Top Five Worst Tapirs Diseases

Well Good Morning All You Little Critters Its Me Seymour. And Today Since Gerold Has A Bit Of A Cold I Will Write One Good Article For You People And Here It Is: TOP FIVE TAPIRS DISEASES


Well To Start Off With Here Is One Of The Most Common Ailments For Us Tapirs: Name Of “Fat-Rump Fever”. Every Tapir In The World Has A Powerful Engine Inside Of Us To Give Us Power And Confidence But When You Eat Too Much Damn Beef And Pork You Know What Will Happen. All Clogged Up


Now Most Tapirs Just Have A Little Jump Around And Sniff Something In Their Life And They Think “Thats That” And Calmly Expire. But With Rostrous Torque You Just Absolutely Never Know – Twisting Around All The Time And Bomping Into All Sorts Of Cosmic Megastructure Really Anything Could Happen And Thats Why It Is SO Dangeros. 


Oh Supernal Spills… Oh Supernal Spills… Oh Supernal Spills… Just One Of The Worst Diseases For Anybody Let Alone A Poor Little Tapir To Have. Supernal Spills Is When One Boastful Fellow Lets There Ego Stream And Stream Up Into The Stratosphere And Broadcasting Theyre Huge Amazon River Of An Ego To Any Who Will Listen. Many Of You People Have This Awful Disease


Sometimes In A Day A Tapir Gets Some Ruptures And His Sweet Ichor Just Comes Flowing Out Like Thick Cream. Absolutely No Danger To Us Tapirs But The Problem Is It Can Attract All Kind Of HORRIBLE Offspring Of Lelwani And Other Fuckers Who Just Thirst To Slurp It Up With Their Foul Proboscis


vegabonk  asked:

Ten times Yuuri adorably fell asleep in inappropriate places.

Ten Times Yuuri Adorably Fell Asleep In Inappropriate Places

10) One during a visit to Viktor he fell asleep in the rink in St Petersburg while waiting for Viktor to show up and no-one had the heart to wake him up even when Viktor arrived

9) On a long-haul flight that he and Viktor were on, which Viktor was kind of envious of because he couldn’t sleep and had to stay awake for like 15 hours being extremely bored with no-one to talk to and Yuuri slept the entire way there

8) In the dance studio in Detroit after a late-night practice. The owners found him curled up fast asleep on the floor when they came in the next day to open the studio again.

7) On a train on a random person’s shoulder. Phichit never let him live it down

6) On Phichit’s bed on top of Phichit after a party when he was very drunk. Phichit has never let him live this one down either

5) On top of Viktor when they were lying on the sofa watching a film together and Viktor was trapped on the sofa the whole night because Yuuri looked so peaceful and he didn’t want to wake him up

4) In Yakov’s house during a gathering with all the Russian skaters. He was mortified when he woke up, especially because his relationship with Yakov is always a bit tense due to the doping thing, but someone had draped a blanket over him and let him be so he assumed no-one was too angry at him (it was Yakov)

3) During a competition when he only woke up a really soon before he had to skate. He was usually very good at keeping up with assignments for college as well as skating but during this particular competition he forgot about one and had to frantically do it the night before and got practically no sleep. The competition wasn’t massively important but he should have been getting ready and warming up but instead he was napping

2) On the ice in Detroit. It was during the exam period and Yuuri was stress skating a lot and not eating or sleeping well. Absolutely no-one knows how it happened but Phichit and Celestino came in to find him literally asleep on the ice of the rink. They woke him up very concerned that he might get hypothermia but not before Phichit had taken a photo and put it on his Instagram because it was hilarious

1) On Viktor’s shoulder on live TV during a competition. He wasn’t competing as it was the Euros but he’d been on a very long flight just hours before and Viktor was still waiting to skate and he just couldn’t keep his eyes open. He looked adorable and the video and pictures went viral very quickly. Viktor spent the entire time glaring at everyone who came close with an unspoken promise that if anyone woke Yuuri up no-one would ever find their body.




Cheers you up after a hard day (+ Jungkook)





Yoongi confesion

Yoongi comforts you for your height

Teasing each other (+ maknae line)

You fight over Yoongi’s ex

Hate/love relationship

Yoongi accidentaly confesses (group chat)

Yoongi thinks you’re cheating

Teasing a jealous min yoongi


Been waiting enough (if this is what you call love) PT.1 PT 2. PT. 3



Hobi teases you for your blog

Hate/love relationship with Hoseok.


