[pt. 3]

hi everyone!  it’s fawn (youngjai/choiyoungjae) and i’m back with my second follow forever ♡ i wanted to wait until i reached my next goal, but i was too excited to wait haha.  so here you go!  fair warning:  i have a lot of mutuals/follow a lot of people so i’m very very sorry if this messes up your notifications!!  it is not my intention at all.  also, i am so so so sorry if i missed anyone!  I split this into two posts so (hopefully) your notifs won’t be flooded!!

♡ key:

💐 = i love love love you and your blog you are one of my favorite people!!

💫 = i love following you and seeing you on my dash!! your posts make me happy and i’m so happy to know you!

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10 Is the Magic Number: The Top 10 Things I Want to Tell You Before You Enter the Bowl

I entered the bowl and quit. Then I entered and quit again. I’ve entered the bowl for the third time and I’m not leaving until I’ve accomplished my goalsI’ve had some successes. I’ve had a lot of failures. I’ve learned a ton about myself. And since you asked, I’d like to share some of the things I wish I had known and really want you to know before entering the bowl.

10. Laziness is not your friend. I was lazy and lacked perseverance. I believed that the bare minimum of effort would yield high results. I thought there was a man willing to give me everything I wanted while I amused myself by not giving him anything he wanted. I completely ignored the mutually in “mutually beneficial arrangement”

9. Don’t be a selective reader. Part of the reason why I thought my laziness was okay was because I was a selective reader and peruser of the SB tag. I read all of the success stories and liked the glam photos but ignored the few sugar babies that said this was really hard work  

8. Read the books. I didn’t read any of the suggested books. There are several reading lists floating around. It wasn’t until I’d quit the bowl for the second time that I took a moment to read any of the books on  them. The Art of Seduction by Robert Greene, How to Talk to Anyone by Leil Lowndes, and Simply Irresistible by Ellen T White are my personal favorites and I practically have them memorized I’ve read them so many times.

7. Don’t be conceited- especially if you don’t have a reason. I didn’t. I thought that I deserved a $10k allowance (well at least $5k) because I’d read a few posts about knowing your worth. But knowing your worth has nothing to do with the dollar amount you receive. And I didn’t know a damn thing. My experiences in the bowl got easier once I admitted I was clueless.

6. Money does not make a person better than you. I thought that because these men had money they were better than me. It made me accommodating. Once I remembered that money was common and was not an indication of character or intelligence, I remembered something else: this was sugar dating and dating wasn’t new to me. On a date, you’re simply a man and a woman. Being a woman having dinner with an interested man was much easier.

5. An SD can come from anywhere. There is a general consensus that most, if not all, of the sugar sites are trash and the men on them are salty but I still believed that was the only place to find an SD. Tinder proved me wrong. Twice.

4. Be clear on why you joined the bowl. I wasn’t clear on what I wanted to accomplish as a sugar baby. I had the pictures of pretty things planted in my mind but they didn’t sit right with me. They weren’t enough. Once I decided I wanted a business of my own, things began to fall into place.

3. You won’t win them all. I thought I could/had to convince every man to be my SD. I drove myself a little crazy trying to figure out ways to make myself universally pleasing.   That is impossible. For a brown sugar baby, the truth is you won’t please most men. So we have to change our mindsets. We aren’t going to please every man but we will please the right men. We will attract the right men. And that’s who we should focus on.

2. You can’t do this alone. I tried to do this without a support system of sugar babies. Ho friends are great but they still don’t get it the way a fellow sugar baby does. I know that having sugar babies reach out to me when I first started meant the world. Know that when I want to quit writing, reading your messages and anons have made me sit down and write. And knowing that @lustington and @brownstatuesquesugarbaby are just a message away? It’s one of the only reasons why we aren’t discussing my quitting the bowl for the third time. Please don’t do this alone. I’m not the best at messaging as poor @lustington is learning (thanks for being patient with me!) but I’ll be here to talk. No one understands the way we do. My family is supportive but still… Build your support system. You WILL need them.

1. Be yourself. I thought I had to be the sugar baby that Tumblr said I had to be. I thought I had to follow all of the rules Tumblr sugar babies told me to follow. But they weren’t me and I wasn’t good at not being myself. Once I became more selective about the advice I took and determined to be myself the only thing that changed was everything. Your safety is paramount. That advice should be followed. But don’t feel that you have to change your personality because of what you read on the internet. Trust yourself and your intuition.

