up your arse

anonymous asked:

I'm in London, first reports state it's one black guy and one white guy. We've had a multicultural society here in the capital for decades, the only thing we don't like here is fuckin racism tbh. Stick it up your arse pal.

Lol hey guess what, I’m in London too retard and no, the first reports did not say that at all. The BBC only just reported that there MAY have been a second guy but they stressed the fact that it’s unreliable and shouldn’t be taken as credible, which is exactly what you’ve hilariously done! Omg you actually tried to pass it off as a factual report lmao! 

Did you see the photo of the guy who committed the attacks? I can’t be sure but his brown skin and Muslimy beard doesn’t really scream “white guy” to me, I could be wrong though…. I love how the tiny microscopic chance of a white guy to put the blame on terrorism you jump on it, instead of just admitting we have a real problem with Islam and people’s fear of Islam isn’t Islamophobia, it’s legitimate as they’re the ones being slaughtered and attacked while people like you tell them to just shut up and accept it. Just as Muslim mayor of London Sadiq Khan tells us, “terrorism in our cities are just part of the parcel.” Fuck that. 

You don’t like racism but you’re cool with it as long as Muslims are doing it right? Oh you’re just so predictable and so pathetic haha I’m still laughing at you trying to use that report to claim a white guy was involved even though they specifically said DO NOT TAKE THIS AS CREDIBLE INFORMATION. So sad. 

Update: It was a single Muslim guy. Once again. Sorry anon, your wish for white Christian terrorists to exist to deflect needed attention away from Islam is just going to have to wait another day.

i can’t believe how much you drag me, degrade me, disrespect me and are content with telling me how little you think of me and yet you’re still so far up your own arse degrading other women to me thinking i won’t think you’re scum. you’re just a pig. seriously who tears down women for what makes them happy in life

you’re a pig

The Signs As Gordon Ramsey Insults

Aries: USELESS FUCKING PIECES OF SHIT!

Taurus: WHERE’S THE LAMB SAUCE?!

Gemini: He can’t count to fucking two

Cancer: Honestly, chimichanga… chimi chuck it in the bin 

Leo: Do you want a fucking medal?

Virgo: GET ME OUT OF THIS FUCKING PLACE

Libra: This is a really tough decision. Because you’re both crap

Scorpio: Right, I’ll get you more pumpkin; I’ll ram it right up your fucking arse. Would you like it whole or diced?

Sagittarius: The chicken is pinker than your fucking lipstick

Capricorn: You’re getting your knickers in a twist! Calm down!

Aquarius: YOU FUCKING DONKEY

Pisces: I can’t even…

The Signs as Gordon Ramsay Insults
  • Aries: “Like a bison’s penis. What is this shit?”
  • Taurus:  “You fucking donkey.”
  • Gemini:  “Honestly, chimichanga? Chimi chuck it in the bin.”
  • Cancer:  “Right, I’ll get you more pumpkin. I’ll ram it right up your fucking arse. Would you like it whole, or diced?”
  • Leo:  “Congratulationsssss… on the worst dish in this competition so far.”
  • Virgo: “What are you?” - “An idiot sandwich.”
  • Libra:  “Hey, panini head, are you listening to me?”
  • Scorpio: “I wish you would jump in the oven! That would make my life a lot easier!”
  • Sagittarius:  “You fucking doughnut!”
  • Capricorn:  “Raw chicken again? It’s fucking redder than your beard!”
  • Aquarius:  “That’s a tough decision, because you’re both crap.”
  • Pisces: “How about a thank you, you miserable wee bitch?”
  • Natsu: I ship Gajeel and Levy like fed ex
  • Gajeel: I shipped you and Lucy since you decided to be fed ex and delivered her that Sakura tree
  • Gray: damn
  • Jellal: that was such a grand gesture
  • Natsu: don't get mad at me cause I know how to treat my lady Mr. I have a fiancé, Mr. Ima confess my undying love for you before I bite the dust, Mr. I'm too much of a tsundere to act on my feelings although everyone in the world knows I'm in love with you
  • Gray: HEY IM SLOWLY GETTING THERE. IM GETTING BETTER
  • Jellal: I.PANICKED.STOP.USING.THAT.
  • AGAINST.ME.ITS GETTING OLD
  • Natsu: fiancé fiasco will never get old
  • Gajeel: Natsu prepare to get iron shoved up your arse
  • Person: You're going to hell for being gay.
  • Me: Oh no. Not all the gays together. In one place. Oh lord, how terrible. What could we possibly do with all the gays in one place together? This is what we're fucking gonna do: we're gonna have a sick as fucking rainbow rave and be super gay af and you're not invited so go shove a cactus up your arse.

