upsetting and terrifying

2x08 coda because so much happened and my boys need to talk 

Once the others have finally poured out of his home, taking at least part of the nervous energy still lingering against the walls with them, it takes Magnus a few seconds to locate Alec and he feels a twinge of anxiety when he realizes that he’s left the safety of the loft in favor of the balcony. Even knowing he’s undone the spell that allowed his guests’ greatest fears and insecurities to fester, the thought of Alexander alone up there makes him vaguely nauseous, images of Alec’s graceful fall too fresh in his mind, too painful still, for him to bear it. 

If he had been a few seconds late… 

But Alec is nowhere near the ledge now. He’s sitting on the sofa, forearms resting on his thighs and head in his hands, fingers tensed and angry where they’re gripping his hair. 

It’s been a long evening for all of them, upsetting at its best and terrifying at its worst, and Magnus wishes there was an easy way to approach this, a simple phrase that could make it all better for both of them. 

He makes his way the couch carefully, steps loud enough to alert Alec of his presence, before letting his body drop heavily next to him. He links his fingers together between his legs, resisting the urge to touch Alec, to force him to look up so he can try and read his face. Instead, Magnus presses his thigh against Alec’s in what he hopes is a comforting manner. So much happened in so little time and he has no idea where he should even start.

He’s still trying to figure it out when Alec speaks first.

“I’m not going to let anything happen to you,” he says fiercely into his hands.

“Alec-” 

“I’m not,” he repeats and Magnus knows what’s hiding underneath, the guilt and anger of all the times Alec has felt he failed the people who matter the most to him.

“Hey,” Magnus says instead of replying, putting a careful hand on Alec’s body, adding a hint of magic to his touch, warmth and safety against the broadness of his back. “I know what you’re trying to say but that’s not on you.” 

“Yes, it is,” Alec argues, body tense like the string of his bow. 

“It’s on all of us,” Magnus argues, keeping his voice calm despite the anger boiling in his veins. “Shadowhunters, Downworlders…. we’re all going to pay for Valentine’s actions if he’s not stopped.” 

He still can’t quite believe Clary kept her secrets for so long when they all should have been working together to stop Valentine’s plan. 

“I know,” Alec replies, leaning into Magnus’ body for a second before taking his hands off his face and straightening his back. “I know that, but that’s not…” he sighs, frustrated. “That’s not what I meant.” 

It’s been a long time since Magnus has been on the other side of such fervent protectiveness and he shivers a little at the intensity of Alec’s determination, mind flickering to the charm he now carries everywhere. 

“The thought of losing you…” Alec continues, closing his eyes and shaking his head like he’s trying to convince himself that saying whatever he wants to say is okay, is allowed. “I just found you,” he says softly, trying again. “And thinking about what might happen to you…. it’s just… unbearable.” 

“Well now you know how I felt, seeing you out there,” Magnus replies seriously, gesturing towards the ledge, heart beating faster at the sound of Alec’s sincerity. “And I think you know I can easily take care of myself.” 

“I know,” Alec sighs. His eyes wander to the ledge for a second and he grimaces, clearly uncomfortable at the thought of talking about it, but aware that he can’t say nothing, that Magnus won’t be satisfied by that. “I’m sorry if I scared you,” he whispers. “The spell messed with my head, it’s true but I.. I don’t… I don’t want to talk about Clary or Jocelyn. Please.”

Magnus waits for a second, looking into Alec’ anguished face, his closed eyes and defeated posture, and he wishes he could drop it, he really does. 

“You’re not weak Alexander.” 

Alec flinches, trying to move away from Magnus’ body but he’s too quick, moving both of his hands to grip Alec’s shoulders. 

“Letting a demon in,” Magnus whispers directly into Alec’s ear, “feeling consumed by guilt… even failure; none of those things make you weak.”

“Magnus,” Alec begs shakily. 

There are things magic can’t fix, memories that burn deeply within Alec’s core that only time can soothe and no matter how powerless Magnus feels, he has to accept it. 

“Okay,” he whispers before kissing Alec’s shoulder, right next to where his thumb is still digging into the flesh. He lets go slowly, starting to move away from Alec when he feels him grabbing his hand. 

“Thanks,” Alec says, voice small but grateful. “And I’m sorry about tonight.” 

“That wasn’t your fault.” 

“I mean about my mother… and Max,” Alec says with a gulp, eyes wide and sad.

Magnus smiles softly. “I knew what to expect from Maryse when I agreed to throw this party, Alexander. And Max is just a curious child.” 

“Yes but…” Alec hesitates for a second before inhaling deeply and exhaling. “I’m still sorry if he made you feel uncomfortable,” he says after a few seconds, reaching up to stroke Magnus’ temple with a few calloused fingers, stopping in the corner of his eye. 

Magnus feels his smile slipping and he wishes he could hold on to it, wishes he could pretend for a few more seconds, but he feels exposed, cracked open, and Alec has already taken a peek at the rawness inside. 

“I’m more worried I made you uncomfortable,” Magnus admits in a small voice. 

“What?” Alec frowns, looking sincere and offended and isn’t that the most incredible thing. “No, no. You could never make me uncomfortable,” he says vehemently. “Not for that,” he adds softly, leaning in to press a tender kiss in the corner of Magnus’ eyes. 

Magnus leans into the touch, appreciating the warmth of Alec’s body against his, the warmth of his reassuring words. 

“A lot of people have been,” he admits and he wasn’t planning on saying that until it slipped right out of his mouth. He can feel Alec exhale against his skin, heated and tickling. 

“I can’t imagine how,” Alec replies and Magnus turns his head to face him, letting the glamour drop easily. Alec gasps in response, a tiny thing that doesn’t sound disgusted or overwhelmed. “You’re so…” he smiles, cheeks reddening. 

“So what?” Magnus asks, curious now that Alec’s face is painted with embarrassment. 

“Kind,” he replies like it’s the most natural thing in the world.

“Oh,” Magnus says in a small voice and he has been called many things in his lifetime but he’s rarely been called kind, even if he’s always tried to be.

 “Clever,” Alec continues, hazel eyes bright with intensity. “Beautiful. Powerful.”

“Alright,” Magnus chuckles, putting a hand on Alec’s chest to try and stop him.

