unnecessary guilt

If a post includes any variation of:

  • If you don’t reblog this I’m judging you
  • Don’t you dare not reblog this
  • People will reblog X but not this and that’s terrible
  • Everyone has to reblog this

Then, regardless of how important the post was or how much I agree with it, the chance of me reblogging it instantly drops to zero.

Guilty

Summary: After a hunt goes bad the reader lets Dean’s words get her down.

Characters: Sister! Reader x Castiel, Dean, Sam

Word Count: 781

Warnings: Language, Self-loathing, Low self esteem, Castiel being super awesome

A/N:  I wrote this little short for @iwantthedean two prompt challenge. My prompt was “Guilt and I are old friends it’s a companion that sits on my back”.  Also the whole time I wrote this I was thinking of the song Fix You by Coldplay.  I hope you all enjoy it and any feedback is appreciated!

Also: Thank you @chelsea072498 for beta’ing and @tankcupcakes & @paintrider13-blog for the encouragement! 

**I tag based on this list, add yourself**

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Bright as the Night Sky (Part 5):

HAPPY FRIDAY! Hope you enjoy this next piece. Shout Out to: @mm23219 @sparkleywonderful @feyreismeiamfeyre @annerozacat @acourtofrunesandwands @avap12 @feysandfeels @rowanismybae @theatrebabe224 @acourtofredqueens @alltheartfeels @emyluo @theheirofnightandday @acourtofcrowsandhallows @iwouldtrustmylifetohagrid and I can’t forget @something-called-sno girl! It totally slipped my mind to tag you! Hope you like Feysand! The other parts are listed below! 

Thank you again for all the love, hope you enjoy this piece, probably won’t give as many people heart attacks but you never know. 

Sections:

[AO3]:

Part 1:

Part 2:

Part 3:

Part 4:

Part 6:

Part 7:

Part 8:

Part 9:

Part 10:

Part 11:

Part 12:

Part 13:

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READER HOROSCOPES FOR MARCH 2017

Zodiac consultation from a literary persuasion

PISCES

 Blow out your candles and smile for the cameras, Pisces! It’s your month and you are letting the whole world know it. The beginning of the year can be such a drag - particularly if you live somewhere that’s cold, grey, and perpetually wet - but with the arrival of March comes the reminder that spring is truly just around the corner! Your optimism is taking you to new heights this month - maybe it’s something in the air, maybe it’s the extra bounce in your hair, or maybe you really are just born with it - but you’re having trouble finding the desire to turn down the part of you that wants to break out the champagne on the weekends. So don’t! However you prefer to indulge yourself - whether it be trying out a new nail color, treating yourself to a second dessert, or taking a luxurious bath after work - this is the month to give in, guilt-free. Be the decadent self you are when you close your eyes at night. Life is too short not to allow yourself to experience the simple magic in treating yourself. Your lucky book this month is an enchanting tale about two gifted orphans who are separated as teenagers and find each other again in the unlikeliest of circumstances. Heartened by the strange twist of fate that brought them back together, they embark on an incredible journey discover anew the glory and fame that could have been theirs as children. Life can be difficult, and dreary, and cold - but it can surprise you with its capacity for magic and intrigue, if you let it.

 LUCKY BOOK: The Lonely Hearts Hotel by Heather O’Neill

ARIES

 Aries, darlin’, you’ve gotta let me know. Will you stay or will you go? Or if that doesn’t apply, are you going to answer yes or no? Up or down? I think you’re picking up what I’m putting down - your head is currently shaped somewhat like a pretzel, and you have no idea how to choose between the two major decisions facing you right now. Here’s a hint: if you’re still waffling about a project or endeavor of yours that’s been a dormant passion for a long time (and I do mean long) this is your time. There’s a reason that we feel called to certain places, or opportunities, or people. Trust that instinct. Trust yourself. But before you jump in feet first, ease your fears by doing the pre-work necessary to clear the path ahead. All the small loose ends that you’ve been ignoring? Get those taken care of. Pay back those loans, make that difficult phone call, let go of those individuals that have been dragging you down - whatever it is you know you need to do and have been avoiding: do it. Otherwise, taking on that passion project of yours will only end in burn out and regret. Your lucky book this month is the story of a young woman who followed her dreams, clear across the world, and wound up discovering something so much more precious than what she originally sought: a real love story, featuring star-crossed lovers, rather than the story of one in an ancient book. Have faith in what moves you, and allow yourself to move toward it in turn. You may be pleasantly surprised by what you discover.

 LUCKY BOOK: A Word for Love by Emily Robbins

TAURUS

 You’re winning friends and influencing people left and right this month, Taurus, and it’s a power you should not take lightly! You have very strong opinions to express, whether it be in the board room, living room, or even in your group text, and you’re finding that people firmly agree, more often than not. While this may put you in a position of leadership or advocacy that you didn’t necessarily ask for, don’t shy away - usually, people who are open to speaking up are unwittingly voicing the questions and concerns that most people have, but are too fearful to share. As you continue to speak up for yourself and on the behalf of others, examine who you’re surrounding yourself with. It is often said that you are the average of the five people you spend the most time with. Are you happy with your friend group as it stands? Are you inspired to be a better person by all of them? It’s a natural next step for you to feel drawn to activism or charity work these days, since you’re able to clearly articulate big ideas in ways that people can understand and identify with. Make sure that your increased popularity and demands on your time don’t cause you to overcommit. You can only be good for others when you’re good to yourself - and you can’t right every wrong in the world! Don’t bum yourself out by trying to. You can gather a lot of strength and motivation from your lucky book this month: an incredible account of the creative minds and thought leaders in Iran who worked together to create a completely new form of government in the modern age. It’s a testament to what can be accomplished when people will big ideas are unafraid to say them out loud, and then act.

