You’re the positive, the optimist, the day time. I’m the negative, the pessimist, the night time. I have good days and bad days but lately they’ve just been bad. I lash out on whoever is closest to me and only if I know they can handle it. That’s not really an excuse though. I promise to get used to you and your mannerisms if you promise to deal with mine. I’ll work at getting “better” if you give me some time.
pairing | osh x reader summary | nothing happened the way you planned it to. count | 3.8k rating | M
“All I’m saying is what is the difference between a jellyfish and an octopus?” he continued to rant. “I mean, they’re both kinda squishy and live in the sea right? They have no fins, so I know they aren’t fish. They both have round tops..” his tirade ran on.
You were clutching your stomach laughing at his rhetoric. Many times today he went on some absurd rant about a completely asinine subject. But he made you laugh. He really made you laugh. And for the first time in weeks, you felt a lightness, as if a great weight had been lifted off your chest.
You made your way out of the elevator of your building, approaching your door. The keys jingled in your hand as you turned the lock, opening the door. Your apartment was quite well lit even when there are no lights on due to the large windows surrounding the room on all sides. You walked in and Sehun followed. Closing the door behind you, you removed your coat and hung it on the hook on the wall, kicking off your shoes by the door.
Everything was still exactly where you left it this morning - the coffee cups on the counter, the plate that held your bagel, only stale crumbs on it now, and the pitcher with the bouquet of peonies next to the sink.
“Anyways..” he concluded his thoughts. He looked at you warmly as your laughter faded, but a smile remained on your face. “Today was nice right?”
You smiled again, looking down at your feet, your hands behind your back, leaning into the door. “It was nice,” you admitted softly.
You looked up and saw him smiling brightly, his eyes shimmering in the moonlit room. “Then I think we should talk about this,” he continued.
Your smile faded quickly.
“Talk about what?” you responded carefully.
“This! Us!” he declared. “I think this is going well!”
You scoffed at his response.
How can he be so cavalier about this? One day and he was already confident that it’s “going well?” This was exactly what you wanted to avoid. The talking. The feelings. His feelings didn’t matter. It was your feelings you were terrified of. And talking meant you would have to put into words how you felt, what you thought. And he would hear those words and you would never be able to take them back.
“I had a really nice time today,” he continued. “I want to keep doing this. Don’t you?”
“No,” you replied solemnly, looking down again.
“Why not?” he asked, his voice calm and steady.
“I don’t know, dude,” you kept looking down, an obvious agitation building in your voice, avoiding having to look at him. You were afraid if you looked at him, if you looked into his eyes, all genuine and soft, you would change your mind.
“So you don’t want to talk about this,” he said voice remaining steady and gentle.
“I don’t want to talk,” you responded quickly, lifting your head up and leaning back against the door, looking directly at him, allowing him to see the decisiveness to end this conversation in your eyes.
He let out a soft laugh, putting his hands in his pockets, not breaking your gaze. “Then what do you want,” he said, his voice dropping to a much lower register.
You looked at him carefully. Standing in the middle of your foyer. His nonchalant stance. His expensive clothes. His arrogant grin that you wanted to smack off his face. And then your eyes rested on his skin, it looked so soft in the ethereal evening light. You glanced at the little scar on the side of his face. A tiny, delicate indentation in his perfectly smooth skin, possibly the only indication that he’s human. You wanted to reach out and touch it. To feel the its little dip under your fingertips.
He moved closer to you. Close enough, you could smell his cologne being carried by the air that was growing thin around you. Close enough you could feel the warmth radiating from his body.
“What do you want Y/N?” he asked again, his voice commanding.
You grabbed his hand from his pocket and turned without saying a word, leading him up the steps to your bed. When you reached the top step that led to the balcony that held your bed, you swung his arm forward, placing both your hands on his chest, pushing him against the wall.
You slid his expensive cashmere scarf from his neck, then pulled his heavy jacket from his body, dropping them on the concrete floor without care. You wanted to be detached. You wanted to feel numb. You wanted to stop thinking.
You leaned up against his body, nibbling at his neck, with one hand you tugged at the material of the shirt that was tucked neatly into his pants, the other hand grazing his bare skin around his belt loop, under the elastic band of his briefs.
You heard him let out a soft laugh. It was a laugh you’ve come to hate. A laugh that you learned from experience meant he was about to take total control of the situation. Of you. And there was nothing you could do about it.
“So this is what you want,” he said in a deep, raspy voice in your ear. He glided his hands down around your hips, squeezing your skin, pulling you in. You gasped against the skin of his neck, feeling that your wetness was already seeping through the thin black lace of your underwear, the rough denim material of your jeans clad tightly against your skin heightening your arousal.
