Another empty night

Yesterday night was another empty night. Funny how when everything is over is when I finally start laying on the other side of bed as if I was leaving your side of the bed open for you. Silly me right? Of course it’s silly… Yesterday you called me for the first time in days since it was over. With knowing that we no longer stand a chance, my silly heart still jumps for joy and skips a beat when i saw your name pop up on my phone. I couldn’t help but to smile right when your name popped up along with that picture of us. I know i should get rid of those pictures but I mean why should I? We had nothing but happy memories. We didn’t have any bad times. So getting rid of those pictures would be pointless. At night before going to bed All day thoughts of you, of us rushes through my mind. I know I shouldn’t but being me, I can’t help but to over think… I THINK WAY TOO DANG MUCH. Yesterday night was another long, empty, and lonely night. Another night where I couldn’t control myself from being a girl, couldn’t control myself from shedding those tears. What is crying going to do for me right? What is being sad going to do for me? But sometimes as strong as I know I am, I still have to break down and cry. I cried until I fell asleep. It felt like it was forever. Actually it was forever… It was just like a freaking river flowing out of my freaking eyes. One of those rivers that don’t run dry. Its nuts. I simply miss you. I miss US. As much as I wanted to hear your voice and see your face, I think it probably would have been better for me not to hear you. I was doing fine for 2 days without crying. Then when I hear your voice, I grew weary again. My knees once again grew weak. My heart once again feels heartache yet happiness. My mind once again runs wild with thoughts. Maybe it’s better for me to distance from you for a while… But where will that leave our friendship? I want to tell you so much… but I’m afraid to let you know… for I’m afraid to push you away. I never cry to you. I still refuse to do so. I just can’t. Simply because I want you to be happy. I miss you dearly, and I hope all is well on your end. When you text me if I’m okay. I honestly text this long as paragraph about how I’m not ok and how much you mean to me, only to erase everything and pu “I’m fine. How about you?”

Made a promise to myself that I won’t be dating for the next year. Simply because I need to find that happiness within myself AGAIN. I need to figure out who I am, what I’m doing, and where am I going? Still have a decision to make… whether I’m moving or staying. What do I do…? Nobody’s gonna come my way within this year anyways. And if someone does. I’m sorry. not this year.. maybe not for a while… not when my heart lies somewhere else. IT’S DEFINITELY A LOT HARDER TO GET OVER A RELATIONSHIP THAT ENDED ON GOOD TERMS. Now I know why people say that.

THEN IN THE MIDDLE OF CRYING MY ASS OFF IN THE NIGHT ALONE… EFFING KIDS NAME CHRISTINE KHUONG (@URAQTPIE) AND DONBOSCO NGUYEN (@BOSCODASH) goes on my damn facebook and put “SLORE!” great timing guys… when I’m crying. It definitely made everything a lot better (sarcastic tone) Ya’ll are some douche bags. go suck it -_-