“I just mean…. that it’s another part of you and there’s isn’t a part of you I haven’t liked so far.” 

“Oh Alexander,” Magnus teases, a hint self-deprecating, “that will come.” 

“And I’m looking forward to it. To get to know all the parts of you that fit with me and all the parts that don’t… and all the ways we’re gonna work to be together despite those.” 

Alec clears his throat and lets his gaze wander to where their legs are still touching. He starts fidgeting like maybe he didn’t mean to reveal this much and Magnus is almost glad that he broke their eye contact because it gives him the time to blink a couple of times and stop himself from crying. 

There are so many things that Magnus could say, so many feelings intertwining in his chest. Instead, he grabs the lapel of the suit he carefully chose for Alec and drags him into a bruising kiss, swallowing the way Alec sighs and moans so beautifully. 

They’re still pretty lucky, despite it all. 

anonymous asked:

Hey, Miss Kat! I hate to bother you, but I was wondering if you could do some headcannons for Kakashi if you don't mind. I know all these headcannon asks must be annoying, but I'm crap at them. You don't have to if you don't want to, but I'd really appreciate it. Thanks!

- Continues the proud Team 7 legacy of being a complete Nerd

- Only he’s more subtle about it.

- Has to preserve his Reputation after all

- (Yeah, no, everyone knows this and is very amused by it.)

- Once waited in line for 12 hours to buy the newest Icha Icha book and did not regret it.

- Keeps a scorecard of how many people he’s trolled about his mask that week.

- If the number goes over 30 he takes Tenzo out to lunch and sticks him with the bill.

- It’s character-building, okay

- Gai is the only person in the world who’s known him for longer than .76 seconds and still thinks he’s cool. 

- This is why Gai is his favorite. 

- Does not drink.

- (Often.)

- This is because he’s actually a lightweight. 

- And he has a tendency to be Extra Ridiculous when he’s smashed.

- Seriously, Genma has enough blackmail after that time with the stripping and Aoba and the table in that one bar in Suna. Kakahsi isn’t about to give him more

- Totally lowkey territorial. 

- Most of the time this is fine, but Obito can hold his liquor and likes to drink and has somehow gotten drunk-married five times already and none of those times were to Kakashi.

- It wasn’t even to nice Konoha nin like Raidou or - or Gai or something. Obito had to go and marry into a former terrorist organization and to two members of the Seven Swordsmen. 

- Rin laughs at him. So much. So often. Kakashi is Offended, okay, it’s not his fault he likes his team members where he can see them.

- It totally has nothing to do with that one crush thAT YOU PROMISED NEVER TO MENTION RIN. 

- Absolutely definitely totally not. 

- May have had A Fling with Tenzo when they were both in ANBU but it was Very Awkward and they’re cool as friends. 

- (If Tenzo had known that would have doomed him to get stuck with the bill for the rest of forever, he might have pretended to be a little more upset.)

- Is absolutely terrifying and knows it.

- Never manages to be terrifying enough to catch Obito’s attention Rin what is he doing wrong help.

- On an unrelated note, Rin has been exiled from his circle of friends because she’s a filthy traitor

- Is a good cook and a decent housekeeper, but would rather live off of packaged meals and in the midst of trash piles if Obito wouldn’t yell at him for it. 

- (Why does that get his attention gods this is unfair okay.)

- Has not bought new clothes for himself that are not in some way part of the standard uniform in like. 9 years? Someone help him. 

- Gets shiny new collars and fancy capes for every one of his dogs each time he gets a paycheck, though. 

- Does not trust Cat People. 

- (Yes, Obito counts.)

- Dogs are clearly The Best and anyone who thinks otherwise is wrong.

- Baby Talk to his dogs is totally a thing. 

- No shame about that, either. 

- Would probably jump off a cliff if someone tossed a copy of Icha Icha over the edge. 

- And has. 

- Once, Rin, god, calm down. 

- (Would totally do it again.)

12x16 round-up:

  • Sam looked hot sitting on the table at the BMOL base
  • “It’s like our…” “Hogwarts.”
  • Sam wants to go to BMOL Hogwarts and got way over excited about the prospect
  • Dean’s stink face in response
  • Garth reference
  • Can someone write a fic about how upset/terrified Sam looked when he said ‘we’re in separate rooms’ - he clearly doesn’t like the idea of not sharing a motel/hotel room without his brother. In the next scene he hasn’t slept much but puts it down to having been ‘doing research’
  • Claire reading Batgirl
  • The voice Dean does down the phone to Claire
  • Mick forgetting you can’t drink till you’re 21 in the US
  • ‘like Downton Abbey boring’
  • Dad!Dean
  • ‘It’s on…Harry Potter’
  • ‘Explains the whole Wolverine healing factor thing’
  • Protective!Sam
  • ‘Allow me your Lordship’
  • Mention of Madga but no full reveal - still wanna’ see Sam’s reaction 
  • Mirrored Sam going to Stanford and being alone / Claire being alone
  • Sam and Claire hugging
  • ‘I have a family, and they love me’
  • Mick saving Claire
  • Parental Sam and Dean in pain watching their kid in pain
  • Claire not dying
  • ‘But I’m ready, and I never would have been if it wasn’t for you being my Mother’
  • Claire surviving the episode
Playing Hero (Leonard x Reader) Imagines - Fluff/AU

Imagine:
You saved Leonard from the Oculus explosion, and waited in the Med Bay next to him until he woke up…

*~*~*~*~* 

Leonard groaned.

It was a small, nearly indiscernible sound, but you heard it. Loud enough to make you jump in your seat and reach for his hand. Almost instantaneously, his eyes fluttered open and fell in your direction. And once he saw the relief in your eyes, he somehow found the strength to smile.

“Hey, Snowflake…” He said weakly. “You been by me all this time?”

You smiled back. “What kind of girl would I be if I hadn’t?”

A slight chuckle came out. “You always were the clingy one.”

“Shut up.”

Though you had just gone through hell for the past eight hours, wondering if your kleptomaniac ass of a boyfriend would ever wake up from the explosion, you couldn’t help but smile.

If Leonard was okay enough to make sassy, sarcastic comebacks, then you knew that he would be fine.