Looping his fingers through the belt hoops of your jeans resting high on your hips, he pushed you away gently. He walked over and sat on the edge of your bed, leaving you standing a few feet away from him, your skin burning under the fabric of your clothes where his hands were just seconds ago.
“Take off your shirt,” he said in his low, commanding voice. You did as he asked, reaching down to the hem of your white t-shirt, lifting it up over your head, dropping it on the floor next to you, exposing your breasts, your hardened nipples visible through the sheer black lace of your bralette. That sinful grin returning to his face as he watched you.
“Now take off your jeans.” You did as he asked again, unbuttoning and unzipping your jeans slowly. Wiggling through the denim that framed tightly around your hips. Sliding them off your legs, stepping out from them once they reached the floor. You watched as he took a deep breath.
You moved closer slowly, and he reached out with both hands and grasped onto your waist and pulled you in, holding you between his legs. His hands were warm and soft on your skin, and you could feel goosebumps rising on your arms from the sensation of his touch and the cold air in the room.
With one hand, you felt him caress the arch of your back, gliding up and down your spine, sending shivers through your core. With the other, he unclasped your bra, sliding it down your arms, his lips brushing past your ribcage, your stomach, before landing and biting into your hips, his fingers clenching down roughly into your skin. You ran your hands through his hair, tugging at it gently, signaling to him to keep going.
He slid your underwear from your hips and they dropped to the floor. Pulling on the back of your thighs, he made you straddle him as he sat on the edge of your bed, his mouth reaching up to meet yours with a violent greed, shoving his tongue into your mouth, his teeth clashing against the delicate skin of your lips. You noticed he was even more rough and commanding with you tonight than he had been. You didn’t mind.
You reached down hastily with your hands to unbuckle his belt, but he stopped you, taking your hands and pinning them behind your back. With the other hand he reached up and grabbed your hair, pulling your head back, making you gasp and squeeze your eyes shut in anticipation, your body shivering from his every move. He latched his mouth onto your neck and you could feel his tongue and the mold of his lips against your skin so vividly.
You could feel your core throbbing as he pushed himself against you. You ground your hips into him, wanting more, wanting his clothes out of the way, desperate to feel his bare skin against yours.
Picking you up, he swung you around and dropped you onto the bed. He stood up and pulled off his shirt, then his pants and briefs. You looked at his naked form standing before you, the full hardened length of his cock as he moved to stand the edge of the bed.
You sat up at the edge of the bed, licking your lips and feeling the warm wetness oozing from underneath you. You took him in your hands, and moved to take him in your mouth when you felt his hand reach down and clutch your jaw, preventing you from moving.
“Not yet,” he instructed, grinning wickedly down at you. You pumped him with your hands, feeling the hotness of his skin in your palms, wet from his precum. You felt your core pulsating, trembling with desire, your mouth salivating as you bit your lower lip and you looked up at him with a ravenous need in your eyes.
“You want to taste it don’t you,” he teased, not letting go of your jaw.
“Yes..” you whimpered, “please…I want to taste you so badly..” you begged.
Releasing your jaw from his hand, he touched the tip of cock to your lips. You licked at its head gently, closing your eyes as his taste in your mouth completely engulfed your senses. Opening your mouth, you wrap it around the end of him, licking around the head before making your way down towards your hand as it strokes up and down, making him moan each time you took him deeper into your mouth.
Tasting him, all you could think about was wanting and feeling him inside you. You felt the pleasure radiate from your core through your entire body, feeling the puddle of wetness growing below you. You slid one hand down, touching yourself. Seeing this, you felt his cock harden even more as tilted your head, working him in and out of your mouth.
He pulled himself from you, and yanked your hand away from yourself, pushing you down onto the bed.
“Who told you you could do that,” he growled as he pushed your legs apart wide. You grinned innocently, licking your lips. “How can you be such a bad girl.” He knelt down between your legs, taking his cock in his hand, rubbing it against your entrance, your wetness flooding down around him, the feeling of him against you stirring every sensory cell in your body, your desperation was agonizing.
Your body buckled with need against him, and he placed one hand down onto your chest, holding you down steady. Your hands reached up, grabbing his forearm, your nails digging into his skin as he continued to tease you, pushing inside you just a little bit further.
“You’re mine,” he growled deeply, moving his hand to your wet, throbbing clit, massaging it, you could feel your wetness dripping onto the bed. Removing his hand, he reached up to your lips, and you took his fingers into your mouth eagerly, tasting yourself.
“Mine,” he repeated, a soft yell being pushed out of your lungs as you feel him finally thrust his full length into you. You moaned, arching your back in pleasure as his thrusts grew harder, deeper, gasping his name, begging him not to stop.
Leaning down, he wrapped one arm around your waist, pulling you up, his cock still inside you, and spun you around to straddle him as he sat down onto the bed.
