Does anyone want to write a fic based on
‘All I Ask’ by Adele?
“If this is my last night with you
Hold me like I’m more than just a
Take me by the hand while we do what lovers
It matters how this ends
Cause what if I never love again?”
Night of 12x08 maybe? Here is part one of my Adele trio.
As she sat at the bar looking down at
the empty glass that had taken her sobriety, she knew she needed to change. Her
friends and family had surrounded her in the last few years. Derek had been
there to hold her hand and watch over her, protecting his baby sister. Meredith
had become a sister to her, someone whom she loved and respected. And Owen.
Owen had been more that a friend, and more than a lover. He was her constant
rock, her support system. Anytime she felt like pouring a glass of wine or
raiding the pharmacy, his face would appear in her mind, taking away her urges.
His kind smile, eyes crinkling at the edges when he laughed. She thought about
the how when he was concerned he would tilt his head and open his arms to her,
and how safe and secure he made her feel. Her support system kept her strong.
honestly i’m kinda sick of nonbinary people only being presented as “tiny fawn boys” “forest pixies” etc etc. i’m nonbinary and i’m angry. i’m not delicate. i’m not complicit. i’m a burning house. i’m so fucking angry at our erasure. at people telling us we don’t exist. at our governments denying us basic human rights. and you can compare me to a “cute lil space kid” all you like, but the truth still stands: i’m not. because at this point, it’s becoming dehumanising. it’s all we’re seen as. but i’m nonbinary and i’m outraged. i’m violent. i’m bad. i’m literally a bad human being. i’m not your “literal ray of sunshine nb kid” no matter how many times you try to tell me i am. and i’m going to scream myself hoarse at my government until they treat me like a human. i am not a fairy or a nymph or whatever other condescending comparison you come up with. i’m so fucking done with us being seen as incapable of being bad, like any other human. i’m just fucking done
So, I think most people have realized by now that I decided to take a few steps to change this blog from what it originally was. When I first conceived this blog, it was a place to post about D&P only, because it was my new Thing and it was taking up too much space on my main blog, so I figured that having a fandom-specific blog would be a good idea. And it was, for a long time. I can say I had some great times here in this community, despite all the bad moments I’m sure you all have seen.
I don’t feel like I fit in the phandom anymore for a number of reasons and that’s why I decided to take some definite steps to move this blog away from a phan blog into something more general. Some people have asked about it (and I don’t mind answering if you have any further questions, there’s also a few stuff in my opinions tag), but basically I disagree with a lot of decision D&P have made recently and their content doesn’t bring me the same enjoyment it used to. Plus, they haven’t been posting enough anyway to keep this blog running like it used to, especially since there’s more touring ahead of us.
I guess I can say running this blog the way it was before was getting to be more of a chore than a pleasure to me. The only thing that kept me here was all the history I had and the difficult time I had letting go of the good parts of it. But I realized I don’t really have to let go of the good times or anything silly like that.
I can keep this blog and make it into something that makes me happy and you guys get to decide if it’s something you want to see or not. No hurt feelings either way. It’s been an amazing journey and I had some great times, but it’s definitely time for me to broaden this blog’s horizons. Maybe one day, if things change, I’ll go back to being a phan blog. It’s hard for me to continue calling myself a part of this community as it stands now.
This doesn’t mean I don’t like/watch Dan and Phil anymore, I just toned it down a lot. I still love them and I will continue to watch their videos casually (and reblog some stuff about them from time to time, why not?), but it won’t be what this blog is about anymore. I also intend to continue to read (and rec) phanfiction because I honestly love the creativity from this community. And, if you’ll still have me, I’d still love to continue to be a phanfic writer, maybe write more AUs and stuff like that. I think I can make it work and I love having people who want to read it still. I feel like I have more stories to tell.
Anyway, this isn’t a goodbye. But if you’re here only for the phan, it might as well be. This is a general youtubers blog now and I intend to blog about some of the other creators I’ve enjoyed for a while (and you can see most of them already by the posts I’ve been reblogging but yeah there’s probably more that you’ll find out along the way). I think it’s exciting to bring some variety to the content and I feel happier with this blog than I’ve felt in a long time! I hope you’ll stay in for the ride, but, again, if this isn’t your cup of tea you’re totally free to go <3 I’ll understand.
And thank you to the phandom. It may be pretty broken at the moment (and I’ll be the first to say that it’s REALLY bad right now like omg), but it’s been a (albeit a bit dysfunctional) home for me and so many others. I made some amazing friends who I love very dearly and met so many special incredible people in this community. Thank you! <3 And I’m truly sorry it has to end this way.
Update on myself, my blog, my writing, and my future
So on top of having some good sessions with my doctors, I just finished watching Jack play Beginner’s Guide, and I have a lot of thoughts.
Long story short; I’m feeling better than I have in a while. I’m sorry to anyone and everyone I’ve worried in the past month or so; a lot of things sort of came crashing down all at once, and I panicked and sort of quit everything. My comeback will continue to be slow as I’m still recovering, but I’m more or less back now.
There are several changes, however, and I’d like to discuss that. These are things that have been on my mind for months now, some of them years, that I’ve been putting off for various reasons; but rest assured that I’ve thought these all out.
I hope I can prepare myself and you, whoever’s reading this, for the future, as well as give you a bit of insight into who I am, or maybe, who I want to be.
a url change will be coming soon–really a small change but I thought I’d give a heads-up.
Some of you may have noticed that my AO3 fics are only available to registered users; this was to protect myself from Mark and Jack reading my stuff. If they make good on their decision to read something, then my work will remain protected until afterwards.
I will not be writing any new fanfiction until further notice; I may never write fanfiction again, but I don’t want to rule out the possibility. I may still finish up a few things I’ve started but never posted, but I’ll have to go through it and decide one piece at a time. I’m so honestly, genuinely sorry to anyone who’s requested something or that I promised a gift to, but while fanfiction is fun, it’s not sustaining.
I’m going to be focusing much more on my original stuff, and seriously try to get something published. Writing is what I’ve always wanted to do with my life(literally, since I was eight and writing my first stories about my lego people’s adventures), and there’s no time like the present. On top of short stories, I’m going to really start hammering out my novels. I want to see what I can do.
Related to that, I’d like to somehow make my original stuff open to you guys. As I’m sure you understand, I can’t show you everything or I’ll never get published; but I’m considering a blog or something of the like where I can share snippets or poems or even write small original things and put them up for sale privately.
I’m going to start a YouTube channel. Not “I’m thinking about it”, not “maybe after surgery”, not “when I have money for good equipment”. I’m going to start it before Halloween. It might start out as crap, but I don’t care. It’s something I want to do. It’s something I’m going to do.
I’m making this list to set my mind up for the future, and to help you guys understand that I’ve got bigger plans and ideas that I’ve been sharing. I really need to get my life in gear and I’m not going to wait around anymore. I’m going to get it done. And if you want to be my friend or just hang out or read my stuff or see what happens, then I’m grateful, I appreciate the company. I hope you have fun! I hope my work or I can do something good for you. If not? Fine, that won’t stop me. I’ve decided on a plan and I’m going to make it happen.
Thank you for reading, thank you for caring to read. Thank you for waiting for me to come back, and thank you for supporting me in all the ways that you have, even if you don’t think you have actively.