But even so…

It pissed you off to a degree that you didn’t even understand.

While most girls would’ve been upset, terrified and worried, you sat by his bedside, seething with pure irritation that he hadn’t told you about his plan.

His stupid plan to play hero. 

God, it could’ve killed him.

Out of spite, you reached over and smacked his chest. Not hard, but enough to get him to release a small ‘oof’. He tossed his head back and groaned a bit, before glaring at you.

“What the hell was that for?” He asked.

You narrowed your eyes. “I swear to God, Len…”

“You swear to God, what?”

“If you play hero again, I’ll kill you…”

Crestwood Analysis: Sad Lavellans, Angry Lavellans, and Solas’s Cowardice

I wanted to write about the different break-up options in Crestwood and how, at least for me, the differences play out emotionally in the aftermath, based on whether you choose the Sad (“I love you”) or Angry (“Don’t do this to me”) options. I’ve never played or headcanoned the third and, honestly, one truly hopeful option before (“I believe in us”) and so have less to say about that, but I would be interested if anyone can offer their perspective per the Hopeful option, ie: such a generous response to such a cowardly act. My Lavellans have both been too brash and too young for that kind of immediate sense of perspective. Note that this is not an argument in favor of any one response, just my own personal reading of how emotional dynamics play out differently between Solas and Lavellan post-Crestwood, based on the different responses I’ve chosen in the past. Also, sorry for the length of this post. I tried to shorten it, but it just kept getting longer, so…yeah. I threw it all in. Reckless abandon!

I am not sure what the most popular option has been in Crestwood. There’s no way to know. For me, with my first Lavellan, I went full Sad. This is because it felt tragically romantic, like when Angel breaks up with Buffy in season three, or when Edward breaks up with Bella in New Moon. I am a sap and a masochist that way. But for whatever reason, I had a really hard time with this option, especially in the aftermath. It seemed strangely contradictory to me, that she could be so upset, so blindsided, so terrified of losing him, and yet he merely is apologizing for “distracting [her] from [her] duty.” At this point, duty distractions, to me, seemed irrelevant, or another matter entirely. Filling in the blanks here, ie: between the balcony kiss and this—this immense sadness on her part, plus his cold response to said sadness—was difficult for me.

Of course, it hurt like hell in the moment. Obviously. I made a Tumblr. But for whatever reason, afterward, I had a really hard time headcanoning this one, ie: resolving all the weird, dissonant emotional chords that seemed to be going on at once in the scene, and then reconciling them with what happens later on. If they are as in love as Lavellan’s reaction suggests, why did he think merely referring to himself as a “distraction” would be enough to definitively break things off? Is he seriously that cold? Maybe. Perhaps he has to force himself to be this cold simply in order to deal with the situation. Eep. Dark. Still, I thought she would have more questions, ie: Why are you being so cold? What are you talking about, my “duty,” you’ve never cared before? I also found it hard to envision their relationship after Crestwood. I mean, unless you play it otherwise, there’s a bit of time still before the final battle with Corypheus. How did she stay away from him? Did he have to turn her away again and again? She was just so hurt in Crestwood, so confused. How could she not at least try and understand? And after the final battle, how is she so composed, speaking to Solas calmly and with what seemed to be a great deal of perspective, or at least acceptance? Perhaps others could, but I couldn’t make sense of this.

Once I got to Trespasser with my first Lavellan, I then couldn’t reconcile her desperation in Crestwood with her casual demeanor in the beginning at the Winter Palace. It seemed like she would have spent the previous two years searching for Solas frantically, and then wondering if, perhaps, he might somehow be there, at the Exalted Council (like actually be there—not throwing Qunari through eluvians and baiting her with blood trails). She was too beholden in this playthrough, and I couldn’t figure out how she could be both the calm, cool Inquisitor joking with Varric and talking marriage with Cassandra, and also be Solas’s frantic ex-girlfriend at the same time. Then, in the end, that she didn’t immediately jump into his arms when she saw him for the first time in two years felt like a major flaw. I needed her to need him more, and I was getting none of it from the game. Partially, this is an issue of the writing, but also, because I’m sort of like this emotional canon purist (ie: emotional dimensions outside of the game must resolve as they do in the game—I need it to be real), it all just ended up feeling a little bit meh. So, naturally, I started over. From the beginning. New Lavellan. I needed to get it right.

Okay, so the other night, with my new Lavellan, who I’ve been playing amidst droves of fanfic and hours of headcanon daydreams, I realized in that moment, in Crestwood, that the only possible response to his cowardly behavior seemed to be incredulity and anger. After everything they’d been through? This is how he ends it? Unbelievable. Her aggressive, physical response—shoving him, yelling, calling him a “cold-hearted son of a bitch”—felt so true in the moment. I sort of lost my breath a little bit. For some reason, the level of cowardice in his behavior (and it is—it is cowardly) seems to be compounded (or negated) by her response. If she responds by begging him to stay, telling him she loves him, this lowers the effect of his cowardice in general, because all the focus is on her emotional response to his behavior rather than the behavior itself. The cowardice has little effect on her. She seems to care less about whether what he’s doing is cowardly. She cares only that it’s happening at all. This response seems based in an unconditional fear of losing him. But if she responds by aggressively pushing him, demanding that he tell her he doesn’t care (which he can’t do, and she knows it), essentially calling him out on his cowardice, this highlights the motive behind his action rather than just the action itself. This, to me, makes his default reasoning of “duty distraction” to feel like just a cover now, ie: the first thing he could think of to say in his moment of bumbling cowardice.

The dialogue choice for the angry response reads, “Don’t do this to me!” It is the one response where the focus is on her. It is also the only response in which Lavellan walks away from Solas. The other two responses are focused on him or them (“I love you”/”I believe in us”). In both of these options, Solas walks away from Lavellan. I am tempted to draw a connection back to my earlier claims in another piece about their sexual/emotional dynamic, ie: with an angry response, this is the only time that Lavellan can be seen pulling away or walking away from Solas. It is otherwise always the other way around.