I hope when and if Blizzard gives Emily dialogue, she has a really thick Scottish brogue and Tracer likes to listen to her verbally destroy people. I mean she’s got the genes for it, how great would it be if it turned out she’s like, from the heart of Glasgow or something?

Emily: ACH, YOU’RE TALKIN’ SHITE YA WEE CUNT, I’LL SNAP YOUR BALLS OFF AND STUFF ‘EM SO FAR UP YOUR ARSE THE SWEAT ON ‘EM’LL QUENCH YE THIRST IF YA DUNNAE SHUT YER LIPS

Tracer: swoons

  • Hermione: Rise and shine!!!
  • Draco: [groaning with a hangover] whyyyyyyyyyyyy...
  • Hermione: Shush you. After what I had to deal with last night, the least you can do is get your arse up.
  • Draco: [mumbling into a pillow] Do I want to know??
  • Hermione: After I cleaned the fries off your face and put you to bed, you said something to me that was pretty dark.... even for you...
  • Draco: Mm. Don't tell me.
  • Hermione: OK, I won't. [pause] I love you, too.
Early Rise, Sunshine!- A Cedric Diggory Imagine

A/N: This is just a little Cedric imagine that I wrote earlier this week for someone. It is my first imagine on here, so please be gentle. Hope you enjoy!

Originally posted by gif-loves

The first thought that entered your mind when you saw him was one of pure loathing. How on earth did this boy do this? Every damn morning! Dear Godric, he was insufferable, he was vile, he was-

“Good morning, darling.”

“I hate you, Cedric. I absolutely, positively hate you.”

He sat down and simply threw his head back with laughter. A radiant noise that usually left you with butterflies in your stomach and a warmth in your chest. However, today it left you with a nagging feeling in your overworked brain and only a slight warmth somewhere deep in your heart. You knew it was wrong but you couldn’t help it.

“Could you stop looking like you shoved the sun up your arse, please? Some of us can’t stand to bask in your morning glory.” You bit back bitterly. Why did he always have to look so great this early in the morning? He looked bright eyed and bushy tailed, something you were definitely not at six o’clock in the goddamned morning.

“Oh, har har. You only say that because I can get up without having to use four alarms. I swear, one of these mornings it is going to get to the point where I will have to send you a howler just to wake you!” He joked back jovially.

You paid him no attention as you laid your head down on the dining hall table and closed your eyes, determined to get some more rest. “What am I doing up this early, by the way?”

You then felt a warmth on your back as his hand was rubbing calming circles into it and lulling you deeper into your awaiting REM cycle. “I was going to take you up to watch the sunrise with me this morning on the pitch, but if you’d rather stay in bed then I can walk you back to your common room, doll.”

Your ears seemed to perk up at the mention of one of your favorite sights. You don’t exactly know why you’ve always enjoyed sunrises. It could be because of the calm of the world surrounding you. Nobody was usually awake before the sun rose, so it seemed like watching it come up was your little moment with the universe–like it was something that only you and the sun shared. It felt intimate, and warm, and so incredibly serene.

“Alright then, let’s get a move on sunshine.” You said as you took a slice of toast from the table and shot him a wink.

He trailed after you happily, intertwining your fingers and allowed you to set the pace as he knew you would be torn from eagerly trying to get to the pitch and being too tired to move. He learned this after only being with you for three weeks. You always had a way about you that was so finicky and it seemed that Cedric was the only one who could deal with it–although, that could be because all he had to do is flash those pearly whites and you’d say yes to anything he wanted.

When you finally arrived at the pitch, you both got on Cedric’s broom and he took you up to your favorite spot: on top of the upper right pillar on the pitch. It gave you the best view of the sunrise, and if you were sitting with him in the right position then it allowed for the light to dance off his skin and give him a very attractive glow.

Once you settled into place, you leaned back and rested your head on his chest, his arms wrapped around your frame tightly.

“You know, it really isn’t fair how you look so perfect each morning even after your quidditch practices. I don’t know how you do it.”

“You know I have a, what did you call it again?- an internal clock. I don’t have any issues getting up in the morning.” After a few moments of silence he chuckled softly and pulled you closer, whispering softly in your ear, “plus, how can I want to stay asleep when I look forward to seeing you every morning, beautiful?”

