unvalued

It’s not a coincidence that women became a majority in law schools at the same exact time that law has been pronounced no longer a reliable source of livable income.

Wages for attorneys started stagnating abt 10 years ago, which is right around when women became 33% of the practicing attorneys (that number being roughly when people start perceiving a space as being majority women).

We’re on a road to law being held as a feminized and Unvalued profession w low pay, specifically because the fact that more women than men work there demands it.

anonymous asked:

Imagine Nursey is touch-starved, but a little insecure about it and Dex is uncomfortable with PDA (It's none of their damn business anyway)

Hey, I…..got carried away. Here is 2.5k of NurseyDex cuddling! Hope you enjoy!

- c.g.


Dex had resolved upon his return to Samwell for his sophomore year to give Derek a chance.

They’d finally had the impending blowout that’d been building all year, and it had been… revealing, challenging.

Things had been said on both sides that were – not worth dwelling on. But, some of what Derek had said, voice raw, hair disheveled, eyes raging, no veneer of “chill” to be found, had been a wakeup call:

  • Will had a temper
  • Will shut people out - his classmates, his teammates, even his friends
  • Will seemed to openly support policy-makers that would keep his friends living in the margins
  • Will could do this because, whether he decided to own up to his bi-curiosity or not, Will was a white man

And while he’d called Nursey out on being a judgmental asshole, he’d also been a little floored by how raw, how hurt Nurse had seemed by Will’s standoffishness (dislike). It was jarring to realize that anything that he did even mattered to his d-man. He himself had been frustrated by Derek’s almost immediate disapproval, but everything about Mr. Andover-Manhattan had seemed to scream unshakable nonchalance.

But, by the end of their argument Dex had seen mirrored in Nursey’s eyes the same frustrating desire to be acknowledged and accepted that he was all too used to wrestling with himself. It was clear that Nursey had just had more practice hiding it than Dex had ever had to learn.

That look had pricked at Will’s conscience throughout the summer. Even after he’d apologized, he knew that something was going to have to change. He couldn’t justify causing anyone to feel self-conscious or unvalued, not if he was aware of it and could do something about it.

So, Dex had decided to just try with Nurse this year.

It meant he spent more time watching Nursey. Derek Nurse, he’d realized, would never willingly give away a weakness if he could (relatable, actually). So, if he was going to keep from losing his temper with Derek, he’d have to watch him. Watch for the glint in his eye that meant he was joking. Watch for the crease between his brows that meant he was tired. Watch for the biting of his thumb which meant he was nervous. Just watch him for any little sign of humanity that might make him make sense.

That’s why he noticed it:

  • The longing looks as Ransom and Holster snuggled…everywhere
  • The bittersweet edge to his smile when Shitty swooped Jack into an epic celly hug
  • The disappointment when Chowder pulled away during couch time to go hang out with Farmer

Dex, used to being around his own large and tactile family, recognized that familiar, touch-starved itch when he saw it.

It nearly drove him crazy last year, but his oldest sister had come down a few times for business and insisted on squeezing in as many sibling snuggles as she could.

But, Nursey doesn’t have siblings, and – as awesome and supportive as their team can be – it’s pretty clear that Derek’s not getting what he needs there, and that he’s likely too shy to ask.

Luckily for Derek, Dex’s sister doesn’t have a business trip planned for another few months and Dex, well, he likes efficiency. With one act he can 1.) stop watching Derek mope, 2.) meet his own snuggling quota 3.) maybe start mending the breach between them.


A year of roadies, shared classes, and group texting has taught him that Friday at noon is pretty universally acknowledged as NapTime™, at least among the SMH.

So, at 11:40, Dex changes into his softest sweats, his fuzziest socks, and the pre-laundered double-blended SMH tee he knows Bitty helped Lardo pick out, and heads over to Nurses dorm.

His timing is impeccable.

Nursey answers the door already groggy and cotton-clad. Dex barely gives him time to voice his confused query before pushing him backwards through the door.

“Dex, man, what the hell?”

Dex doesn’t even pause, just plops himself onto Nursey’s bed and starts pulling off his shoes.

“NapTime™, Nursey.”

After getting both shoes off and tucked neatly under the bed, Dex takes off his hoodie and throws it over the back of the chair by the desk.

“Yes, it is NapTime™. And you are here.”

Dex steals himself and looks up, meets Nursey’s very sleepy, very confused eyes. His lips twitch as he takes in the chill-less pout on his d-man’s face.

“Yes, Derek. To sleep.” He says it slowly. Nursey’s eyes narrow at the insinuation that he’s somehow the lost party here.

Dex merely shrugs and kicks his feet up onto the bed, laces his fingers behind his head and stares Nursey down.

He’s left Derek room on the inside of the bed, but the narrow twin bed the dorm’s come with mean that the only way they’re both fitting is for grade A snuggling.

Derek’s pout deepens as he tries to process what’s happening here, but Dex can see that either the invitation or the need to sleep is quickly superseding Derek’s needs for answers.

“This isn’t… You’re not gonna like… Gah – You did come over here to sleep in my bed, right?”

Dex nods.

“And this isn’t a prank?”

“No, man.”

Derek’s eyes flick over Dex’s face before he nods and shuffles toward the bed.

“I don’t know what’s happening here, but you forfeited chirping rights when you crawled in my bed. And judgement. You don’t get to judge me for –” he waves his hands around ineffectually. His eyes are already starting to close again.

“Yeah, ok. No judging. Now, get in bed.” Dex tugs at Nursey’s shirt, and Nursey stumbles and then tumbles over and onto Dex. And, instead of shifting over and away, snuggles further into Dex’s shoulder.

“No judging,” he hears Nursey mumble into his shoulder.

Dex sighs, content, and pulls his other hand from under Derek to sink into Nursey’s curls.

“Good night, Nurse.”


Dex wakes up to the feeling of Nursey attempting to burrow even further into him, burying his head even further into the crook under Dex’s chin.

“Settle down,” Dex grumbles.

His only reply is a groan and a tightening of Nurse’s arms around him. His sighs, content, briefly believing he be able to settle back into sleep. However, it takes less than a moment to understand why Nurse had been trying to hide away.

“You gotta get it. Alarm’s just gonna keep ringing.”

