unruly thoughts

What Dreams May Come

Better late than never I guess!  Jon is haunted nightly by dreams of Daenerys only to find she’s dreamed of him too.

He knew it was wrong, but he couldn’t make himself stop.  As he lay in the warm, comfortable featherbed – as her guest – Jon Snow, the King in the North, found himself thinking of the ethereal beauty of his host.  He sat up and pounded his pillows, falling back with a grunt.  He tossed and turned for over an hour, finally giving in to the image of her in his mind: pale skin glowing gold in the firelight, lips pink and swollen from his kiss, silver hair fanned out around her, violet eyes like smoldering embers as they gazed up at him from where she lay.   He was hard as a rock in an instant.

Alone in his chambers that night, as nearly every night since he’d come to Dragonstone, he’d been in a brooding, black mood.  He had met the dragon queen nearly a fortnight ago; she’d not come to greet him on the beach when he and Ser Davos landed.  She had called him ‘Lord,’ not ‘Your Grace.’  She had demanded he ‘bend the knee’ and swear fealty to her.  She was arrogant, impudent, demanding, and unearthly fair.  In the throne room, she had descended from the dais and come down to face him.  She was entirely not what he expected – young, close to his own age, and so ungodly beautiful.

Keep reading

Deconstructing STPD: Odd Thinking/Speech

((This is a multi-part series called Deconstructing STPD: symtpoms and the other posts will be linked as I go along!))

Ideas of reference

Odd Beliefs

Unusual Perceptual Experiences

Odd Thinking/Speech (you are here)


Inappropriate/Constricted affect

Odd Behavior/Appearance

Lack of Close Friends + Extreme Social Anxiety


Source: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thought_disorder

Odd thinking/speech is one of the most obvious symptoms to everyone BUT those with STPD. In fact, one might not view their own thought/speech as odd until someone else points it out! 

I included sources in this one because most websites don’t have a very comprehensive list of the TYPES of disorganized thought/speech, so go ahead and read those if you like (most of the information will be repeated here)

Odd speaking/thought can be caused by a lot of different things, but a lot of the times the speaking part is because of odd thought. STPD is technically a very mild psychotic disorder, and psychotic itself means “thought disorder”! So it makes sense that thought is unruly. If you don’t experience odd speech, it just means you’re able to filter out the garbledygook inside your head. It would be pretty rare, though.

Odd speech and thought isn’t necessarily CONSTANT and you may find that you can sometimes hold a conversation without once speaking oddly, or even hold onto a train of thought and let it go without it being “off”! Also, you don’t have to only experience ONE 100% of the time. You can experience multiple even in the same train of thought/conversation! Most of this SHOULD be able to apply to thought as well as speech.

For some reason, only four or five types of disorganized thought/speech are listed on websites (and it’s always the same four) so we’ll go through those first.

((I’ll be going over about 20-25 different types of odd speech/thought, so most of it is under a keep reading. Hope you don’t mind.))

Vague: Similar to how it sounds, vague speech is when the speaker doesn’t make their point clear. They answer or communicate in a way that is unclear. example: “Hey, why didn’t you come to the party on Saturday?” “I was… busy.”

Circumstantial: Giving excessive detail when asked a question. Unlike with tangential thinking, the speaker eventually returns to the point. example: “hey, why didn’t you come to the party on Saturday?” “Well, I was almost ready to go–I had my outfit on, my hair was perfect (I even curled it) but my dog just THREW UP. He was fine one moment and then the next he was gagging like no one’s business, well that was the third time this week so my mom said we had to take him to the vet.(you get the idea)

Metaphorical: Again, basically, it’s using excessive metaphor when speaking. For instance. example: “Hey, why didn’t you come to the party on Saturday?” “The grim reaper nearly visited my home that day, nearly took my own dog. We forced him out, however–we managed to keep us safe.”

Over-elaborate: Just as it assumes, using too many fancy words in your speech. example: “hey, why didn’t you come to the party on Saturday?” “My canine companion became ill, my maternal guardian and myself had to transport him to the clinic.”

Stereotyped: Basically, repeating words. A lot. example: “Hey, why didn’t you come to the party on Saturday?” “Party, party, party, I didn’t–I didn’t come to the party, on Saturday, Saturday, Saturday… busy, i was busy, busy, busy busy busy busy busy.” ((this can be present in thought, almost like having a song stuck in your head, but with words or concepts which continuously repeat.))

Okay! Now onto some lesser known ones. 