 LUCKY BOOK: Children of Paradise by Laura Secor

GEMINI

 Whoa, Gem. You are on the road to success and nothing is getting in your way, particularly during this month. Whatever your chosen field, whatever your preferred hobby or extracurricular activity, you’re amping up the effort and doing your best to jump two or three strides to get even closer to your goal. If that means a bit of ladder-climbing, so be it - don’t let envious detractors make you feel guilty for using the resources at your disposal to get ahead. Speaking of resources, this will be a great month to dust off that LinkedIn account you’ve been abandoning - maybe spruce up your Instagram and Twitter bios as well. You never know who may have stumbled upon a profile of yours, and what they may be looking for. That said, don’t bend over backwards for likes - keep your eyes on the prize and just live your best life, and be honest about the new challenges and opportunities you’re taking and are willing to fight for. It’ll come through to anyone who’s watching closely, believe me. For inspiration, you can’t get any better than your lucky book this month: remember the French artist who walked between the Twin Towers back in ‘74, Philippe Petit? His book on the art of living a highly motivated creative life will be just the guide you need to help you imagine even bigger and bolder ways to get to where you’re going. But don’t worry, they won’t include a tightrope…

 LUCKY BOOK: Creativity by Philippe Petit

CANCER

 Where to next, Cancer? What city is next on your list to discover? This month, you’re so ready to break away from the familiar and explore a place you haven’t been…or maybe haven’t visited in some time. Maybe you just went through a rough split with a former loved one and can use some space from the constant reminders, maybe you have a friend abroad you’ve been promising to visit for years, or maybe you just stumbled across an amazing flight deal and have vacation days to burn. Regardless, you’re in for some unforgettable memories this month, so follow that wanderlust where it leads you. Don’t use this as an excuse to run some something that needs immediate confronting, however. If there’s a difficult conversation you need to have, make the time and figure out exactly what it is you need to say. Make no assumptions - be honest, be willing to listen, and lay your cards out on the table. Your partner will be much more likely to do the same. Your lucky book this month will be another much-needed jolt of honesty. As you take to the road, sea or skies this month, think about the people around the world who are driven to leave their homes in search of new ones. People displaced by circumstances outside of their control. And then, imagine within that: a love story.

 LUCKY BOOK: Exit West by Mohsin Hamid (3/7)

LEO

 Personal space is vital this month, Leo. You’re feeling a bit jittery and overstimulated, tired of the constant noise, the exhausting pretenses, the sheer anxiety of being around other people. Consider this your permission to take a break. It’s not a crime to need time to yourself, to catch your breath and be quiet for a bit, no matter what you may be telling yourself. Some people simply can’t function in the spotlight all the time, or even adjacent to it, and that’s okay! Taking some time to bask in the intimacy of your special place - whether it be your bedroom, a hidden corner of the library, or by a quiet lake in the park - is a completely normal necessity, and your friends and family should understand that. Be honest about your needs, don’t lie and further enmesh yourself in unnecessary guilt. Sometimes, the very small untruths we tell - to ourselves and others - can lead to the social exhaustion that you’re suffering from right now. Have you been honest in your relationships lately? Is there something you’re afraid of, that you may not be letting yourself admit? What have you been trying to convince yourself of recently? Meditate on these things while you take some time to yourself, and try to figure out ways to break any cycles of deception that may be contributing to your currently uneasy state of mind. And take heed of your lucky book this month: a highly thoughtful exploration of a woman’s heart and mind when her husband, from whom she is already separated, goes missing. You may recognize some similar patterns in her way of thinking that you would probably do well to avoid in the future.

 LUCKY BOOK: A Separation by Katie Kitamura

VIRGO

 February is over - you’re welcome. Rough one, huh? Take heart: this month, you’re feeling particularly inspired to take on a new project or two, and you know how energy-boosting that shock of creative energy can be. Immerse yourself in planning, sketching, delegating, organizing - all the things that make your Type-A Virgo heart soar. While you’re at it, though, don’t ignore whatever had you so down last month. It can be easy to allow the momentum of a new creative endeavor to bury emotions you’d rather not examine, but this can just lead to an unending cycle of repression and manic output. Small suggestion? Talk things through with someone who can help you make sense of those unpleasant feelings. Even if things don’t feel especially urgent or tragic, meeting with a therapist can do wonders for unlocking emotional vaults you weren’t aware of ever closing. And this month is a perfect time to engage with someone about topics that you find difficult to talk about, because with your newfound burst of motivation naturally comes the skills of articulation needed to talk people into supporting you. This is a transferable skill, even to the pesky emotional stuff. And so, for you: this month, your lucky book is an epic tale of love, belonging, heartbreak, and redemption that is guaranteed to remind you that life, with all of its attendant baggage and emotional nuisances, is well worth living anyway, and living as thoroughly as possible.

 LUCKY BOOK: The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao by Junot Díaz

LIBRA

 Health is wealth, Libra! This is your month to get yourself back into the gym, yoga studio, dance studio, or wherever it is that you prefer to work up a sweat. Whether or not you’ve decided to give up a vice for Lent, it’s not too late to pinpoint an area of your life that you know you need to work on. Cut back on snacks before bed or resolve to make it to the gym at least twice a week. Start small and let yourself get used to following a regimented plan before you try to make it more strict. And speaking of plans…you know what else is wealth? Actual wealth! Alongside your compulsion to make getting fit a priority this month, you’ll want to make sure finances are in order as well. Honestly assess your budget and spending habits over the past few months. Are there areas in need of trimming? Can you cut back on certain expenses and to save a few extra dollars every month? Again, choose one to two usual expenses that you can go without, and see how those spare dollars add up when you stop blowing them on things you can go without. Find a good place to invest and watch that money grow. This is a month of serious responsibility for you, paying such strict attention to your physical health and financial standing. You’re going to need a break from the mental and physical exertion you’re about to put yourself through, which is where your lucky book comes in. It’s a story collection like none other, told from a most eccentric and hilariously unusual perspective. It’s the kind of book you turn to when you’re looking for a drastically different way of looking at the world, and it comes in concise, but weighty chunks. Go on and binge, guilt-free!