“Don’t wanna.”

“Me neither, but you set it for a reason.”

“Mmm. Study group.”

“For your chemistry class. You gotta go.”

Dex feels more than sees Nurse’s head pop up. He rests his chiseled (read: bony) chin on Dex’s chest.

“You’ve got that project due soon.”

“I know that. Why do you?”

“Because you’ve been whining about it in the group text. A lot.”

Nursey’s still in that sleep-vulnerable place where emotions flit unchecked across his face. Dex watches the surprise play out over Derek’s face, his green eyes finally narrowing.

“You never read the group text.”

“Wrong,” Dex clears his throat. “I never talk in the group text.”

“Mmm,” Dex can feel Nursey’s hum vibrating through his own chest. “So you’ve been lurking. Like a creep.”

And in the space of a three words Dex can feel the familiar burn of his own temper rising up. His cheeks burn. He’s not a fucking creep. The group just moves so fast sometimes, and the jokes get so barbed or so obscure that –

“Just like Jack, man.” Derek’s finally dislodged his bony chin from Dex’s chest to nuzzle one last time into Dex’s shoulder. “Just quietly collecting info on everyone only to come out of the blue with a wicked burn when least expected.”

Derek’s body unfurls into one long stretch that presses along Will’s side before he pushes himself up from the bed, a grin flashing across his face as he starts swapping out his sweats for jeans.

“Respect, man.”

Dex watches from the bed as Nursey pulls his oversized t-shirt over his head in one smooth motion. He shakes his head as he rifles around his dressers. The muscles of his back pull and bunch under bronze skin.

“Who fucking knew,” he hears Derek say, almost under his breath. “Will Poindexter, man of fucking mystery.”

Ridiculously chiseled abs disappear under a tight, white t-shirt. The t-shirt disappears under what’s surely a ridiculously expensive flannel.

Derek turns back to the bed where Dex has…..ridiculously been staring….unmoving.

“Feel free to stay as long as you want, man,” Derek says. He runs a hand through his curls. His shirt rises; he pulls it back down, covering the cut V of his hips over his jeans. “The door locks on its own.”

He spins, hip checks the dresser, curses, and grabs his bag.

“The door’s self-locking. And. Um. Thanks for the nap.”

Said door slams behind him.


Shared NapTime™ becomes a Thing.

The week after their first nap is tense. He keeps expecting Chowder to come flail at him about his mad cuddling skills or Holster to come clap him on the shoulder and ask if he can join NapTime™, too. But no one does.

He’s aware of Nursey’s eyes on him like they’ve never really been before, following him with a furrowed brow, probably waiting for the other shoe to drop, too.

But it never does.

And at 11:40 on Friday Dex knocks on Nursey’s door. He’s jumpy. Sleep-fuzzy, but antsy, bouncing on his feet.

“I can leave if you don’t want to,” Dex offers.

“Don’t. I mean – I want to. I don’t know why you want to, but –” Derek pulls his door further open.

Dex walks past, shedding his hoodie. It’d gotten overly warm last time.

“It’s simple, Nurse. I need sleep. You need sleep. There’s this bed here.” Dex pulls his shoes off.

“We’re gonna ignore the part where you have your own bed?”

Dex lies down and tugs on Nursey’s t-shirt, so he does the tumble-cuddle down onto the bed.

“Mmhmm,” he hums. “We’re ignoring it.”

Derek tosses a leg over one of Dex’s and throws an arm around his waist, tucks his head into Dex’s shoulder and relaxes.

“Whatever, man. Man of mystery.” He giggles to himself before quieting down to sleep.  


And so, yeah, they nap.

Once a week at first, and then more frequently as hockey season starts up rife with intense practices, games, and roadies.

It’s their secret. A private indulgence that slowly starts to inform their public interactions. Nothing crazy just:

  • You don’t hold grudges against the dude whose curls you plan on finger-combing later
  • You don’t pick petty fights with your bro when there’s soothing back-scratches on the line
  • You speak up when you’re confused about a biting joke when it seems at odds with the soft smiles you’ve been accustomed to waking up to
  • You check in when you notice stress tensing your d-man’s shoulders
  • You develop little inside jokes when you’re stumbling sleepily around each other’s rooms, tripping over discarded sweats and shoes
  • You accept a profile on his Netflix account when –

Listen, needless to say, Nursey becomes a friend – an adorably cuddly friend. Who turns out to be a complete dork. He was bashful smiles and sleep mussed hair. All cheesy lines (when not penning lines of poetry that send goosebumps up Dex’s arms) and clumsy limbs. It was revelatory to realize Nursey spent so much time artfully reclined because he could not keep himself upright and uninjured off the ice. It was probably to balance out his perfect fucking face.

Which…was not a problem for Dex. Not at all.


Nursey stumbles from Dex’s en suite (one of the few perks of living in the Honors’ dorm) and tumbles to the bed. Dex watches as Nursey kicks his sweats, long legs flail - flexing hard-won muscle. He flops when he’s finally gotten the last bit of fabric from around his ankle.

It’s clear that the last round of all-nighters and finals has left Nurse wiped.

“Deeeeex,” this can only be classified as a whine.

Dex smiles, but turns back to his laptop before he can succumb to the temptation behind him. Nursey may be finished with his all-nighters, but Dex still has one more in front of him.

“No can do, Der. One more project, and then I’m yours.”

Derek groans, but Dex hears him roll over and settle in anyway.

Dex stretches and gets to it.


He’s still got a blessed few hours before the sun rises when he finally crawls in bed. Nursey is deliciously sleep-warm and Dex curls right around him.

He’s met with an appreciative moan as Derek rolls over.

It’s customary. Derek sleeps on his belly – well, half on top of Dex – and usually flings an arm or leg (both, it’s usually both) over Dex.

What’s not customary:

“Babe,” Derek murmurs, pulling Dex in close. Derek’s hand sweeps up Dex’s side, caresses his neck, before burying itself into Dex’s hair.

Dex finds himself curled onto his side, Nursey’s leg wedged between his own.

“Will,” Nursey groans. Dex breathes the word in on Nursey’s breath. Nursey’s fingers combing through his hair send a shiver down his spine that leave him pressed closer to Derek.