When Solas is able to walk away in the end, it makes the entire affair seem colder, and much more in stone, even as if he’d prepared himself for the coming of this very moment. But in the angry break-up, he seems completely taken off guard, especially by her response, which is physical and bitter, ie: “Tell me you don’t care.” Another dare. What she sees: He is brave enough to break up with her, but not brave enough to tell her why? I like this Lavellan, because, like in previous scenes, she is sort of putting the ball in Solas’s court. In the Fade and on the balcony, however, this has reminded Solas that he holds the power, which empowers him to continue the exchange (ie: to kiss her). But here, in Crestwood, even with the ball in his court, Solas has no way of responding. He cannot tell her the truth, but he also cannot bring himself to lie about his feelings. All he can do is take her abuse, stand there, and apologize as she walks away. He has fully lost control now—finally, and it is because of this that he is forced to reckon with his cowardice. This was powerful for me. I also knew that “cold-hearted” comment bit him. Solas is much more of a Romantic Hero during this option—far more self-hating and emotionally distraught than he was in my initial playthrough.

Because when she’s pleading for him and telling him she loves him during the sad breakup, his response is to put up his hands, to ward her off coldly, to say “I can’t. I’m sorry,” and then just walk away, leaving her there. Again at his mercy. I think my Lavellan, this time around, was a little bit sick of being “at his mercy.” She wanted more. Plus, his reaction in the sad break-up, his behavior is so cold, and so is his ability to walk away: it makes him seem more secure in the fact, if not relieved, that it is finally over—even if he’s hurt, it is held back.

I also feel that, during the angry break up scenario, his decision to break up with her does actually feel sort of believably spontaneous and cowardly and regrettable. Like, he really was gonna tell her the truth about the whole Fen’Harel thing, but he chickened out, and then the vallaslin removal was like this great, unfixable mistake, and he just legitimately realized he had lost all control of his feelings, the situation, and the relationship at large. He cannot walk away. How could he? He has no idea what’s just happened. Solas is so rarely caught by true surprise. Especially after watching him just like, own the Iron Bull in a game of head-chess entirely in banter the other day, I’m not sure he knows how to deal with even one small, legitimate moment of spontaneous indecision. Certainly not a stalemate. Because you cannot plan ahead for those. And he is prideful, and a martyr, so when caught off guard, of course he defaults to the mission, and he bails on anything so unpredictable and unwieldy as love.

Oddly enough, I’d argue that Lavellan’s angry response forces Solas to actually confront the reality of their relationship, while a sad response immediately hardens him to the situation. To avoid her tears, he must effectively switch off his humanity. He backs off, on guard. However, he lets her anger in, because he feels he deserves it. This, to me, is a good thing. Any time you can get Solas to feel, that is a good thing.

Once she’s gone, I picture Solas just like, dropping to his knees, realizing what he’s done, and, based on her reaction, terrified that there will be no going back. In the sad break-up scene, it seems like he still has an out to change his mind—if he wants to. Her reaction leaves him in control. But in the angry break-up, she is in control in the aftermath. There may be no going back, no fixing this mistake. Fen’Harel is obsessed with fixing his own mistakes. So he disappears, takes two years to suppress his feelings for her, because he has no choice, and, whether mistaken or not, doubles down on the plans he abandoned her for in the first place. Then, when he sees her again, and she is still open to him and his redemption, even somewhat forgiving, despite a modicum of, not resignation, but reason, it’s all the more hurtful. He falls so easily back into old tropes in Trespasser when he calls her vhenan, suggesting that their relationship has permeated him subconsciously, that it won’t die easy, won’t die at all. Their reunion is powerful then as, in his own very familiar, noncommittal way, he comes back around at the end (as he always does), calls her his “love,” tells her he will never forget her, takes the anchor, and, per his duty (and his nature), leaves. Again. WHY, SOLAS?

The angry break-up sets Solas up a bit differently in the immediate aftermath as well, I think, at Skyhold, ie: he’s in the wrong, and he knows it. Meanwhile, Lavellan’s anger sets her up for all of these wild reactions and methods for coping, doing just about anything to get him the hell out of her head so she can, as she puts it in the scene, “move on.”  This is very much my own headcanon, but I picture her like, heading out with the Iron Bull to anger-slay some dragons the very next day. Maybe she’ll bring Solas, too, but on the condition that he is a “powerful rift mage” and that she needs his magic if she wants to succeed. She still loves him, but in her defeat, she, like him, has grown too proud to relent. Though it hurts her, she treats Solas as a tool, a means to an end, which, considering Solas’s motives for joining the Inquisition in the first place, is ironic. And hey, I’m just trying to build a story here. I like irony.

Of course, I am still a deep romantic, and so I know that all of this is just reactive. Lavellan still loves Solas, but she is actively upset with him, searching out a way to reconcile her anger at his inexplicable cowardice and her own (apparently) unconditional love for him. Their interactions at Skyhold, as I see them, are often extended and bitter on her part, as she, starving, will do anything to draw any sort of emotional response from him at all. He, meanwhile, shows only self-loathing, taking her abuse, while trying to search out her true feelings without showing his hand. He calls her “Inquisitor” out of guilt and deference and speaks only of their final fight. It is hard for him. She may not refer to him at all, trying to get a rise out of his “cold heart.” At times, she may be downright mean, but he believes he deserves it, so just like in Crestwood, he is defeated and hard-pressed to defend himself—

Lavellan: You really don’t let anybody see under that polite mask you wear, do you?

Solas: You saw more than most.

Then, by the time it’s the end of the game, and they defeat Coryphy-tit, and the orb is shattered, Lavellan’s expression, her composure, will make sense in ways it did not when I played the sad break-up. Solas confession then (”No matter what comes, I want you to know that what we had was real.”) almost reads like one more apology. It is quasi-closure. I mean, at least until you get to the end of Trespasser. After the sad break-up, I couldn’t understand her composure in this moment at the end of the main campaign. But somehow, the fact that she became angry provided her with an immediate outlet, catharsis, a way to process, and now, Lavellan can see that, no matter what, they’ve been through a great deal together, and in the end, being so angry seems foolish, even silly. Perspective begins to set in, making everything even sadder and more hopeless than it was before, but also setting up the next two years as a time in which Lavellan at least attempts to get over Solas (even if unsuccessfully), rather than spend so much time and energy searching for him.