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

hey! any recent smut you would recommend? thx x


Sure! I haven’t made one of these for a while, so this will probably get long… hope you don’t mind ;)


  • Peep Show by riyku
    Summary: This might be the kinkiest thing Isak’s ever done, the only kinky thing he’s ever done, but he’s committed to it by now, and screw it, he’s gonna give this guy something worth watching. 

  • I call'em as I see'em…But Sometimes I Don’t See So Well by HazyCosmicJive
    Summary: Isak just wants to study, he doesn’t want a new roommate who walks around naked all the time and constantly tests his patience.

  • Take Me As I Am by givemesumaurgravy
    Summary: Or, the one in which Isak is the coach of Even’s daughter’s football team and Even likes Isak’s bum. One day there’s a parent football game and Isak, just maybe, starts hitting on Even and, just maybe, Even gives in.

  • Double Trouble by obscurial
    Summary: Furrowing his eyebrows in utter confusion, Isak narrows his eyes, trying his very best to formulate a single articulate thought. (System failure.) “What the fuck?” he very eloquently blurts out, gesturing wildly to the two Evens sitting in his bed, one in a visible state of undress and the other wearing one of Isak’s old t-shirts. The two of them do not seem to be worried in the slightest, which only serves to fuel Isak’s panic. (An au where Isak wakes up and he finds two Evens lying in his bed.)

  • Shower Me With… Beer? by EvensDramaticShenanigans
    Summary: “Um, what… what are you doing?” Isak finally managed to splutter out, his eyebrows furrowed, nose scrunched up in confusion.Tall Handsome Stranger paused, his hands stilled around the bunched-up fabric by Isak’s armpits, his stomach now on full display. “Taking your shirt off,” the boy responded as if it were the simplest, most casual sentence that ever left his lips, as if those four words spoken in that smooth, low voice didn’t stir up a whole swarm of butterflies in Isak’s stomach and send a rush of blood south. “It’s drenched- which is my fault, really sorry, I definitely wasn’t looking where I was going- but I’m pretty sure if it’s not already completely uncomfortable, it will be soon if you keep wearing it.”

  • ride it, cowboy by highpraises
    Summary: Isak is a talented rider and Even is pretty sure he’s in love.

  • I think you’ll find I’m the master here by evakuality
    Summary: “You’re older than me! I’m the master, and you’re still tired too, so don’t be a fucking dick.” Or… what happens after Even gets his boner at Isak’s birthday party.

  • i tried to be strong but i lost it (i knew it was wrong, i’m beyond it) by highpraises
    Summary: Even has a thing for his intern, Isak has a thing for his boss, they’re both a bit clueless and their friends just want them to get their shit together.

  • Why can’t forever start today? by skambition
    Summary: “Since when are you wearing rings?” Jonas pointed to Isak’s left ring finger. “Um,” Isak looked down at his hand, moving his thumb over the simple white gold ring, and couldn’t help but smile, “I actually have something to tell you guys.” “What, did you get married or something?” Magnus blurted out, bursting into laughter with the rest of the guys.

  • just a little bit out of my limit by theyellowcurtains
    Summary: co-workers!au; Isak is pissed about where he got placed for work experience, that is until he meets his fine ass supervisor.

  • thoughts of unruly curls and plush lips by reasoniwantyoutostay
    Summary: Isak and Even get consumed by thoughts of each other before meeting up for the Halloween pre-game. AKA What happened before 21:21.

  • I’m Always Here by nofeartina
    Summary: “Did you know that Even is working this summer? At that pool at the Plaza?” Jonas says. Isak actually sits up in excitement at this. “Fuck yeah!” Oh, a pool. Actual water they could go swimming in and cool down. And also, Even.

  • Cookies and Cream by GayaIsANerd
    Summary: Isak has a crush on the barista. He’s too scared to do anything about it, but luckily there’s a blizzard coming up.

  • live happily with sugar on by colazitron
    Summary: While Even tries to work up the courage to approach the cute boy on the tram, the cute boy approaches him. Berries are involved.

  • Working Out (with your eyes on me) by afastne
    Summary: Isak is trying to finish his workout, Even is trying to finish a movie. They both fail rather spectacularly.

  • Just what the doctor ordered by skambition
    Summary: “You just lie back and relax, and I’ll be back in an hour to check on you,” Isak promised on his way out, turning back for a second to give Even the loving smile that he had reserved for Even and Even only, who melted a little and smiled back. * One Shot for the “Doctor Patient Confidentiality” Universe.