Burn me alive (Keep me by your side) PT. 1



Meme theories Part 2. 

Namjoon being a sassy shit.

You ask your brother Namjoon to pick you up

4 o’clock appreciation (+Taehyung)

Fuckboy texts


Let me stay (I won’t go away): PT.1 PT.2



Jimin forgets your date 


Texting an unknown number: PT.1 PT.2 PT. 3



Hate/love relationship.

Needy Taehyung.

Comforts you after a nightmare

4 o’clock appreciation (+Namjoon) 

Jealous Taehyung angsty

Taehyung comforts you after your cats death. 


Hold me tight (don’t hold me back) [+ Jungkook] P.1 P.2 P.3 P.4 PT 5 PT 6.



Soft boyfriend

Cheers you up after a hard day (+ Jin)

- BTS + GOT7, jealous jungkook. 


Hold me tight (don’t hold me back) [+ Taehyung] P.1 P.2 P.3 P.4 P 5. PT 6.

Texting an unknown number. PT. 1


BTS finds who is your bias.

Pick up lines

Borrowing their clothes


You feel insecure about your weight

BTS encourages you while fasting.

BTS helps you lose weight

Yoongi accidentaly confesses 

BTS find out your boyfriend cheated

BTS cheers you up after a nose surgery

Happy birthday texts

BTS + GOT7, jealous jungkook. 

Random texts


Soft  fanfics

Accidentaly send them naughty pictures 

You’re being followed


Spying their little sister

Teasing each other (+ Yoongi)

Soft fanfics (maknae)

Soft fanfics (95z line)

Accidentaly send them naughty pictures


Break up prank




Sugamon: You miss them (suga and namjoon)


BTS Reaction to you wearing their clothes.

BTS Reaction to you having a panic attack

BTS Reaction to you kissing them by accident

BTS Reaction to you asking them to model naked.

BTS Reaction to their drunk girlfriend telling them she has a boyfriend.

BTS Reaction to their crush kissing their cheek


No happy birthday for the birthday girl. (OT7)

Two dreams one life (Jimin)


Yoongi as a vampire

BTS as cats


Jimin art

Nap(sleep time) taekook

Jhope sunshine moodboard

Soft brown yoonseok moodboard

Vkook bros

Couple fashion board with Taehyung

Dark green namjoon

Namjoon coffee dates

Taehyung sunflower yellow


everything all together for you all, arranged newest first - oldest last

* = over 500 notes      ** = over 1000 notes

C H A P T E R E D   F I C S :


Yours  *




Welcome To Fucking Hell - Paranormal AU


The Plan - Spy AU *


Experiment 17 - Halsey/5SOS AU


S M U T :



CAKE • We Need To Talk About Luke     NEW

CASHTON • baby, the loveliest angels make the cruelest demons **

MALUM • My Master and Mistress - Sub!Cal+Master!Michael **

MUKE • Good Girls - PrisonConvict!Muke AU **




The Waiter: Stripper!5SOS Series **

Yayo Daddy PART ONE - PART TWO - PART THREE - Greaser!Ash AU **

Candy Canes - Daddy!Ash **

Get Out *

Jawbreaker - Hockey!Ash AU *

Werewolf!Ashton - Halloween!5SOS Series **

I Missed You

Mr Irwin - Teacher!5SOS Series **

Wanna Bet PART ONE - PART TWO **

Charity Shop

Table Tennis - Sub!Ash

Outside? *

Home Alone


Single - BadBoy!Cal AU *

Shameless **

Pacify Her - Jock!Cal AU **

The Policeman: Stripper!5SOS Series *

The Master’s Encounter - 1920s AU **

Fuck! - Dom!Cal **

Different? - Sub!Cal *

Ghost!Calum PART ONE - PART TWO - Halloween!5SOS Series **

Mr Hood - Teacher!5SOS Series **

Wet Dreams **



The Boss: Stripper!5SOS Series **

The Laundromat Debacle **

Bad Girl **

Fuck Good Guys **

DarkAngel!Luke - Sequel Teaser - Halloween!5SOS Series **

Mr Hemmings - Teacher!5SOS Series **


Pranks **

Handcuffed *


Caught In A Web PART ONE - PART TWO - Criminal!Mikey *

The Firefighter: Stripper!5SOS Series **

Good Boy/Good Girl - Switch!Mikey **

I Made Breakfast **

Demon!Michael PART ONE - PART TWO - Halloween!5SOS Series **

Truth *

Mr Clifford - Teacher!5SOS Series **

Nerf Wars *

Beginners Luck

House Party

Camping *

Shawn Mendes (NEW!) :