Solas: I suspect you have questions.

I mean, you think?

The end of Trespasser is so very sad. Lost elf, come home. I haven’t gotten there yet in this playthrough, but I hope to fully understand her initial subdued response now. She had hardened herself for so long in her attempt to move on. But the more they talk about their relationship (”And so he did.”), the more she softens to him, lets him in again, remembers. Just as quickly as he falls into the old routine, so does she. At this point, the term vhenan is so loaded–a single utterance conjures a world of joyous and painful memories. He still loves her, and she loves him, but the complications are…dire. We shall see what happens.

Anyway, this is just one way to read the different Lavellan responses at Crestwood, and I would be interested in knowing how other people read their Lavellan’s response in the end. I love hearing how others have managed to reconcile their internal stories with the (often downright sparse but immensely tantalizing) material we get in the game.This is just mine.

Now scuse me while I go watch this and cry hysterically. <3

Other Tortall stories I want, most of them courtesy of those same conversations with my brother:

-Kally’s story, obviously

-A story set in the time of Jason the conqueror (Jon’s grandfather), possibly about Lianne navigating the court and marrying Roald. I want to see how female agency works in a more traditionally feminine setting. We’ve seen how more atypical Tortallan women get their agency (knighthood, magic, etc), but I’d like to see how a convent-raised woman navigates her world (without going the ‘supporting a wannabe tyrant’ route of someone like Delia. Although, now that I mention it, Delia’s story would be fun too).

-A story from the perspective of a Stormwing. In keeping with the themes Tammy keeps returning to, I want the story of the first Stormwing to become a knight.

-A story or six about the Bazhir as told from their own perspective. I want to know about their history and their magics, about their relationships to the Old Ones and the Ysandir, about navigating the world as a colonized people. I want tensions between different tribes, with arguments about assimilation and losing their culture. But I especially want an exploration of magic. We know the Raka shape their magic very, very differently from the Luarin, both due to old traditions and due to the pressures of being colonized. How do the Bazhir shape theirs? How does the Gift intersect with the ancient magics of the desert? What do they do about Gifted women, and what positions were traditionally open to them? I just really feel like the Bazhir were under-served by mainly appearing in SotL, when Tammy’s worldbuilding was new and her understanding of things like colonialism wasn’t as developed.

2

Sorry to occupy your TL with this, but it’s important! 

If you think this is cute or remotely healthy - you’re wrong!

It’s yet another demonstration of Hook’s manipulating & abusive nature!

Guilt tripping Emma & Snow, cause she interrupted them and Emma didn’t tell him that she’s got a key! Of course, it’s a little embarrassing, most of us had been there! BUT - whats a common reaction to this situation? 

Exactly!

Embarrassment. 

Because the mother of his fiancee just walked in on them & it’s HER mother and you’d respect her enough, to NOT want her encounter THIS!

But not with Hook, no! 

He’s annoyed and doesn’t even hide it, makes Snow upset & terrifies Emma! He’s rude to his soon - to be mother in law!!!

For no other reason,  just because he didn't get laid! WOW!

They will marry, they’re together - SO WHAT IS THE PROBLEM? WHY GET ANNOYED AND ALL BITCHY, HOOK? There’s is NO fucking RUSH!

OUAT is far gone from the Family Show theme! It’s sends toxic messages & I don’t even know, if they’re doing it on purpose

CSers think it’s cute & they’re drooling over THIS…..Thanks A & E. You created yet another “generation” of abusive assholes & people who will look at it as cute - until he/she hits them. 

Wincest angst, drabble

Dean stares across the table at Sam, who’s stubbornly watching the steaming mug of coffee in front of him. Dean never thought this would ever happen, not between them. After everything they’d defeated together, everything they’d defied to be together – heaven and hell, death and destinies, Dean had never thought of this.

Sam wants to break up.

Break up, like some fucking high school couple.

“You can’t be serious,” Dean finally croaks. The room seems to be imploding around them, and he can barely breathe.

Sam glances at him. He looks upset, but determined. Dean is terrified. “I’m sorry,” Sam says. “I’ve wanted to tell you for a while. I just – I just didn’t know how to say it. Or if I. If I was certain. But I am. I don’t want us to be together, like that, anymore. I’m sorry, Dean.”

Dean feels like he’s going to be sick. This can’t be real, surely this is a nightmare? Then it hits him, and he shouts, desperately: “Christo!”

Something dies inside him when Sam’s only reaction is a blinking of surprise then a look of pity offered for Dean, and Dean feels panic settle in his gut.

“I’m not possessed, Dean. I just don’t feel the same things for you anymore. I don’t know when it happened.”

Dean’s vision blurs, by tears, he realizes. He tries furiously to blink them back. “You don’t love me?”

Sam looks like he’s about to cry, too. “Of course I do! You’re my brother, and I’d die for you. But I don’t love you like that. Not romantically. I don’t know why, I’m so sorry.”

“Stop saying that!” Dean shouts, violently getting up, his chair tumbling noisily to the floor. He stares down at Sam, who watches him, eyes wide and puppylike. “Stop saying you’re sorry! I don’t want your fucking pity Sam, I want you to snap the fuck out of it! You don’t know what you’re saying, there’s something wrong but we’ll fix it, we always do!”

Dean strides to Sam’s side and drags him up by his collar, pushes them both against the wall. He kisses him, desperately. His tongue pushes inside Sam’s mouth, drags his teeth over his lower lip. He feels Sam shift uncomfortably beneath him, and strong hands pushes him back, gently but firmly.

Sam looks down at him. There’s still pity written all over his face, and Dean wants to punch him. “This isn’t something we can fix, Dean. I just fell out of love. It happens to people all the time.”

“Not to us, it doesn’t!” Dean says, fiercely.

Sam sighs, then he bites his lip. “I’m moving out of the bunker, for a while at least. I think it’s for the best. I think we both need some space now, learn to adjust.”

Dean stares at Sam in despair, his chest aching. “Please,” he whispers pleadingly. “Don’t do this. Not after everything. I know I’ve been off, I’ve neglected you, neglected us, but I’ll be better. I’ll try harder. I’ll do anything you want me to but Sammy, please, don’t do this. You’re the only thing in this entire world of shit that has ever meant something to me. Please.”

