urinated in my pants

Bear: Stuart Twombly x Reader

Pairing: Stuart Twombly x Reader 

 A/N: This is my first reader insert. This is also the first smut that I’ve done on here so bear with me. I also feel like the story line was all over the place, so I apologize in advance. Also, I apologize for any spelling and/or grammar mistakes as I’ve procrastinated really hard on this, starting this in like early April and not finishing it until 1:30 in the morning today, and I am way too tired to proof read. 


Warning: NSFW 18+

Word count: 4,814


Originally posted by prettiestcaptain

Stuart’s POV 

 How do you deal with having a crush on the hottest girl in the office? Be a complete asshole and ignore her all the time, of course. Admittedly not my best decision, but it’s kept me from fucking her in front our co-workers, so that’s something, right? And I can’t help it. It’s not my fault that she could literally be wearing a paper bag and I’d still get a hard on. The way her jeans hug her curves and the shirts that make her look sophisticated, yet sexy at the same time. Or when she wears these cute little sun-dresses and sandals that make her legs look amazing. It can make any man fall to his knees. And to make matters worse, I was her supervisor. 

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I work for the valet service at a major hospital. In the two months I’ve worked there I thought I’d driven the worst–cars with bloody bandages, ones that smell like gangrene, one full of dirty underwear, one particularly nasty number that you can literally smell from ten feet away. But Thursday I was proven wrong.

There’s a guy we’ve parked before–younger guy, uses a walker, drives a massive SUV with horrible brakes. He’s always friendly and always has someone else with him. He needs a walker for support when he’s moving around, but he always drives himself and otherwise seems pretty independent and able to do stuff on his own.

So he pulls up for the second time that day to visit someone. I write him a ticket and get his keys. He and his friend are friendly and cheerful for the whole thing. They hop out. Guy gets his walker and they leave.

Our lot is pretty full and there’s a line forming behind this car so I decide to just move the car all the way up in our lane and wait to park it until I know we have a spot big enough for it available.

I climb in and the first thing I notice is that he’s got mail strewn on the floor of the drivers seat, and it’s wet with something. Okay, whatever, he probably just spilled some water or something. I lean down in the seat and start fiddling around to move the seat up so I can reach the pedals easier, and then I see it.

It’s a one handed, medical-looking plastic bottle, and there’s something yellow in it. And the cap is off. And it’s right by the brake pedal I’ve currently got my foot on. And suddenly I’m smelling urine.

I wave my friend over to ask what she thinks it is thinking maybe it’s just me, and she’s like “oh my god, that’s PISS” and confirms my fear.

This man somehow peed in this bottle one handed while driving, and then LEFT the open bottle of pee there in the floor for us to deal with. I would be more understanding if he was severely handicapped or alone or in an emergency situation BUT. A) aside from needing a walker, he is able to care for himself and drive himself around, B) he had a friend with him who could have cleaned that for him if he WASN’T able to, and C) HE WAS VISITING SOMEONE. For the second time that day. This was not an urgent thing.

This dude smiled and chatted me up all the while knowing he had a bottle of piss on the floor of his car for me to handle. And by the time I realized it he and his friend were long gone.

We ended up just keeping the car st the front of the lane instead of parking it. I doused myself in hand sanitizer, put a warning on the ticket, and spent the rest of the day very aware that the hem of my pants was wet with urine. He came back to get his car after my shift ended and was told not to use our service again.

TLDR: friendly regular customer leaves open bottle of his piss in his car without warning. I don’t get paid enough for this shit. Bv

Aziraphale: You, uh… you really want to do this?
Crowley: No, I’m pissing my pants. There is actual urine in my trousers. But I trust you. You think this is what we should be doing… then I’m with you. For better or worse.
Aziraphale: Sounds like we’re getting married.
Crowley: This is way more important than a civil union! Come on, we’re gonna attack Satan. There is no one I’d rather be doing this with, buddy. Seriously.
Aziraphale: Me too, pal.

Today, I fucked up... by accidently ejaculating while walking with my male friends

This happened about 8 years ago, when I was 14, and my friend just brought this up, after I gladly forgot about it.