“Missed you.” These – these words are pressed into his mouth. Derek’s perfect mouth brushes against Dex’s with a sweet, aching softness before –

“Shit!”

“Fuck!” Dex screams, curling around his balls. “Dammit, Nurse. Stop flailing. Shit. Stop. Stop it. Please. Just – give me a minute, yeah. But. Just chill for a sec, yeah?”

Nursey stops moving, finally. When will catches his breath, what he finds breaks his heart a little.

Derek’s curled himself into the smallest space he can, back against the wall, clearly trying not to touch Dex at all. He’s got his thumbnail between his teeth and, goodness, there’s fear in his mossy eyes.

“Derek, you gotta come here, ok. I’m sore and sleepy, and just, will you come here, please.”

“Will – Dex – shit. I’m sor–”

“Stop. Derek. You can apologize if it’s not something you want, and there’s some other Will-Dex you were thinking of. But, you know, on the off chance it was me – come here, dammit.”

Nursey crawls over to lean just over Dex.

Gosh, he’s adorable.

Dex reaches up, sinking a hand into Derek’s hair.

“Dex, bro, I –” Derek’s face sinks into an anxious pout. “You’re a really good cuddler. And hot. And your body. Shit bro, I’ve been trying to be good, but – don’t hate me?”

Dex huffs a laugh before forcefully rolling them over, careful to avoid Nursey’s knees.

“I gave up hating you, like, a whole 6 months ago. Keep up, Derek.”

Dex kisses the growing smile from Nursey’s face. His mouth opens beautifully, and for a time there’s nothing but the obscene slick and slide of Derek’s mouth, his tongue, and teeth.

It’s – god, it’s fucking good. But.

He presses his forehead to Nursey’s and revels in the feel of Derek’s hands roaming under shirt. Skin to skin.

“You’ve no idea how much I want to follow this to it’s natural end, bro, but – NapTime™ first?”

Dex grins.

“Mmhmm. Sleep first. This,” he presses a kiss to Derek’s forehead as they settle in. “This after.”

I know this has been stated before but I have Thoughts™. 

Lance has stated a couple times that he really looks up to Shiro and that he’s his hero. Lance tries to impress Shiro, tries to get Shiro to give him a chance, but Shiro, bless him, consistently brushes Lance off. It’s not malicious, it’s just dismissive, which might be worse. If you can’t get more than just apathy from someone who affects you so much, it’s frustrating. 

Lance is seen as comic relief, despite establishing himself as a good strategist and loyal team member. Yeah, he’s a goof, but he’s also deeply insecure, using jokes and flirting to hide his doubts (relatable tbh). Always taking a backseat for Shiro’s attention is already grating on Lance. Hardly being listened to by your teammate and leader isn’t conducive to good self-esteem, and it’s showing in how Lance doubts his own benefit to Voltron.

Keep reading

How to Begin Loving Yourself

For those who have been emotionally abused or neglected, the concept of loving yourself may feel completely empty and hollow. How do I even begin? Starting off with these tips can help give you a foundation to take on this endeavor.

Note: This post will not lead you to suddenly loving yourself. There are books upon books on the subject, and the complete process to self-love can require long-term therapy. You’ve had a lifetime of experiences being disregarded, ignored, and abused, and the aftereffects do not disappear right away. But hopefully this will help give you a basic framework to start with, as even just starting can be very daunting for some.

1. Recognize that it is difficult to love yourself. So putting all the denial and rationalization aside, be honest with yourself. Do I love myself truly? Sometimes there’s a tendency to say yes because you “should” say yes, or pressure to be “positive” or “over it.” No. It is not about being positive, or over it. It’s about healing. You’ve been through some tough shit and need to take care of yourself. Like addressing a broken arm or leg–ignoring it makes it worse. So have the courage to be honest with yourself.

2. Explore the roots. Get in the habit of asking yourself why. Why do I see myself as unlovable? Why do I hate myself? Why do I feel unimportant to others? You were not born with those thoughts and feelings. At some point in your life, you learned it from others or your environment. So begin exploring where you got those beliefs from. Hint: People gain these kinds of beliefs from their relationships with others growing up, and how they were treated–most often, parents. Ask yourself, when did I first think this thought? When did I first feel that way? Oftentimes you will have a memory come up, where you first learned that thought/belief/feeling.

3. Begin the work in connecting the first two steps in your mind–past to present. Realize that not every thought and belief are true, even if it feels true. It feels true, because of your past experiences–you learned, through abuse and/or neglect, that you are not loved, unimportant, not good enough, unvalued. For example, your parents put themselves first before you, told you that you should be thinking of their needs while not attending to yours, gave you harsh judgment and criticism, made you feel guilty or bad for having feelings, etc etc. From that, you learned through their actions/words that you are unimportant, unlovable, etc. But even if your own family or other people treat you that way, does not mean it is true. Begin re-wiring your mind by reflecting, thinking, exploring–it does not feel true because it IS true, but because it’s what they trained me to believe as true. 

4. Start small, and realize you won’t see the effects right away. Write down a list of the strengths and good qualities you do see about yourself. Sit with each quality and reflect on how it feels inside of you, in your body. Make it into a habit of acknowledging a good strength or quality that you showed each day by writing a daily list. Ask friends for help if you draw a blank. Even if you can only think of one good quality, just start there. Begin at the place where you already are. It will take a lot of time to un-wire all the negative self-thoughts, but be patient with yourself in the process.

5. ASK FOR HELP. The self-love process is not meant to be embarked on alone. I can tell you from personal experience, you will need help. Find a therapist. Seek a spiritual teacher. Join a support group. Whatever works for you. You’ve become well-versed in how to hate yourself, thanks to people in your past/present, but now you’ll need some help and guidance in how to love yourself.

Self-love is a journey–so with it, you will experience struggles and turbulence along the way. But I can guarantee you that if you keep going, moving forward with honesty and courage, you will find your way :)

So I’m uploading this part a little earlier than I participated because I figured that there was nothing integral to the plot in it; I can afford to upload it without fear of needing to go back and change things. Thanks to @agentpiku and @thefallenbibliophilequote for the comments last time, and to @imagine-that-marvel and @marveliskindacool for beta-reading. Enjoy my darlings!