Sam presses a soft kiss to Dean’s forehead, and Dean leans into him, and for the briefest moment, he can pretend that this isn’t happening.

“I never thought this would happen, Dean. I wish it hadn’t. But now… I just can’t. I can’t live in a lie. Not even for you.” 

anonymous asked:

*pins Shy to wall* LISTEN HERE YOU WILL LOSE YOURSELF *kisses Shy again

(ooc: Alright, you don’t seem to understand how the world turns, pal. Here’s the situation, you do not EVER force me or my muses into anything. Capiche? You don’t like it, shove off! What did you expect to happen from this? For Shy to automatically fall for you? Well guess what? No, you scared the living crap out of him and me! I want you no where even near us, I would mace you in your face if I could! Consent, it’s a beautiful thing, without it? Your nothing but a filthy sexual predator. Shy does not want your affections, get that through your head, he has a partner! Also, “I don’t care about you, just your body” you know how disgusting you sound? Shy is not an object, he has feelings, thoughts, you can’t just…treat people like they have no right, that they are just an item for your pleasure. Guess what? This is life, try this to a person on the streets, and you are gonna get hurt, put in prison. Stop this nonsense, you are giving me asthma, I’m terrified of you, so congrats. You made Shy upset, terrified, and literally despise who you are. Thank you, have a lovely day, of you are following me, unfollow now. I’m not having that, any of that bull…This goes for anyone who thinks it is alright to randomly kiss someone unexpectedly, who don’t really know you, or trying to force them into something. It’s not ok!…)

How to Help a Friend With DPD (Dependent Personality Disorder)

dspill07 reached out to me and helped me expand the “How to Help a Friend” series! DPD is an illness that isn’t very well-known, so before I talked to dspill07 I wouldn’t have known how to help someone with DPD. Thanks so much!

————————————————————-

How to Help a Friend With DPD (Dependent Personality Disorder)

1. Please don’t get upset with us when we frequently ask for your opinion/advice. We are terrified of making our own decisions because we fear we’re inadequate. We suffer from extremely low self-esteem, so that’s why we look to you to make decisions for us–even if it’s something as simple as deciding on a shirt to wear. The idea of making our own decisions, especially regarding major life choices, is so terrifying for us we may not be able to do it at all.

2. Encourage us to start making decisions on our own. You don’t have to be our therapist, but if we’re asking for your help with something small–like deciding on a shirt to buy–you can decline making that decision for us.

3. On the other hand, if we’re asking for your help with a major decision (like deciding on a college), it’s okay to give advice. Major life decisions are hard for most people, with or without DPD, to make entirely on their own. If you feel you’d normally give some input on the choices at hand, you can do that for us. Just sharing your input isn’t going to worsen or enable our illness. There is a difference between giving advice and actually finalizing the decision, however, and you are not obligated to actually make the choice for us.

4. We might apologize excessively. Some people get annoyed with this, but that just makes us want to apologize to you again for annoying you. If we do apologize for things we don’t need to apologize for, it’s okay to gently remind us we don’t need to be sorry, but please don’t get upset with us.

5. We’re terrified of being alone. Many of us have intense separation anxiety and feel that we must always have someone around to comfort us. But the reality is that there are times we’re going to have to be alone–that’s true for everybody, and we realize that. Remind us of the independent things we like to do–maybe sketching or researching specific topics online–so we have healthy ways of managing separation anxiety.

6. You don’t have to “fix” our low self-esteem, but when appropriate, saying something positive about us can be really powerful. We might have one or two traits about ourselves that we value, such as compassion, and targeting that value can make a compliment more meaningful to someone with low self-esteem (sometimes people with low self-esteem brush off or deny most compliments). For example, if you confide in us and go to us for support, saying something like “I know I can always talk to you because you really care about other people” would mean a lot to us.

7. We sometimes need reassurance that you’re still our friend. This doesn’t mean you did anything wrong; it’s just that we’re afraid of being abandoned by people we care about. This is also true for people with social anxiety or BPD (borderline personality disorder). A way to reassure us you’re still around is to just initiate contact every once and a while. If we don’t hear from you for a while, we assume you don’t want to hear from us, and we may stop contacting you altogether. So sending us a text or asking to hang out every once in a while helps us realize you’re still part of our lives.

8. Be careful with put-downs, even if you’re joking around. Again, we suffer from extremely low self-esteem, and there are certain criticisms we may be especially sensitive to, even if it’s meant to be humorous. We have a hard time voicing disagreement, so if you want to know if there’s anything we don’t like being teased about, just ask.

9. Recognize that we have a very hard time voicing our opinions, especially disagreement. We’re agreeable to the point of even compromising ourselves because we really believe your views are more valuable. We also want to ensure you accept us, and we fear we may lose that acceptance if we hold opinions that differ from yours. Reassure us that it’s okay to hold different opinions.

Confirmation - Eisuke Ichinomiya

It’s 9 in the evening and Vivian and Soryu entered the penthouse as we were all discussing the auctions. But Vivian was acting differently. I knew it as soon as I saw her. I quickly got up and stood in front of her.

“What happened? Are you okay?” I asked with my usual poker face on.

All she did was look down at her feet, her hands suddenly became a fascination. I looked up and saw Soryu looking down as well.

“What happened to the both of you?”

Everyone at this point had stopped talking and watched the three of us.

“I-I…” Vivian couldn’t speak but I could see the tears forming in her eyes.

I didn’t know what to do. I was about to hug her and calm her down but what Soryu had said, made me stop completely.

“I’m sorry Eisuke. I-I kissed her.” Soryu said guiltily.

My eyes had widened but Vivian had quickly added: “It was for a second and it was an accident Eisuke!”

“What? What happened Sor?” Baba asked, standing up.

“I-I don’t…” Both Soryu and Vivian were too hesitant to say a thing. But my mind was not on that. For some reason, I wasn’t angry or upset. I was confused. Sad. Alone. All the pesky emotions that I have never experienced until I had met Vivian.

I felt my feet stepping backwards, slowly. My body heat had risen to at least 50 degrees. Vivian looked up and saw me backing away.

“Eisuke?”

