ur hot and it makes me mad

anonymous asked:

ooooh my god i love ur headcanons so much!!! any possibility of some chub thomas in winter being fluffy with his bf (thats a lot to ask m'sorry) either ham or mads, whichever you like

FEED ME MORE MODERN HAM HCS, GOOD AUS YES.

Seasonal-Chub!Thomas

  • Turns into an introvert (he’s already semi-introverted to begin with) but now he’s always home. Reading and drinking hot cocoa like its water
  • Like he has packets of that Swiss brand filling up his trashcan, and its not regular cocoa its got the works of whipped cream and marshmallow fluff (Like gramma makes it) 
  • He visits home during the winter because fuck that Northern snow
  • His siblings tease him about his weight gain because Thomas has always been the tall and delicate sort of boy growing up
  • If he’s dating Mads they wear matching sweaters, cute couply sweaters 
  • Mads enables his winter habits, they cozy up and fluff up together
  • If he’s dating Ham its constant ass grabbing “nice~” comments
  • Ham finds winter Thomas really cute, they silently read books side by side, holding hands not speaking for once. 
  • Its the only time they aren’t yapping
  • Ham drinks Mocha though, he can’t just do sugar, its gotta have caffeine 
HELP

an anon pointed out to me (after seeing my mads and hugh lipstick matching posts) that mason verger, when he still had his face, had really nice lips and i was like

wow u kno what??? ur actually so right???

so i googled some pics and

YOU GUYS

HELP

HE WAS HOT THE
WHOLE TIME

FFS HE EVEN LOOKS A BIT LIKE HANNIBAL. I DON’T LIKE THIS. THIS IS MAKING ME UNCOMFORTABLE. I JUST. HE HAD SUCH A HORRIBLE PERSONALITY I COULDN’T HELP BUT THINK HE WAS UGLY BUT NOW????????

somebody call the police and arrest me 

PUT ME IN JAIL

Ok so who remembers the Rankin-Bass claymation Christmas specials from way back when that are still aired every year? You know, like Rudolph, and Santa Clause is Coming to Town and Jack Frost and junk like that? Well, apparently, there is one that no one ever talks about and no one I’ve talked to has apparently ever heard of, and I feel like I need to tell people about this hilarious, disastrous masterpiece of a holiday classic, only known as Rudolph and Frosty’s Christmas in July.

I swear to god I’m not making this shit up. This was a real fuckin thing that came out in 1979 and its exactly what you fucking think it is. A real, legit crossover between Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer and Frosty the Snowman. And honestly every other damn Christmas figure under the sun, save for lil Baby JC, of course. You have Santa, Jack Frost, Frosty’s rando wife from that one animated special I can’t be bothered to look up, even that damn whale with the clock on its tale from the Rudolph New Year’s special (which yes, was also a real thing). 

So like, this shit actually doesn’t take place in December at all, but like in the middle of the goddamn summer, hence its title. Rudolph and Frosty are somehow besties (if not a little honestly gay for each other even though Frosty has a wife and two kids (watch the movie and you’ll see what I mean, its weird as fuck)). I mean god just look at these two bozos: 

Speaking of which, Frosty does have a wife and she’s kinda cool but he also has two little shitlet snow kids who are annoying as fuck and you wish would melt by the end of the movie (which is something that happens). 

But whatever. So apparently out of goddamn nowhere Rudolph’s nose starts blinking out like a malfunctioning lightbulb or something and then he passes out and just look at how randomly melodramatic this bullshit gets in the first ten minutes: 

And then they kissed. So yeah, something’s obviously wrong but who cares about any of that. Rudolph gets like, instantly better aight. Cause we have to move this stupid plot along somehow. 

So anyway, this rando in a hot air balloon comes by and he’s like, an ice cream man or something? (I’m honestly giving you the plot of this shit off the top of my head, I haven’t watched it in years). But anyway, this guy wants to bang this hot lady who works at a circus or whatever, but the circus is gonna go out of business, so dude’s all like “yo, Rudolph, Frosty, my dudes, ya’ll are a bunch of fucking freaks, why don’t you come down to the circus and like preform or whatever” and they’re both like “lol sure”

Oh but fuckin hold up, bitches cause if you thought this shit was a cutesy little silly story then ya’ll are dead wrong. Cause here’s where we get fucking deep into Christmas lore (I can’t even believe that’s a thing). So there’s this asshole: 

who’s some sort of winter wizard (think of a male, proto-Elsa but with a massive stick shoved up his ass), and he’s all pissy and whatever because way back in the day, dude kept freezing anyone’s ass who was trying to go near the North Pole because I dunno he’s trying to binge on Netflix and doesn’t want to be bothered. Still, the dudes kinda cool cause he as ice snakes or whatever: 