You yelped as you lowered yourself onto him, feeling him reach deeper than you’ve ever felt him. You began to grind your hips into him, riding his length up and down, feeling the pleasure building inside you, ready to erupt.
“Sehun..” you moaned as he tightened his grip on your hips, wrapping one of his arms tightly around your waist, holding you close, pushing himself so deep inside you. “I’m gonna come..” you whimpered.
He moved his lips onto your neck, sucking and biting at the skin, as your gasps becoming more and more ragged. “Come for me,” he growled into your skin, “I want to feel you come all over me.”
Your moans turned into soft screams and you felt your entire body go numb, all sensation concentrated like fire in your core. You feel yourself tighten around him, quaking and you melted into him. This sent him over the edge and you felt him erupt within you, his arms still wound so tightly around your waist, holding your body in place, trembling from your orgasm.
You felt your body steady, your head falling limply onto his shoulder. Picking you up gently, he laid you down on the bed, placing your head onto a pillow.
You were completely spent, unable to move, unable to think. The only thing you could consciously feel was your breath starting to become even. Your eyelids were heavy with exhaustion, your body felt drained of all its energy, as though you were falling into an endless abyss.
Sehun laid down beside you, and gently caressed your cheek with one hand. You turned and looked at him through half-shut eyes. You saw him smile lightly, his eyes focused on your dewy, glowing skin, your flushed cheeks.
“Would you like me to leave?” you heard him ask, his voice soft but hoarse. You opened your eyes wider, looking at him, confused for a moment. His expression had turned serious, but he moved closer to you, giving you a soft kiss on the corner of your mouth.
“Do you want me to leave,” he repeated gently, and you realized as he looked deep into your eyes that he knew why you never stayed overnight with him. Why you continued to refuse any emotional connection with him. Why you had that wall up and yet he saw right through it.
You closed your eyes and breathed in deeply. Lazily, you scooted next to him, pulling one of his arms around your waist, resting your head in the crook of his neck. You pecked at his skin gently, feeling him pull you in closer, kissing your forehead.
“Will you stay?” you asked, your voice a whisper. You felt him smile against your skin.
“Yes,” he whispered back. “I’ll stay.”
You blinked a few times, squeezing your eyes open and shut. You sat up in your bed, reaching your hands up to rub your eyes with your palms. You turned and looked outside. It was just past dawn, the sun rising in the distance, but only visible as a dull, orange gradient on the skyline against a cloudy December sky.
The air in your apartment was cold, but the bed felt very warm. You felt something shift by you, making you jump a little. You turned around, seeing him, still asleep beside you.
You froze, for a moment wondering why he was here, how he got here, how long he’d been here. And then you remembered.
“Will you stay?” You remembered the words coming from your own mouth.You sighed, looking down at him.
He looked so serene, sleeping. You observed his face. A part of you wished to trace the lines of his face, of his body with your fingertips and memorize every edge and curve, because he was the most beautiful creature you’d ever seen. The other part of you told you to run, to get out as quickly as possible, to slip out and leave without a trace.
You felt your chest ache as these two conflicting thoughts battled in your heart, in your mind.
Lay back down with him, kiss him, wish him good morning.
Get up. Put on your clothes, and leave this house. Don’t come back until you’re sure he’s gone.
Shaking your head lightly, trying to free yourself of these thoughts, you stood up, and pulled the covers over his bare chest.
You walked down the steps to your bathroom, standing naked, observing your reflection. The sprinkling of pink and purple bruises along your neck and chest, some small and gentle, others extensive and violent. You stepped into the shower, letting ice cold water wash over you. You caught your breath at its biting contact, glad for its frigid coldness making you forget your thoughts for a moment.
You threw on a pair of sweatpants and a sweater, and walked out into the kitchen, and began cleaning up the mess from the day before. Placing the kitchenware into the sink, throwing out the empty coffee cups, the paper bag and the leftover bagels still inside it.
You hit the ‘on’ button of your coffee maker, letting it warm up as you started on the dishes, brushing the plates with a sponge and soap mindlessly when you noticed the bouquet of peonies in the pitcher next to the sink.
Its flowers were starting to wilt, the flowers themselves hunched over on their stems. They looked tired, exhausted from holding their heads up, from being beautiful, like they only wished to rest. A few dried petals scattered around the base of the pitcher, as though the flowers willingly discarded their petals, freeing themselves of the weight of their fleeting beauty.
Setting the last plate into the dish rack, you reached into the pitcher and with both hands picked up the entire bouquet. You held them up in front of your face for a moment, observing the withering edges of the flowers before tossing them into the trash can in one fell swoop.
Suddenly, you felt a pair of arms wrap around your waist from behind. You were surprised for a moment, standing completely still, suddenly hyper aware of where your body ended and his began.