 LUCKY BOOK: Pond by Claire-Louise Bennett

SCORPIO

 Work it, Scorpio! You’re feeling completely fabulous this month, and when you feel fabulous, you aren’t afraid to let the entire world know. Wherever your gifts reside, that is where you are expressing yourself loudly, boldly, and unapologetically. Some may even go so far as to say you’re tapping into your latent diva tendencies - but you know what? We all need and deserve a chance to be proud of who we are, and not care who knows it. And if you got it, flaunt it, right? Who knows what might happen tomorrow, so why not celebrate yourself today? Don’t let your head swell so much you can’t focus on what’s in front of you, however. This is especially important in your close relationships. A diva attitude will not get you far with the people who need vulnerability and honesty from you, so try to curb those flamboyant impulses when you’re picking up on a totally different vibe from your significant other or close friends. If and when problems arise, approach them with a sober mind, thinking through the problem with solutions in mind, not simply your immediate emotional reaction. Dramatic speeches and door-slam feel great in the moment, but they do little to solve issues as hand, and can only further the divide that you should be attempting to close. If you’re having trouble coming back down from the more fanciful state of mind you’re in, channel all of that high-strung energy into your lucky book for the month: an enthralling short story collection centered around locks and keys, filled to the brim with elements of magic and intrigue that will more than satisfy your need for a larger-than-life perspective this month. It’s the kind of book you read to feel less alone in your madness, while receiving small shocks of reality that offset the fantastical in an even more fabulous way.

 LUCKY BOOK: What is Not Yours is Not Yours by Helen Oyeyemi

SAGITTARIUS

 Spice up your life, Sag! This Women’s History Month, you’re reveling in the feminine energy around you, and taking strength in the powerful and enduring influence of the amazing women [pin your family, workplace, and friendships who inspire you to be better every day. Take your appreciation a step further and reach out - who has been a particularly guiding light for you lately? Who has offered you encouragement when you were feeling down? Who have you been admiring from afar for her incredible leadership and insight, but have been too shy to tell directly? Now is the perfect time to make yourself known - who knows, you may wind up with a new mentor, or friend! In matters of the heart, don’t be surprised if a certain someone from your past resurfaces. Don’t take second changes lightly - who knows why the universe has put them back into your life? This could be a chance to learn from past mistakes. That means that whatever issues you had before, you now have the advantages of time and distance to gain some much needed perspective and apply the wisdom you’ve gained in the meantime. And with your circle of sisters and all of the nourishing and empowering energy their presence brings, imagine how you can revolutionize your approach to relationships from this point on! For more revolutionary ideas, look no further than your lucky book this month: the story of the Russian feminist punk rock group, Pussy Riot, and the way the incredible way they mounted their resistance against a corrupt government and sparked a global movement. Who runs the world?!

 LUCKY BOOK: Words Will Break Cement by Masha Gessen

CAPRICORN

 Not even a full week into March and your social calendar is nearly full, Cap! You’re quite the popular kid this month, from work events, happy hours, movie nights, and everything in between. How do you do it? A secret time turner, or perhaps an expertly-placed clone or two? Whatever it is, your seeming omnipresence will go a long way towards ensuring your name on everyone’s lips for quite some time. Take advantage of all the chances you have to rub shoulders with all sorts of fascinating people within your network and outside of it - you simply never know when you may need to call on a new contact in preparation for a new exciting opportunity, offer someone else a chance to pursue something in line with their interests, or simply have a new friend to catch new art exhibit with. Don’t underestimate the power of shared experiences - they help to further our mutual understanding and make sense of the world as a whole. Knowledge doesn’t exist in a vacuum - it’s the result of individuals banding together, forming communities, and teaching and learning from each other. While you are surrounded by old friends and new this month, take a few moments to reflect on how much better off you are for the shared knowledge you’ve gained, and how much further in life you can advance because of it. You’ll find many more examples of this incredible feat of human nature in your lucky book for this month, as well as a humbling look at the inverse: just how much we don’t know on our own.

 LUCKY BOOK: The Knowledge Illusion by Steven Sloman and Philip Fernbach (3/14)

AQUARIUS

March is going to be a doozy, Aquarius - you ready? You’ve got time and energy to burn, and that’s a great thing. You’re pretty much all work and all play - and if that math doesn’t seem to add up, just wait. You’re crushing it at work, with offers and exciting new assignments coming at you from all sides - so keep your calendar app pulled up at all times, and get serious about organizing your timetable in a way that keeps you on top of your various responsibilities. The universe wants to give you the financial compensation you deserve for your hard work, but that still means you need to work to earn it. You know what else that means? Giving yourself some playtime to balance out the intensity of your workload. Remember what I said about having energy to burn? Your friends and family may not know how you’re doing it (no seriously, what is it?? Green smoothies? Exercise? Coffee beans?) but your PM social calendar is nearly as full as your AM one, with friends vying for your attention and company several nights a week. Have all the fun you can handle, but here’s a handy way to cut corners and not leave anybody out: schedule group hangouts when you can, that way everyone gets a piece of you, but you aren’t running yourself ragged by mid-month (yes, even that impressive energy store has its limits!). Your lucky book for this month is a perfect match for the level of intensity you’re operating at right now: an unforgettable story of war, heroism, and the power of sacrificial love, as told through the lens of the Korean War, and the profound effect it had on the world thereafter. You’ll laugh, you’ll weep, you’ll feel unmistakably alive. Most of all, you’ll savor this essential reading during those rare quiet moments this month - that’s a guarantee.

LUCKY BOOK: The Surrendered by Chang-rae Lee

Selfish - ExBoyfriend! Jimin Oneshot

‘I miss you.’

You had spent the last 30 minutes re-reading those 3 words. They came from none other than your ex boyfriend, Jimin. Waking up to a text like this is something you’d rather not have to do because no matter how much you may deny it, it didn’t take a genius to figure out that heart wrenching feeling you had was due to missing him too. You let out a soft sigh and typed out your reply.

'You’re the one who broke up with me.’

Resting your face on the palm of your hand, you sat staring at the screen of your phone. Why was he messaging you now after breaking it off two months prior? There was no answer to that question.

'I know and I really messed up. But I need to see you. Please… let’s meet up.’

Your heart skipped a beat when you read his text. You couldn’t say no. Not when you were still as in love with him as when you were still together. That’s why you gave in straight away.

'Okay… 2pm tomorrow at our café.’