It’s Always The Quiet Ones *

Text AUs:

1. You Want To Leave A Social Situation But Luke Doesn’t Catch On As To Why *

2. You and Ashton struggle to contain your urges for each other when he’s away - light Daddy!Kink *


4/4 His Orgasm Face (Visuals) **

4/4 Song Request: Rejects//5SOS - BadBoy!5SOS *

4/4 How They React To Your Nipple Piercings *

4/4 How They Dirty Talk

How Ashton Reacts When You Squirt - Daddy!Kink *

Ashton Gets Over Protective - Daddy!Kink *

Ashton Fingers You With The Boys In The Next Room - Daddy!Kink *

What Ashton Is Like In Bed *

What Calum Is Like In Bed

Car Sex With Calum

What Luke Is Like In Bed *

Luke Tries To Teach You Guitar - Teacher!Kink *

What Michael Is Like In Bed **

The ‘Guess The Body Part Challenge’ with Youtuber!Michael

Mikey Fingers You In Public *

Hooking Up with BadBoy!Michael In School - Highschool!AU


Caught Wet Handed - Luke Hemmings smut by sweetpotatoeypie

Mistletoe - Luke Hemmings smut by stvllermuke

Galaxies - blind!Michael Clifford smut by icecxve

Camp Counselor AU - Michael Clifford smut by highmaintancelowquality

Lap Dance - Any Boy smut by a-love-like-clifford

Vibrations - deaf!Michael Clifford smut by icecxve

Kitten - Michael Clifford smut by ought-to-be-studying

F L U F F / O T H E R:


My Boyfriend Does My Makeup

Song Imagine: Screen//twenty one pilots - Punk!Ash


Calum Loves You & Your Piercings

Airplanes - Army!Calum AU *

Soulmate AU *

Au Naturel *

Drop Dead Hood - Calum Smut Teaser

It’s Always Been You


Soulmate AU *

Amnesia *

Wherever You Are


Soulmate AU

WEAR CONDOMS (includes kissing) *

Drunk and Snuggly


Text AUs:

1. Calum Decides What He Wants For His Birthday *


Numbered Blurb Masterlist (4/4)

4/4 Elemental!5SOS AU *
4/4 Demi/GreekGod!5SOS AU *
4/4 Hogwarts!5SOS AU *
4/4 Divergent!5SOS AU *
Merman!5SOS AU / Pirate!ATL AU
4/4 HighSchoolAU
4/4 Daddy!5SOS First Day Of Kids’ High School *
4/4 You’re Shorter Than Him *
4/4 You’re Tall
4/4 You’re Feeling Sad And He Cheers You Up
4/4 Song Request: Do I Wanna Know // Arctic Monkeys
4/4 They Say I Love You For The First Time
4/4 You Are Good With Fans Even Though You’re Nervous
4/4 You’re Pregnant MASHTON - CAKE
4/4 How You First Meet
4/4 Your Favourite Song To Listen To With Each Other
4/4 Fighting And Making Up *
(Any) You’re Sick And He Came To Look After You
Honeymoon Mini Series: Ashton
Dating Ashton Would Include… **
Meeting Ashton At The Airport
Ashton Wants To Cuddle But You’re Busy
Ashton And You Meet At A Halloween Party
Daddy!Calum + Daddy!Luke
Honeymoon Mini Series: Calum
Dating Calum Would Include… **
Calum Left You And Your Baby, But Wants To Be Part Of Your Life Now
Calum Catches You Singing
Honeymoon Mini Series: Luke
Dating Luke Would Include… **
Luke Goes Shopping With You
Luke Watches Your YouTube Videos And You Meet At Vidcon *
The Boys See Love Bites On Your Neck And Tease Luke **
Luke Accidentally Chains His Bike To Yours *
Honeymoon Mini Series: Michael
Dating Michael Would Include… **
Pumpkin Carving With Michael
You’ve Been Raped Before And Tell Your Boyfriend Michael (TW)
BadBoy!Michael Being Whipped For You *
Stargazing/Rooftop Snuggles With Michael
Michael Asks You To A Dance


Rainy Days With Calum (blurb)

One Last Dance - Michael Imagine

Can’t Pin Me Down

- Calum Imagine by


The Many Uses of Modern Technology

Originally posted by themegalosaurus

Jared Padalecki x Reader

Summary: Imagine being actress who’s having an affair with Jared. Your relationship is revealed when sex tapes are released.