So I was walking my dog with a couple of my friends that I had over for my birthday (which thankfully was not that exact day), and being a 14 year old, swimming with hormones after a long time without masturbation, a lustful pornographic thought popped into my mind. I pushed the thought away, but still had a pretty significant boner. Now, I was wearing new nylon shorts at the time, and loose boxers. I obviously didn’t want my friends to see it, so I tried walking in different ways to hide it. So as I was walking along, my boner suddenly started to feel really good. I thought like, “Wow what the heck, why does my boner feel this good?” And low and behold, with these new stupid long pants rhythmically rubbing up against my tip, I shot out a ton of sperm. “Woah, what the f*ck?!?” My friends obviously saw my private substance suddenly soak my pants. It couldn’t have been urine, because it came so suddenly, so I could do nothing to cover it up. The way home was really embarrassing as I walked with a sensitive penis and my friends laughing at me and making jokes.

TL;DR: Beat my meat by moving my feet.

Check out more TIFUs: Internet`s best fuck ups are here.

  • Miles: I have a colorful history with wyverns.
  • Leo: Colors like red. The color of blood.
  • Takumi: Yellow. The color of urine soaking his pants.
  • Leo: Violet. The color of my face as I laughed at him--

you can always try to dry them under the air-drier.

The Wet Nurse

She’ll be here soon.

I collected the amniotic fluid in a glass jar as it was expelled. Oily swirls of yellow and red and brown danced across the wet surface. Just a sip. Just one for now.

The fluid caressed the back of my undeserving throat and left a sheen of grease on my tongue. The flavor of that which bathed Her would remain in my mouth for hours. More than long enough for me to lay my eyes upon Her entry into this world.

The container screamed as paroxysmal thrashing tore through its legs, hips, and back. I trembled with uncontrollable anticipation, vaguely noticing the warm spread of urine growing on the front of my pants. I had no doubt She wouldn’t mind. She would be so far beyond such pitiful, corporeal shame.

Steam poured from the swollen body of the container. The humidity clung to the windows where it froze in crystalline fractals. The perversity of the spontaneous order filled me with rage. That such blasphemy would arise in the room in which She would be born reeked of mockery. Of eutaxiological hubris. I seethed.

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Detention part 3

Friday afternoon, at three o’ clock, I reported to Ms. Navarro’s classroom for detention. Liam Payne was already there, sitting in one of the desks, and so was another boy, Louis Tomlinson. I had Louis in a couple of my classes; he was a really good looking dude: about six foot tall, vanilla wafer-colored skin, beautifully muscular arms and a hard chest. Louis had intense blue eyes, light stubble around his angular face, short dark brown hair, and a small (compared to Liam), but cute pair of pink lips. He and Louis sat beside each other, talking about something that I couldn’t–and really didn’t care to understand. When they saw me, both of them chuckled a little, and I rolled my eyes and headed for a desk way across the room from them. I assumed that because Liam was around one of his ‘friends’ that he was gonna try to act all hard and shit. He would say shit about me to Louis, and at the end of detention, Liam would ask to come over to my house so that we could fuck. I really wasn’t in the mood for either of their shit today. I hoped that for once they didn’t have anything to say, but of course, they had something to say. They were gonna say as much shit as they could before Ms. Navarro came into the room.

“Is that the faggot that got you in trouble?” Louis asked Liam.

I felt Liam’s eyes on me, but I didn’t look at either of them. I tried to pretend as though I didn’t hear them, but it was hard, because Louis said it extra loud so that I had no choice but to hear it.

“Yeah,” Liam said, faking disgust. “He’s the one. Should go over there and beat his ass.”

“You should,” Louis agreed. 

Finally, I turned and looked over at them. They were just waiting for me to say something back to them. “Both of you need to shut the fuck up and leave me alone. Don’t fuck with me right now.” 

Louis and Liam laughed out loud as though I had just said the funniest joke in the world. Looking at Liam laughing at me when I knew that he was just trying to act all cool in front of Liam pissed me the fuck off. He was a prime example of the reason why I hated high school boys: some of them might be cute, but they’re super fake and immature. 

A few minutes later, Ms. Navarro entered the room, carrying a load of papers in her hands. She placed them at her desk and sat in her chair. She looked at all three of us. “I want all of you to be quiet. Nobody moves, nobody talks for a whole hour.”

“Stupid bitch,” Liam muttered.

“What did you say, Liam?” Ms. Navarro demanded.

“Nothin’,” Liam said. “I didn’t say nothin.”

“That’s what I thought,” the teacher said. “Anymore comments like that, and you’ll be in detention until graduation.”

“Whatever,” Liam whispered.

