unless you happen to be jack

Things I have learned since becoming an Adult™

-don’t tell ur coworkers jack shit. You might think they’re your friends but they will sell you out for a paperclip
-everything men tell you is a lie
-store brand vanilla ice cream is better than name brand
-pregnancy tests from the dollar store work just as well as $20 ones
-don’t lie to your doctor
-seriously don’t
-at some point your card will get declined for $6 and nobody but you will care. It happens to everyone at some point in their life
-you will become bffs with your mom (unless she’s a mean person, then skip this one)
-you’ll wish you took the advice adults gave you when you were younger, even though it annoyed you at the time
-people you went to high school with will become teachers, doctors, etc but they will still do drugs and it will be weird. That’s life, my dude
-never underestimate the power of new underwear

quizzi123  asked:

Teeth

“I made you both appointments to see the dentist next week,” Maddie said, settling down at the table with a cup of steaming hot cocoa.

Both the boys stared at her with identical expressions of horror. Jack’s expression turned into a pout rather quickly as he slouched down in his chair, but Danny’s face stayed firmly rebellious.

“You’re seventeen, Danny,” she said with a sigh. “You need to outgrow this eventually. The dentist isn’t going to hurt you-”

“Unless he’s overshadowed,” Danny interrupted. Jack’s eyes lit up at the viable excuse.

“I happen to know you can pick out someone who’s overshadowed at a hundred feet,” Maddie said patiently. “You’re going.”

As Jack scowled and sank back down, Danny’s eyes narrowed. “I don’t need to go to the dentist. My teeth are fine. See?” He flashed her a smile, filled with razor-sharp fangs.

Maddie settled back in her chair and blew on her hot cocoa before taking a sip. “Stop changing your appearance. It’s unhealthy.” After a moment of silence, making sure her son’s teeth looked human again, she added, “And you’re still going.”

Birthday Promise

Joe grinned as he listened to the bickering between siblings on the other side of the door, knowing exactly what was happening.

“FINE! I’LL GET IT!” Jack yelled moments before the door was swung open, and his face changed to one of utter surprise. “Joe?”

This is why Anna and Conor refused to get the door.”

“What are you doing here?!” Jack laughed, pulling Joe in for a hug.

“It’s your birthday, babe,” Joe pulled back enough to find Jack’s lips. “And I wouldn’t miss that for the world.”

“But…meetings.”

“Finished or rescheduled.”

“Videos?”

“Can wait.”

“Phone calls?”

“Unless I’m mistaken, you get reception in Brighton.” Joe took a small step back, cocking his head, “I mean, if you don’t want me here, I can just go back to London…” He half turned to head for his car, but Jack’s hand reached out quickly to grab his.

“No, no, no! I want you here.”

“Then stop making up excuses as to why I shouldn’t be here,” Joe teased, allowing Jack to pull him back, their bodies colliding slightly. “I’m here for you, babe. Accept it.”

“I’m just surprised. Definitely the best birthday present.”

“You haven’t seen what I got you yet.”

“You didn’t have to get me anything…” Jack mumbled, blushing lightly.

“Of course I did.” Joe smiled, pecking him on the lips quickly. “Now let me in, I want to say hi to Anna.”


“I’m so glad you could join us, Joe.” Helen told him as they carried plates into the kitchen.

“I wouldn’t miss Jack’s birthday for anything.” He replied, placing the stack carefully on the counter.

“You’ve been good to him,” She watched him as he puttered around the kitchen, cleaning up a few items. “Oh, do leave that be.”

“Sorry, habit.” Joe blushed, looking over at her.

“I don’t think I’ve thanked you yet, for surprising Jack today. I mean it, dear. You’re good for him. A mother knows when her child has found their person.”

“He’s good for me as well,” He fiddled with a stray fork, “Just don’t let him hear me tell you that.”

“Of course not, our secret.” Helen winked over at him, “Now, help me with the cake.”


“Night, Jack!” Anna called out as she shut her bedroom door, but it opened a moment later, and her head popped out. “Oh, and night Joe!”

“Night Anna.” The two replied in unison, heading for Jack’s room.

“Happy birthday,” Joe tugged the younger man closer once the door was shut, his arms wrapping around Jack’s neck.

“Is this my present?” Jack smirked into the kiss, pressing Joe against the door.

“No,” Joe tilted his head back as Jack’s lips moved down along his neck, “You’re family is just outside.”