‘The Tower’ (Part 2)

Part 1

On the outskirts of the city, a great distance away from the main city and its glittering palace, lay a small greening village of no more than 600 peoples. The town’s inhabitants were hardened and hearty on account of the toil and labour that had allowed their home to prosper. Such success was granted in part by the vast forest that lay adjacent…

Thanks to the resources provided by the neighbouring woods, a thriving economy had been cultivated within the town. The first mile of forest alone held plenteous income for the town. A particularly large river that passed the edge provided ample fishing opportunities. Bushes bristling with berries and root vegetables were easily found. Even veins of metal ores and precious stones were locatable within a day of dedicated searching.

The only way out of the city was via a main road that also navigated the thick trees. Carriages moved through it on a daily basis, bringing goods to and from the village. Despite the traffic on this path, nobody ever dared to venture away from it, for fear of what terrors the shadowy thicket held.

Everyone in the village had a role. If you were strong, you felled wood. If you were fast, you hunted. If you were patient, you herded cattle.

It was probably why you felt so isolated.

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Allahaljalil.tumblr.com

When people kick us down in life, we feel so hurt, worthless and unvalued. We don’t feel good enough because people aren’t treating us that way. We feel undeserving because we haven’t been treated right.

You can’t force anyone to respect or value you, but you know that with Allah Almighty you are so valuable. Despite how low many people try to make you feel, the truth is that Allah continuously reminds us that He is with the oppressed, He is with the heart broken, He is with the one who is in distress.

The more people put you in a position of loneliness, is a great reminder of how close Allah is to you. Allah will suffice you against them. Nothing can harm you, nothing can hurt you, nothing can prevail over you if you have Allah swt.

You have so much value. Because Allah swt created you, He loves you. If He loves you, that’s the only thing that matters.

McCoy x Reader -- Damn You

Prompt: “can you do an imagine where reader and mccoy hate each other and always argue, but then it turns out they’re really meant to be? :)”

Warnings: Cursing

—-

“Damn it, (Y/L/N)! Get out of my way!” Doctor McCoy grunts.

“I’m getting medication for my patient. How about you get out of my way, doctor,” you lashed back at him.

He shoves himself past you to reach his PADD and you drop your hypospray. Giving him a glare, you pick it up and insert medication for your patient. Still grumbling to yourself, you insert the hypospray into your patient’s neck and he instantly relaxes.

“Now, how are you feeling? You had a pretty bad allergic reaction, Lieutenant.” You say softly.

“Better now. Thanks Doc,” He replied, standing up.

“You’re all clear. Rest up for the day, then you can return to your post tomorrow.” You walked away to check on your next patient.

She was suffering from a broken wrist after an away mission. You go to talk to her, but McCoy steps in, starting to set the bones. Why does the doctor never trust you to do anything?

“Excuse me, Doctor McCoy, but I can handle my patient just fine. I do not need assistance,” You say.

“If that were the case then I wouldn’t be doing your job, would I?” His voice dripped with distaste.

“If you wish to finish the shift by yourself then that’s fine. I’ll gladly head to my quarters,” He made your blood boil. Everything about him oozed bitterness, making each day at work more aggravating than needed. At least you finished your shift early and could relax for the rest of the night. Reaching your quarters, you opened the door and headed straight for bed. The warmth of the blankets encased you as you unwound. You decided to speak with Jim tomorrow to change your shifts. He’s a great friend and would understand the predicament. You kicked off your shoes and pulled your uniform off, over your head, and quickly fell asleep.

You sluggishly rise and look at the clock. “Shit!” Your shift was to start in five minutes and you wanted to still speak with Jim. Running through the room, you scramble for your clothes and toothbrush. While doing so, you trip, smacking your forehead against the nightstand. “Damn it!” Holding your head with your left hand, you jam your shoes on and race out the door. The doors to medbay slide open with McCoy looking up from his desk.

“Typical,” he scoffs.

Before you thought of a retort, the door behind you slides open. Jim hurries though, “Doctors, come with me. We’re beaming down to the planet below.” Before you could question, McCoy pushed you out of the door. The three of you met up with Mr. Spock and a security officer in the transporter room. “There’s no response from the mining colony and we need your expertise as to what happened down there.” Jim said, looking at you and McCoy. Instantly, the whirring sound of the transporter rang and the crew was on the planet. The ground was charred and pieces of the station were scattered. There was a strong feeling of foreboding in the air. All life was wiped from the planet and it was heartbreaking. “(Y/N), You and I will scan the perimeter, while the others look for clues inside of the station remains.”

You contemplated asking Jim for a reassignment for shifts, but he beat you to it. “What’s the deal with you and McCoy, if you don’t mind my asking?”

“Oh. Well it started while we were on shore leave when I asked him on a date to a bar in Yorktown and he agreed. I spent hours getting ready because I wanted to make a good impression. I showed up at around 7, when I was supposed to meet him, and he never showed. I waited an hour and then left. The next day he had the audacity to have an attitude with me. That’s why I hate him. Then, he questioned my vitality on the away mission several months ago. Ever since, I guess our disdain for the other projected. He sees me as insufficient and I see him as a conceited airhead.”

“I see. Have you ever discussed this with him?” Jim questioned.

“No. I refuse to speak with him except when necess—” you started, but you saw something in the grass. “Captain, it’s one of the scientists here!” Rushing to his side, you pull out the tricorder, scanning the body. In the meantime, Jim signals the rest of the team to rendezvous at your coordinates.

“Is he alive?” He urges.

“Yes, barely. We need to get him to sickbay. There’s nothing I can do from here.”

The team rushed over to you and Doctor McCoy kneeled down next to you. He repeated all the steps you had already taken, and advised the Captain to beam everyone back to the ship. “(Y/N), What happened to your head?” His eyes softened with concern.

“I hit my head this morning. It’s fine.” Your voice was monotone. It was odd seeing him show sympathy.

“I’ll put something on that when we get back. Don’t worry,” the corner of his lips drew up ever so slightly.

Aboard the ship you and McCoy rushed the man to medbay, preparing tests for him. The patient woke up after given a stimulant. He looked around quickly, trying to understand his surroundings. “I’m Doctor (Y/L/N), you’re aboard the Enterprise. Can you tell us what happened?”