  • I’ll Be Your Trainer by Victory4
    Summary: Isak starts going to the gym. Even discovers that he loves the fact that Isak goes to the gym.

(Find more in our Smut tag!)


A Pirate’s Life For Me || Kim Taehyung

Genre: Action/ Fluff/ Smut

Pairing: Taehyung x Reader

A/N: oh wow, hi. I’m back and im sorry i lied about this coming out like three days ago. my allergies ended up getting to me and then i had work D: but aye, i’m excited for this! My first BTS fic and yeah. :D so, tell me how you like it so far! If you also have a request, let us know! We’ll be happy to create something for you! <3

~ admin courtneycat =‘-’=

.-~-.~-.-~-.-~-.-~.-~-.-~-.-~-.-~- .-~-.~-.-~-.-~-.-~.-~-.-~-.-~-.-~

Originally posted by sweaterpawsjimin

You weren’t too sure what you were watching. Was this idiot drunk? Did he always act like this? Oh god, was he always drunk? Still pondering in thought, you continued to watch the strange guy as he fought with the seller on the pier. He was caught stealing apples from the cart and was shamelessly trying to flirt his way out of the situation with the male seller. What in the world. Rolling your eyes at the man, you couldn’t help but notice that he was young- quite young- if not, your age at least. He was tall, dressed in a dirty white button up that was two times his size and had the top buttons undone. My heavens, the skin that showed was perfectly tanned. His pants seemed a bit tight on him, but that didn’t change the fact that he was incredibly handsome.

Shaking your head at the unruly thoughts that entered your brain, you hiked up your dress, and climbed up the stairs to assess the situation. Sauntering closer to the commotion, the strange man had a bandanna wrapped around his forehead and another one tied in a belt loop. His cat like eyes were sharp, yet very youthful. He was smirking, his lips were full and pink. He was very strange indeed. Where did he even come from? You were positive you haven’t seen him before. And trust me, you knew everyone in this small kingdom. You were close enough now to stop the bickering between the seller and strange man.

“Excuse me? Yeah, you,” you raised an eyebrow at him and he could only do the same back at you, “What’s going on here?”

The mystery man took a bite from the apple before answering you. The crisp crunch of the apple alarmed the poor seller and he went to protest but you held your hand out to him to stop him from speaking. He dared not try to fight you knowing you had the upper hand in this situation. Looking back at the strange man, you caught a glimpse of mischief glittering in his eyes along with something else you couldn’t quite figure out. Who was he? Most men here were either royals or beggars.

“Well, m’lady, that’s quite the question there. You see, I was only trying to- “you cut him off, already knowing he was trying to stall the problem.

“To what? To steal? Is that what you were trying to do?” The strange man’s mouth bobbed up and down and his eyes widen. Your lip curled up a little at the sight of him. As ridiculous as his facial expression was, he was still beautiful god damnit. His skin glowed as the sun light bounced off his honey tone. He took in a deep breath and answered you.

“Look, ma’am, I’ll pay him back tonight, I’m only passing through for the night and needed something quick. I promise you,” he grabbed your hand softly and kissed your knuckles. Letting out a soft gasp, you couldn’t deny the softness of his lips or the tingling sensation that ran up your arm and throughout your body. His dark eyes were still trained on yours and you felt almost paralyzed. A warm blush spread across your cheeks at the contact. Not one man has ever made you feel like that ever.

“What is your name?” you asked him. He stood up straight, still holding your hand.

With a slight tilt of his head, his left eyebrow quirked upward.

“Kim. Kim Taehyung,” and with a wink, he dashed off. Spinning around to catch him before he’s too far gone, you only get a glimpse of his back and then he’s gone. Huffing a breath out, you turn back to the seller and hand him a pouch of coins.

“For the apple and the trouble, sir. Notify me if you ever see that strange man again, please,” you ask of him and he nods quickly, bowing at you as well. You nod your head in thank you, and begin your walk back to the castle.

Well, he did have a nice behind.

Wrong Number Series Part 18

YAYAYAYAY I’M FINALLY POSTING THE SNEAK PEAK YAYAYAY!!!!! Okay so, as this is a sneak peak into the next chapter, it is rather short!!!! Still, I worked very hard on it so I hope you all enjoy it!!! ^^^^ 

For text reference, I mention parts 14, 15, and 16! This is a continuation of Story 2! And If you haven’t read any WNS text then here’s the Start! Okay, happy reading everyone!!! :DDDD - Eomma^^

Keep reading

Drabble; Please Don’t Tell.