“Way to kill the mood, love.” Jack muttered, his forehead falling against Joe’s shoulder.

“How about your actual present then?”

“Wait, you actually got me something?” Jack lifted his head to look at Joe.

“You thought I didn’t?” Joe chuckled, pushing the other man away lightly. “It’s your birthday!”

“But…you coming here was enough.” Jack replied weakly, sitting on the bed as Joe headed over to his bag.

“No it wasn’t. That was because I should be here.” He took a seat beside Jack, their legs pressed against each other. “This is your present.” Joe handed over the small item, wrapped neatly.

“Who wrapped this?” Jack asked, a teasing smile on his lips. “Because you don’t know how to wrap this good.”

“Shut up and open your present.”

“Okay, okay.”

Joe watched nervously as Jack slowly unwrapped the black box and then opened it, gasping lightly.

“I’m not proposing!” Joe said quickly when Jack lifted his gaze to look at him, “Not yet. This is just a promise.” He reached over to remove the silver band from the box, taking Jack’s hand in his free one, “A promise that I will one day. But I’m still yours. If you’ll have me.”

“Joe…”

“You can say no.” Joe hesitated, the ring at the tip of Jack’s finger, “We can pretend this didn’t just happen.”

“I love you.” Jack said instead, his finger slipping through the band as he leaned forward, kissing Joe softly. “And I’ll always have you.”

“Oh thank gods,” Joe breathed, lacing his fingers through Jack’s, “I was terrified you’d say no.”

“Sorry, you’re stuck with me. For life.”

“Wouldn’t have it any other way.” Joe smiled, brushing his thumb over the cool metal, “Happy birthday, Jack. I love you.”

“Thank you for surprising me. Best birthday ever.”

raspberrysmooches  asked:

ooh either ashley/fem!shepard or jack/miranda prompt: 5 times we didn't tell each other how we really felt and one time we did (if you want~)

also here on ao3~

One

Jack’s not one for words, not unless she’s about to be cursing out someone but Shepard’s changed her during her time on the Normandy. She still doesn’t like to talk feelings and emotions with people but she can handle talking to her kids better, it makes her a better trainer than she ever thought she could be.

Still she isn’t about to open her mouth and tell Miranda who just so happens to be bleeding out in front of her that it’s going to be okay. It’s a lie and they both know it.

“Shepard isn’t far out.” Jack says, checking her omnitool again for the ETA from the Normandy. It’s just luck that she stumbled upon Miranda while on this mission with the 103rd Marine Divison and it’s even more luck the Normandy was in the area. She takes a second to yell at her students to watch their barriers when the sky thunders above them with grenades being lobed overhead.

“Jack.” Miranda’s voice distracts her, it’s far too serious than she likes even though she’s always made fun of Miranda for being like that. A hand catches her own and Jack stares down at Miranda, trying not to look at how red her once pristine white parts of her outfit are now.

A year ago she would have been fine with leaving Miranda to die. A year ago they weren’t in this awkward relationship of sleeping with each other and leaving.

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Things I need if 5ds ever reboots

5ds to pull a fullmetal alchemist brotherhood and get a redo (and a much better one like brotherhood)

Yuseis mom

FOR JACK NOT TO BE THROWN AS A COMEDIC SIDE CHARACTER

Yuseis mom

Jacarly not to be thrown under the bus

the actual yuaki thing to be shown as Canon!

have I mentioned Yuseis mom?

Yuseis future after the end of the series (seriously we got everyone else’s)

Some sort of prequel oneshot to all the signer parents (headcanon that the parents all knew each other somehow or another before zero reverse)

an interaction with yusei and his mom

TEAM 5DS PULLING THEIR GODDAMN WEIGHT INSTEAD OF MAKING YUSEI THE HERO FOR EVERYTHING (I know he’s the main character and all but I mean come on.. Jack was the king of Turbo dueling for like two years, aki was the black rose witch, ruka was like a prodigy duelist at the age if three, and motherfucking crow beat security in a OTK. GIVE THE TEAM SOME GODDAMN CREDIT!)

Yusei and his dad to have a nice interaction instead of some good hocus pocus mambo jambo

I REALLY WANT TO SEE YUSEIS MOM BECAUSE WE ONLY GOT A PICTURE OF HER AND THAT WAS IT! LIKE SHE WAS NEVER MENTIONED OR SEEN AGAIN! LIKE WHERE WAS SHE AT WHEN SHIT WENT DOWN!