“I’m Jean D’Amboise. I… we were doing a routine check on the mine, when I got into a fight with Jose about what he shouldn’t bring near the rocks. They’re highly flammable and he knew that. I left to get some fresh air and clear my head when I heard a loud noise. I was propelled forward and my whole body felt singed. I’m sorry, that’s all I remember.”

“Everyone else, they were inside when this happened?” McCoy inquired.

Jean nodded his head and slumped down. The stimulant was wearing off.

Although the incident was a tragedy, it was relieving that it wasn’t intentional by any hostile lifeforms. “Sit down and let me check out that forehead of yours,” McCoy said, leading you towards a biobed. He scanned your head and pressed a cool ice pack on it. “Just some bruising and a slight cut. Be more careful next time,” He rolled his eyes.

You grumbled a thank-you and went back to your quarters to finish your report there. In the room you made yourself a cup of tea and sat at your desk. The report was brief. The patient suffered from burns and a severe concussion from the impact with the ground, but was expected to make a full recovery. The report consisted of what Jean had said and all of his injuries, including a psychological evaluation. When you had finished your work you crawled into bed for a long rest.

——

After you left, Jim walked into medbay looking for McCoy. “Bones, can I speak to you about something? It’s a personal matter.”

“Sure Jim, what seems to be the problem?” McCoy gave him a quizzical look.

“You and (Y/N) is the problem. Talk to me,” Jim said in a commanding tone that softened towards the end.

McCoy rolled his eyes. “It’s not me, it’s her.”

“But you stood her up.”

“What! She stood me up! I went to the bar to meet her and waited for over an hour and she never came.”

Your story seemed true to Jim, and Bones would never lie to him. What if the past few months of bitterness was merely from a misunderstanding?

“Bones, what time were you supposed to meet her..?”

“9:00. Why does that even matter?” McCoy’s voice was raising.

“When she spoke to me today, she said she showed up to the bar at seven…”

The good doctor’s eyes widened slightly. He immediately strode past Jim and out the door.

—-

Just as you started to fall asleep you heard a banging on the door. Groggily, you walked over to open it. The floor was ice cold and it was late at night. Who could possibly need you at this hour? You slid the door open and to your surprise, Doctor McCoy was standing in front of you. He seemed worried and tired.

“What are you doing here?” You were slightly irritated by his presence, but curious to why he was there. He had never been to your quarters before.

“I need to know something. Did you really go to meet me at the bar at seven that night?”

“Yeah. Why the hell are you rubbing it in?”

“I’m so sorry. I can’t believe this. I went there at nine and you never showed up,” McCoy placed a hand on your shoulder. “And i’ve been mean to you ever since. Because I fucked up…”

You had no words. Harboring this feeling of hatred towards someone you wanted to be with dissapeared and you pulled him into an embrace. He was warm. Everything about him was calming and you started to forget about the past. He smelled like summer; like the forest and yet there was a hint of chemicals from sterilization. You quickly pulled away, remembering something.

“Doctor… what about–”

McCoy immediately cut you off. “Please just call me Leonard, Darlin.”

“Leonard, why did you think it was unnecessary for me to be apart of the away team months ago? Am I really that unvaluable as a doctor and a scientist?”

“No, you’re an outstanding Doctor, (Y/N). Although I was upset with you at the time, I was worried; worried you would get hurt,” he pulled you back into a hug, his hand running through your hair. You brought him inside your quarters and sat on the edge of your bed. There were so many emotions bursting inside you. It was a mixture of joy, remorse, and self-hatred. It was hard to believe that the past several months of anger was fueled by a stupid mistake. You should have talked about it sooner.

He grabbed your hands and placed them in his own. He looked as if he was tearing himself apart over his mistake.

“How about we have a do-over date?” you asked.

“I would love that darlin’. When?”

“I’m free right now,” a grin sprawled across your face, mirroring Leonard’s.

“Sounds like a splendid idea.”

What Is A Toxic Relationship?

OK so I’ve been getting anons recently arguing that Stefan and Elena were in a toxic relationship and a few of my followers expressed interest in me creating a post to counter the argument so here we are.

I am using different telltale signs of a toxic relationship as a road map for this argument and a few of them are ones I can’t even counter because they’re just not an issue for the SE relationship, those are ones I’ll put at the end, this means the numbering might be a little off.

2. Jealousy and the blame game

We’re all only human, so jealousy will happen on some level. But, excessive jealousy is never okay. If you don’t have trust in a relationship, you literally have nothing worth holding on to.

This is not an issue with SE. Obviously there are moments where both of them express being disgruntled by Katherine and by Damon:

but when the idea of either of them cheating is brought up, the other is very much secure in their relationship that they automatically shut down the notion of infidelity:

and Stefan and Elena concoct an entire plan fooling everyone about Elena being jealous over Katherine when in private the notion is ridiculous because obviously they love each other:

and they know how much they love each other, there’s implicit trust:

Being this secure and trusting in a relationship is healthy and not a sign of entitlement or arrogance, this is how two people who love each other should be.

7. You’re not yourself

Change will happen regardless. When you’re in a relationship, even if you both change, you should be going in the same direction.

If your relationship changes you, it should only make you a better version of yourself. If you feel like you’re losing yourself or you don’t recognize who you are anymore, it’s not healthy.

Well first of all, it’s repeated how much Stefan and Elena know each other and therefore can be themselves with each other:

and next to seeing how they make each other better people:

they say it:

and they remind each other to do better and be better:

Refusing to allow the worst parts of themselves to take over doesn’t mean they don’t accept each other, it means that they care about each other enough to keep their core personalities intact.

5. Negative energy

Feeling uncomfortable or tense around someone is just your body reacting to the negative energy surrounding the two of you.

Negativity can drain you mentally, physically and emotionally. We’re forced to deal with this stuff, but your SO should be a reprieve from that type of stress.

6. Avoiding each other

At the bare minimum, you should be able to tolerate your SO’s presence. If you can’t even bring yourself to be around him or her, you should really just call it quits.

I think this is pretty self-explanatory.

11. Growth and change are seen as negatives

Relationships have to evolve in order to last. The whole “why can’t things just stay like this” mentality isn’t conducive to a long-term relationship.