So, I wrote a drabble while listening to the Hedwig and The Angry Inch soundtrack. It’s not smut (i know right? who am i?) it’s just something I could picture in my head. Putting it below the cut because nobody has to read it if they don’t want to. 

Contains; Comforting Otabek, Angry Yuri and Yuri’s secret for all things made of silk. Fluff? Maybe a little self angst from Yuri. Hope you enjoy. Don’t like, don’t read. 

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

"_ colored on the walls today" Hamliza and Angelica was the one who drew in the walls maybe? :0

Having two young children was a pain for the Hamiltons. Days consisted of rowdy children running around the house while Eliza tried desperately to clean up their mess and nights held temper tantrums. Which was worse, Alexander nor Eliza knew, but what they did know was that they were always beyond exhausted. 

It was one of those nights where both Philip and Angelica miraculously went to sleep early, allowing Alexander and Eliza some time for themselves. In celebration of their brief moment of freedom, the two popped open a bottle of wine and decided to have a glass. 

The two were situated on the love seat in their living room, Eliza’s legs draped over Alexander’s lap as she leaned against the arm of the couch. No one had spoken a single word since they sat down, and despite the silence being blissful, Eliza felt the need to say something. It was their third glass in, and she felt bold, so she decided to say something she might’ve not when she was sober. 

“When are we having another kid?” she asked, words slurring. 

Alexander looked surprised, to say the least. The minute she mentioned another child, he fixed his posture and his eyes seemed to bulge from his skull. He nearly spat the wine back in his cup but managed to gulp it down before he could. 

It took a few minutes for Alexander to absorb her suggestion, but once he did, he turned to Eliza and attempted to grab her glass. “Enough for you,” he said. 

Eliza, however, was quick enough to move the glass from his reach. “No, Alexander, seriously!”

For a moment, Alexander sat there, staring at her. 

“Eliza, Angelica colored on the walls today and you nearly had a breakdown over it,” Alexander finally said, discouraging the suggestion. “We’re both exhausted all of the time, I don’t even know if we have the money or the time to have another child! Do you really think we can handle it?” 

Alexander slowly moved closer, nudging Eliza’s feet from his lap. He pulled her into his side, stroking her hair after he placed his wine glass on the coffee table. 

Eliza took a moment to assess Alexander’s complaints of having another child, but her unruly, drunken thoughts distracted her from truly thinking anything through. She just pouted, jutting out her bottom lip. 

“Alexander, I don’t care,” she whined, looking up at him. “I want a baby.” 

A look of humor crossed Alex’s face, his defensive look softening. He opened his mouth to say something but quickly closed it, shaking his head. “You know what?” Eliza’s husband swiftly stood from the couch and held out his hand to hoist her up. “I think we should discuss this when you’re sober.”

Although Eliza wanted to disagree, she knew he was right. Her brows unfurrowed and she took his hand, allowing him to help her off of the couch. The sooner she got to bed, she decided, the sooner they would have the discussion. And who knew? Maybe Eliza’s tipsy thoughts would fade by morning. 

So, she gave her husband a loving hug and a quick peck on the lips before walking out of his grasp. “I should go to bed.” 

She began to walk away, but Alexander’s quickly grabbed her wrist, pulling her back so he could retrieve the wine glass from her other hand. 

“With this?” he chuckled, raising the glass.

Eliza just smiled and walked towards the hall again. “Goodnight,” she said. 

And although she didn’t hear it, her loving husband replied with an, “I love you.” 

Show and Tell

Submitted by trulycas

Prompt: Superheroes

Round 2.9: Show and Tell vs. Fire

Sam didn’t like going to school.

At least, not when he was younger- six, to be exact. Wide-eyed, wild-haired, mouth always running and hands constantly tugging on Dean’s sleeve for some sliver of attention. That’s where he always wanted to be- by Dean’s side. Not in the midst of a swarm of high voices and accusing looks and giggles hidden behind palms.

He couldn’t be with his big brother when he was at school. Couldn’t hear his warm voice or count the explosion of freckles falling across his cheeks after Dad grumbled that he was “too busy” to play a game. It was always, “Class, this is Sam.” “Where have you been, Sam?” “Where’d you get that bruise, Sam?”

Keep reading


Synopsis: A quick Angela Ziegler study featuring Fareeha Amari.