@yugirl-with-dragons

Rules: Answer the questions & add 20 blogs you wanna know better! (Please don’t repost)

Nickname:  The Mun’s Nickname: Captain. Jack’s nickname: Jackie, Jackyboy, and Fluff-Butt. 

Star sign: Leo

Height: The Mun: 5′11″ Jackson: 6 ‘ 4″ (Normal height)

Favourite music artist: Basically all European Renaissance music artists

Last TV show you watched: House MD

What kind of stuff do you post:  Roleplay, Status updates, reblogs, Art Class projects, and other trash. Except for the reblogs. The reblogs are AWESOME! :D Because I reblog from awesome people :3

Do you have any other blogs: Nope, except for a barely used one. Of which, I’d rather not reveal unless you happen to ship our muses. 

Why did you choose your URL?:  The URL is based on the fact that since Jack died and was reborn he was lost and then he was found :D

Hogwarts House: None

Pokemon team: None

Favourite colour: No specific one

How many blankets do you sleep with: 2

Following: 291

Followers: 233

Tagged by: @gaomonxx, @metalghostie (x2), @eltehdork (x3)

Tagging: @chippani, @balance-is-here, @gyronope, @blacklynx14, @ninelivesandcounting, @catzmir91, @leveleddown @ablasteranddecibat, @da-moonmoon, @daniellecatwolf, @messofneutrellas, @starseekerxiii, @skeletal-shenaniganner, @iamsthesans, @swilixverse and anyone else interested! :D

anonymous asked:

Oh boy it was, jack was doing a power hour with like board games or something? And all of a sudden Anti started freaking out and breaking everything. But yeah, i also wondered if it's gonna be a theme now during horror games or is something big actually going to happen?

That does sound like Anti! It would be funny if they were playing a board game and Anti just started to get upset because he was losing and didn’t want to admit defeat. Grumpy glitch bitch is my fav.

You know what, I really don’t know if it’s just going to be a horror theme or if he’ll show up at any given moment. In October it started out as only being a horror theme thing but he ended up showing up briefly in other games as well like Cluster Truck. Unless Jack finds another horror game to play or something even remotely creepy, we may be seeing Anti in just about any game. Though there seems to be a pattern in Anti’s appearances in the sense where he’s shown up in order to deliver some sort of message. Like in Detention, he shows up when Jack reads the words ‘forgotten or just too afraid to remember’, right? He seems to enjoy doing that. So maybe it won’t just be any game, but in a game where he’s able to deliver a message to Jack or the viewers indirectly.

I really don’t know! It’s just a theory but I guess we’ll have to wait to find out!

anonymous asked:

Dr. Alphys? This may sound like a strange request, but I suggest you inform Sans of everything that's happened ASAP. Also, see if you can convince Undyne to go with you.

Pfffffft, Sans?

Listen, I-I love the guy, but I don’t see how he could help.

Or why he’d even want to! 

Eheheh, if there’s one thing you can be sure about with him, it’s that he wouldn’t do any more work than he absolutely had to. 

We c-can let him and his brother know what’s happened once Asgore figures out what to do.

Dear Eugene and Jack,
and Paul or whatever your name was,

I am writing you to inform you that I do not have a creepy fixation on sports bras. They actually do happen to lie around, okay? It’s not like I go looking for them by detouring to an old Addidas factory down south. Of which I know nothing. And by the way, I wouldn’t even get in there unless I knew about the tiny hole above the back door handle. Which I don’t, incidentally.
Also, sports bras happen to be trendy and convenient at once; a perfect marriage between style and function that gives you the strength to carry on through attacking zombie hordes, making you look like the badass warrior queen you are, all the while making sure your boobs are save and sound.
And I do not have an obsession with them.

Sincerely yours,
Runner Five
(regular listener of your show who notices if you talk shit)

Hannibal Re-Catch: Sorbet

Welcome to my recap of Episode 1.07 of the first season of Hannibal.

This week, there’s another fake accidental Chesapeake Ripper on the loose, who’s harvesting organs and NOT DOING A VERY GOOD JOB AT IT. What an idiot. Instead of getting all murder jealous, Hannibal takes this opportunity to kill, cook, and eat everyone in the Baltimore area that happened to look at him funny in the past two years. Jack’s having some bad dreams (join the club, dude). Franklyn likes cheese (and Hannibal) A LOT. And Will is just kinda there, quietly hallucinating in the background.