At some point, someone will want more. That’s not a bad thing, but both parties must be on the same page. There’s nothing wrong with taking the next step; doing so is a sign of maturity.

This one is interesting because there’s this narrative that Stefan held Elena back in season 4 and the show even makes Stefan say that he does that but he doesn’t, he teaches Elena to how hunt, how to defend herself, how to navigate her emotions, shows her how to enjoy her power, he helped her grow as a vampire while secretly looking for the cure for her to have in case she wanted it:

He in fact celebrates her vampirism

and tells her not to despair:

Comparatively, in season 1, Elena doesn’t want to stay in the dark regarding Stefan’s demons, she willingly and with open eyes demands to learn more about his blood lust and even though it kills Stefan for her to see him like this he obliges:

and in season 2 Elena embraces that Stefan will need to feed from human blood to be stronger and faster, to be a better vampire, she accepts the risks and grows with Stefan’s new needs and that’s why she allows him to feed from her:

which is actually related to this:

12. Reminiscing on the beginning instead of looking toward the future

Memories of the honeymoon phase are not enough to sustain you. You can’t relive the past. Relationships develop, but not always for the better. Fantasizing about what used to be is not living in reality.

As the aforementioned point emphasizes, neither Stefan nor Elena hold the other back to how their relationship used to be, they grow with each other, what they do is remind one another that at their core they’re empathetic, compassionate people who always strive to do the right thing, they accept the realities of their situation while trying to better that reality:

9. You only think about making him or her happy

Once you hit your 20s, relationships are a trial run for marriage. You should be able to see potential in spending the rest of your life with your significant other because if not, what’s the point?

You should want to make your SO happy, but it should be a two-way street. Your happiness should mean his or her happiness and vice versa.

If you’re constantly trying to make them happy, but you’re not getting anything in return, then something in the cycle is disjointed. Happiness should be mutual.

I seriously don’t understand where this idea that they’re not happy with each other stems from, I feel like because they’re happy in circumstances that are shitty people apply the shitty circumstances onto their relationship without realizing the relationship is what got them through the shitty circumstances.

1. Passive aggression

The whole “I hate it when you do that, but I’m just gonna keep it to myself and throw you shady little side glances” thing is unnecessary.

Once you’re not comfortable being direct with your SO, you’ve lost that bond on which your relationship was initially built.

4. Arguing without communicating

We all know that yelling over each other won’t get you anywhere.

It’s natural to get upset and argue, but if there’s no exchange of communication and neither party conveys why he or she feels how he or she does, nothing will be solved.

This actually just doesn’t happen. In 4x02, Stefan glares at Elena because he’s angry about the blood sharing and she automatically says, “You’re mad” and he says “Yes” and they have that out and this is when they’re supposed to be disintegrating for no logical reason.

In fact, Stefan and Elena are pretty upfront with each other about what they do that bothers them or when they’re mad at each other:

And in 1x07, Elena is honest and says that a part of her wishes that she could forget him but she can’t forget him because she can’t lose how she feels about him, that is extremely honest.

3. Criticism and contempt

No one is perfect, and the closer you become with someone, the more conspicuous his or her imperfections will become. There is nothing wrong with criticism that comes from a positive place.

When criticism is used as a channel to express contempt or disdain for someone else, it can make the other person feel unvalued and worthless. It’s hard for a relationship to come back from that.

Literally the only time this happens is when Stefan and Elena have their humanities off and are meant to be completely devoid of emotion and both of them work to repair the damage they caused:

and in 4x23 she has the speech thanking him.

Stefan and Elena were a relationship with highs and lows and because of the supernatural element of the show, some of those lows were really low because of aspects like blood lust and humanity switches and the constant need to save Damon or Katherine compelling people to hurt themselves if they continued to see each other and that makes for some angsty and heartbreaking moments but the fact of the matter is, they were not a relationship that was toxic; they were happy and stable and committed and passionate and exciting and secure and the writers tearing them apart for a relationship that actually is toxic and boring and another relationship that looks good on paper but that sucks in practice is entirely ridiculous.

A little over a third of the way into the modestly dressed, disarmingly brilliant production of Hamlet now playing at the Public, Oscar Isaac as the iconic prince turns to us before one of his famous soliloquies and calmly tells us, “Now I am alone.”

I caught my breath at these four words. They were not a statement of fact — they were an invitation to the audience to imagine.

Isaac was not alone, not in this moment nor ever. Hamlet as written contains seven soliloquies, but the Hamlet who is now wrestling with his fate on the red-carpeted boards of the Anspacher Theater is never a solo figure: He always has an audience. During each soliloquy, members of the ensemble sit or stand strewn about the stage, still present, giving their prince a quiet, serious attention — a company of players, watching and listening.

Keep reading

“you think we should do something about the b-o-d-y-s?”

“how do you spell bounty hunter?”

“[spells furry as fury] it’s furry fist. i need a spell check”

my neurodivergent son has spelling issues and i love him

anonymous asked:

Can you post sources? While I know theres sexism in law, I don't see how law is now "no longer a source of liveable income" or how law is a "unvalued profession with low pay".

My point here is less that law in particular is sexist, but that income levels of professions is influenced by gender demographics. To a certain extent I can admit that my last paragraph there is speculative, or at least anecdotal.

It’s also complicated by the fact that law salaries function on a sort of two tiered system.

For the falling real wages of solo practitioners (i.e. Not in BigLaw), http://www.businessinsider.com/middle-class-lawyers-are-a-dying-breed-2015-6

For the stagnation of wages even in BigLaw (in an article from 2012, whose conclusions I don’t completely agree w ) https://www.americanbar.org/publications/gp_solo/2012/september_october/myth_upper_middle_class_lawyer.html

I don’t think this is independent of the fact that real wages have generally stagnated, esp taking debt into account. These posts aren’t an academic article as much as a reaction to the ways people are talking abt how women make up the majority of law school attendees now, in a context where the presence of women in a profession actually depreciates wages (this can be seen across many professions).

also, there are a lot of article abt the reasons why going to law school is a bad choice now, it’s practically a meme within legal blogs

it’s so hard for people who aren’t lonely to understand what loneliness feels like.
It’s not just the ‘agh, I didn’t get invited to a party the other week’.
It’s the silence.
It’s the silence when in a room full of loud people. It’s realising you actually have no damn sole to speak to. No one person who actively seems to care.
The unsettling and unnerving realisation that you have the radio on because it feels like company. That you order yourself clothes online only to return them, because it’s nice to know that you’ll have a conversation with the postman.
Loneliness is feeling invisible, unvalued and so damn lost.