It hurt to use the word 'our’ but you pushed the pain down. Your phone vibrated in your hand a few seconds later.

'Okay. See you then.’

You let out yet another sigh, this one heavier than the first. Was this the right decision? You hoped so.

-

Sitting at the café alone was more awkward than you presumed it would be, maybe because the barista had clearly recognised you from the time you had broken down in front of her. That was a memory you wished not to relive.

Glancing at the time on your phone, your eyebrows furrowed at the bold numbers on the screen.

2:47pm

Maybe he got caught up in traffic? It was something that used to happen a lot. You decided to wait 20 minutes longer until your coffee got cold but 20 minutes turned into 40 and 40 turned into an hour and a half. You felt tears prick your eyes at the humiliation you felt of getting stood up. You must have seemed so desperate.

He was the one who messaged you so why were you the one waiting for him?

Standing up from your seat, you refused to wait a minute longer. Dumping your coffee cup into the bin, you strode out of the café and into the cold streets. You decided to confront him about the matter. There was no way you would excuse this.

'Jimin where are you?’

You glared down at your screen, inwardly cursing the man who still had a hold on your heart. You continued your journey home, anticipating a reply. You received none, however, which only infuriated you.

'Jimin! I can’t believe you stood me up.’

You reached your front door, unlocking it and entering your apartment. You proceeded to remove all your extra clothing and get yourself a glass of water. Still no reply.

'I knew I shouldn’t have bothered.’

You hoped he felt guilty after reading your messages. You wanted him to feel how much pain and unnecessary guilt you felt. It was unfair if all these feelings were one sided. An hour later and you were beginning to give up. Your last resort was to call him, something you tried to avoid doing at all costs. You were sure that as soon as you heard his voice you would be in tears. Pushing your hesitation to the side you dialled his number (you hated the fact you still had it memorised) and allowed the phone to ring. After the fourth ring, you were about to hang up when his phone was answered.

“Hello?” The mans voice you heard was one you didn’t recognise. You knew most of his friends after having dated for 3 years, so it struck you as odd.

“Um… may I ask who this is? Where is Jimin?” You didn’t want to be impolite to the stranger, it wasn’t their fault you were in a bad mood.

“Ah, you must be a friend of the patient.”

Patient…?

“My name is Sung Min and I am the doctor in charge of Park Jimin. I’m sorry to tell you this but it seems he was in a car accident. I’m not aware of the details of the story as he is currently unconscious but he was struck by a car just outside his house.”

A gasp escaped you as tears collected at your eyes. You couldn’t believe how one sided you were being to not even suspect that something was wrong. You shot off your sofa and began putting your shoes back on. After receiving the name and location of the hospital you set back out.

-

When you arrived at the hospital, you had asked for Jimin’s room number and hurried in the way you were directed. Making it to the floor his room was located you found his parents sitting outside. His mother was choking back sobs whilst his father held her close, and you stopped by their side. His father noticed you first and gestured you to take a seat beside them which you did. Your hands grabbed at the material of your jeans as you shook uncontrollably, biting your lip.

“Witnesses say he was rushing out and acted carelessly, not bothering to look out for any cars.” His fathers words had struck a chord in you and you bowed your head. You were reminded about how selfishly you had acted when waiting for a reply.

“I’m sorry…” Your words came out as a whisper and his father placed a hand on your back, rubbing comforting circles.

“It’s not your fault, it never will be.” You wished you could believe his words. You simply nodded your head.

“You should go in.” His mothers words caught your attention and you glanced up at her. Her tear streaked face broke your heart, you never liked seeing her upset and this was no exception. You sent her a thankful look and made your way to the door of his room. Preparing yourself mentally, you twisted the handle, entering the room.

The first thing your eyes lay upon was his bruised face. His head was bandaged and he had his arm in a cast. You slowly inched towards his bed and grabbed his free hand, softly stroking his head with your other hand. Your heart shattered at how vulnerable Jimin looked and you closed your eyes trying to ease the guilt that was eating away at you.

“Y/N?”

Your head snapped up to look at him with wide eyes only to find him staring back at you, eyes half open. He cracked a small smile at you and you choked back a sob.

“Jimin, what happened to you? Why were you so careless?” Deep down you already knew the answer to your questions as it was the very source of the guilt you felt.

“I wanted to see you. I couldn’t wait to see you.” His words brought tears back to your eyes for the umpteenth time today and you allowed them to fall into his bed.

“Jimin…” His smile never dropped despite the pain he was evidently in.  You couldn’t believe that he had rushed out to see you, not paying mind to the busy street he lived on.

“I didn’t want to make you wait. Another day without you would kill me. I don’t know how I’ve coped these past two months.” Your sobbing turned into full blown crying as he continued his explanation and you hated that you felt happy to hear that given the current situation.

“I miss you.”

And instead of replying coldly, you gave him the answer you should have the day before.

“I miss you too.”

The close eyed grin he gave you was well worth putting your pride aside.

anonymous asked:

Could you do some sweetspo but with a twist of guilt in it? About not being greedy? (idk if that makes sense)

honey, you already know that being greedy isn’t good. you’re entitled to eat what you need as much as everyone else on the planet - but that’s just it. everyone else is too. if you binge and chow down on everything in the kitchen, way more than you need, what’s everyone else going to eat? and if you’re at a party or something where there’s food, it’s for everyone. compassion and love are some of the most important things on earth. you don’t have to cause yourself unnecessary guilt, snacking on your fourth honey bun while there are people in the world who’ve never even seen that much food. you could donate all that you don’t need to a food bank instead of binging on it. it might take some time to get over a greedy mentality, but it’s possible and worth it.

You Are What You Eat Part 2

Read Part 1 here. Watch out for the cut.

Rhodey was due to come back every minute now and Tony couldn’t be happier about that.

He was back at the team dinners, just like he had promised Sam, but he couldn’t enjoy it anymore. Tony was aware that Sam was not actually behaving differently towards him, but he still thought every glance Sam threw him was judging.

Sam never brought the food issue up again, and Tony didn’t try to encourage him by actually eating something but he knew that Sam was still worrying about him.

