us spec

This is just your aggressively friendly reminder that “cishet aces” and “cishet aros” don’t exist.

“Cishet” was a word coined by trans people meant to describe someone who has full, unconditional access to straight privilege - that is, someone who is 100% perisex, cisgender, heterosexual, and heteroromantic. 

If you use cishet to refer to a-specs, you are using it wrong.

If you’re cis and you’re using it, you are stealing our language on top of using it wrong.

a big shout out to all the aro but not ace people!!

shout of to gay aros, lesbian aros, bi aros, het aros, pan aros, ply aros!

and of course a shout out to the trans aros! the cis aros! the nb aros! 

all of you are amazing and wonderful!

I love you all (platonically, of course!) 

Ace & Aro Terminology

Since a lot of the discourse seems to stem from general confusion about ace/aro identities and terms, I want to try and go over some of terms I’ve seen people getting confused over.

General

A-spec: Anyone on the ace or aro spectrum.

Allosexism or Aphobia: Prejudice towards a-spec people.

Split Attraction Model (SAM): Also known as mixed orientation identity or varioriented. A term used when someone’s sexual orientation and romantic orientation don’t match. Not all a-spec people use it and it can be used by anyone. (Examples: Asexual heteroromantic or bisexual homoromantic).

Ace-spec

Ace (or ace-spec): Anyone on the ace spectrum (the most common ace identities being asexual, gray-asexual, and demisexual).

Asexual: Someone who does not experience sexual attraction.

Gray-asexual: Someone who experiences sexual attraction only rarely or under very specific circumstances, also a term for people who feel that neither allosexual nor asexual fully fit them for whatever reason.

Demisexual: Someone who experiences sexual attraction only when a strong emotional bond (romantic or otherwise) has been formed with someone.

Autochorissexual/Aegosexual: A term used by some ace people to describe the way they are able to enjoy fictional sexual content or sexual content involving other people while having no desire to engage in sexual activity themselves. It is not an orientation in and of itself.

Allosexual: Someone who is not on the ace spectrum.

There seems to be some confusion about the difference between sex drive, sexual desire, and sexual attraction.

Sex drive: The drive or urge to engage in some form of sexual activity. Can be anything from non-existent to hyperactive regardless of a person’s orientation.

Sexual desire: The desire to act on ones sexual drive or urges.

Sexual attraction: The desire to engage in sexual activity with a specific person due to finding them sexually attractive.

For additional ace (and some aro) terms and identities click *here.

*Note that the definition provided for allosexual and alloromantic there are no longer the accepted definitions. See above for the correct definition of allosexual and below for the correct definition of alloromantic.

Aro-spec

Aro (or aro-spec): Anyone on the aro spectrum (the most common aro identities being aromantic, gray-aromantic, and demiromantic).

Aromantic: Someone who does not experience romantic attraction.

Gray-romantic:
Someone who experiences romantic attraction only rarely or under very specific circumstances, also a term for people who feel that neither alloromantic nor aromantic fully fit them for whatever reason.

Demiromantic: Someone who experiences romantic attraction (including crushes) only when a strong emotional bond has been formed with someone.

Autochorisromantic/Aegoromantic: A term used by some aro people to describe the way they are able to enjoy fictional romantic content or the way they enjoy the idea of romance while having no desire to engage in romantic activity themselves. It is not an orientation in and of itself. 

Alterous Attraction: A form of attraction that is neither romantic nor platonic but it’s own independent experience of attraction. It can be used to describe an experience with attraction where one is unsure if their attraction is platonic or romantic, where one is uncomfortable using the terms platonic or romantic, or where one feels that their experience with attraction is not accurately described by the terms romantic or platonic.

Queerplatonic/Quasiplatonic: A committed relationship that is either somewhere between friendship and romance or entirely separate from either.

Squish: A term used by aro people to describe a platonic ‘crush’, or a strong platonic attraction to someone. See link at the bottom for additional terms and definitions for ‘crushes’ based on various other forms of attraction.

Aplatonic: A term used by some aro people to describe that they do not experience squishes or have no desire to be involved in a queerplatonic/quasiplatonic relationship. Also often used by neurodivergent aroaces who have difficulty forming any kind of relationships with people. It is not an orientation in and of itself.

Alloromantic: Someone who is not on the aro spectrum.