And this unholy magic mirror abomination thing that scared the shit out of me when I was a kid: 

But anyway, wizard dude’s a massive dickweed to everyone until this this bitch comes along:

And she’s like some sort of northern lights fairy or something? I don’t know. But she basically bitchslaps wizard dude hard enough to put him to sleep for hundreds of years, which allows one certain jolly old prowler to come settle in the North Pole: 

Yeah that’s right, Santa bitches. So Santa builds his sweatshop workshop and everyone’s chill and happy and great until dick wizard wakes up again and is super pissy this time, especially when he hears about Santa. So he’s like “fuck this noise, Imma send a crazy ass storm to kill that holly bastard”. So he does, and northern lights lady is like “aw shit I gotta stop that fucking bs”. So she does so in the stupidest fucking way ever, of course, by giving some of her unexplained glowy powers to a fucking newborn reindeer and that makes his nose glow and hence Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer was born. Yeah that’s right. You ever wanted to know the origin story of Rudolph the goddamned Red Nosed Reindeer? Well HERE IT FUCKING IS! AND ITS PROBABLY STUPIDER THAN YOU THOUGHT! 

So there’s like this one stipulation northern lights lady tells Rudolph about is deus ex machina nose: he can’t ever use it for evil or it’ll go out and like, ok fine. We gotta have a moral for the kiddies in this bout of fever dream insanity somewhere, right? So like yeah, years go by and the whole Rudolph song sequence happens and what do you know, Rudolph guides Santa’s sleigh through the storm and you know the rest. 

So back to our goddamn main story (I swear there are like 60 subplots in this thing). Dickweed wizard is still mad but he has a plan now. oooo. So remember the circus thing? yeah me neither because the story just fucking derailed with all that damn backstory. But anyway, so the gang wants to go to the circus, but oh no! Frosty and his fam will melt in the hot weather. So the obvious conclusion is for everyone to say, “nah man we can’t go” but then wizard dude comes along and is like “you i got a solution to ur prob” and he gives Frosty and fam all like these medallion things that’ll make it so they won’t melt until the forth of july fireworks or whatever? I don’t know how it works and the movie does not care, obviously. 

So everyone’s happy as hell and Santa’s like “Oh I’ll come too because I gotta have my time in the spotlight too, I’m motherfucking Santa Claus” but he says he can’t come with everyone else for reasons, so him and Mrs. Claus will come a few days later or whatever. So yeah. Everyone sets off in ice cream dude’s balloon: 

So they get to the circus and everything’s hunky dory. They meet the tightrope lady who ice cream dude is creaming for and her mom, who owns the circus and is probably the coolest thing in this movie. Mostly because she has guns and she’s trigger happy with them: 

So yeah a whole bunch of nothing happens for a long time. But then wizard dude goes to like?? this reindeer brothel or something??? I dunno, but he picks up this creepy sleeze bag reindeer, who I’m just gonna call Randolph because I honest to god cannot remember his real name: 

So I honest to god don’t remember what Randolph does, I guess he like leads Rudolph astray or whatever but I do remember liking his voice for some reason, he was a sarcasthole. But anyway, dickweed wizard also sends a huge storm after Santa and his lady as they’re heading down to the carnival, and of course they don’t have Rudolph with them so they’re basically screwed. 

Back at the carnival, shenanigans are going down, Frosty’s kids are annoying little shits, ect. ect. and Randolph is all like, “Yo Rudolph, my G, lets go steal borrow some money from the circus and Rudolph, being the incredible fucking moron he is, agrees to this nonsense and uses his nose to get a suitcase full of cash out of a dark room or whatever without questioning it at all. And what do you diddly fucking know? Rudolph’s nose stops glowing because he used it for an “evil purpose” but like??? He was tricked? So that doesn’t make any sense? Northern lights lady, you are full of some loophole bullshit. 

So then Rudolph gets all sad and depressed because he’s basically fucking useless and everyone hates him now. And angst ensues: 

Of course, Frosty is the only person who will still vouch for Rudolph, which is when dickweed wizard comes in and is like “yo, I’ll make Rudolph’s nose glow again (somehow) if ya give me ur magic hat that gives you life” and Frosty is like “ok sure I see no problems with this whatsoever” So he gives him the hat and dies stops moving or being alive or whatever and yet Dickweed wizard is a fucking lair because Rudolph’s nose doesn’t start glowing again, and Rudolph gets all pissy about that and there’s a stupid chase scene or something and Rudolph gets the hat back and somehow that makes his nose glow again I don’t fucking no it makes no damn sense. 