The MBTI-Socionics mixed theory

The functions (based on Nardi)

Se: Act quickly and smoothly to handle whatever comes up in the moment.

Ne: Perceive and play with patterns of relationships across contexts.

Si: Review and practice in order to specialize.

Ni: Draw upon the whole brain to realize and answer to a novel problem.

Te: Manage resources efficiently to quickly decide based on the evidence.

Fe: Evaluate and communicate values to enhance social relationships.

Ti: Reason multiple ways to objectively and accurately analyze problems.

Fi: Listen with your whole self to locate and support what’s important.

The positions

Base: This is the function you embody most. Your identity is linked to this. (1st MBTI function)

Secondary: This is how you deal with the world. It is less important than the base. This is where your interests lie. (2nd MBTI function)

Background: This is used to support the base and secondary. It is not seen as important, but it is seen as obvious. It is often used critically. (6th MBTI function)

Protective: This is used to stop the secondary becoming too strong. It is relatively important, and is used to protect the weak function. It can be overused, replacing the secondary and causing the user to become too strongly locked into the same orientation (I/E). (3rd MBTI function)

Boring: This is boring. It is used only when necessary, to deal with things that the base can’t. It causes the base to stop working temporarily. Others’ use of this will be seen as pointless and as a restriction on what you find important. (5th MBTI function)

Goal: This is weak, but important. It is used to guide the base, secondary and protective. It can be overused, replacing the base. As it is weak, this is unhealthy. (4th MBTI function)

Blocked: This function is seen as interesting, but unimportant and weak. It is used to provide another perspective to the base, which is switched off by its use. When this is overused, it has the potential to act destructively. (8th MBTI function)

Weak: This is the weakest function. It is highly stressful, untrustworthy and practically nonexistent. It is used when neessary, for short periods of time, although it can be developed to the strength of the boring function. (7th MBTI function)

Terminology

The valued functions are the base, secondary, protective and goal. The unvalued ones are the background, boring, blocked and weak. The strong functions are the base, secondary and support. The mid-strength ones are the protective and boring. The weak ones are the goal, blocked and weak.

The Cognitive Stack, Part 4: The Antagonistic Block

The Antagonistic block is the weakest and most stress-inducing of all the function blocks, as these functions directly oppose those of the Characteristic block. An individual’s use of the antagonistic block is limited to moments of stress, and these functions applications are generally seen as limited to serving the needs of the characteristic block. The antagonistic block is recognized by individuals as their weakest points and will often try to strengthen them, yet they’re completely unable to utilize these functions long enough to achieve any purposeful result. External input from the antagonistic functions tends to cause distress and disappointment, or even guilt and more serious negative feelings if the individual sees the development of these functions as a measure of their self-worth.

Amusingly, individuals often tend to enjoy having their antagonistic block traits praised, but will quite often aggressively or vehemently defend any criticisms made against this aspect of their personality; due to their self-consciousness associated with it. The functions of the antagonistic block are the vulnerable and opposing functions.

7th Function, the Vulnerable

The vulnerable (also known as the point of least resistance or the deceiving) function is the weakest of all eight functions. Input from this function is not trusted or is seen as unworthy of attention, as when it is engaged, it tends to cause mistakes in information-gathering or decision-making. These mistakes create feelings of inadequacy in the individual which leads to severe stress and frustration if they have to tolerate further input from this function.

Individuals generally misunderstand information coming from this function, and don’t understand the importance of the function itself. This often leads to painful consequences if the individual has no external support, but that itself can also lead to issues; as the individual loathes external pressure from personalities who value their vulnerable function. Generally, individuals will rely on the strength of their characteristic functions to cover the weakness of their vulnerable function. Or when possible rely on other types whose use of this function is their demonstrative; types who have strength and confidence in this function, yet keep it in the background.

8th Function, the Opposing

The opposing function is also known in Socionics as the role function, due to the fact that this function directly opposes the individual’s dominant and utilization of it makes the individual feel like they are “playing a role”. Individuals are generally aware of their inadequacies regarding the positive traits of this function, and will occasionally try to work to fix them because they see those traits as important – this importance is what separates the opposing and vulnerable functions.

Nevertheless, attempts at strengthening this function always fail – due to the opposition from their natural lifestyle and worldview – and will yield severe disappointment if focused on too much. Utilization of the opposing function is situational; being triggered when under direct and severe stress or when the individual is forced into situations that oppose their dominant function.

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Appendix: Example of the Function Stack

Now that we’ve explained the Function Stack to you, we’re going to give a simple example of the Function Stack, just to help you get an idea.

ISFP

Dominant Function (Strong, Valued): Introverted Feeling
Auxiliary Function (Strong, Valued): Extraverted Sensation

Tertiary Function (Weak, Valued): Introverted Intuition
Suggestive Function (Weak, Valued): Extraverted Thinking

Ignoring Function (Strong, Unvalued): Extraverted Feeling
Demonstrative Function (Strong, Unvalued): Introverted Sensation

Vulnerable Function (Weak, Unvalued): Extraverted Intuition
Opposing Function (Weak, Unvalued): Introverted Thinking

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That’s all folks! This topic of discussion is over. The next sixteen articles will be brief overviews of the personality types, with a specific focus on traits that make them recognizable. These might be sporadic over the festive period but will wind back up again after the New Year.

We here at TBMPT wish all of you Happy Holidays!