Pairing: Pre-Rocket Angel/Pharmercy (Angela “Mercy” Ziegler/Fareeha “Pharah” Amari)

Doctor Angela Ziegler is a workaholic. There’s no use denying it, and at 37, even Angela’s stopped finding the weak protests that decayed and shriveled with the years. Now, when her colleagues ask her to drinks or a movie, they’ve begun to turn away before she can even shake her head, ponytail bouncing, and say, “I’m sorry; I have work to do.”

Keep reading

"Kiss. Please. Me." - Solangelo AU part 2

And after ages I finally have an actual part 2 for Kiss. Please. Me. Like people wanted. So yeah. Sorry for the wait, I guess.

Here is a link to part 1 of you have not read it: http://awkwardfanfictionwriter.tumblr.com/post/146037756464/kiss-please-me-solangelo-au

Also tell me if you want more deaf!Nico, because I love writing it.


Nico wasn’t avoiding Will despite what his friends said. He was simply just trying not to be in the same room with Will at any time and glancing over the notifications on his phone when it had Will’s name as the ID. Not avoiding at all.

It was easy for Nico to ignore Will if he wanted too. All he had to do was look down when Will entered the room and he wouldn’t be able to hear whatever Will was trying to say. But all Nico was doing was exiting any room where he thought familiar unruly blonde hair may be.

Jason and Percy kept trying to get Nico in the same room as Will, even going as far as to pick him up and toss him in the back of Jason’s car without giving any information of where they were going until they were outside Will’s favourite ice cream parlour where he had something every Friday after school.

The rest of Nico’s friends, while curious, didn’t plague him about his sudden lack of communication with the blonde haired boy.

They asked about Will, but at least they didn’t lock Nico in a cupboard until he spoke to a Will. It took Percy and Leo a little while to realize that Nico, who had no idea why he was in the cupboard, couldn’t hear them explaining why he was being locked away.

The only one Nico had told about what had happened with Will was Hazel and she, sworn to secrecy, was the only one trying to convince him to speak to Will once again by passive-aggressive means. While Percy and Jason where trying to trick him into being in the same place as Will, Hazel was trying to guilt him into talking to Will.

He probably thinks you hate him. Hazel had told him the morning after Nico had admitted what happened to her. The evening before she was so happy for Nico, so proud that he finally got his first kiss with a nice boy. When he told her that he wasn’t talking to Will any more however… Hazel was slightly terrifying when she was angry.

Maybe I do. Nico shrugged. Hazel furrowed her eyebrows and gave her brother an unbelieving look.

Sure, and I hate Frank. Hazel shook her head as she signed, her hair falling in front of her eyes. Nico moved it out of the way. Ignore him as much as you like, but you can’t deny that you have some feelings for him.

Nico snorted. I can deny it all I want, Hazel.

Hazel said something aloud, something Nico couldn’t lip read as she shook her head again. She told Nico she had to go meet Frank for breakfast, rising to her feet and pressing a kiss to Nico’s head before leaving.

Nico returned his attention to the laptop that sat forgotten before him after his conversation with his sister.

The picture that shone happily on the screen was familiar to Nico. He had taken it only weeks previously when Will was over Nico’s revising for a Chemistry test. In it Will laid across Nico’s bed as if he belonged there, limbs stretched out as a content smile worked its way into his lips.

Nico remembered how he averted his eyes while his face headed when Will’s t shirt rode up to reveal a flat, tanned stomach and how Will’s tone ventured on amused when he saw the pink dust Nico’s cheeks.

Nico shut his laptop almost angrily, slamming it to escape the flutter of guilt that coursed through his body.

He didn’t want to ignore Will. It was just the easiest thing to do.

The flashing light distracted Nico from his self-pitying state of mind, the bright artificial white light flickering ever other second. It was for Nico, the doorbell that pissed him off with its bright light. Because he couldn’t hear the doorbell go off.

Nico hated answering the door. It was bad enough being outside where people stared at you for signing, but it was worse when someone did it in his own house.

Nico expected to see a delivery man or some door-to-door sales man. Hazel often ordered things online - clothes or art supplies or presents for her boyfriend - without telling Nico so he was used to trying to communicate with the insensitive delivery men that was at the door.

He wasn’t prepared for the mop of blonde hair and entrancing blue eyes that stood on his doorstep.

Will’s hand lashed out to block the door before Nico could shut it. He was mouthing something, but Nico couldn’t look at his lips, at the lips that brushed against his the last time they were alone together.

“Go away.” Nico said out loud, determination to get away from the other boy willing him to speak despite how insecure it made him.

Will shook his head and stepped forward, putting his foot in the door instead of his hand so he could sign to Nico. Nico let go of the door so he could open it wider and see what Will was signing.