Warnings: Cheating (kind of), graphic descriptions of sex tapes, filth, public humiliation


It’s just after four in the morning when you hear the first message. The soft tone of your phone wakes you from a shallow sleep, but only for a second before drifting off again.

Keep reading

Lesson 4 (The Hypno School)

Brainwashing and Fixation

Whether it was the spiral

The Watch

or the words

Your mind was instantly caught

Caught in the video

Instantly remembering your Mantra

remembering who you are

What you desire to be

A Good Hypno Student

You instantly look at the spiral

letting go

letting go of your worries

Your cares

You thoughts

All you want to do is just look at the spiral

The watch

The words



Drop deep

Drop for your teacher

Giving in to his words

You realize that since the first lesson

you were being trained to serve



Your Teacher

You were being trained to instantly drop

Drop deep whenever you see 

The Watch


The Spiral

just dropping

all the way down

The watch

The Spiral

The Words

My words

All dropping you deep

deep into trance

deep under your Teacher’s spell

finding that from now on

Whenever I and ONLY I say the words

“Good Students Drop”

You drop down

drop deep

deeper and deeper each time you drop

So deep

so Empty

So mindless

So obedient

all you want to do is obey

“Good Students Obey”

Here are you instructons my hypno students:

1) You will go back to lesson 1 and repeat it

2) (Optional) you will either submit privately to my submission section either a video of yourself repeating your Mantra or a picture of you writing on your arms “Good Students Obey”

3) You will finish Lesson 1 and wake up

4) Return and reblog this post and type “I have been a good student for My Teacher” 

Feeling great joy and pleasure as soon as you do that my hypno student

Now go and obey my Hypno Students

Lesson 5: https://thegreato95.tumblr.com/post/158087989712/lesson-5-the-hypno-school

“A Good Student obeys”

“A Good Student is always eager to serve and please”

“A Good Student is always happy and in high spirits”

“A Good Student loves to be hypnotized”


Lets just ignore my bad banner.. Again..

Early Grape Brow collection in Wildly Miniature Sandwich naturals and un-naturals!

Here is my masterpost of all currently released @early-grape Brows! Some of these have probably been done before (I have included the ones I originally did before) but oh well! Now its all in one handy dandy post!

In both naturals and un-naturals to match WMS’s hairs and base game/pack recolours!

This is a swatch addon so you will need to download the original brows from Early-Grape to get EA’s colours!

1. Cool Brows

2. Fang and Drago

3. De Unibrowed and Cut Up

4. Edgey Unibrow

5. Less Unibrow

Download recolours below.

Keep reading

Struggles all Mystic Messenger fans know

1. Who to romance first???

2. Sleep or the infamous 3 am chat

3.Missing multiple chats and feeling like you’ll literally never catch up

4. Not going into a blind rage whenever someone asks you if you’ve eaten

5. Why. Aren’t. They. Real?

6. Changing who’s route you decide to do halfway through the first few days and starting all over to revisit your favorite character (Mine personally is Saeyoung)

7. The updates, enough said, because i’m sure i’m not the only one who has basically no other games on their phone because MM takes up so much space