But anyway, all the fireworks go off and what do ya know, Santa didn’t make it in time, which means Frosty and his whole damn family are fuckin dead cause they melted aw shit. And then dickweed wizard comes back and spouts some bullshit I don’t remember but like eventually he gets killed or something? or like I think the cool gun lady from earlier shoots him. So he turns into this abomiation that haunted my nightmares as a wee little lass: 

So ding dong the wizard is dead. But Frosty and fam are still dead so everyone cries about that for a while until like? Jack fucking Frost comes in for no discernible reason? Seriously like he comes into the film like ten minutes before it ends right the fuck out of nowhere and he gives Frosty and fam a blowjob to bring them back to life: 

So yay everyone lives (except for dickweed wizard lol he’s ded) and Santa comes several days late with Starbucks and he takes Frosty and fam back to the North Pole and everyone gets high off their asses and flies all over the place and this movie is a literal drug trip. The end. 

So yeah this movie is pretty bizarre as fuck but I totally recommend it if you want a little insanity this Christmas. Though I recommend that you watch it either drunk or high or zonked on egg nog, just to make it even more enjoyable. Honestly, I didn’t even touch on half of the weird shit in this movie, but again, go check it out for yourself. You’ll thank me for it later. 

btslesbian  asked:

hey youmn.

idk you sorry

1. First impression: i was jealous cause ******** but when i started following u immediately i was like Blessedest Mutual

2. Truth is: i think we should get married and grow old together

3. How old do you look: dumb

4. Have you ever made me laugh: yaes

5. Have you ever made me mad: non

6. Best feature: oh boy here we go i love how safe u make me feel ive Never felt this comfortable w someone and i like your sense of humor and ur rly smart it makes me sapiosexual and sleepy you is cute and youre hot

7. Have I ever had a crush on you: idk have i

8. You’re my: acquaintance id like to get to know you better (^:

9. Name in my phone: fuck no im not doing that

10. Should you post this too? if you wabr to

//mutuals send me a hey

har-maguedon  asked:

hEY

1. First impression: “holy shit their blog has such cool vibes maybe itll rub off on me” (it hasnt lol)
2. Truth is: 2 cool 4 skool, GREAT ARTIST WTF, emo too but more classy
3. How old do you look: like 22 tbh (ur features r so sharp i could slit my wrists with em tbh)
4. have you ever made me laugh: umm Fuck Yeah
5. have u ever made me mad: hell no
6. best feature: when u make posts about what u r passionate about and pics of hot dudes with long hair ( and the AESTHETIC😩💦💦)
7. have i ever had a crush on u: no
8. youre my: only online bro i talk to yo. literally i suck at relationships so im glad i can bother u once in a while n u seem chill abt it XD
9. name in my phone: -
10. should u post this too? u already did but u kno that ofc💋🌹🌹🌹

The Signs in a group Project: Aries, Taurus, Gemini, Cancer, Leo, Virgo

Aries: Alright guys! What do we need to do?
Virgo: let’s organize what we need to do first. I’ll make a list of what’s important and what’s not.
Gemini: IM IN CHARGE OF THE GLITTER
Cancer: I don’t even think you read the book, Gemini
Aries: everyone shush! I’m in charge. First we’re gonna make Virgo generate ideas. Taurus is the writer, Cancer is the organizer, Leo is the prettiness enabler *winks*-
Leo: You think I’m pretty????
Taurus: Guys-
Cancer: wait I don’t wanna be the organizer
Virgo: stop it everyone
Aries and Leo: *flirting*
Taurus: ugh ew
Gemini: oooooo I’m telling Sagittarius
Virgo: omg
Cancer: Sagittarius?
Aries:…wait Sagittarius? WHO BROUGHT UP SAGITTARIUS
Virgo, Taurus, Cancer: ……..
Gemini: shit
Aries: LISTEN YOU PIECE OF SHIT GEMINI-
Leo: STOP IT RIGHT NOW ARIES YOURE MAKING ME MAD
Aries: WHY IS THIS CHICKEN FRIED FUCK BRINGING UP YOUR EX RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME
Virgo: fuckin-
Cancer: *is very scared, hiding behind Virgo*
Gemini: *needs to pee all of the sudden*
Leo: I DONT KNOW AND I DONT CARE! WE HAVE TO START THE PROJECT!
Taurus: *has been watching the whole time.*
Taurus: so who actually read the book?
Everyone: *turns to look at Taurus*
Virgo: I mean, obviously…
Gemini: what?
Cancer: um, I’m halfway?
Leo: *whispering something hot into Aries’ ear*
Aries: …. Uh huh *red*
Taurus: and I finished with ur 3 months before we had to. So! I elect Virgo as the leader
Virgo: *slowly turns to look at aries out of the corner of her eye*
Aries: …… Fine! I quit!
Cancer: okay, so whose doing what?
Leo: I’m in charge of the layout on the poster.
Gemini: I gotta pee
Virgo: that’s not enough. You’ll be in charge of finding the artwork to relate the book to.
Cancer: but I wanted to find the artwork
Aries: I’ll do the news article to relate it to
Taurus: I’m in charge of relating it to the world
Virgo: I’m in charge of tying all the pieces together, along with making the claim
Gemini: *pee pee pee pee*
Leo: wait what am I in charge of again?
Virgo: go to the god damn bathroom Gemini we all know you’re not gonna be working on this anyways
Gemini: …..*actually leaves to go to the bathroom*