I was out of line, Nico. Will’s hands moved in smooth gestures, more practised than Nico had seen them last. I am so sorry and I don’t blame you if you hate me. Just please don’t ignore me. We can be just friends, but I can’t handle you not talking to me.

Nico’s heart pounded a rhythm against his chest, the irregular and violent beats stopping him breathing and thinking. He wanted to reply but words ailed him in that moment. Suddenly anything he could say to Will didn’t seem enough because he was there in front of Nico and all he could think of was how Will’s lips felt against his own and the way Will’s arms crossed over his chest when he pulled away to reveal the words Nico had never heard from anyone but Hazel.

Will’s face fell from hopeful to heartbroken. I get it. Don’t worry about it. Honestly, I understand why you hate me. Nico shook his head, but Will either didn’t notice or didn’t think much of it. Just don’t think bad of the times we had together. Okay?

Nico opened his mouth, but no words - no vibrations - escaped past his lips. Will gave him a soft smile and moved his fist in a small circle over his heart before taking a step back, turning away from Nico before the dark haired boy could object.

Will was half way down the driveway before Nico could react. He must have called out Will’s name because he turned around, eyebrows furrowed in confusion. Nico walked quickly towards him, hands out in front of him as he strode towards Will.

I don’t hate you, Will. Nico signed hurriedly, hands shaking with the energy that flooded through his body. I was just scared. I have never done anything like that before. But I didn’t hate it or you. I just have to take it slow.

Will’s face broke into a wide smile as he nodded, signing frantically to Nico that he was fine as long as he got to speak to him. Nico tried to pretend the warmth that spread through him was because of the sun beating down on him and not the boy who seemed a hundred times brighter than anything Nico had ever seen.

the serum

Thanks to madentirelyoutofawesome for tagging me in this post! All due credit goes to the op!

Summary: The Doctor is injected with a serum that allows him to hear all of Rose’s thoughts, some of which are cleaner than others.

The moment the Doctor entered the TARDIS, he knew something was wrong. His chest was heaving up and down, his forehead was sweaty. Rose matched his exhaustion as she sat against the wooden doors, her fingers touching her pulse.

That was horrifying.

He glanced over at her. “What did you say?”

“Nothing,” Rose panted, smoothing her palms down the fabric of her jeans.

I wonder if that serum the guards gave him had any sort of effect. I’d better ask.

“That serum that they gave you,” Rose said, looking up at him. “Did it affect you at all?”

He stared at her blankly. “Rose, what is happening?”

Keep reading

Renewed: Part 4.

Find the other parts: HERE.

Lights twinkled on the storefronts as they meandered through the snow covered streets hand in hand. Every so often, Jamie would glance over at Claire and smile. Her nose was bright red, the cold air nipping at her pale skin. Still, she was utterly beautiful.

Just over the bridge, on the wee walk towards the train station, the street lamps dimmed slightly. Jamie took his chance, the conditions were as perfect as they were going to get.

Claire, enamoured by the falling daylight and the gentle glow of the low slung sun in the sky, was gazing intently around her, not really paying much attention to Jamie. She stumbled as he stopped, turning around to see what the hold up was.

He’d gone down on one knee, the soft snow crunching as he compressed it under his weight. Claire paled, her hands shaking with nerves as she watched him fumble around in his thick winter coat.

“I ken that this is a wee bit sudden, Claire. But I *know* it’s right, I can feel it, aye? So, Miss Claire Beauchamp,” he paused, looking up at her as he held the tiny box in his hands and opened the lid up for her to see, “will ye marry me?”

An eerie silence surrounded them, as Jamie waited for her to respond.

Claire couldn’t breathe. Her divorce wasn’t quite finalised yet, and her heart beat an unruly rhythm at the thought of marrying again so soon after.

“I…” she stammered, pulling her hand free from his and taking a step backwards. “I can’t! I’m s-sorry.”

The words hit him solidly in the chest, as if she’d physically whacked him. He stood, watching her disappear around the corner. She’d gone towards the hospital, of that he was sure.

He’d give her a moment, let her catch her breath, and then he’d go after her. There had to be more to the story than just simply ‘no’.

The streets blurred around her as she fled the scene, her eyes filling with tears. There was only one person she could think to go to, the only person who *knew* about her other than Mrs Fitz. 

“Claire?” Joe’s head snapped up as his door flew open. He was shocked, he hadn’t expected to see his colleague since her quick exit weeks earlier. He’d spoken briefly to her on the telephone after confirming her sabbatical, but her turning up with tears streaking down her wind blushed face was incredibly out of character.