In the meantime, Tony was healthier than ever, because Sam’s love for the Supersoldier(s) seemed to have exploded and now Tony was drenched in love whenever he even came close to Sam.

It hurt, having proof of Sam’s love for someone not him thrown into his face like that, but on the other hand Tony couldn’t help but love him more for it.

Sam’s love was so pure and it was so strong and steady, it just made him more beautiful all around and Tony cursed himself every day he came up for dinner or whenever Sam came down to his workshop.

The food issue had shortly stopped Sam from seeking him out in the workshop, but now everything was back to normal and Sam spent as much time around Tony as he did before.

Tony enjoyed their time together, he really did, especially since he got fed like this all the time, but it also hurt a lot to always see the love surrounding Sam and knowing it wasn’t for him.

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swallowthewhale  asked:

killervibe and 4 (please don't go) please!

4. “Please don’t go.”

Send me a writing prompt


The alarm blared unpleasantly in her ear. Caitlin was about to slam the snooze button when she spotted the red numbers out of the corner of her eye- 7:35 AM.

“Dammit,” she mumbled, and swung her legs over the side of the bed. The bedsprings creaked, and a lump under the covers squirmed. Oh yeah, Cisco was in her bed. She’d forgotten briefly that that was a thing now, and remembering made her heart soar.

He poked his head out from under the covers and blinked. “Cait?” he mumbled.

She smiled at his sleepy face and messy hair. “Go back to sleep,” she whispered.

“Where are you going?” he asked, his voice slurred with sleep.

“I want to get to the lab early.” She pulled her t-shirt off over her head and stepped out of her sweatpants. “But really, go back to bed.”

“What, and be a lazy ass while my brilliant girlfriend works hers off?”

“No, because I know for a fact that your ass wasn’t asleep until a couple hours ago.” She slipped her arms into a white blouse and started on the buttons. “I know you have trouble sleeping, but you need to at least try.”

He made a few abortive movements to get up, and then pressed his head down into the pillow. “I can’t sleep when the other side of the bed is cold,” he whined.

She slipped her legs into her favorite pencil skirt. “Maybe we should get a dog.”

“Caitliiin,” he begged, and looked so pathetic that she was almost tempted to get back in bed with him.

“I have work to do,” she said apologetically. “I’ll make it up to you tonight, okay? Extra cuddles.”

Caitlin went to the bathroom to brush her teeth. When she came back, Cisco had flopped over onto his stomach, and she thought that he was asleep until he mumbled, “The bed is really warm.” He rolled over and sat up. “Please don’t go.“

She turned to look at him as she twisted her hair into a bun. She studied his face- he mostly just looked sleepy and worn-out, but he had a pro poker face. “How come?”

Cisco stared at her for a minute and then scratched his neck. “I, uh, I’m having nightmares again.”

She slid the last bobby pin into her head and sat down on the edge of the bed. “What about?”

He studied his hands. “You. Other things, but mostly…” He trailed off with a petrified horror frozen in his eyes. “That’s why I couldn’t sleep,” he said huskily. “I didn’t want to close my eyes because I wanted to make sure you were safe.”

She felt an unnecessary twinge of guilt and reached up to stroke his hair. He melted into her touch, closing his eyes as she ran her fingers over his skull and tucked his hair behind his ears. “How about your headaches?” she asked quietly.

“Mm,” he said vaguely, eyes still closed.

“Cisco.”

“One or two… a day.”

“Cisco!” She glanced at the orange prescription bottle on his nightstand. “We can talk about a stronger prescription if you need one, but you need to talk to me about these things.”

“There’s never a good time.”

“We literally live together.”

“Yeah, but I’d rather spend my time with you doing more exciting things.” He opened his eyes. “I’m not really interested in killing the mood with ‘hey, can you up my Naproxen dosage?’”

“Fair.” She ran her hands down his neck and squeezed his shoulders. They were so tight. “How about you bring these things up at work? That way our time at home can be strictly fun.”

“Okay.” He grabbed her arm. “See how warm this bed is?”

“Hey!” She twisted away. “I have to work. I told you.”

“I know, but I told you.” The corners of his mouth fell. “I can’t sleep when… I like to know where you are. It helps with the pointless anxiety.”

Caitlin looked at the shadows under his eyes, the creases across his forehead. She stood up and his face fell. “Bye,” he mumbled.

“Hold your horses.” She unbuttoned her shirt and slid out of her skirt. “I’m just changing into something more comfortable.” His face lit up and she found one of his bigger t-shirts in the closet. It hit her mid-thigh and was bright red and said, This shirt is blue if you run fast enough. She slid it over her head.

Cisco’s eyes were sparkling with adoration. “I have the best girlfriend on the planet.”

“Agreed, but first-” She picked up a glass from her nightstand and filled it up in the bathroom. She came back and handed it to him, along with his prescription bottle. “You can have two of those.”

He grimaced at the lukewarm water, but swallowed both of the pills. She slid back under the covers and he nestled into her side.

She smoothed his hair down against his skull, all the way down his neck, rubbing her fingers lightly over each vertebrae. “I’m right here,” she murmured. “I’m safe. You’re safe. It’s okay.”

His breathing slowed gradually, but he still felt so tense beside her. “It’s okay,” she whispered, and was glad she hadn’t taken off for work.

He would always be more important.

I Am Always Yours

A short Reibert thing. Set around chapter 72 where Bert and Reiner were on the wall looking suspicious af. 

I listened to this while writing.  

XxxxX

Looking out over the remains of Shinganshina, Reiner felt oddly at peace. The calm before the storm as it were. The brief moment of quiet before the world went to shit one last time. All because of him. It was satisfying in a way to know Bertholdt and himself caused this, the upheaval of the human race. They deserved it.  

Quiet footsteps approached from behind and Bertholdt was at his side, silent as always.  His bottom lip was caught between his teeth, gnawing at the flesh, a sign of anxiety.

“You’ve got nothing to worry about. I’ll have them all killed before you even get there,” Reiner stated confidently.

“It’s not that,” Bertholdt glanced at the blonde, chewing becoming more insistent before he cast his gaze back out over the remains of the city. “I don’t want anyone else to go through hell because of us.”