8. I. AM. NOT. RIKA.

9. Trying to be nice to everyone and ending up having to choose sides (usually between Zen and Jumin)

10. Missed calls

11. Getting triggered anytime Rika is mentioned

12. Never getting a straight answer to the only question in the world that matters “Does Jumin Han is gay?”

13. Waiting for V and Saeran’s routes

MCL: Episode 36 in a Nutshell



1. Amber now knows things and tells everyone

2. Peggy locker stalks Candy

3. Amber is a pest in the Cafeteria, but Candy shuts her up

4. Charlotte is absent (hallelujah!)

5. Peggy spills the beans about Armin’s arrest in school paper and incites a fit of gossip in class

6. Candy tells Iris about about shutting Charlotte down

7. Alexy won’t pick up the damn phone

8. Candy’s parents have a super secret conversation

9. Armin and Alexy argue in a hallway

10. Armin confesses to hacking confidential files to locate their birth parents, got off with a warning

11. Alexy hides out in the locker room

12. Lunch with boyfriend in the garden (how romantic)

13. Drinks with Alexy at the cafe

14. Alexy reveals Armin found a phone number (dun dun dun)

15. Armin and Alexy demand Candy pick a side, she can’t, everyone involved gets upset

16. *sings* “LET’S GO TO THE MALL!” With Rosa.

17. Candy buys a dress to feel better

18. Alexy and Candy reconcile

19. Alexy wants to call mystery number with Candy

20. Charlotte has transferred to another school (DING DONG, THE B!TCH IS GONE)

21. Candy has gymnastic mishap while partnered with Kentin

22. Boyfriend gets a bit upset

23. Kiss attack! It’s super effective.

24. Lucy calls. Problems with mom. Wants to come over.

25. Call number with Alexy, mysterious man answers

26. Birth parents are dead….

27. News hits Armin hard

28. The trio go to meet mysterious man

29. Kentin shows up and knows mysterious man


Things we should’ve learned by now in the Yuri on Ice fandom

1- We never know what the staff of YOI will throw at us in the next minute

2- We are never prepared for whatever it is they give us

3- The canon makes headcanons/imagines/fanfics/fanarts look like nothing, meaning, we get way more than anything we could ever make up

4- We’re all screaming and typing wrong but we understand each other, because we can all feel it

Feel free to add more if you can remember

Identity of The High Priestess

Before the new season of Samurai Jack started, I rewatched the entire series so that it was fresh in my mind, and one thing really bothered me. In the episode ‘Four Seasons of Death’, Jack meets Spring (I’m not sure if that’s actually what her name is…). Her character bothers me the most of any because she clearly had malevolent intentions towards him, but her motivation is never known (although you can probably assume its to do with Aku) and when Jack realises that something is off with her, he fights her very briefly, and then she seems to disappear. But that’s the thing, she didn’t disappear. After Jack goes off, she’s still there watching him and she smiles in this sort of way like she knows something or she achieved something.

But what?

So I researched a little more into her character cause she was on my mind, and guess who voices her? GREY DELISLE. THE VERY SAME ACTOR WHO VOICES THE MOTHER OF THE DAUGHTERS OF AKU. Now, my theory is that Spring and the Mother of the Daughters of Aku are the SAME CHARACTER.

I think this because:

1) Wel,l same voice actor
2) Her motivations were never clear but she clearly wanted something
3) We’ve been seeing a lot of old faces and considering point 2, I reckon she’s gonna pop up
4) We haven’t seen the mother’s face
5) When Jack was with her he kept getting visions of Aku, now there could be several reasons for this but one of them could be that she aligned herself with Aku and something, maybe his instinct was telling him to get away. 
6) When Ashi cleans off her burns, she dresses in a spring sort of attire

Now these are all kind of loose links (especially the last point) but I feel like Spring is important, and it’ll be interesting to see if she does come up again, whether to confirm my theory of not.

But if she does turn out to be the mother, then it could potentially confirm the ‘Jack is the real father of the Daughters of Aku’…


1. (name idea) it’s okay (because Mystery tries to fix things but it doesnt f uckin work)

2. Mystery murdered Alfred’s parents partly because his daddio got involved with Alfredo’s parents and he told them that he was a bad kiddo and said some shit about him and his parents thought he was a bad bad but they wanted Alfred to be happy so they didn’t stop him from seeing him

3. Kao was a victim of Mystery before he knew about him from Alfred , he totally FUCKED him up and fUCKED his eyes up and that was the reason he was so hurt and FUCKED up when Alfred met him and Kao didn’t remember because he got a concussion when Mystery FUCKED him up

4. Alfred has the power to hurt Mystery badly and he got the power from the time Mystery killed his parents (because he got stronger because he got through his parents dying) but he can’t because a part of his body is pulling him back from it (Btw by power i dont mean like , a super power i mean the ability)

5. (name idea) drop dead (because Mystery wants Alfred to dI E)

@sleepy-kinq you’re probably not gonna like these ghivfjdoklgfdes

My small amount of fic masterpost

Just to keep the house in order - 

Return series

Slightly within canon.  Two strange figures arrive and have an impact on Claire and Jamie.