Half an hour passed. The classroom was silently mostly, except for Louis, who tapped his fingers on the desktop, and the ticking of the clock. I peeked over at Liam, who was looking at me. Everytime I saw Liam’s sexy face, part of the hated I had for him diminished, and I was reminded of the times we had messed around together. I remembered the way his warm lips sliding up and down my dick, the way he forced his eleven inch dick all the way up my ass, the way his whole body trembled whenever he came inside of me, and the way I seemed to melt after I squirted my cum inside his hot, tight ass. The more I thought about that, and the more I looked into Liam’s eyes, the harder my dick got. I didn’t want to get hard, but of course I could never control how my body reacted to Liam. I raised my hand and asked to go to the bathroom. 

“Hurry back,” she said. 

“I have to go to,” Liam said.

Liam saw me push down my hard dick, as I stood. Louis wasn’t even paying attention, he was staring off into space. As I walked to the door, Liam said, “I need to go to the bathroom too.”

Ms. Navarro gave Liam a sharp look. “Wait until Niall returns.”

“No,” Liam said, “I really need to go now.”

I’m sure he didn’t need to go to the bathroom at all. The only reason why he wanted to go was because I was going. I figured that Ms. Navarro would say no again, but she sighed and said, “Both of you be back here in under two minutes. If you’re not–”

Liam hopped up out of his seat before Ms. Navarro could get her last words out. Louis turned and watched us leave the room. He gave me a look of suspicion as we left the the classroom. The bathroom was located directly around the corner. I went inside and Liam followed closely behind me. We both stepped up to the urinals at the same time. I unzipped my pants and pulled out my stiff dick. I stood as close as I could to the urinal so that Liam would not be able to see my hard dick. Liam unzipped his pants and pulled out his large cock. It hadn’t grown all the way to its full eleven inches, but it was definitely getting there. Unlike me, Liam stood at a distance from the urinal, giving me a full opportunity to see his beautiful dick, and the golden liquid that squirted out of it like a water gun. I tried not to look at Liam’s dick, I tried to prove to myself that I wasn’t that sprung on him, but I couldn’t. I had to look at his dick. After he was finished pissing, Liam started to softly rub the big,, wet head of his cock. He rubbed up and down the shaft slowly, until his dick was hard as wood. I started to rub my own dick slowly. 

“Let me see it, Ni” Liam said.

“No. Get away from me.”

“What, you mad at me?”

“I don’t feel like talkin to you right now.”

“I wasn’t serious when I was sayin all that mess about you, Ni. Don’t get all emotional and shit.”

“Whatever,” I said. “I don’t care.”

Liam smiled and started to jerk himself off faster. I saw his ass clench tight within his loose jeans. I wanted to reach over, put my fingers down the back of his pants, and slide them up and down his asscrack. Almost as if he had read my mind, Liam forcibly dug into the back of my jeans, yanked down the waistband of my underwear, and stuck his finger deep into the crack of my ass. I closed my eyes and a soft groan escaped my mouth. Liam moved behind me and pulled my pants and underwear all the way down, exposing my naked ass to him. He pushed me hard against the urinal. With one hand on my lower back, Liam used his other hand to open my ass up wide. “Been thinkin bout this sweet ass all day,” Liam said. He bit my left ass cheek hard. A flood of pleasure coursed through my body. I wanted him to keep going, even though I knew he shouldn’t. Liam opened my ass with both hands, uncovering my asshole. I felt the tip of his wet, silky tongue against my closed hole and my knees weakened. Liam turned his baseball cap backward so that he had better access to my ass. He reached between my legs, found my hard dick, and pulled it backward, toward my ass, toward his mouth. Liam started at the top of my asscrack, continued down to my hole, which was moist enough now to let his tongue slip in a little, down to the piece of skin that connected my asshole to my nutsack, and slipped the head of my dick into his eagerly awaiting, hot mouth. 

“You taste better every time,” Liam said as my dick fell out of his mouth.

“…Liam…we have…to go back.”

“Not yet.” Liam returned to eating my ass furiously. Each time his tongue went deeper and deeper into my asshole, I started to sweat all over. I wanted to stay there like that, with him ripping my ass apart with his tongue, but I knew that in a few seconds, Ms. Navarro was gonna send–

Louis walked into the bathroom. I didn’t have to open my eyes to know it was him. Liam immediately took his face out of my asscrack, jumped to his feet and buttoned up his jeans. I did the same thing. Louis, who didn’t appear disgusted or surprised at all, leaned against the wall, his burly arms crossed over his muscular chest. He looked at Liam and I with a satisfied smirk on his handsome face. “She told me to tell you two to get back in the classroom now,” Louis said. 

