unicorns says do it

darling, I know you’ve been feeling down lately, so I wrote this really quick for you. I’m not sure what you had in mind, but I went to a 100 % unicorns place, so I hope this makes you smile a little.


A shadow falls across Stiles’ worksheet and he looks up to see Lydia, mouth pursed, staring down at him. She says, “What do you know about unicorns?”

“About as much as the average eleven year old boy,” he says, which is: not much. Horse-like, pointy horn, something to do with virgins.

Of course, he goes home and finds out everything he can about them immediately. Both because Lydia asked, and because now he can’t stop thinking about it.

Lydia has forgotten all about their conversation by the time he’s ready to dazzle her with his knowledge, so alas, his mad unicorn skillz lie dormant for years, until all the shit with the werewolves.

*

Stiles is cat-napping in a spill of sun when all his warmth is blocked—he makes an irritated sound and opens his eyes to find Derek looming over him, frowning.  Stiles kicks out a foot and rolls over onto his side in the grass.

Derek says, “What do you know about unicorns?”

Stiles yawns and says, “A surprising amount for a teenage boy.”

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squaddreamcourt  asked:

Your accent aesthetic: Mothers and teenage daughters walking close together down city block streets on drizzly, grey afternoons, the sneaking peeks of sunlight glimpsed through dense clouds, the smell of wet bark peels from trees, grass walked in on the bottom of shoes, hot coffee scalding the tip of your tongue, old books yellowing and falling apart but taking on that indescribable, oh so pleasing old book smell.

@squaddreamcourt i love all of these things? legit I love that weather and all those things how did you do that

here is yours: soft over-sized sweaters, the sound of a spoon clinking against china, the playful tilt of a head, the burnt color of parchment set on fire, shadows made by moonlight, fog in the woods, the fading purple of a bruise that’s healing, the burn of ice on your tongue, the stillness of an early morning when you’ve never gone to bed and the last stars in the sky before day.

These are my favorite Kai gifs that are NOT mine (please let me know if these are your gifs and I will credit them or remove them if you ask)

So let’s begin

look at this puppy

and now look at the transformation that came with no warning (look at that mini body role before the thrust) get ready for a quite a ride

That slight smirk is deadly and holy hell he’s handsome, like this took me by surprise for a sec. (how often does he do this face cause i’ve barely seen it!!?)

A pissed looking Jongin is one of my favs, like yes take me now you devil

But so is the cute Jongin who needs to stay happy forever

like how is this 

And this the same person (even he’s shocked by the realization)

he looks so adorably at a loss for words

one of my all time fav gifs of this guy (look at them layers tho)

this is Jongin

this is Kai

sweaty Jongin

smiling Kai

Kai turning into Jongin

KAI STRAIGHT UP KAI

Jongin letting us know that he and Kai are one and the same

I don’t even know who this is but he looks flustered and I like it

…..Kai’s at it again and this is beyond rude (put that tongue back where it came from or so help me)

Speaking of tongues, this really really really gets to me.

Kai being a sweetheart and giving the mic to baby Yixing (LOOK AT HIS LITTLE HANDS) who had something important to say: do not hate our unicorn he deserves much love

Here we have Kai about to break forth out of Jongin into…

YOU THOUGHT

BUT YOU WAS RIGHT. KAI

What do I even caption this as he looks like some modern day John Travolta from Grease…

Italian hipster Jongin

Pissed Jongin is my fav as i’ve stated before (did someone take his chicken again, if so give it back)

But so is puppy Jongin (look at this creature give him his fake snow)

Someone get him to bed and let this child sleep

Scared Jongin is too precious yall protect him at all cost

He looks like a freaking beauty queen and smiling Jongin is life (I think im gonna cry) It looks like he’s saying ‘yes’

Here students we have a glimpse of Jongin but then Kai shoves him out of the way to make his grand appearance

HE. IS. SO. CUTE.

Uncontrollable Jongin is too much for Yifan to handle (LET HIM SCREAM)

And him being needy is everything and more (who would dare say no to cuddle time with him, not even Sehun can say no)

He looks fine af in a beanie

I really love this gif i dont know why

THIS MAKES ME MAD AF

The way his little mouth moves when he speaks is too much for words LITERALLY

Speaking of mouth, his laugh is the sound of happiness and high pitched perfection

ANOTHER LAUGH look at his eyesmile!! (Ksoo and $uho I see you booboo)

JAWLINE THAT COULD CUT GLASS (oh lack at that, my finger is bleeding)

Look at that smile, the formation is bloody perfect im so pissed he’s so handsome (look at the jawww)

HIS FACE ISNT EVEN FULLY SHOWING AND IM A MESS. They should really stop teasing us with these fake piercings cause they ARE SO GORGEOUSLY UNNECESSARY

I live for bromances like these (side note: look at their smiles i cry) thank goodness the shiny tassel era is over