Join me as I revisit the episode Sorbet and view it through the lens of the entire series thus far. So DO NOT read this if you haven’t watched all the way through Season 2, unless that’s your scene, then have at it!

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Broken Headphones

So after 2 years of great care, my wireless headphones finally broke on me this morning. Least to say i’m pretty pissed at the moment. Was going to livestream today too so unless I can get a replacement later today that won’t be happening anytime soon. Those were really nice headphones too and I was so good at taking care of them. One simple mistake and now they’re jacked. 

I feel I don’t have the right to ask this, but my headphones are pretty darn important to my work and this last pair was fairly expensive and I’m rather low on cash at the moment until commissions are finished. I’m already taking on a lot of art, but if anyone is willing to donate some money i’d be happy to throw in some sketches as an incentive. There is a paypal button on my main page for anyone who might be interested. I’d have to get around to those after commissions since they take priority so keep that in mind, but I would super appreciate any help on this matter. To replace the pair I had including tax I need about $100, though even half of that would be fine at this point if I had to spot the rest.

Again I normally would never do this, but i’m a bit desperate to replace these as quickly as possible. Thank you for taking the time to read this. 

When I’m at parties I’m every overdone YA novel I read in high school and it’s not on purpose I swear but I just so happened to have a Smiths phase the first time I tried to kiss a girl and she said she was straight. Someone in my eleventh grade English class once told me “You seem to really understand where Holden is coming from.” First of all: how fucking dare he.

My problem if you want to get right down to it is that yes I’ll reach for a single glass of wine first but if it’s gone then sure Jack Daniels and Coke sounds fine but if you’re out of Coke that’s fine too. In line with avoiding cliches like the plague I’ve never so much as held a cigarette but I still carry a lighter in my purse where my caution ought to be.

Things happen to me twofold: what’s here and then you. I hardly ever get high unless it’s funnier if I do and calling you then is no different than it is on Tuesdays. (Maybe. Maybe it is. Maybe slower.) If I accused you of losing sleep over smoke in my lungs, would you make fun of my metaphors? You filthy fucking hypocrite. Come kiss me goodnight.

—  Our Thing, by Rachel R. Carroll
Perfect Soldier // sgtghoststory

@sgtghoststory

He’d only heard small things at first, little rumors that seemed far too good to be true; a soldier, practically a ghost. Efficient, ruthless, merciless, and, best of all, loyal to a fault. Missions done by this soldier were quick and bloody, unless specified otherwise. The soldier was basically a robot, but far less annoying. They required no pay, and would complain about nothing.

They were like Wilhelm, only far, far better.

See, Wilhelm was loyal, and he was dangerous- that was, after all, what happened when you basically put your brain into the body of a loader bot- but he wouldn’t do anything he wasn’t paid to do. He was technically a mercenary, despite being in Jack’s employment for so long, and being the most fearsome merc in the next six galaxies made him require a pretty damn hefty paycheck. It wasn’t like he couldn’t afford it- he had billions, trillions of dollars that he had no friggin’ clue what to do with- but it would be nice, really, really nice, to have a soldier that didn’t ask for pay. That didn’t ask him questions. That did what they were told, exactly when they were told, like clockwork.

Like with anything else that he desired, he set out to find this soldier immediately. It shouldn’t be too hard, he thought, with eyes all over Pandora. Finding a killer that did their work cleaner and quieter than most bandits should be easy, the trails left behind would be too neat for anyone else.

Turns out it wasn’t as easy as he thought.

It took him forever to finally nab the soldier- a woman, it seemed, though he wasn’t very surprised; Pandora tended to breed only the fiercest and most badass women possible- but as soon as he heard she was in Hyperion custody, he headed straight for her cell with a wide grin and a pistol on hand. After all, that time out in the wild might have done something to her head. You never know when you might have to put someone down.

She had been stuck in a large, reinforced glass room, meant mostly for holding goliaths during experimentation. She seemed to have enhanced strength, which was the first thing they warned him about. Don’t go in the cell, they told him, not until you’re sure she could actually be fully loyal to you. He normally didn’t listen to the stupid little scientist, but from what he’d heard of this chick, he thought it best to keep on the safe side for once in his life.

“Hey there, kitten.” He greeted her casually, hoping to nab her attention. “And what’s your name?”