“I can get you new ones,” you heard his voice say. It was low and gravelly, idling from a deep sleep.
You didn’t respond. You felt your hands clench into tiny fists, digging your fingernails into your palms, desperate for some physical awareness to distract you from your thoughts running at a hundred miles an hour.
You took a sharp breath in when you felt his lips against the curve where your neck led into your shoulder. Your eyes grew dim, feeling him peppering kisses along your shoulder, squeezing you tighter in his arms. You remained completely still, body unresponsive, and he noticed.
Unwrapping his arms from your waist, he turned you to face him, lifting your face up so he could see your eyes.
You wondered what kind of expression was on your face. Could he tell that you were angry? That your mind was occupied by your emotions: confusion, frustration, indecisiveness, heartache, infatuation, all fighting to be the one to drive your next move.
His brows furrowed, focusing on your eyes, watching you intently, hands still gripping your waist. His touch made you frozen, petrified in your current position.
You noticed the corners of his lips curl up into a soft smile, his eyes gentle and genuine. “Are you hungry? I can make you something to eat,” you heard his voice ask. You heard him, but you didn’t comprehend a single word.
You felt a kind of indiscriminate anger building inside you, boiling in the pit of your stomach. Your chest felt like it was on fire. A deafening ringing growing louder and louder in your ears.
“I have to go,” you suddenly heard yourself say. You wanted to run.
You tried to free yourself from his grasp, but he refused to let you go. You felt his hands tighten around your waist.
You reached your hands around his wrists, attempting to push his hands from you, pulling your chest away from him, turning your head away. “Sehun, let me go,” you said firmly.
“I need to go, let go of me,” you heard your voice grow a decible louder but cracked at the end of that sentence as a new wave of emotion crashed into you. You felt your eyes grow hot, vision blurring as you felt little drops of liquid form under your eyes.
“Y/N…” he tried to pull you in closer, saying your name in the softest voice possible, trying to reach his lips down to yours.
You breathed in deeply, fighting back your tears. You felt his hands close around your cheeks, forcing you to look him in his eyes.
“Why won’t you let me have you,” he asked gently. You felt a single tear stream down your cheek from the corner of your eye.
You reached your hands up to his arms, grasping onto them, trying to pull them away. “You do have me,” you said. “You have had me.”
“You mean this?” you heard for the first time true anger in his voice. He grabbed your arms roughly, squeezing. “This body, this shell?” his voice grew louder.
“Yes,” you heard your voice crack, tears now streaming down your face. “Why can’t you be happy with just this..”
He dropped his face down, bent over, defeated, hands dropping down to your wrists, squeezing them. “I could break you with my bare hands,” he gripped your wrists even tighter, you winced slightly at the pain. “I could bend and break you in any way I want, and you’d let me. But whatever I do with this cage, I can’t get to you,” he looked back up at you, his eyes glassy. “It’s your soul I want,” you watched a tear fall down his cheek. “Why won’t you give yourself willingly.”
You looked up at the ceiling, unable to take looking at his expression. Tears flew down from your eyes. You grabbed his hands roughly, throwing them off of you in a sharp jerk, and turned away from him. You turned the knob of your front door, walking out, leaving him in your home.
John Frusciante Niandra LaDes and Usually Just a T-Shirt 1994
Niandra LaDes: 1. As Can Be - 00:00 2. My Smile Is A Rifle - 02:57 3. Head (Beach Arab) - 06:46 4. Big Takeover - 08:51 5. Curtains - 12:09 6. Running Away Into You - 14:40 7. Mascara - 16:53 8. Been Insane - 20:33 9. Skin Blues - 22:15 10. Your Pussy’s Glued To A Building On Fire - 24:01 11. Blood On My Neck From Success - 27:18 12. Ten To Butter Blood Voodoo - 30:27
You are the light of my day
the dimple that shows on my face
You are the harmonic strumming on an autumn night
the radiance on the horizon during sunrise
I give you all that I have
loving with all of me is all that I know
I send my heart to you wrapped with unconditional love
attached to cupids arrow
Fell in love with you almost two years ago
you’ve owned my heart ever since
never felt this way before
so I plead to you be gentle
for I am fragile since in love I have no experience
I hope you love me
I hope you love me
it’s rare no one has loved me
so I hope you love me
You entered briskly in my life
changing all that I ever knew
constellations written in your name
I saw the signs that I was falling for you
You warmed me up when I was cold
gave me the love remedy when I was sick
You switch to the mediator of my life
when I feel it’s getting too hard for me here
You wrote how much you love me
can’t fantasize losing or letting me go
I have a permanent spot in your life
and I’m stuck in that slot
I pray you never change your mind
because I’m here to the end
I give you full ownership of my heart
just tuck it away and always be with me here
I know you love me
I know you love me
it’s rare I know you love me
I know you love me