You blushed and laughed softly at his romantic words.

“Oh I am sure you love to see my troll bed head each morning. You just can’t wait!”

Although, you knew he meant what he said. He spoke with such solidity in his voice, that deep down you didn’t question whether or not he thought you were beautiful. Sure, you had insecurities but Cedric made you feel so loved, so wanted, that it wasn’t ever a serious question on your mind.

“Well, this beast lover wants to see his troll every morning then. I want to see the sun rise up over the treetops and sit here with her. I want to sit with her forever. I could, if she’d let me.”

You simply turned your head and looked up at him, a smile painted on your face. You reached up and pulled him down to you, so you could kiss him soundly.

Soon, you had forgot all about the sunrise that was now happening behind you. You were too lost in the feel of his slightly chapped lips against yours and how his rough hands felt on the smooth, soft expanse of your hips, travelling upwards to the small of your back. You moaned softly, wanting to feel more, needing it. His lips pulled away from yours to quickly travel up your jaw and down your neck. His hands pulled you closer, sitting you on his lap.

You softly whispered his name, followed by a quiet whimper and your hands flew to his chest. You ran your fingers over toned muscle and unfastened the first few buttons on his shirt. This seemed to break him of his trance, much to your dismay.

Both of you were panting, foreheads touching, as he laughed breathlessly to himself.

“What?” you asked, confused as to why he stopped and why he was laughing.

“Nothing, just–,” he paused, trying to situate himself into a more comfortable position, “we missed the sunrise.”

You pulled back slightly to throw your head back in laughter. Of course, he was thinking about how you missed the sunrise.

You grinned cheekily and drew yourself back to him, straddling his waist. You draped your arms around his neck lazily and leaned in close enough to brush your lips against his as you spoke. “Don’t worry, I have more than enough light with you around, sunshine.”

don't ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿฝ call ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿฝ yourself ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿฝ a ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿฝ Sherlock ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿฝ fan ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿฝ if ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿฝ you ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿฝ haven't ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿฝ shoved ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿฝ all ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿฝ 14 ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿฝ episodes ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿฝ except ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿฝ TFP ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿฝ up ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿฝ your ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿฝ arse
So, do you actually have a personality or do you just rely on your dog?
—  white man, in Boulder, at Alfalfaโ€™s Market

raluzzz13  asked:

Headcanons about Cedric or Dorcas ๐ŸŒป๐ŸŒท

let’s do cedric (and sorry for such a belated it’s not been a month nope totally not ajskdla and short response)

  • is a fan of beans on toast and english breakfast 
  • corduroy trousers = cedric (they even start with the same letter, can we not fight fate)
  • is very much a morning person and doesn’t need to set an alarm - one of those annoying prats with a “biological clock”. comes into breakfast all showered and fresh after an early morning fly and everyone hates him “stop looking like you shoved the sun up your arse” “some people are sleep deprived, have some sympathy” 
  • probably went fishing with his father and enjoyed it
  • his sense of fair play would probably extend to monopoly and if that doesn’t tell you everything about how i headcanon him then idk what would

send me a character for 5 (random) headcanons 

anonymous asked:

Hey what are your faviorte drarry smut fics?

Here are some;

Draco at Nineteen by Birdsofshore (5k)
It’s the middle of the night and Harry Potter is sitting on my bed looking distinctly weird. I’ve had some fucked-up dreams in my time, but this one… this one is something new.

Hung Like a Horntail by Lumosed_quill (2k)
Draco’s become a bit obsessed with Harry’s sizable package. It’s a little distracting. Even more so when it’s up your arse. (Or “Harry’s Big Dick is messing with Draco’s life.” ~Capitu)

Endowment by @dictacontrion (10k)
Potter has got under my skin for far too long, in far too many ways. I fully intend to return the favour.

Big Dick Come Quick by Calanthe (204k)
Draco’s got a theory. About sex. And after much searching for the right candidate, it appears that only Harry Potter, his life long enemy, can help him test it out.

Pharynx-Larynx-Oesophagus-Trachea by Firethesound (11k)
Harry’s idea for helping Draco study is the most brilliant thing he’s ever come up with, and Draco discovers that studying can be fun when one has the right study partner

Unbuttoned by Eidheann (6k)
Harry asks for Draco’s help in finding a birthday gift for Narcissa. Draco doesn’t suspect ulterior motives. Until he does.