“Marco had it coming,” Reiner scoffed, “He would have revealed our true identities. He was a liability. His death was inevitable.”

“We end it today. One way or another, we end it. I don’t… I don’t want them to continue living in this disgusting world any longer than they have to.”

Reiner looked up at Bertholdt, anxiousness clawing its way into his heart. Bertholdt was always prone to bouts of guilt over everything he’s done. Marco’s and Annie’s fates most of all. His guilt was unnecessary as neither deserved to be pitied; their fates were the result of their own foolishness.

Reiner leaned his forehead against Bertholdt’s shoulder, heaving in air only to let it all out in a resigned sigh. “Whatever happens, just remember that I love you. Whatever you do, I’ll still love you, okay? So stop with the guilt complex, it’s unnecessary.”

Bertholdt merely made an affirmative noise, gaze still trained on the horizon. The sunrise bathed the city in hues of orange and gold, the buildings silhouettes against the rejuvenating light. They’d survive this day, one way or another.

They parted reluctantly with lingering touches and longing in their eyes. They had to move out. The Survey Corps wouldn’t wait for heartfelt farewell.

With Reiner about to climb into his hideout inside the wall, Bertholdt called out to him, halting the blonde’s moments before he disappeared.

“I love you,” Bertholdt called. It wasn’t a goodbye. No, goodbyes were permanent and fickle things. It was a promise. A promise to return to one another, to make this world better.

To make it through this day.

when malcolm left and never returned, garrett attempted to fill the void he left, even as a child. he tried to be the role model for his younger siblings and be the, quote on quote, ‘man of the house’ for his mother. someone that his family could always count on. he helped settle fights and regularly pushed his feelings and dreams aside to try to help his family.

that’s why it always hurt when leandra or carver would blame him for any moment of imperfection.

yoooooo you know that feeling when you FINALLY let that shit go….like you finally decided to just stop putting yourself through unnecessary guilt and shame…it feels so good and free 10/10 would recommend you to just let that shit go whatever it is just let it go already babe

Cry

Pairing: Eren/Mikasa || Rating: K  || Words: 983 || [AO3]

Warnings: none

A/N:  I’m venting my angst ;-;

She knows he doesn’t mean to make her cry. Sometimes she just catches him at the wrong moment, oversteps their bounds a little. Of course, he finds her later and they talk, his apologies hidden between explanations and misunderstandings. That’s what she could always count on; him coming back at the end of the day, not as a soldier with a heavy purpose, but as Eren, who always thinks and acts with his heart. The one she and Armin wove flower crowns with before the fall. Before any of this.

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Minor Tumblr annoyances: Trying to decide if the information in a post is worth subjecting my followers to unnecessary guilt-tripping BS because they dared to get excited about something.

Family Feud

MASTERLIST

Requested by anonymous:  Can you do an imagine with Luke were his family adopts you when your like 5 and now you’re 16 and Luke has always hated you but you don’t know why so you confront him then it’s all cute and fluffy please ???

They told me it was a car crash, that my parents were taking me to the zoo but on the way there some other car swerved and crashed into us. My parents were killed on impact leaving me the sole survivor and living member of my family, and I was only five years old. Due to my age it meant that I didn’t stay in care for long because I was in my cute phase where I was no longer a screaming baby or a moaning teenager, I was adopted within two months of being in the care system. 

My family are the Hemmings, they are the only family I’ve ever really known. I sometimes have vague memories of my birth parents and keep some belongings and photographs they had of us as a family but they are a mere ghost of my life now, the only life I’ve truly known is with the Hemmings. Liz, Andy, Jack, Ben and Luke. 

I was always treated as a genuine member of the family, never isolated purposely by them, that is excluding Luke. It’s always been odd with him, when we were growing up, he being two years older than me at the time seemed to resent the idea of another person joining the family. My intentions with Luke were never hurtful or any form of malicious, all I wanted to do was feel like I belonged with this family seeing that the only one I had beforehand remained a memory to me in photographs. 

Going through the years me and my family had many ups, we all joked about things like any family would, except Luke would sometimes dismiss himself when I spoke up. When I met his friends around two years ago I made a close connection with Michael, someone who had previously had issues with Luke but became close friends. Luke didn’t like me talking to his friends, he said they wouldn’t like the real me leaving me isolated from him yet again. 

Mum said it was just a phase he was going through, that it happened with Ben and Jack and he would soon outgrow it. But five years later and me being sixteen and Luke eighteen it seems fairly sure that he hates me. 

All of the family were so proud when Luke’s band made it, for a while it was hit and miss but with the help from One Direction they succeeded. When the band came back to Australia and if all of the family could make it we’d try and go to the shows, sometimes it would be a few of us, just mum and dad or just me. Except of late it was never just me, as I knew he wouldn’t care. 

This week Luke is playing at the Hordern Pavilion, and since it’s the last show of the tour we all planned to go, that is we. A few days before the show doubt started to cloud my mind about going, as all of the previous times played in my mind. How he would practically ignore me at the shows and the others would smile or talk to me instead, more than my adoptive brother would. How he would seem ungrateful to have me there, so why make him feel worse by being in his presence when instead I can stay at home where I feel comfortable for a short period before he comes back? 

Telling Dad was difficult, at first he didn’t quite understand what I meant, that I didn’t want to see Luke perform because to be frank, he hated me. After a while it seemed to make sense, and no matter how much both my parents tried to reason with me my mind was set, I won’t ruin Luke’s big night. “It’s because I’m not blood.” I stated as I walked off back to my room, ending the conversation between us as I heard them discuss a few things about Luke’s attitude in hushed tones. 

For the rest of the day no one disturbed me as I sat in my room watching films and busying myself with other things, that way I wouldn’t feel an unnecessary amount of guilt over nothing. “Bye love, we’ll see you later tonight.” My mum came in and gave me a tight hug, the type that held so much emotion that each feeling gripped onto you tighter than the last. “Luke doesn’t hate you,” She pulled away giving me a concerned look, but we all knew it. “it’s just his way I guess.” Sighing she gave me one last hug before heading out. 