Liam moved away from me as though I had a disease or somethin. “Yo, Louis. It’s not what you think–”

Louis walked out of the bathroom before Liam could finish what he was gonna say. 

“FUCK!” Liam yelled. He kicked over one of the wastebaskets, sending used paper towels flying all over the ground. Liam looked at me angrily, as though somehow this was my fault. I could tell that at that one moment, he hated me more than anything he had ever hated in his life. I sure that he was gonna say somethin or try to hit me or somethin, but he didn’t. He flashed me the most hateful look and stormed out of the bathroom, leaving me alone. 

When I walked back into the classroom, Ms. Navarro asked me, rather annoyed, “What took you so long in the bathroom? I told the both of you to be back in under two minutes?”

“Uh…” I didn’t know what to say.

“Don’t trip,” Louis told Ms. Navarro. “Niall and Liam were just takin a dump. You should go in the bathroom. It’s gonna smell like ass in there for a week.”

I didn’t know whether to feel relieved that Louis had covered for me, or grossed out that he had used that excuse. Liam was slouching in his seat, the bill of his baseball cap shielding his face so that I could not see the anger that was in his eyes. 

“Let this be the last time that you take that long, Mr. Horan,” Ms. Navarro. “Now sit back in your seat.” 

I did. For the next twenty minutes, I just sat in my desk, worried about having been caught by Louis Tomlinson. Glancing over in his direction, I saw Liam with his head pointed down, his body frozen as though he were a vegetable or somethin. Louis was looking at me, a strange look in his attractive dark eyes that made me wonder what he was thinking about. He grinned at me, a taunting smile that made me a little bit more worried.

Four fifteen finally came and Ms. Navarro told us that we could leave. Liam got out of his seat first, kicked open the door and left. Louis, still grinning with his awesome, pretty white-toothed smile, got up and headed out of the door. I was the last one to leave, and as I grabbed my backpack, Ms. Navarro said, “I know what the two of you were doing in the bathroom.”

“I didn’t mean for it to happen,” I told her. “He just…”

“Are you sure that’s the kind of person that you want to be involved with?”

“I’m not involved with him. And I never will be.” I left the classroom.

I didn’t see Liam or Louis as I passed the parking lot. I looked for Liam’s truck but didn’t see it. But as I walked out of the gates, off campus, I saw Louis standing across the street, leaning against a stop sign, just watching me. I started to hurry along the street, pretending that I didn’t see him. 

“Wait up, Niall,” Louis said. 

Louis ran up behind me, placing his firm hand on my shoulder to stop me. “Get off me!” I growled. Louis laughed. 

“Don’t get mad at me,” Louis said. “I wasn’t the one doin somethin I shouldn’t have been doin.”

I walked faster to get away from him, but Louis kept following me. “So you’re fuckin Liam Payne?” 

“Don’t worry bout who I’m fuckin. Stay outta my goddamn business.”

“Such poetic language, Niall,” Louis said laughing. “But your business is bout to be everybody’s business tomorrow.”

I stopped walking, turned and stared at Louis. He stood there, his hands deep into the pockets of his faded blue jeans, his naked arms flexing. He had really nice looking arms; I had to stop myself from staring at them for too long. “Go ahead and tell whoever you think needs to know,” I said to him. “I have no reputation at this shitty ass school to uphold. I don’t give a fuck what people say about me.”

“Yeah,” Louis responded. “I know you don’t, but Liam does. If I tell people bout how my boy was eatin out your ass then Liam is gonna be fucked. And then he’ll take it out all on you.”

“I didn’t make Liam do anything he didn’t want to do, so I really don’t give a fuck if he gets mad at me. So like I said before, if you wanna go tell the whole world, do the fuckin thing.”

“Didn’t say I was gonna tell,” Liam said. “I said if I tell. I can keep my mouth shut, but that all depends on you.”

“What the fuck do you mean it depends on me?”