“What’s the matter LJ?” He asked, perplexed. Even when the rumour mill at been at its peak, she’d kept her cool. “It’s unlike you to be rattled.”

“He asked me.” She spat out, her hands fluttering around her face, the nervous energy pouring out of her as she sat down at his desk and fiddled with his nameplate. “I’m not even, I can’t…I told him as much, I just –can’t.”

“You’re going to have to be more specific than that, LJ. You can’t what?” Joe passed her a tissue, placing the box in front of her, certain she’d probably need another soon. “I presume this is about your young man, Jamie.”

Claire nodded, blowing her nose and cleaning herself up before speaking again. “He asked me, down on one knee by the Clyde. It was p-perfect, you know? And I couldn’t say yes.” Her words were strung together, her shoulders jiggling nervously under the harsh spotlight in the tiny office. “I’m not even…from F-Frank yet, how can I do that again, Joe? How?”

“He asked you to marry him, Claire?”

She looked up at him, her eyes red-rimmed and wide and nodded. Her mouth was suddenly too dry to answer verbally.

“Well, he certainly moves fast.” Placing his pen down, Joe pulled his chair closer to his desk and sat up straight. “The question is, LJ, do you want to marry *him*?”

Joe’s question brought her up short. She’d been so shocked by his proposal that she’d just panicked. Now, with the adrenaline settling and her blood returning to normal, she finally had time to process Jamie’s *proposition*.


“Don’t even consider Frank in this, Claire. That man doesn’t deserve another moment of your thoughts.

“But I can’t,” she blushed, a vibrant shade of red that spread down her neck as the tears began anew, “you know…” Her voice dropped to a whisper as she tore holes in the tissue in her hands, “conceive.”

“I take it you haven’t told him this?” Joe smiled, a comforting smile that softened his large brown pupils as he bent over the desk to touch Claire gently.


“But you also can’t be sure it’s you, can you?” He quirked a brow, tapping the back of her fingers once before drawing his palm away.

Claire’s eyes met his once more, and she shook her head.

“I think you’d better go and find your guy, LJ, before he blows his top looking for you.”

Joe stood, encouraging Claire to follow his lead, and helpfully lead her back through the mostly empty corridors of the small A&E department.

As they turned the very last corner, Claire and Joe came face to face with a very weary looking Jamie. Joe nodded, a small grin on his face as he nudged Claire forward and disappeared back off to his office. She’d be alright from here, he was certain.



They both said, simultaneously, each stopping to allow the other to continue.

Jamie swept his hand in front of his chest, encouraging Claire to speak once more.

“Jamie, I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have left you there, all alone, so abruptly. Please forgive me.”

Jamie licked his lips and stepped forward, running the back of his pointer finger down the length of her face. “Ye dinna need forgiveness, Claire. I shouldna ha’ sprung such a thing on ye at such short notice. Ye dinna have to answer me, aye?”

“I want to, Jamie.” She blurted, taking his hand and leading him back out onto the bitter streets. She was eager to be away from the eyes and ears of the hospital, knowing their eagerness for gossip in any form.

Once they were safely away, she sat them down on a lone bench, backs turned to the old cathedral behind them.

“I have something I have to say though, first. Before I can answer you.”

“Aye, alright. It willna…” He began, certain that nothing she said could change his feelings for her, but Claire wasn’t so sure.

“Please, Jamie, let me tell you first.” She interrupted, not wanting him to make promises he might not be able to keep.

She waited for him to show signs of his approval before continuing. He squeezed her hands, willing her to say her piece.

“I don’t think I can have children.” She gasped, taking in a large breath at the end, as the weight of the sentence lifted from her shoulders. She didn’t dare look at him now, instead she chose to focus on the few cars rolling down the road, the sound of them squelching through the slush soothing her aching heart.

“Did ye think I’d mind that, sassenach?” Jamie’s voice sliced through her wee bubble of quiet, bringing her back to the present.

She made eye contact once more.

“We’re into our forties now, Claire. I didna consider it an option, no’ just because of fertility issues, but because of our age.” His blue eyes twinkled in the midnight street light.

“James Fraser, are you calling me old?” She asked, faux-consternation lacing her tone.

“Ach, no, my wee beauty…” he ran his hands across his heart, tapping the fabric of his coat where it raised, lifted by a small bump that lay beneath.

The ring.