A Bagworm is an insect that is a particular pest to pine, spruce, and evergreen trees. Even though Pineco looks like a pinecone, it is actually an insect. See this entry for confirmation:

It looks just like a pinecone. Its shell protects it from bird Pokémon that peck it by mistake. It likes to make its shell thicker by adding layers of tree bark.

Nevertheless, if it falls out of a tree, Pineco will explode. Since explosions are so fun, let’s take a look at this. Natural pinecones won’t explode for no reason, but there is a species of Jack Pine Tree who’s cones will not open to release the seeds unless it is heated by a fire. 

Similarly, if you do light a pinecone on fire (which we do not recommend), you might see an explosion effect similar to popcorn. Popcorn kernels explode when heated because the moisture inside them expands form the heat, until the pressure is too great for the shell to keep in. This usually happens around 135 psi pressure, and 350 degrees. This is what we would likely see in Pineco.

But we have a slight problem here. The explosion we’ve discussed happens when something is exposed to heat. Pineco explodes when it falls out of a tree. Lucky for us, its all energy. But what’s the limit here? if you drop Pineco out of your hand, would it explode? Surely it would if you drop it off of the empire state building. 

We know that popcorns pop at a pressure of 135 psi. You can think of pressure as force over an volume. Think of it on an atomic level. If molecules are moving faster, they will be hitting the sides of whatever container they are in more often and with more force: creating higher pressure. Therefore, we can relate pressure to energy and density like this:

E=P/d

I am going to estimate Pineco as a sphere and say its density is ~ 64 kg/m^3. Of course, ideally we only want the density inside the shell, but I have no way of determining how much mass is inside the shell and how much is the shell, so I took the density of Pineco as a whole. From this, we can see that we need an Energy of 15,703 Joules to explode Pineco.

This energy is all going to come from its drop. Potential Energy due to gravity is:

E=mgh

Which gives us a height of 207 meters required to get this energy. Most trees aren’t that tall.

When Pineco falls out of a tree, the impact increases the pressure inside Pineco’s shell, causing Pineco to explode like popcorn. If it only gets energy from falling, Pineco would have to fall 207 meters.

Our world’s tallest living tree is only 115 meters high, so Pineco would have to be dropped off of a skyscraper. Unless the energy comes from somewhere else.

You might be familiar with the fireworks called Bang snaps, which are small firecrackers that you throw against the ground. They then pop and create some sort of sound. They work through an extremely friction-sensitive explosive which detonates on impact.

It’s safe to assume then, that Pineco’s body contains some friction-sensitive explosive, which upon hitting the ground will heat up the moisture inside of its shell, causing it to expand and helping Pineco to explode.

Pineco has a small amount of friction-sensitive explosive inside his shell, which will detonate on impact and aid in the explosion.

While 15,703 Joules might seem like a lot, one stick of Dynamite has nearly 1,000,000 Joules of energy. A Pineco-mass of TNT would produce 30,124,800 Joules in an explosion, roughly 2000 times the energy it takes for Pineco to explode.

tbh im not even a huge karkat fan but something that stings abt the “””””ending”””” is that karkat didnt get to do jack fuckin shit to redeem himself in his own eyes. he didnt get to fight in the final battle, didnt get to “lead his people”, didnt get to goddamn make up for giving the frog cancer the first time round. you just know that this is something that daves gonna spend years trying to help karkat move past but unless somethin real important happens in the epilogue karkat’s gonna die feeling just as useless and out of place amongst gods and warriors as he did amongst non-mutant trolls on alternia- and that shit’s fuckin sad.

50 prompt challenge

11.) “Are you going to watch me take my clothes off?”

After turning off the engine to his truck, Jack sat for a second with his head against the steering wheel. God, practice had sucked. With so much of their team out with injuries, none of the lines were unaffected, and everyone was scrambling to connect. Luckily, most of the guys would trickle back between their next two games, so they shouldn’t struggle for too long, but they still had to actually get through their next game before then, and Jack was fairly certain that unless some magic happened over the next two days, it was going to be a rout.

Jack counted out ten deep breaths. He knew he wouldn’t be able to totally erase the anxiety buzzing in his head, but he tried to shed as much of it as possible. He imagined leaving it here, in his truck, to be picked up when he went back to the rink tomorrow. He didn’t want to bring it home with him, not when right now, home included Bitty.

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