Louis looked around to see if anybody was looking. Nobody was around. He took a step closer to me. I didn’t know what he was planning to do, so I got a little nervous. I could smell his body odor. It smelled almost like Liam’s except for Louis’ was stronger. I could smell the must coming from his armpits, and rather I liked it or not, it was starting to make my dick get hard. “If you do to me what Liam did to you, and if you give me head, I won’t tell nobody.” I thought it was a joke at first, that he was just fuckin around with me, but when I looked into his eyes, it was more than obvious that he was deadly serious. I never thought of Louis Tomlinson as the type of dude that would fuck around with another dude–but then I thought the same thing about Liam. Louis was much like Liam in the sense that they were both extraordinarily good-looking with tight bodies, but they both shared the same fucked up, arrogant attitude that I hated (but subconsciously loved) in high school jock type dudes. Louis Tomlinson had asked me to eat his ass and to suck his dick, both of which I assumed were really nice. My dick got so hard that for a moment I thought it would fall of my body. Louis saw the front of my jeans extend outward and he smiled. He started to rub his own crotch, and I saw his dick lengthen within his pants. The tent I made in my jeans was nothing compared to the fuckin house that Louis made in his jeans. Obviously he and Liam were similar in more ways than just their personalities.

“Okay,” I said, my heart beating quickly and loudly. 

“Tight,” Louis responded. “Let’s go up to the gym. Nobody’s there.”

“Are you sure? I already had two weeks of detention for fucking on the floor of Ms. Navarro’s room. I’m not tryin to get caught ever again.”

“Calm down,” Louis said. “I told you, nobody’s gonna be there `cept for us.”

We went back on campus and entered the building which led to the gym. My dick was straining in my semi-tight jeans, waiting to be free. I tried to hold it down with my hand, but it kept popping back up. We went up a case of stairs, me first and Louis behind me. He smacked my butt hard and then squeezed it. “Nice ass,” Louis said. 

“Yeah, sure,” I said. His complement meant nothing to me really. 

Like Louis had said, the gym was empty. The remaining sunlight filtered through the high windows, giving the whole place a reddish-orange color. Our footsteps echoed as we made our way over to the bleachers. As soon as we entered, Louis took off his shirt and threw it at the base of the bleachers. I can’t think of the right word to describe how beautiful Louis’ naked torso was. The light collected on his hard chest, illuminating every sharp line and curve. His abs were shockingly perfect. Louis kicked off his shoes, started to proceed up the bleachers. As he did this, he unbuckled his jeans, pulling them down. Louis bent all the way over as he took his pants off, giving me a perfect view of his stunning, tight ass. It was so fuckin beautiful, and I started to precum knowing that in a few moments, my face would between that butt, fuckin his asshole up with my tongue. But the best part came when Louis turned around. His dick was bigger than my arm, a perfectly cut, thick and long ten inch dick, that pointed toward me like a missile aiming straight for its target. I was drooling at the thought of having that incredibly large dick going down my throat.

“Come up here,” Louis said.

I pulled off my own shirt, my nipples hard. Unfastening my belt, I pulled my pants off and walked naked up the bleacher stairs until I was right in front of Louis, his massive dick waiting for my hungry mouth to let it come inside. “Go for it,” Louis told me. Putting my hands on Louis’ hard hips, I brought my face closer to his crotch, opened my mouth, and invited his dick to enter through my lips. Louis groaned and his big, tight nutsack bounced. I got most of his cock in my throat, and with the rest, Louis thrust his hips forward hard, sending the remaining three or so inches down my throat. I grabbed on to his hard ass to keep myself balanced. “Suck that dick,” Louis moaned. “Keep doin that shit.” Although I hated to admit it, I kinda missed the way Liam and I insulted each other as we fucked, the way we used to fight each other when we went at it. Louis continued to fuck my mouth hard and fast, sending his dick deeper into me each time. I had to struggle to keep up with his quick rhythms. Louis grabbed me by both ears and slammed me onto his dick, all the way, so that my lips were kissing his thick, black pubes. Louis gyrated in my mouth, popping his hips forward, raping my mouth with his big dick. He was leaking his precum all over my tongue and I enjoyed every drop of it. Suddenly, Louis pushed my forehead with the palm of his hand, sending his dick out of my mouth. “Now it’s time for the other side,” Louis said. He turned around and pressed his beautiful ass against my face. “I just wanna feel your tongue in my ass, dude. Nothin else–no fingers, and if your dick even comes in the area of my ass, I’m throwin you off these bleachers.” Now he was beginning to sound a lot like Liam and my interest increased. Him saying that he didn’t want to me to invade his ass with my finger or dick was just his way of begging to be fucked. 