“…but I would like to call ye –my wife–. *If* ye would do me the honour, Mistress Beauchamp?” He bowed before her, a flourishing movement, his arms sweeping to the side as he did so.

She laughed, batting away the tears from her eyes as she reached forward to bring his chin up, so that his eyes might lock with hers.

“Yes, Master Fraser, I would like that very much.”

For the second time that evening, she was rendered breathless. But this time from pleasure. Jamie, in his giddiness, swept her up in his arms and swung her around in a circle. Their hearts beating together, through their thick layers, as happiness surged through them both.

Jamie, finally, placed Claire back against the pavement, removed the ring box from his inner coat pocket. Opening the box; he took out the ring, and held it up for her inspection.

It was absolutely gorgeous, she thought. Not too flashy, but a few nice diamonds dotted around a larger gem in the centre.

“It was my mother’s ring first, and then Jenny’s for a while. It was left to me in the will, and now, my Claire, it belongs to you.”

He squeezed it over her knuckle, laughing as he twisted it about to get it on correctly. A large smile covered his face, his eyes shining with moisture as it sat snugly at the base of her ring finger.

“Oh, Jamie. It’s so…”

“Aye, I ken. Perfect, just like my fiancé.”

She rubbed the fine gold with the thumb of her left hand as she leant forward and brushed her nose against his.

“Kiss me, Mr Fraser.”

“My pleasure, *Mrs* Fraser.”

In the distance, or so it seemed, a car horn sounded. Its loud beep echoing around the pair as they melted together on the pavement. Jamie was certain he heard some hoots of joy, and he smiled as he kissed Claire into oblivion. Ignoring, once more, the Glaswegian serenade and focusing solely on his bride-to-be.


[Part of the TenToo Adventures series]

I’m sorry if this didn’t turn out exactly “hot”; hope you still like it, anyway ;)

I had some ideas for the background of this scene in mind, a portrayal of the situation and how things built up to it from Tentoo’s point of view, and decided to write them down in a sort of ficlet (if you can even really call it that - it’s mostly silliness ;)).

You can find it under the “read more” cut as a bonus which doesn’t necessarily have to be read, since the comic also works as a standalone.

Keep reading

The Sunlight of Awareness

by Thich Nhat Hanh

Observe the changes that take place in your mind under the light of awareness. Even your breathing has changed and become “not-two” (I don’t want to say “one”) with your observing self. This is true of all your thoughts, feelings and habits, which, together with their effects, are suddenly transformed.

From time to time you may become restless, and the restlessness will not go away. At such times, just sit quietly, follow your breathing, smile a half-smile, and shine your awareness on the restlessness. Don’t judge it or try to destroy it, because this restlessness is you yourself. It is born, has some period of existence, and fades away, quite naturally. Don’t be in too big a hurry to find its source. Don’t try too hard to make it disappear. Just illuminate it. You will see that little by little it will change, merge, become connected with you, the observer. Any psychological state that you subject to this illumination will eventually soften and acquire the same nature as the observing mind.

Throughout your meditation, keep the sun of your awareness shining. Like the physical sun, which lights every leaf and every blade of grass, our awareness lights our every thought and feeling, allowing us to recognize them, be aware of their birth, duration, and dissolution, without judging or evaluating, welcoming or banishing them.

It is important that you do not consider awareness to be your “ally,” called on to suppress the “enemies” that are your unruly thoughts. Do not turn your mind into a battlefield. Opposition between good and bad is often compared to light and dark, but if we look at it in a different way, we will see that when light shines, darkness does not disappear. It doesn’t leave; it merges with the light. It becomes the light.

To meditate does not mean to fight with a problem. To meditate means to observe. Your smile proves it. It proves that you are being gentle with yourself, that the sun of awareness is shining in you, that you have control of your situation. You are yourself, and you have acquired some peace. It is this peace that makes a child love to be near you.



*jumps from his voice then quickly turns around to see him*

Don’t scare me like that;;; *has a few tears in his eyes*
*wipes away tears* Don’t call me short! *pouts*

A.. anyway, I’m just travelling for a while to check out farms and new land. My name’s Pete Parker, and you are?

[Smirks and throws his arm around him]  Awww, I’m sorry man, I didn’t mean nothing by it! Here have a chip - 

[Offers him the bag with a silly grin on his face. Wow, I can’t believe he cried so easily, at least I know Halloween for him is a deadly holiday.]

Pete, huh? Are you a farmer too? [His eye twitches a bit when asked his name]…Call me Michael, yeah. This isn’t my farm though, I mean I live and work here but it doesn’t belong to me.