*Bonus*You’ll never feel 100% ready. And you won’t be. You won’t learn until you do. Take as many safety precautions as you can. Get your life in as much order as you can and dive in.

*Bonus* Don’t ever be afraid to let a man go. If they’re leaving it’s to make room for something or someone else. If keeping them will compromise you or your happiness, let them go. It’s raining wealthy men. You just need to know where to find them.

What did I miss? Is there something you wish you had known when you entered the bowl?

  • coxswain: in 2, weigh enough
  • student athlete: enough?✋🏻😈 ill never have enough until i reach my goals 😤✋🏻😈 I'm chasing dreams☁️ out here ✊🏻✨they said we couldn't do it but we did it anyway 😤✋🏻😈 some watch while others do 👌🏻💯 i stay hungry 🍴😈
Day 63/100

The dreaded weigh in was met with some VERY happy results.

My heaviest was 250.
My starting weight was 234.
Last week’s weight was 226.
And after a week of ups and downs and kicking butt, this weeks weight is…


I never thought I would be happy posting my actual weight for people to see, but this is a huge accomplishment.

Only 20 more pounds to go until I reach my first goal!


ferling no. 45 and 46 are performance ready now, which leaves only the last two etudes until my goal of finishing this book this semester is met. it’s quite a huge accomplishment tbh, i’ve grown so much from this book and it’s FULL of my practice notes, and ofc i’m not completely done with it. i still have the 12 Marcel Mule etudes to learn plus i still plan to constantly come back to this book. idk, i just feel quite accomplished today

next up is Bozza’s etude caprice book! how exciting, love lots of really fast notes (idek if i’m bring sarcastic)

Let's play a game

Each reblog this post gets equals a stranger I have to fuck, each like equals a word (cunt, slut, bitch, pig, cumdump, rapemeat) I have to write on my body. I am not allowed to cum until I have reached my goal! Reblog to torture me 😉😫💋

A Spell to Expedite a Process

To speed things up when a situation seems to be stalled.


  • 1 yellow candle to offer to wind spirits to help. The element of wind is of speed, messengers and couriers. 
  • Ginger to speed things up
  • Oregano for an extra “punch” in the spell
  • Paprika for extra energy and expediency 
  • Gold glitter for goal achievement
  • 1 jar
  • Moon water to bring influence from the moon’s phase (if you use the moon in magick)
  • Orange quartz to help the pursuit of what you want/need

If you follow moon phases, this should be done either during a waning moon to banish obstacles in your way, or a full moon for completion.

A rune you may want to incorporate into this spell would be Raidho to bring attunement and cosmic harmonies to your spell to better align energies surrounding you.

1. Use a mortar and pestle, blender, anything you like to bring your herbs together into a paste, If they’re powder, just mix them up.

2. Carve Raidho or any sigil you would like to use into the yellow candle and say, “I ask the element and spirits of air to help carry my intentions of expediency to this (problem - explain in detail). Please bring harmony to the intentions of the universe and mine, so that my goal will be supported.”

4. Put your herb mixture into the jar, followed by the moon water and then the glitter. As you combine them, say: “Moving swiftly this process will be, until my goal is achieved.” Note: the mixture might be kinda ugly and not very ~aesthetic~ when I tried it, it didn’t look that great but it works

5. Close the jar, place the candle on top and light it. let the wax drip down, sealing the jar. While the wax is still soft, press the orange quartz into it.

Whenever you feel the need for this, say the words in this spell, calling on air and then confirming your intentions. Then give the jar a good shake!

When you feel the need to dispose of the jar, break the wax seal and pour mixture down the drain (not into the earth cause of the plastic in the glitter) and say, “The physical remains are gone, but the spiritual effect is still strong”

I wrote this spell

Suga’ Suga’ Storytime #3: Sugar vs. Splenda vs. Salt Daddies

Let’s all get on the same page before this story:

Sugar daddy (SD) - willing to spoil you with an allowance, gifts, and etc., - AKA what everyone wants.

Splenda daddy - a man who wishes he was an SD; usually does not have the disposable income to provide for a sugar baby in ways she would love. Good for gifts and occasional money, if you play your cards right. This man is a stepping stone to a real SD.

Salt daddy - YUCK. a man who is not willing to spoil you in any way, BUT will lead you to believe he will, to sleep with you. AVOID AT ALL COSTS.

