Hello, I'm transgender(mtf) and I'm not out to my parents but I am out to my friends. But I would like to know if there's anyway to deal with dysphoria while still in the closet?
Hello Anon and thanks for writing in!
Easing dysphoria can be difficult, regardless of our “out” status. We feel your pain.
What helped me when I was in transition was to do small things for myself:
Shaving. Shaving off my body hair was something that helped me tremendously. It lead to some uncomfortable discussions with people who I wasn’t out to when I wore shorts, but I just said “it’s cleaner” and they seemed to accept it. I did, however, cut my nipple the first time I shaved my chest. I don’t recommend that part.
Toenails/pedicures. We wear shoes/socks most days of our lives, so this is a covert option for just about anyone. You’ll be able to view it privately and also know it’s there every moment of the day. Nail polish is relatively inexpensive and numerous cis men receive pedicures every day, so no one will think it odd that you’re getting one, regardless of presentation. Also, more and more men in sports are showing off painted toes.
Underwear. I’ll admit, this sounds kind of fetish-y, but wearing the right underwear can have a relieving effect. We generally urinate 6-10 times a day (depending on hydration) and it will give you a reminder that you are doing what is safe for you to experience to live a fulfilling life. If there is a grave concern that someone may see (changing, pants slipping) there is the option to wear more stereotypically “male” underwear over.
If our followers have any other suggestions, please help a sister out!
Thanks again for writing us, Anon. Best of luck to you!