Undone by Eidheann (2k)
In the months since he’d started sleeping with Harry Potter, Draco’s carefully ordered life fell to shambles. [Sequel to Unbuttoned]

Touch Me Fall by Lumosed_quill (23k)
Malfoy was such a ponce. And he was a complete snob. And he was so fucking fit Harry wanted to jump him where he sat. It would be too easy to forget his objective tonight: to really, really, really get Malfoy out of his system.

Sex on Legs in Six-Inch Heels by @tessacrowley (9k)
Draco Malfoy is a brilliant freelance cursebreaker and the only one who can help the Department of Magical Law Enforcement with a very dangerous case, but more importantly, he’s wearing six-inch heels, and Harry cannot handle it, he really just can’t.

The Art of Cooking the Muggle Way by @sophiefrench77 (24k)
Cooking. The Muggle Way. Without any Magic. Definitely Draco’s idea of hell. Unless, of course, it leads to much more interesting activities with one Harry Potter. But wait. Draco’s into girls, right?

50 Reasons To Have Sex Series by Gracerene (39 works and 70k so far)
50 reasons for Harry and Draco to have sex, in 50 unrelated ficlets. Based on this list from the show, How I Met Your Mother.

Unexpected Turn by Oakstone730 (26k)
English real estate developer Draco Malfoy is in America to find his long lost cousin and escape a scandal. When his car breaks down in the middle of nowhere, his trip takes an unexpected turn. Non-Magical AU.

Slip Into My Lover’s Hands by Lumosed_quill (5k)
Draco licks his lips. He shuts his eyes, because he doesn’t think he can look at Potter when he says it. When he asks for it. “One finger?”

I Feel Love by Dannyfranx (3k)
Draco knows it will be the best night of his life. The trouble is, he wants a lot more than that.

If the Cock Fits by Tryslora (6k)
It’s like Cinderella, only Draco’s arse is the shoe left behind, and he’s searching for the perfect prick that fits.

Unknown Pleasures by Birdsofshore (10k)
The Room of Requirement was definitely broken. Why else would it be presenting Harry with a whip, some handcuffs, a blindfold, and a… what exactly was that thing, anyway?

The Safe House by Emmagrant01 (10k)
Aurors Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy are forced to spend Christmas together in a safe house. Bet you can guess what happens. ;-)

Too Busy Being Yours To Fall by Ignatiustrout (6k)
The first time they have sex, it’s Harry’s twenty-third birthday, and somehow “drinks with friends” becomes “being pinned to the wall of his bedroom by Draco Malfoy.”

Corruptela Vox by Constan Vigilance (5k)
Draco’s kink is revealed. Pretty much a PWP.

I also have a BDSM Drarry rec list that you can check out x 

tinuviel-undomiel  asked:

SPRITE!!!!!! I NEED MORE WAITING GAME NOW!!!!!! THAT ENDING WAS EVIL!!!!

lol okay XD


It was almost satisfying to watch the colour drain from Gold’s face.  She imagined she had looked the same when she got the news.  Her chest was heaving, her entire body bristling with anger and resentment, and she wanted to cry.  Again.  Stupid fucking hormones!  Gold shook his head in disbelief.

“I - I don’t understand,” he said helplessly.  “How..?”

“If you even think about ending that sentence with ‘did this happen’ I swear to God I will take that cane and shove it up your arse!” she hissed, shaking a finger at him, and he blinked.

“No, no, I just meant…”  He lifted a hand, letting it fall against his leg.  “We used condoms.”

“Yeah, well, not always one hundred percent, as it turns out,” she said curtly. “Probably fooling around in the fucking closet at that fucking restaurant, I guess. Or on the bed.  Either way one of the buggers got through.”

“Oh.”

He looked at the floor, the toes of his polished shoes shifting a little, and she felt her anger grow.

“Oh?” she snapped.  “Oh?  Is that all you can say to me?  My life is fucking over and you give me oh?”

Gold stared at her for a moment like a rabbit in the headlights, but then seemed to give himself a shake.

“I’m sorry,” he said then.  “It’s all - well, it’s all a little much, that’s all.”

“Oh, that’s all?” she spat.  “That’s all?  Why aren’t you mad?  What the hell is wrong with you, don’t you understand what this means?  Why aren’t you yelling?”

anonymous asked:

Good luck and godspeed from the North of England. Get yourselves out of this steaming pile while you can. Do you think you've got room up there for an English Remainer, a Californian who voted Hillary and two cats? We'll bring beers if you like?

That sounds like a plan. Get your arses up here as soon as you can👍