Oh look another smile

Look at this child

HIPS. HIPS. HIPS

Speaking of hips…

Let’s all take a moment to thank Michael Jackson for existing cause without him we wouldn’t have this

Hips again and the hand roll to let us know that he is a magical fairy to make our wishes come true

MJ BLESS YOUR EXISTENCE 

A wet Kai is just a mess i mean who’s gonna clean that up

IM CRYING TEARS OF BLOOD

I never cared for eyesmiles until EXO

Passion. That is all

Flippy hair. Hello to you too love

Rude-crotch-grabbing peasant

YES WE KNOW YOU’RE GORGEOUS STOPPIT

That’s it I’m gonna punch you (he looks so fine) that platinum hair was fire


If these are your gifs please let me know and I’ll credit you or remove them if you ask

2

Someone brought in an old pile of drawing paper from the cabin the other weekend, and I found some (really bad) sketches of an old pony OC of mine. Decided to update his design a bit…and then make him an entirely different species of pony altogether. Deep sea squid, anyone? :D 

His name is Naulus. All I know is that he can shapeshift into a regular unicorn to go about on land, but the minute he submerges underwater his more sinister and tentacle-covered self takes over. His eyes also glow in the dark, and he’s a bit creepy…He’s slimy and cold to the touch, even in his unicorn form. 

Just going to say this now, in case I do more with them… Squidponies (as I have so creatively named them) are NOT an open species and I’d prefer if you didn’t make one of your own, or base a character design off this one. Thanks!

I am open for commissions! || Buy me a ko-fi ?

LITTLE BLUE RIDING HOOD

for cattycas, who requested a cracky retelling of Little Red Riding Hood, cherik-style, for suggesting the best name for my fish. hope you enjoy!

with thanks to garnetquyen for brainstorming with me and keeping me company, and also providing the awesome cover art! :D

no harm came to the color blue during the writing of this fic.

———-

ONCE UPON A TIME, not to be confused with yesterday, last week, or even that one time at your cousin’s wedding, there lived a strapping young lad with the bluest eyes in all the realm who resided in a large house at the edge of the quaint little village tucked up against the side of a mountain.

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Jason and Tim just having a chill day at a cafe and this little girl across the room has been eyeing them for a couple of minutes now. Suddenly she gets up with her extra looking unicorn stuffy and walks up to them and says “Do you know Batman and robin? Cause I wanna say thanks.” It throws them for a loop but turns out her father was a hostage recently. They humor her until her mother comes after her and takes her away.

It’s very random and totally not serious but whatever. I might write it as a oneshot.

anonymous asked:

What do you think of rebirth Superman now that Dan Jurgens announced that he is the same guy as New 52 Superman? DO you despise Rebirth Superman as much now?

More than ever! That’s a stupid, pretentious and misguiding lie! Not only New 52 Superman wouldn’t ever, never stay in hiding for so many years, but he also never would’ve make it everything about himself and his family, like this new guy does. Jurgens is pulling this things out of his ass because he must justify the shitstorm rebirth, and, mostly. rebirth Superman is. I can justify all the wrong I do saying “but it’s okay, because I’m a Unicorn”, but that doesn’t make it true or better, for that matter.

Break Year.

Characters: Dean x reader

Words:3,000

Request: -hiddlesdweeb-  Hola my friend! So I was wondering if u could do a Dean x Reader fic here’s the AU: U and Sam hav been best friends since Junior high and his family has grown to become just like a second family to u Except one thing has always been on the back of ur mind The fact that u had a lingering crush on your best friend’s older bro U never even told Sam or anyone else about it so that kills u The rest of what happens is up to u ☺️

Warnings: John Winchester, swearing,

Y/L/N= your last name 

A/N: Just to be clear in the beginning Dean is 19 and the reader is 16. This was so much fun to write and I JUST HIT 800 FOLLOWERS HOLY CRAP WHAT SHOULD I DO TO CELEBRATE? IDK SEND ME AN ASK OF IDEAS. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOUUUUU

Originally posted by writingissatansworstnightmare

You sat at your desk in history class, doodling in your textbook. The class hasn’t started yet, and the other students ignored you,absorbed in their own conversation. You weren’t exactly the most popular in highschool, but you were definitely the person to go to if someone wanted to take their anger out of you. Junior year and you still hadn’t made any friends, you tried plenty of times but people just didn’t seem to like you.

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EXO Reaction to their girl loving Yeol’s puppy eyes and being unable to say no to him

His puppy eyes are everything tho, I cri. Xo, Admin A~

/I don’t own any of the gifs used, unless stated otherwise/


Chanyeol:

*You wonder if he is enjoying it* “I got the eyes jagi… you know you can’t resist them” *Always using them against you*

Kris:

*Puppy eyes doesn’t work for him, more like swag eyes* “Will you baobei? I’m sure this is better than those puppy whines. This is our style”

Sehun:

*Offended* “You say yes to him but not to me? Me? Your boyfriend? Oh Sehun? You can’y say no to this god! You mortal!”