How the project actually goes: Aries takes leadership again telling everyone what to do even though he didn’t read the book. He manages to score Leo as a girlfriend while he’s at it. Cancer cried 4 times but helped somehow. Virgo does all the work, so they get an A. Taurus manages to keep some sort of peace in the group. Gemini, although she didn’t *actually* do written work, gave good, actually intelligent ideas- but was texting 90% of the time.

boy i was J Hot the other day boy

my gotdam mom called the police on me.

J hot is when u have a ghetto ass mom and ur arguing with her with ur shirt off in the very front of the apartments. I threw a bottle of bath rocks cause I was mad (didn’t throw it at her though.)

I gotdam got the fuck up out that guy though. the sherriff was ridin round the apartments. I was posted in the apartments

the breezeways. wit da weedbag bra!!

but if ur black u really truly know about moms who make scenes when they argue. I live right under a policeman too. I used to smok weed in that bad guy. never was caught.

boy I love dem argurments wit ur shirt off

in front of the apartments!! (this is a true story.)

I had to go to the hotel wit dat J-bag (weedbag). smoked out of printer paper

printer paper is the best shit to smoke out of. u can make like fifty fuckin lil sticks of weed man. in jail and prison they smoke out of bible paper. but yea.

get some friends and smoke out of lil paper sticks. yall will have like…..5 sticks per person with just like one gram!! its crazy. J_Hot

Can we talk for a hot fucking second

What the FUCK is this shit

Do u see that fucking fan? Okay I have SO many issues with that goddamn fan. First of all, WHY THE FUCK IS IT SO HIGH UP ON THE WALL. Who is it cooling off? God? The casual giraffe just passing by??? Do u see how far back I am??how am I supposed to feel that???? Next, LOOK HOW FUCKING SMALL IT IS!!!!!!! LIKE Y’ALL MOTHER FUCKERS WANNA PUT IT ON THE FUCKING CEILING AND MAKE IT 6 INCHES IN DIAMETER. WHY? LIKE????? Also that motherfucker mocks me by having the word “hurricane” written on it. How fucking ironic. Fuck u fan. Fuck whoever made u. Fuck whoever put u up there. Fuck ur weak ass breeze. 

I wanted to write about this last night and im so glad I remembered to do so today bc I have the poorest memory but lemme take a little break from feminist posts to air a possibly antithetical to feminism grievance..you know those stereotypically attractive women whose entire lives is just pandering to the male gaze and have a shit ton of internalized misogyny that THEN COMPLAIN about how they dont have any female friends and write like statuses about like WHY DONT WOMEN LIKE ME!! THEYRE SO MEAN TO ME!!! ? they make me sooo mad like 1) you hate other women and you make it pretty obv w ur constant misogynist statements and male prioritization and 2) in your desperation to appease men you have only ever worked on your appearance and never developed a personality. thus you are boring and stale as fuck. why would any woman want to be friends with someone like this?
and in these complaints about like not having any female friends its almost like bragging? like UGH IM SOOOOO HOT THAT NO WOMAN WANTS TO BE MY FRIEND!! BC THEY THINK ID STEAL THEIR MEN!! -entire online persona consists of just semi nude pictures of themselves-
gag me

and also whenever they talk about this stuff publicly it just becomes like an opportunity for men that worship this woman to shit on other women, like ‘its bc youre so hot and women are bitches!’ and it’s like that’s all this sort of woman ever wanted, male attention and to put down other women masqueraded as ‘wah why dont women like me’