For additional aro (and some ace) terms and identities click here.  

honestly? i have no idea what the fuck peoples’ damage is with the term “allosexual”. it’s like they think it was created specifically to insult them, like it has the implication of shaming people for having sex (they like to imply it shames gay people specifically), when in reality i have never seen a single a-spec person use it in a derogatory way. the only people who use it detogatorily are… aphobes, in order to mock and vilify a-spec ppl.

because it just means? “non-ace”? that’s literally what it means?? ive heard aphobes say “as soon as you say allo this discussion is over lmao” like wtf??? can u imagine “as soon as u utter the phrase ‘non-ace ppl’ in this discussion about asexuality the convo is over bye u fucking homophobe” bc that’s. that’s what you just said

the really funny part is i’ve been in ace communities long enough to remember when allo started catching on, before that it was just “sexual”. asexual v sexual, not asexual v allosexual. and then ppl started (rightly) pointing out how just saying “sexual people” could sound shaming and insulting, which is why “allosexual” was fucking coined in the first place. we need a word for this? it had the exact same meaning as “non-ace” before aphobes started trying to twist it into some sort of slur. ive seen on a byf “don’t follow me if you say allo unironically” - could you imagine seeing “don’t follow me if you say cis unironically”?

except that isn’t even really the best analogy, bc it could be taken to imply that allos have “allo privilege” over a-specs the way cis ppl do over trans ppl, which, let’s get this out of the way, has never been the case and no one who’s educated on the matter has ever made that claim. but lateral aggression is very much a fucking thing, so maybe a better analogy is “binary” vs “nonbinary”, as in binary trans person vs nb person. ( and before anyone jumps on me for this, yes i am trans and nonbinary and i have a right to bring this into the discussion.)

cld you imagine if. all of a sudden everyone was saying “you can’t say binary, it’s a transphobic slur”, “lmao 'binary’?? you fucking transphobe”, “don’t follow me if you call trans men/women binary”, “are you saying they have privilege over you for being 'binary’???”, “look this asshole thinks trans men/women are oppressing NBs by being trans”.

but no, “binary” and “nonbinary” are terms that exist because they are useful and necessary for intracommunity discussions, because each group faces different challenges and experiences, and it’s language we need to talk about those experiences and engage in dialogue.

not to shame anyone or imply anything about someone’s privilege.

that’s why allosexual(/alloromantic) exists. why is this a problem to anyone.

oh, yeah, that’s right, to demonize a-spec ppl and paint them all as homophobes in a nonsensical smear campaign.

i’m tired.

anonymous asked:

So I see you guys using the term a-spec a lot to describe someone on the asexual spectrum and I understand why it seems like the right term to use, but a-spec has meant autistic spectrum for a long time and using it to mean asexual spectrum doesn't seem like a good and non-confusing thing. Could you consider saying "under the ace umbrella" or "gray-a" instead?

Nope! I’m super fucking done with this! I’ve been actively involved in both ace and autistic communities for a decade [or more] and “a-spec” has never referred to autistic people! Literally not ever, until exclusionists decided that autistic people made convenient pawns in their ongoing crusade against any and all ace and aro language. I was there when “a-spec” was coined to refer to ace and aro-spectrum people, it was coined by my colleagues on a blog I helped run. I was specifically consulted, among many others, AS AN AUTISTIC ACE, to ensure that the term wasn’t infringing on autistic language.

It wasn’t then, and it isn’t now, and it never will be, and as far as I’m concerned this will be the last time this topic is addressed because I am absolutely not consenting to continue having one of my identities leveraged as a weapon against another.

-Dew

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pre-canon - a Dave Strider fanmix.

unfortunate circumstances and an unfortunate kid.

(Listen on 8Tracks)

inspired by @official-spec‘s wonderful artwork, and many thanks to them for the permission to use it!

The use of A-spec

A-spec is a term made for the aro and ace spec communities because asexuality and aromanticism are spectrums. IT IS OK TO USE.

“The Spectrum” without any words specifying what kind of spectrum the person is referring to is used for the autism spectrum. This is because if you say “I’m on the spectrum” most people will assume you mean that you are autistic. So, “The Spectrum” belongs to the autistic community.

If you say you are a-spec nobody is going to assume you are autistic (at least, nobody in the autistic or a-spec communities I have interacted with). A-spec is a term that belongs to the a-spec communities.

‘ace spectrum’ “aro spec” ‘a-spec” any kind of version of those are A-OKAY to use. It is not stealing from the autistic community, it is not ableist, it is not appropriation.

- an autistic aromantic asexual who is both a-spec and on the spectrum

P.S- This is a repost of a reblog comment responding an anon on another blog. But since I’ve seen this topic come up several times on different blogs, I figured I would post this information without the ask so

Please Reblog and let the a-spec community know our words are ok to use.

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“Every man’s life ends the same way. It is only the details of how he lived and how he died that distinguish one man from another.”