Before my name even escaped her lips, I had already bolted up into my suite and locked myself in the bedroom. I heard Vivian screaming for me to come back and I heard her footsteps behind me. Running. We both were. I could hear the others too, but I couldn’t care less about them.


Vivian ran up the stairs screaming for Eisuke.

“Soryu.” Baba had a strict expression on his face. Everyone did.

“I don’t know what happened. We were walking back when it had started raining. The next thing I knew, I had kissed her but she had already pulled away the second I did it.”

“I’ve never seen Boss so… so scared before.”

“Yeah, none of us has.”

“Let’s hope that the both of them can find a way to patch things up,” Mamoru said.

“And you need to apologise properly to Eisuke and Vivian,” Luke said. Everyone agreed and Soryu couldn’t have felt any guiltier.


“Eisuke! Eisuke! Please open the door!” Vivian banged and screamed for me to open the door. Her sobs were heartbreaking but for some reason, I just couldn’t bring myself to open the door.

I wasn’t angry. I wasn’t upset. I was… nervous, scared, terrified at the idea of Vivian leaving me forever. I can’t have that. I don’t want that.

Her screaming was getting quieter so I unlocked the door, but I didn’t open it.

“Eisuke!” She ran up to me and hugged me tightly. But I didn’t return it. I moved away from her and looked out the window. She hugged me from behind. I moved away again. Where her warmth would usually be so comforting, it had become so cold.

I was standing in front of the closet and started throwing out all the clothes that I could get my hands on. Both mine and Vivian’s.

“Eisuke! Please!” Vivian pleaded for me to stop. But I didn’t. When all the clothes were on the floor, I stormed out of the bedroom into the kitchen. Vivian followed. 

“Eisuke? Um… um…. um, do you want some coffee?” If there was anything that could placate me, it would be Vivian’s coffee. I want to nod. But my head does the opposite.

“Eisuke…” She continues to call out my name and hugs my from behind again. Her face is buried in my back but I just stand there with my hands leaning on the kitchen counter. I moved away from her again and went back into the living room. I leant my back on the large glass windows and Vivian stood in front of me. Her eyes were red and puffy from crying and her mouth was a sad frown.

She hugged me again, so tight that I almost can’t breathe. I could tell that Vivian was looking to me for comfort. Her body naturally gravitating towards me. I rested my chin on her head briefly before stepping away from her again.

“Eisuke… please… let me explain.” She pleaded with everything she had. I continued on, heading back into the bedroom. I lean my arm on the glass, my forehead on my arm. Vivian hugged me from behind, again, and I suddenly, finally, snapped.

“Damn it!” I shouted and banged my other hand on the glass. Vivian jumped away from me and I could feel the hot, salty tears escape my eyes. I hope I never feel this way again.

I started sobbing. Just like Vivian. I banged my fist on the window and sobbed. I turned around, tears still staining my face, and picked up Vivian, setting her on the edge of the bed. I went down on both of my knees and held Vivian’s hands in mine tightly.

“Vivian.” My throat caught her name but I forced it out.

“Do you love me?” It was the only thing I wanted to ask. Both of our faces were stained with tears.

“Yes! Yes, I love you more than anything in the world! Eisuke, I can’t live without you. You’ve got me completely crazy about you.” Vivian held my face in her hands. Her words calmed me only slightly.

“You… you won’t leave me, will you?” She leant my head down so that she could lightly kiss my forehead.

“I will never leave you. I still owe you $20 million.” I dryly chuckled and wrapped my arms around her lower back. I buried my face in her abdomen while her fingers became tangled in my hair.

“I’m so sorry Eisuke. I promise it won’t ever happen again. And if you don’t want me to talk to the others ever again, I won’t.” I looked up and frowned. I would obviously want that. To keep her away from all potential threats by the bidders. But I know that I shouldn’t keep her locked up for the rest of her life.

“No. Just be careful. I can’t lose you too.” Vivian pulled me towards her and hugged the life out of me. I nuzzled my face into her chest, seeking her warmth. She stroked my hair, trying to comfort me.

Soon both of us were tired from the day and our sobbing quietened. All that could be heard was our breathing.

I leant away from Vivian about to stand up but she takes my face in her hands and leans our foreheads together.

“I love you Eisuke,” Vivian said in a quiet voice.

Her love for me was clear in her eyes.

“I know.” She pouted at my response and I chuckled. I leant in and whispered into her ear.

“I love you.” Vivian blushed but she seemed happy enough.

A few hours after we had gone to sleep in each other’s arms, I woke up. I got up and sat on the edge of the bed. I felt dehydrated, probably because of all the crying and tears. I took a gulp of water from my glass on the bedside table. I suddenly felt a pair of arms hug me from behind. Her face was nuzzled into my back.

“You should be asleep,” I whispered while turning my head to the side.

“So should you,” Vivian responded. I chuckled and continued to drink from my glass. Then Vivian lightly pressed her lips to my back. She rested her chin on my shoulder.

“This is my confirmation Eisuke. I won’t ever leave you. Ever.”

We stayed like that for a while before going back to sleep. Although we didn’t do all that much sleeping for the last few hours of the night.

Soryu apologised after that. I was still grumpy and stubborn but I know better than anyone that he would never do something like this and not feel guilty. In the end, I forgave them both. And I realised that I was only angry at myself for doubting and pushing away a love that I may never find ever again. So this time, I’ll hold onto it forever.

The One Person

Jack hummed happily to himself as he turned the key in Joe’s door, letting himself into the flat. Their dinner was in bags in his hand, and the smell was making his stomach growl. That, and the idea of having a night curled up on the couch with his boyfriend, sounded very enticing right now. Needless to say, Jack was quite excited.

As he walked into the flat, turning on the lights as he went, he didn’t think much of why the lights were off, or that Joe hadn’t appeared to greet him.

After dropping the food and his bag on the counter, he spun around to look at the living room, only just noticing that Joe wasn’t there.

“Hello?” Jack called out, frowning as silence answered him. He was sure Joe said he’d be home. Pulling his phone out of his pocket, Jack quickly found his boyfriends name in his contacts, hitting the button to start the call. He made his way towards the office, checking it as the call connected.

The sound of Joe’s phone ringing echoing from upstairs surprised him.

