I held my boyfriend’s hand the other day. I caught it and held it until we reached the main gates of University College Cork, as I usually do on campus, only this time I didn’t let go after we’d passed through. We moved along the Western Road, toward Washington Street, and as we reached the innards of Cork City, something strange lingered over me.
I had become anxious, and soon I wasn’t speaking. I was afraid.
In my silence, I shot glances around, searching for anyone who might do us harm. I felt an unease as cars slowed down next to us. I wondered whether they would shout “Faggot!” or “Queer!” at us, as they had done before when I had been in previous relationships or had otherwise felt like showing my love and affection through the simple act of hand holding. I wanted to keep holding because it was cold, and my boyfriend’s hand felt so comforting, but I did not want to put him through the hurt and pain that words can cause. It was then that, having consulted my conscience, I almost let go.
But something very different happened. I felt a torrent of anger at the world. I felt angry at society for making me feel this way, for telling me that I can’t hold my boyfriend’s hand without feeling fear, without feeling trepidation, without feeling a niggling sense of shame. And I felt angry at myself for even entertaining the idea that this was not something that I should be doing. Suddenly I felt proud, and yet despite the fact that no one had yelled slurs at us, I still felt like it could happen any minute.
That day I felt so scared that I became angry at the homophobia that I had ignored since my teens, and I felt so angry that I couldn’t let go. I held my boyfriend’s hand all the way to Paul Street in the center of the city. I felt defiant, and elated that it felt normal to me, but I still felt afraid. I still felt anxious. I still felt homophobia.
Finding the Perfect Desk vs. Making the Perfect Desk
So after receiving my undergraduate degree I entered straight into my Masters program. Since the program I enrolled in is only offered completely online, I had to find the perfect desk and for cheap. I like to have a lot of space to spread out my work and all of the desks I found that were the size I wanted were extremely expensive. If you find yourself in this dilemma, I have the best piece of advice for you.
Buy a table! Seriously a kitchen table. I went to a discount furniture liquidator that sells new furniture that was overstock in the expensive stores. I purchased a kitchen table made out of real wood for just $100. Think about it, in libraries they use tables and not desks.
Because tables don’t have storage I simply bought one of those cheap plastic stacked three drawer things from walmart and boom, storage! I have uploaded a picture below to show you as well. The long thing on the back of my desk is just some $5 cubby thing that I bought at an antique store where I’m from.
You don’t have to spend big bucks to get a massive “desk”. Plus by buying a table and then adding onto it with cheap piece, you can design your perfect desk to fit your personal study needs (and wants).
I also have four “cork boards” on the right hand side wall. All I did was take four framed canvases from Hobby Lobby and wrapped them in fabric and stapled them along the back frame. You can tack stuff on them and if you don’t happen to have anything tacked to them, they just look like art.
**PS: I don’t normally have that many post-it notes or highlighters, they were just on sale really cheap so I stocked up.