unladen european swallow

Because all the kids are doing it...

So you wanna be my Valentine?

  • Name:
  • Romantic, platonic, or antagonistic Valentine? 
  • (Friendly Warning:  Si cupere pacem, para bellum)
  • Generally speaking, do animals like you?
  • Do you like surfing?
  • Tattoos? Piercings?
  • What’s your perfect date?
  • What do you think is my perfect date?
  • Physical affection, yes or no?
  • Are you big spoon, little spoon, N/A or switch?
  • Past, present or future? Why?
  • Money or power? Why?
  • What’s the worst thing you’ve done this week?
  • Someone you love calls needing help to bury a body. What do you do?
  • Have you caused grievous harm to anyone I care for in the last…ever?
  • What is the airspeed velocity of an unladen European swallow? (Bonus points if your answer is in the form of a mathematical equation.)
  • If you could wake up in an alternate universe, who would you be?
  • What makes you a good Valentine?


I like to imagine that Jim had played Monty Python and The Holy Grail for Spock one night just to see how he’d react.

“Jim, it is illogical to determine if she practices in the occult simply by a comparison of densities.”

“I do not believe it is historically accurate that the knights of Camelot performed musical numbers.”

“I do not understand the particular obsession of that extremity. It has appeared numerous times in the animated sequences.”

“To utilize livestock in such a way is absurd.”

“Rabbits are not known to be carnivorous, Jim.”

“The average cruising air-speed velocity of an unladen European Swallow has been estimated to be 11 meters per second, or 24 miles an hour. To have no knowledge of that when providing the questions is quite baffling. Especially since I found that particular question to be more intellectually challenging than those of their names and personal preference to color.”

“I must admit I am perplexed by the intervention of the modern authorities. Actually, I am quite perplexed by the entirety of the film.”

The stuff I think about…