible friend at customs wanted to thank me for doing him a favor, you know how it is). I thought you might enjoy them, and I know you know how to treat a quality flank. It would have been such a shame to let them go to waste, since I have no use for them here.

You know I’m opening vegetarian restaurant, right?