I heard an array of farewells until the door closed, and I was left in the overbearing silence of my own thoughts. 


Luke

As the show goes on the adrenaline rush continues to oversee me, during the brief pause we all call out the the fans, knowing we all have our families in the crowd tonight and want to make them proud with this final performance. Make it a night they won’t want to forget. 

Getting closer to the fans I see my parents faces appear through fans that are within the first few rows, along with them are most of my immediate family but as my eyes scan I feel disheartened and I think they can tell. I see my dad shake his head at me but I have no choice but to force a smile and keep on going, giving it my all. Once I got closer to Michael he gave me a look whilst we had our backs turned and he could tell what my expression meant, he shook his head at me before facing the crowd and singing like there was no tomorrow. 

 After the show had finished and we went back to our dressing room I felt heavy, the adrenaline rush was dispersing but my leg was trembling with nerves. Our usual post show high had fallen as I knew something was up, I just wanted to know what it was. Patiently I waited for my family to appear, for one of them to tell me what is going on, as time went by with little communication outside of these four walls the guys tried to rationalise it all. 

“She could be ill?” Calum suggested but I shook my head. When she was younger she broke her ankle but made it to one of our smaller gigs. That time when she had just gotten out of the hospital and had a concussion she rocked out with my brothers just hours later. Also the time when she had been sick with the flu but came anyway, she was the only family support that day, but I didn’t tell her I appreciated it. 

“What if she’s out on a date?” My eyes went wide at the thought, and I heard Ashton giggle but Michael sigh. “Be a shame if she was.” I glared his way as I saw him hanging his head low. 

A knock on the door distracted me from my thoughts and as Ashton went to open it there stood the one and only, Liz Hemmings. I went towards her and gave her a tight hug, she hugged back but it wasn’t one with all her might, not like the usual hugs she gives. “Could you guys excuse us for just a moment?” She addressed the others who gave no objections before walking out, leaving us alone, the atmosphere was so tense for such a small space. 

“So,” I speak up, feeling anxious and just wanting answers about her whereabouts. “Where is Y/n?” My tone has some neediness to it, which is peculiar for me. 

“She didn’t come.” My mum states bluntly but it doesn’t process in my mind, “Y/n thought you wouldn’t want her here so she decided to stay at home. That way you would enjoy the show more without her being here.” I start to feel the pit in my stomach growing, becoming more empty and dark. 

“But I thought she would, she always does.” I sound whiny, like she is my good luck charm or something when she comes I feel better inside. 

“Honey,” She places her hand on my shoulder, “Y/n believes you hate her.” My eyes go wide and she removes her hand and looks away from me, it’s that disappointed parent thing. “And we can’t blame her. We tried so hard to get you to talk to her, treat her like she is apart of the family as she is. But what is it Luke? Why do you hate your sister so much?” My mum sounds quiet and tired, she takes a seat letting out a long sigh. 

For a minute I hesitate to move or answer, my mind keeps drawing blanks. “I guess I just don’t see her as a sister.” I begin to process my thoughts into words, “She doesn’t seem like a relative to me, it just feels like a stranger lives with us.” 

“But she is a relative, she’s grown up with you Luke! How can she be a stranger?” Annoyance replaced the quiet tone now, and I felt insecure about my feelings, unsure even on what the right answer could be. 

“Can I just go and talk to her? One on one?” I ask and she remains silent, it takes all my will not to take her phone and call her up but I wait, remain still and await an answer. 

“Fine.” One word, one syllable was enough to convince me and I gave her a tight hug before heading out of the dressing room only to be greeted by the guys. 

“Were you listening the whole time?” I ask them and they all turn away, sighing I ask “Can you guys come with me to my house? I need to see Y/n before everyone gets home.” Michael eagerly nods whilst Cal and Ashton seem hesitant but the look in my eyes convinces them. 

“It won’t be easy, but we’ve got enough time for you to decide how you are going to tell her that after all these years you actually don’t hate her.” Michael states in a very sarcastic tone causing me to glare at him. He’s always had a thing for Y/n, it’s as clear as day. Why it upsets me I don’t know but I can’t help but get frustrated when he flirts with her. 

As we sit in the car I mentally prepare a speech, explaining how I really feel but my actions and physical appearance can be misleading. How much I really care for her and appreciate her, it’s just having a sister sprung on you was harder than I thought it could be. When we arrive the engine gets turned off and all eyes are on me. “Want us to come in with you?” Calum asks and I shake my head. 

I look to the house and see one light is on, it’s her room. “I’d rather do this alone, I think I owe it to her.” And with that I get out of the car and head back into the house. 

Taking a long walk up the stairs I mutter bits of my speech under my breath, but as I reach her room I pause. All of my words melt away as I knock and patiently await her to answer. My heart starts to pound in my chest as I see the door knob twist, and there she stands. 

“What do you want?” She remains blunt, the same level I must’ve been with her all this time. Instantly I feel a harsh amount of regret slap me across the face and I go silent. “Look Luke,” She starts and leans against her door frame, keeping the only room in the house I’ve never set foot in hidden from my view. “I don’t care what you think of me as a sister, how if I dropped off the face of the Earth tomorrow you wouldn’t bat an eyelid. Or the fact that I tried so hard for eleven years to act like a good sibling to you, everyone else sees me as family but you.” She scoffs, “You seem to treat me like I’m beneath you, as if I am not worthy of being in the family that I had no choice but to be put into.” Her hair hangs in her face and I want to reach my hand out and tuck it behind her ear, but I stand my ground and outwait her. “Do you know I remember bits of it? The night my birth parents died in that car crash?” Now she is opening up and her voice becomes shaky, “In my dreams I see them smiling back at me, laughing and joking, singing songs with me. Then it takes a violent turn, screams replace the singing, cries for help and murmurs for my name fill my eyes and all I can see is my parents limp bodies in the front of the car.” I feel a shiver go through me as her eyes go cold, slightly glazed. “And then I was here. It was a chance for me to have a normal life but having you as a brother makes it difficult, always feeling a need to leave is no fun, it’s not what families do Luke. So what is your problem?” Now she went silent, she was cocky, as if she was preparing for this all along, waiting for the perfect moment to express herself. 