“Bend over some,” I told him.

Louis did as I asked. His tight ass spread a little, but I would have to use my hands to pry it apart. Once I did get his butt open, I wasn’t able to see his asshole too clearly because of the lacking light, but I found it with my tongue, and the moment that my tongue connected to his hot, sweaty hole, Louis started to tremble. I started off slow, doing gentle circles around the rim, getting him moist enough so that later I would jam my tongue all the way his ass. Louis groaned and I started to work faster with my tongue, going in crazy circles and zig-zag patterns. “Goddamn,” Louis moaned, “I like that shit. Do it some more.” I went on to eat his ass out like a wild animal. Once I got his asshole wet enough, I thrust upward with my tongue, sending about a fourth of my tongue past his gates and into the smooth warmth of his ass. “FUCK!” Louis yelled. He held on to the bleacher stairs in front of him to maintain his balance. I gave his asshole no mercy; I did my best to run a fuckin hurricane through his ass with my tongue. I took my tongue part way out of his hole and then dug it right back it, making Louis scream out so loud that his voice echoed about four times throughout the gym. Licking my index and middle fingers, I continued to lick his asscrack up and down for a little bit before I finally took my tongue out. Taking a real good look at his pretty ass, I spread his tight cheeks apart again, and spat a large wad of spit on asshole. I rubbed it around his asshole, and without warning, I shoved my thumb up Louis’ asshole as far as it would go.

“SHIT!” Louis bellowed. Once again his voice echoed several times. I ripped my thumb out of his ass and Louis exhaled sharply. But before he could catch his breath, I stuck my middle finger into his ass and started to whirl it around with his tight, hot ass. “Oh fuck,” Louis moaned, “Oh, fuck…Liam was right…”

I had shoved my middle finger so far up his ass that it had almost swallowed my knuckle. But when Louis said that, I snatched my finger out as hard as it could. “Liam was right bout what?” I asked. 

“Nothin’,” Louis said. 

I jammed both my index finger and middle finger into Louis’ ass at the same time. Louis’ ass clenched tightly around my fingers. “Liam was right about what?” I repeated. I finger fucked him hard and deep. Louis groaned and moaned so much that I thought he was gonna cry. 

“Nothin’,” Louis answered. “He didn’t tell me nothin’.”

Again I snatched my fingers out of Louis’ ass; Louis whimpered and arched his back. My dick was painfully hard now and I was tired of using my finger to fuck him. I wanted to use the real thing now. “Tell me what Liam said bout me. If you don’t, I’m gonna fuck you so hard you won’t be able to sit for a week.”

“I fuckin’ dare you,” Louis said.

I grabbed Louis by the hips, pointed my hard dick in the direction of his waiting hole, and prepared to dig myself inside of his hot ass. “I’m gonna fuckin ass you one more fuckin time: What did that asshole Liam say about me?”

“You might as well go `head and start to stick me, `cause I’m not sayin shit,” Louis said.

“If that’s what you want.”

With one easy motion, I forced my dick into Louis’ hole, all the way his ass, hitting his pleasure spot. The feeling of his hot ass hugging around my hard dick paralyzed me with lust for a couple of seconds. Louis’ whole body tensed and I heard his grit his teeth as though he were repressing the world’s biggest scream. “You better not try and scream,” I said. “Take this fuckin big dick and shut the fuck up.”

“Fuck, yeah,” Louis groaned. 

Gripping Louis by the hips, I pounded his ass, his butt mashing up against my stomach as I went all the way deep inside of him. “Tell me what Liam told you,” I said.


I gave him a quick, very hard thrust, sending my dick even further against his ass. “Tell me.”

Louis relented. “Fuck!” he yelled. “He said….” Louis growled again as I beat his insides up with my dick. “He said that you were…oh shit I’m bout to cum…” I reached around to his front, grabbed his dick and squeezed it really hard at the same time that I was ripping him out. 

“Tell me what he said.”

“I’m bout to bust,” Louis cried. His whole body spasmed and his dick trembled in my hand. Seconds later, a flood of thick, burning hot cum spilled out of his dick, all over my hand. Louis continued to convulse as I fucked him hard. I was miles away from cumming, and I could keep fuckin him all day if I wanted to. With my fingers covered with Louis’ sticky cum, I forced my fingers into his mouth. 

“Lick it,” I told him. “Eat your nut.”