Following the noise towards the bedroom, Jack tried calling out again: “Joe?”

But there was still no answer.


So he opened the bedroom door, trying to see into the darkness.

“Love?” He tried again, softly. This time, there was an answer, but not in forms of words, but a small sob. The sound broke Jack’s heart.

He hit the switch for the lights, a low light warming the room, before he made his way over to the bed, eyes locked on the small body curled up in the middle.

“Joe, what’s wrong?” Jack asked softly, the bed dipping as he sat down.

“M’fine.”

“No, you’re clearly not.” He sighed, tugging lightly at Joe until he rolled over, and the sight drew a soft gasp from Jack’s lips.

Because Joe’s normally happy and bright eyes were rimmed red as tears continued to fall, the blue was dulled and broken looking. His hair was a mess, and his shoulders shook as another sob slipped from his trembling lips.

“What happened?” Jack asked, drawing the smaller man into his arms, feeling as Joe clutched onto his shirt, burying his face into Jack’s shoulder, the tears soaking through his shirt. Jack didn’t know how to react, he had never seen Joe upset like this.

It terrified him to see the person he cared so much about be in so much pain.

“I told Zoe.” Joe’s weak voice met Jack’s ears, and the younger man gripped Joe tighter as his mind realized what that meant.

Joe had been terrified of coming out to Zoe, but he also wanted to do it, because she meant the world to him, and he hated lying to her. Jack had told him that everything would be fine, and he’d be there when he was ready. Apparently, Jack had been wrong.

Because if Zoe had reacted the way they both expected and wanted her too, Joe would not be crying against Jack right now.

“I’m sorry, love.” Jack mumbled, closing his own eyes as tears pricked at them, kissing the top of Joe’s head. “I’m so sorry.”


Two days later, Jack stood outside of the Zalfie household, knocking loudly.

“Jack?” Alfie asked, surprise in his voice. “What are you doing here?”

“I need to talk to Zoe.”

“Oh.” Alfie nodded, shifting on his feet. “Yeah, come on in.” He moved to the side, allowing Jack to step into the house.

“Alfie? Who’s at the door?” Zoe’s cheerful voice carried down the hall, and Jack felt his shoulder’s tense up at the tone. It wasn’t fair that she got to be so happy and carefree when her brother was back at home, barely eating or talking.

“Uhm,” Alfie glanced at Jack before heading towards the room where Zoe was. “Jack.”

“Jack?” Zoe asked just as he stepped into the room.

“Yeah, me.”

“I’ll just…be upstairs if you need me.” Alfie mumbled, picking up Nala before he headed for the stairs.

Zoe and Jack stared each other down, the tension thick between them.

“What can I do for you?” She asked politely, turning the TV off and focusing entirely on to Jack.

“We need to talk.”

“What about?”

“You know what about.” He snapped at her, his hands clenching into fists. “Do you even know what you’ve done?!”

“What I’ve done!?” Zoe replied shortly, standing. “I’m not the one who did anything!”

“Don’t try and put this on me. I never forced your brother into anything!”

“It wasn’t until you that he looked at another guy!”

“You don’t know that!” Jack told her, eyes narrowing. “You don’t even know that right now, Joe is sat back at home probably still crying! You hurt him, Zoe! You were the one person he thought would be completely and totally accepting and understanding! He was terrified at telling you though. But he didn’t want to hide from you. And I promised him things would be fine! Because I thought you loved him enough that you wouldn’t care!” Jack’s chest heaved as he finished. “Apparently, I was wrong.”

“And apparently I was wrong about my brother.” Zoe replied, crossing her arms.

“What in the world were you wrong about?! Just because Joe and I are dating doesn’t mean he’s any different! He’s still the same bloody weirdo he was before he met me! The only difference, and I mean the only one, is that he is finally happy. And I mean fully happy. All of our friends have said they’ve never seen him happier. Even your fucking father said so!” Jack spat at her. “I’m sorry you can’t handle your brother being happy. But I just want you to know that it’s because of you that he is broken and hurting.”


“I haven’t done anything.” Zoe told him, but her voice was weaker sounding, and Jack could tell she was realizing what she had done.

“You did everything by rejecting him.”

“I didn’t—”

“Yeah, you did. But I’m going to make things right. So tell me,” Jack paused, taking a breath. “If you want me to, I’ll break up with him. I’ll leave his life and yours. If it means you’ll accept him again, I’ll go. But you have to be the one to tell me to do it.”

“You’d do that?” She asked, sounding small.

“If it meant that Joe got to have his sister back? Yes. I’d do anything for him, Zoe. I’m sure he’ll hurt for a while. But if it means he got you back, I think he’d get over it.” Jack hated that this is what it came too, but he meant it. He’d do anything for Joe.

“Y-you make him happy?”

“Yes.”

“And you love him?”

“More than anything.”

“Then you can’t leave him.” Zoe sighed.

“Neither can you.” He told her, the anger gone from his voice. “He needs you, Zoe. Joe is lost without you, and he just wants you to accept him, because he’s still vulnerable from accepting himself. But he has, and he told me the moment he did, a weight was lifted off of him. I know what that’s like. I went through it. And to be honest? It was easier having Conor and Anna at my side.” Jack looked over at the other Sugg, eyes pleading. “Try, Zoe. Just try and accept Joe for who he is, because this is who he is, and he’s so happy.”

“I’ll talk to him.” She finally mumbled, lowering her gaze to the floor.

“That’s all I ask.” Jack nodded, turning to leave the room, but her voice stopped him.

“Jack?” Looking over his shoulder, he met her watery stare. “Thank you for loving my brother so much that you’d be willing to give him up.”

“Joe’s worth it.” Was all he said before he turned, walking out of the room and then the house.


When Jack got back to Joe’s place, he was attacked at the door. His arms wrapped around the slim body that threw itself at him, arms and legs wrapped around him, a face buried into his shoulder.

“I love you. Thank you. I love you.” Joe mumbled against his skin, lips peppering kisses across it.

“I love you too.” Jack smiled, burying his own face in Joe’s shoulder.

My vacation in Florida was very educational

I learned my Grandfather is a homophobic piece of garbage.

Now I feel like garbage.

Fun times.