My return to France

My return to Boston

A return to half of myself

Returning from the Docks


This AU sees Claire working for the Special Operations Executive (SOE) during World War II.  She is on her way to France for a special assignment with two Scottish paratroopers in tow…

1. Landing with a Thud

2. Billowing out

3. Getting Wrapped Up

4.  Strings Attached

5. Loosening the Strings

6. Aerobatics

7 The Mission installment A, installment B, installment C 

Listen, fellow white people

+ We don’t understand. Say it with me now. We. Don’t. Understand. 

+ It doesn’t matter how many poc friends we have, it will never make saying a slur okay. In fact, that makes it worse, because not only is that, in this instance, disrespecting and degrading someone’s humanity - but doing so knowingly, and doing so to a friend and using that friend as a shield from all criticism after dehumanizing them. 

+ Despite being raised in a society that values our voices above all others, we really need to learn to shut the fuck up sometimes. Really. Not everything needs our opinion, and when it comes to people of color talking about how they are oppressed, nothing we can say will be of more value than what they have to say. So, shut the fuck up. Really.

+ Experiencing discomfort is an essential part of unlearning racist and discriminatory behaviors. We are not entitled to be continuously comfortable. We do not have the right to silence people of color or police their tone so that a race discussion is one that we are comfortable with. It is not the job of POC to hold our hand and gently guide us through this. Demanding they do so is revictimizing them, dehumanizing them further, and invalidating their argument based on your subjective comfort.

+ We are not the victims here. We need to get off the martyr cross, use the wood to build a bridge, and get the fuck over ourselves.

+ Can we stop bringing up that one time a POC didn’t blow sunshine up our ass as a reason we’re a victim because they were mean to us? Because that’s fucking ridiculous.

+ Racialism isn’t a fucking thing. It’s an excuse for saying or doing something racist

+ Stop pretending like being called ‘cracker’ or ‘honky’ or ‘whitey’ is on the same level as any racist slur. It isn’t. It never will be. When we use racist slurs it brings up centuries of violence, oppression, dehumanization, murder, abuse, and slavery. When they call us ‘cracker’, it brings to mind a snack food.

+ Above all, we need to realize that when it comes to race, for once, it is not all about us! 

Quick review for all the tl;drers
1. we don’t understand
2. don’t use slurs.
3. shut the fuck up
4. not POCs job to hold your hand
5. stop martyring yourself
6. no one cares about your anecdotes
7. bullshit excuses for racism are exactly that
8. reverse racism is also bullshit
9. not all about us.

~What Makes Each Member Hard~

They’re guys…honestly all the same shit.


Originally posted by theseoks

1. When you call him oppa, baby, and cute pet names

2. Sitting on his lap

3. When you stretch and your shirt rides up

4. When you bite your lip

5. When you bite his neck or nibble his ear


Originally posted by mn-yg

1. When you grab his thigh

2. When you sleep in nothing but undies and a tank

3. When you get a little angry

4. When he sees you in his shirts or sweats

5. Waking up in the morning with you…


Originally posted by itsrapmonster

1. When you act cute, but not annoyingly cute

2. When you cling to him

3. When you wear clothing that shape your body well

4. When you pinch or smack his ass

5. When you kiss his neck


Originally posted by simondismydaddy

1. When you you bend over or lean forward

2. When you call him Daddy

3. When you rub his knee

4. When you smack his butt

5. When you nibble his ear


Originally posted by bwipsul

1. When he wakes up cuddle in your arms

2. When you praise him and compliment him

3. When you kiss and nibble at his lip

4. When you scratch his scalp

5. When you show off your body


Originally posted by taedamn

1.  When your skirt rises up, when your jeans hug your thighs, or when your boobs look A+ in a shirt

2. When you sit on his lap

3. When you play with his hair

4. The little moans you make when your stretch or eat or anything

5. When you wear his clothing


Originally posted by baekon-stripss

1. When you are super bossy, but not over controlling

2. When you baby him

3. When you wear tight clothing

4. Just waking up in the morning…probably gets so many wet dreams tbh

5. When you scratch his scalp or kiss his jaw