Louis licked my fingers dry until there was no more of his cum left on my hand. I continued to fuck him and Louis continued to moan, obviously not tired not yet. “What did Liam tell you?”

From behind me, two hands grabbed my waist, and a naked dick rubbed up against my asshole. I recognized the strong body odor. I didn’t have to turn around to know that it was Liam. He put his dick inside of my asscrack, rubbing it up and down the length. I almost melted with his touches, even though I was still fucking Louis. Whispering intimately in my ear, Liam told me, “I told Lou here that you were the best fuck in this school, and that he had to try you out.” And with saying that, Liam slammed his eleven inch dick deep into my ass, and all three of our moaning voices mixed together, forming one big continuous echo that never stopped.

“When I entered university, I went to freshman orientation. After the first day I slept, and when I woke up, the pants I was wearing were completely drenched. While I was sleeping, someone urinated on my pants. I’m talking about actual urine… it was really unfair and depressing, especially because it happened to me right when I started university. Now, I know who did it, but at that time I couldn’t even get angry because I had no idea who it was.”

“대학에 입학하고 새내기 배움터에 간 첫 날 이었어요. 자고 일어났는데 입고 있던 바지가 완전히 다 젖어있는거에요. 제가 자는 동안 누가 제 바지에 오줌을 쌌던거죠. 오줌이라니… 정말 억울하고 슬펐어요. 대학에 들어오자마자 겪은게 그런 일이었으니까요. 이제는 누군지 알지만 그땐 누가 그랬는지 조차 몰라서 화도 못 냈었거든요.” 

Reward Stickers and Reality Parenting

OlderTwin’s therapist, in addition to recommending a zero-tolerance policy for public fits, suggested reward stickers for encouraging good behavior.

I hate reward stickers, but had forgotten how much since potty training days were the last time we used them.

1. As soon as OlderTwin started receiving them, YoungerTwin began whining to get in on the action.

2. YoungerTwin tries to convince me every morning that we forgot to give him one the night before for the previous day’s good behavior. I now have to tell him, “I’m not falling for this scam. You got a sticker last night and if you nag me anymore then that’s not ‘star behavior’ so you won’t be receiving one today.”

3. YoungerTwin found the stash of stickers and awarded himself some last night while I was walking the dog. He’ll find this morning that, yes, I noticed and, yes, I removed the self-awarded stickers from the chart. This kid thinks I’m either blind or stupid or both.

4. During after school pickup, OlderTwin had a public fit, throwing himself onto the ground in the school parking lot, wetting himself, and refusing to go to his therapy session.

For the record, he went. Missing therapy is not an option. Plus, he loves going. This was simply a control tactic on his part.

I had to carry all 70 lbs of him to the car and, of course, my shirt got soaked from his urine drenched pants in the process. Lovely. 

And, because I live in nosy-ass California, I had to pray nobody called the cops because when people see an 8-year-old child behaving this way, they don’t think “special needs child” they just assume “that person is kidnapping that child” or “precious snowflake clearly being abused by meanie parent who won’t acquiesce to his unreasonable, inappropriate demands and/or his intellectually disability fueled rages.”

This is why I carry his passport with me at all times to document that he is, in fact, my kid and it’s why I have the psychiatrist’s cell phone number on speed dial, as well as a letter from the psychiatrist documenting his medical condition and it’s associated behaviors.

Because of the public fit, he was ineligible for a sticker no matter how good his subsequent behavior was. This, of course, led to a few more, occasional tantrums until bedtime. But, these were minor and easily squelched.

Gawd, I really hate reward stickers.

These are the parts about having a special needs child that people don’t realize, understand, or see when they’re acting like I was “specially chosen” for such a child.

F*ck that.

I’d rather have not been “chosen” and have my child not missing a critical part of one chromosome. And for those concern trolls who’d criticize that belief, wishing your child was neurotypically like everyone else doesn’t mean you don’t you love and appreciate him for who he is.

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with wishing your child could live independently as an adult, experience the joys of college that you did, get married one day, or have a family of his own like millions of people do around the world every f*cking day.

What would be wrong is denying those very normal feelings. By acknowledging them, you can let them go, accept your own reality and make like Lee Nails by pressing on.

I don’t shoot rainbows outta my ass because I parent a special needs child. Quite the opposite. I cry tears of frustration and sadness. I also love him unconditionally while at times wishing I could run away to the dark side of the moon for some peace and quiet.

Listening to this song also helps.