I can’t believe it’s only Thursday because I have encountered the three types of daddies.

Good ole’ Tinder brings nearly every type of man possible; this past Sunday it brought me a little Splenda. I’ll call him the Professor. We matched and he immediately wanted to meet for dinner. The Doctor (SD) had an early morning meeting Monday and couldn’t meet that night, so my schedule was empty. I said why not.

Black man, mid-40′s, and a professor at a local liberal arts college. The dinner went well, he was a professor and very good with his words. Literally, he should be a salesman. Too bad and such a shame, men can never handle my eloquence and intelligence. I am a maneater, that they only realize this, after I’ve eaten them. Yay!

The Professor lamented that he was sad he met me this way at the end of the date because I was a real candidate for a suitable wife. I believe his assertions were correct. Being a wife was my goal until I started sugaring. Haha. However, he agreed to my ideal allowance and paid cash upfront. I was delighted, until two days later when he informed me, that he probably could only do an allowance, I was asking for, every other month. I digress, men are pieces of work. Splenda, splenda, splenda….

Tuesday night, I met with my favorite SD, the Doctor. He agreed to go from Pay per meet (PPM) to an allowance this past week. After I detailed how I hated the transactional nature of a PPM and it’s been 2 months. Give a girl some lee-way. I always have a great time with him and he has no problem spending hundreds on whatever I want, in addition to an allowance. He’s taking trips to New Zealand and Australia next year. (said he’d love for me to come along) But, in the present day, he’s looking into taking me to a Panthers game and to his alma mater’s Black alumni weekend. :) sugar sugar!! (we met on SA, for background)

Salt. Yuck. Gross. Only good for seasoning. I met the Uber Driver on Tinder. Now, I was hesitant to even consider him for a potential SD (POT) until he said he wanted to go to an expensive steakhouse. I was curious and he agreed to pay for my gas, so no harm to check it out. My goodness, he was obnoxious and proceeded to drink 5 glasses of wine. He was entertaining, but he insisted he didnt have to pay for sex. *eye roll*… most men who want SB’s do it for a variety of reasons; sex is usually at the end of the list. Thank god, the steakhouse was 5 mins from my apt because this asshole said I should be happy he spent $250 on dinner and that he shouldn’t pay for my gas. SALT!!!!!!! I stated upfront I was a sugar baby (SB)… men MY OWN FUCKING AGE will pay for a $200 dinner. I wasnt even annoyed since the food was delicious. Haha.

Shoot me questions and DM’s. I’m not your fairy Godmother, but I will provide a bit of commentary.

yours truly,



My rest week is over, and now that the convention I planned for the year is done, it’s time to change my fitness plans for the next couple months. So, I’m going to be starting a lean-bulk for the next few months and really trying for my weightlifting goals again.

I’ve re-downloaded MFP and I’ll be eating 150 calories over maintenance (I’ll be monitoring if this will need to be raised), while keeping up with my protein needs since I know I have been lacking in that area lately and it’s really held me back.

I think my legs took a huge hit during this recent cut, and I’ll be focusing a lot on my quads in the next few months. I’m also hoping to bring my biceps/triceps up more. I’ve invested in a weight belt for pull-ups/chin-ups so that I can progress my biceps and my back more over this lean-bulk. Luckily I noticed that my back imbalance has gotten better during my cut!

Once again my weightlifting goals will be:

One plate bench (135 lbs). Current PR 120 lbs.

200 lb squat. Current PR 185 lbs.

2 plate deadlift. (225 lbs) Current PR 205 lbs.

I’m starting my bulk at 113 lbs at 5′3, the lowest I’ve been in years. I want to bulk until I hit my goals, or around a 120 lb bodyweight.

For now I’ll be keeping my same weightlifting schedule of 2 leg days, one chest, one back, and one shoulder day. Instead of at least one arm exercise everyday, I might make leg day a leg+arm day instead.

Words can’t express how accomplished I feel, how amazing I feel. How happy I am. I am working so hard for my goal this time, trying everything new. Trying so many new things. I’m committed and I’m seeing serious results inside and out. Thanks for all the support guys. 27.6 pounds to go until I’m at my graduation goal weight. Idealy, I’d love to be lower than that too.

Hullo! I’m trying to raise some money to get some dental stuff done! Please contact me via email or thru public askbox if you have any questions! I’ll have two slots open at a time! Unlimited until I reach my goal! >:^)