It´s like I know what I want but i´m not sure if I actually want it. At 18, I´m supposed to at least know what I want to work in for the rest of my life. I have to be certain of this decisión otherwise you could a semester or a year trying to figure out what on earth do you want to work at.
I´m torn between being in a world full of high-end brain geeks and making a leap of faith into a much less neurotically complex world. As much as I like telling people what they should and should not eat I really hate science. I hate chemistry. I hate the people that I take classes with. I don’t like listening to conversations about chemical compounds and how to add integers. I feel like an outsider and even after spending three weeks locked up in my room with no social interaction whatsoever, studying day and night, I still failed. And it’s not because I failed that I hate it, it’s because no matter how many hours of tutoring and studying I still didn’t understand a word of it. It was a foreign language to me and the worse part of it is that if I want to actually be a nutritionist I have to spend four years of my life studying with people I don’t like, feeling like an outsider, not understanding, overstudying and finding out that I failed. Not to mention the pressure of my father and the fact that I have to take chemistry for two years and I’m not even sure I can pass the first one, let alone microbacterial chemistry.
On the other hand, I have psychology. Normal people, stuff I understand, helping people cope with their problems, actually understanding and even if I don’t talk to anyone I won’t feel like an outsider. Downside: six years. But if I really like it, does it matter?
It seems like my mind is made up. But what if I find a whole new set of problems, a whole family against me and making me feel horrible for not choosing the career that would get me a job the next day? What if I make the wrong choice again and I just want out because it’s too hard?