I couldn’t think. I couldn’t find the right words as all I could picture was her crying in her sleep, calling for her birth parents and waking up only to feel resented by me for years and years. Through the most traumatic years of her life I made it worse, what if I acted like I should have? Would we be better as a family? Would I care about how Michael felt about her? Would I feel this way towards her? 

“I guess part of me can’t comprehend feelings like this.” Words started to find themselves and form sentences again, “You aren’t just a sister to me, I feel like I care too much that it scares me so I don’t act and instead I ignore it.” A sigh escapes me as she still hovers by her door, clinging onto it with all her might. “When you came into the family I was jealous, that my parents now had a little girl they could spoil and wouldn’t care about the rest of us, so there was resentment to begin with.” I explained but it didn’t seem to be having any form of effect on her, it wasn’t easing either of us. 

“So you’re saying that all of these years you’ve acted like a complete arsehole becuse you were jealous of having a girl in the family and that you saw me as something other than a sister?” As she said it aloud it sounded dumb, incredibly stupid. 

But it was true. All I could do was slowly nod and I saw her grip on her door loosen as she began to close it, shutting me out like I always did to her. “Can’t we start over?” I pleaded as I stuck my foot in between her door just as she was about to close it and held my tongue, trying not to let out a whimper in pain.

“I don’t know Luke. I don’t know if I can get to like you after all you’ve done. You don’t like me at your shows, seeing your friends when they come round or talk to them, you roll your eyes when I speak and never talk to me unless its compulsory.” As she said this I pictured all the times this has happened, and only then do I realise how awful I’ve been all this time. 

“I’ll be right back.” I state as I remove my foot and see the door close firmly. My feet move before my brain quite understand what is occurring. As I reach the car I open the door and drag him out, he tries to question my motives but as I lead him up the stairs he goes silent. I knock on the door again and hear her moaning. 

“Luke seriously I can’t do thi-” As she opened the door, now in pajamas and her hair moved out of her face I could see her going slightly shy as she saw Michael stood before her. I noticed straight away a change in Michael too, his usual cocky persona had been muted, he fidgeted on the spot and looked at the ground. 

“I’ve gotta start somewhere right?” I spoke up and caught her attention, she opened up her door and now my curiosity had been answered, the layout of her room was different than I expected. It was cosy for a big room, she had photos covering one wall with fairy lights, whilst the other was all artwork. 

I swear I could see a smile form on her face as she invited Michael into her room, “Thank you Luke.” She said in a polite tone as she closed her door, a surge of positivity and hope swept over me as I heard them laughing, talking and getting along. 

It may take a bit of time but I’ll be the brother I should’ve been all along.

Tumblr and its beef with heterosexuality

Ok, so anyone who spends a large amount of time in tumblr already knows where this Is going. Due to this I will start with a disclaimer. I am in no way opposed to the LGBT+ community or celebrations of LGBT+ identities. For the purposes of this post I will be referring to heterosexuality and homosexuality in the short form of hetero and homo. I am aware of the negative connotations associated with this shorthand, but I will have faith that whoever is reading this understands context. If you do not believe me and choose to label me a homophobe, be my guest.

Now, in the LGBT+ community here on tumblr there has been one distinct issue I have noticed cropping up constantly; resentment or outright hatred of hetero people. Obviously I think this behaviour is inexcusable and on par with homophobia. People will attempt to say heterophobia isn’t a thing just as they do with racism against white people, but this is merely an excuse to justify their hatred. Luckily this only seems to be present in a minority of the community, as most of them are actually decent human beings.

Now, the vast majority of the human population is hetero, so I’m not a conspiracy theorist expecting hetero people to become oppressed or be stripped of their rights. No matter how much hatred the LGBT+ community (even outside the confines of tumblr) develops towards hetero people, it will never make any large scale effects. This is not my concern.

My concern is for the individual. In a cruel twist of irony, hetero being the dominant sexuality has made it so that nobody ever feels the need to reassure a hetero person that their sexuality is ok. This provides a loophole. Any young, vulnerable or impressionable hetero people who frequent tumblr might very well be exposed to heterophobia, and begin to feel unnecessary guilt for a part of themselves they had no choice in. This of course, can drastically affect their life, and possibly lead to some dark things. This is (obviously) a terrible thing, that I’m sure has happened a few times already, although I cannot confirm any cases of such.

So what do I want? Well it’s simple. I’d like to see tumblr actually practice what it preaches. The people this kind of hatred can affect never electrocuted any homos. They never threw them off roofs or screamed bible verses at them. They are innocent, and do not deserve to be subjected to unwarranted hatred. In an equal world, all forms of prejudice are called out. For a group who has suffered so much from undue prejudice, I see no reason for any homo people to condone this kind of behaviour. If you see someone saying something about a sexuality or race or gender to which you don’t belong, substitute your own and see if the statement seems any worse. If so, you should call it out anyway you are comfortable with.

I have 0 faith that tumblr will ever stop being the pseudo 4-chan it is, but I’d like at least one person to see this post and change ever so slightly. Thanks for your time.

Cream of mushroom

fandom: Stony (Steve x Tony)

summary: Tony is acting weird lately, and Steve doesn’t understand what is happening with his little butterball

length: 2 228 words

warnings: body acceptance fic with chubby!Tony

a/n: filling in more prompts (plus this prompt)! this one was quite popular, but always got pushed back in time in favor of more happy fics. finally posting it today! and there is a happy ending, don’t worry. again, please ignore the title

———

Cream of mushroom

Tony gulped. This was harder than he expected. The smell, the sight. He couldn’t help that his mouth was watering. He shook his head, trying to get tempting thoughts out of his head and wiped his mouth, feeling that maybe he even started to drool. Nice going, Stark.

“Tony, why are you not eating?” Steve asked, already halfway his own portion of delicious spaghetti with meatballs. It was Steve’s patented recipe, with his secret tomato sauce and cheese inside the meatballs. It was just heaven.

And Tony couldn’t have any of it. 

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