I am an empath. I discovered I was an empath after I got involved in a very deep and highly destructive relationship with a narcissist. I am writing this article from the perspective of an empath, however, would love to read the view from the opposite side if there are any narcissists that would like to offer their perception on this. Through writing about the empath personality type I have connected with many other people who class themselves as an empath and time and again I have heard people tell me how they have also attracted relationships with narcissists. There is a link. So, I decided to explore it further. This is my theory… From my own experience and studies on the narcissist personality type, there is always one core trait: A narcissist is wounded. Something, somewhere along the line, usually stemming from childhood causes a person to feel worthless and unvalued and, due to this, they will constantly and very desperately seek validation. Here comes the empath, the healer. An empath has the ability to sense and absorb other people’s pain and often takes it on as though it were their own. If an empath is not consciously aware of boundaries and does not understand how to protect themselves, they will very easily and very quickly bond with the narcissist in order to try to fix and repair any damage and attempt to eradicate all their pain. What the empath fails to realise is that the narcissist is a taker. An energy sucker, a vampire so to speak. They will draw the life and soul out of anyone they come into contact with, given the chance. This is so that they can build up their own reserves and, in doing so, they can use the imbalance to their advantage. This dynamic will confuse and debilitate an empath, as if they do not have a full understanding of their own or other people’s capabilities, they will fail to see that not everyone is like them. An empath will always put themselves into other people’s shoes and experience the feelings, thoughts and emotions of others, while forgetting that other people may have an agenda very different to their own and that not everyone is sincere. The narcissist’s agenda is one of manipulation, it is imperative they are in a position whereby they can rise above others and be in control. The empath’s agenda is to love, heal and care. There is no balance and it is extremely unlikely there ever will be one. The more love and care an empath offers, the more powerful and in control a narcissist will become. The more powerful the narcissist becomes, the more likely the empath will retreat into a victim status. Then, there is a very big change—the empath will take on narcissistic traits as they too become wounded and are constantly triggered by the damage being in the company with a narcissist creates. Before long, an extremely vicious circle has begun to swirl. When a narcissist sees that an empath is wounded they will play on this and the main intention will be to keep the empath down. The lower down an empath becomes, the higher a narcissist will feel. An empath will begin to frantically seek love, validation, confirmation and acceptance from a narcissist and each cry for help as such will affirm to the narcissist what they are desperate to feel inside—worthy. A bitter battle can ensue. As an empath focuses solely on their pain, trauma and the destruction of their lives, they become self-obsessed and fail to see where the damage is coming from. Instead of looking outwards and seeing what is causing it, the empath will turn everything inward and blame themselves. An empath at this stage must realise the situation they are in and wake up to it, as anyone who is deeply in pain and has been hurt can then become a narcissist themselves as they turn their focus onto their own pain and look for others to make them feel okay again. Any attempt to communicate authentically with the narcissist will be futile as they will certainly not be looking to soothe and heal anyone else. Not only this, they are extremely charismatic and manipulative and have a powerful way of turning everything away from themselves and onto others. A narcissist will blame their own pain on an empath, plus they will also make sure the empath feels responsible for the pain they too are suffering. An empath will know that they are in a destructive relationship by this stage and will feel so insecure, unloved and unworthy and it can be easy to blame all of their destruction onto the narcissist. However, an empath should not be looking to blame anyone else. An empath has a choice, to remain the victim, a pawn in the narcissists game or to garner all strength they can muster and find a way out. Emotionally exhausted, lost, depleted and debilitated an empath will struggle to understand what has happened to the once loving, attentive and charismatic person they were attracted to. However we allow ourselves to be treated is a result of our own choices. If an empath chooses to stay in a relationship with a narcissist and refuses to take responsibility for the dynamic, they are choosing at some level what they believe they are worth on the inside. An empath cannot let their self-worth be determined by a narcissist. It is imperative they trust and believe in themselves enough to recognise that they are not deserving of the words and actions the narcissist delivers and to look for an escape. In an empath’s eyes, all they searched and looked for was someone to take care of and love and to ultimately fix.” That is where the trouble began and that is the most profound part of this that an empath must realise. We are not here to fix anyone. We cannot fix anyone. Everyone is responsible for and capable of fixing themselves, but only if they so choose to. The more an empath can learn about the personality of a narcissist the sooner they will spot one and the less chance they have of developing a relationship with one. If a relationship is already underway, it is never to late to seek help, seek understanding and knowledge and to dig deep into one’s soul and recognise our own strengths and capabilities and do everything we can to build the courage and confidence to see it for what it is and walk away—for good. The chance of a narcissist changing is highly unlikely, so we shouldn’t stick around waiting for it to happen. If a narcissist wants to change, then great, but it should never happen at the expense of anyone else. They are not consciously aware of their behaviour and the damage it causes and in their game they will sacrifice anyone and anything for their own gain—regardless of what pretty lies and sweet nothings they try to whisper. An empath is authentic and is desperate to live true to their soul’s purpose and will very likely find the whole relationship a huge lesson, a dodged bullet and painfully awakening. A narcissist will struggle to have any connection to their authentic self and will likely walk away from the relationship very easily once they realise they have lost their ability to control the empath. The game is no longer pleasurable if they are not having their ego constantly stroked, so they will seek out their next victim. The ability for these two types to bond is quite simply impossible. The narcissist’s heart is closed, an empath’s is open—it is nothing short of a recipe for a huge disaster, and not a beautiful one. Article I was given, thank you!  - Nicky-poisonivy

When you send an actor a tweet how much you want to fuck him, that is not “admiration”, “passion” or “just being a fan”.  

That is sexual harrasment. 

Behind those twitter accounts are actual people. How would you like it if dozens of complete strangers started messaging you about how much they wanted to sleep with you?

This is not okay, and it needs to stop. 

Actors won’t appreciate it. It will most likely scare the shit out of them and make them feel unvalued. They’re people with thoughts and emotions and lifes. Treat them like that please. 

Be respectful to the actors of your favourite show you claim to love so much. Send them tweets how much you like their performance in the latest episode. Or send them messages telling them you hope they have a great day. 

One of the worst parts of my family not giving a shit about my passions is that it means I can’t write for them. My sister and make us all jewelry, my mom can give us prints of her photography, my other sister can take us shopping for the absolute best outfit for us, and my brother is thrilled to go fishing or swimming or whatever.

But I can’t write for them. I’d love to be able to give them stories that I’ve written, specifically tailored to them and their interests, or what’s going on, but I can’t. Because they don’t care. If I hand them a print out, it gets glanced over and discarded. if I email them, they never read it, and it’s so heartbreaking to me that the way my passions flow are so unvalued by my family that I can’t give them gifts unless I have money to spend.