Tao:

*Angry* “Chan this chan that… and Tao what? Grrrr panda needs love”

Kai:

“Fine! I got my own puppy!” *More adorable than chanyeol definitely*

Xiumin:

*Is kind of affected too* “Oh yes I’m yours! Don’t tell her I said that Baekhyun.. I was just… don’t”

Baekhyun:

“You want me to be a puppy too? Fine.. but gods bite, let me bite you now, you smell nice”

Luhan:

*Tries to ignore it* “There he goes again… I’m manly.. I thought she liked that…” *Sulks* 

Chen:

*Perfect imitation of Yeol’s eyes* “Jagi please? Let’s kiss… yes?  Hmm hmm” *Even wiggles his imaginary tail*

Kyungsoo:

*Sex eyes* “I can do puppy eyes too babe..” *Yes.. close enough. Yup*

Lay:

“I don’t do puppy eyes… but I do unicorn eyes. What do you say baobei? Yes?”

Suho:

“I’m a neko… this is what you like right? No? You meow don’t like meow? But Chanyeol… ugh that dog I hate dogs”

[Masterlist] [Guideline]

3

you heard the man.

Comic Book Hypnosis Ads!

By the time I was old enough to read comics the small ad pages had basically gone, replaced with much more upmarket full page ads. This change meant that a lot of the weirder ads vanished to be replaced by much more sterile ones. However, years of reading Golden Age comics has given me a sort of faux-nostalgia for these ads.

There was a hypnosis themed ad in basically every issue. Because what does every growing child want? Sea Monkeys, A toy gun and the power to bend the wills of those around them to their own nefarious means!

“Disguised Hypnosis” as we all know, is normal hypnosis wearing glasses and a fake mustache.

Also, if I ever become a magical girl my super move is so being called the “Fake nerve pressure technique”. It makes me curious if previous editions of the book taught the unsafe version.

Hypnotizing a room of people with a common household cooking ingredient sounds like the end result of my “Make an induction with a random object” thought experiment, but to the ad’s credit it does have me curious. Here is a brief list of my suggestions for what it might be:

-Flour/Sugar/Salt- Get close, throw it in their eyes as a pattern interrupt

-Cooking oil- Make a puddle, do handshake induction while they are stood in the oil causing them to fall for double the shock!

-Nutmeg- Spike their food and drinks with it until they are high and suggestible

-Paprika- Get close, throw it in their eyes as a pattern interrupt

-Spaghetti- An indirect induction about how spaghetti gets loose in warm water, just like your mind does in a warm room.

-Biscuit- Tell them if they do what you say they get the biscuit

-Tea- And as your thoughts slides out, just like how the tea slides out into the water you realize that putting the milk into the cup first is wrong and you shall never do it again.

But it comes with FREE EXTRAS! And “Trance-Fer” is a pun so bad it sounds like one I would make. But it does make sense, as nothing helps a session along than consulting a chart.


Louis Lane is apparently selling hypnosis kits! Which is fitting considering it happened a lot in Silver Age Superman comics. Also note zombie lady from the first advert makes a re-appearance in the bottom right.

I can’t make much of this one out. But “You command they obey, Eagerly without question or hesitation!” could be ripped right out of a tumblr smut. Unfortunately if you want to learn regular speed hypnosis this course isn’t for you, it only teaches the fast stuff.

Any opinions on what the secret word could be? My guess is Buttress


This one I really like. Mostly for the downright Orwellian picture they chose to advertise it with.

Learn modern speed hypnotism! Yes, not that old fashioned speed hypnotism your Grandma used to do that involved a phonograph and a typewriter.

I do have a suspicion that the “Powers Institute Of Hypnotism” isn’t accredited (or still going) but man I would love to take classes from a home study school that only charged $2.


Oh Hypno-Coin. This ad was really common and ran for quite a while. That means these things must have sold really well back in the day. And once again our zombie lady friend is back, I wonder if that was her job “Stock Zombie Walk Lady For Comic Book Ads”.

All you need to do is stick it in someones face and vibrate it. And voila! Hypnotic slaves. I feel a bit silly for reading all those books if it is really that simple. But then as you read on you find it comes with an instruction manual, suggesting it is not as simple as they first make out. Comic book ads not being fully truthful, whatever next?

I love the subtitle. “It must work for you!” sounds more like it is a threat towards the coin as opposed to a promise to the buyer. This coin will work for you, else it will suffer the consequences.

Also those of you with entrepreneurial minds should totally set up a website called “Hypnotic Aids Supply Co.” I am sure a lot of erotic hypnotists would love a one stop texts and prop store.

This is the other really common one. The lady in this one seems to be really keen to turn the TV off without looking at it, presumably to avoid it’s hypnotic power

The backstory of this one is pretty funny. Imagine the repairman having to explain it. “Well I know you were struggling to get a good signal madam, but my wrench slipped and now your television is a mind conquering hypnosis machine, I can fix it, but I need a new part and that isn’t going to come in until Tuesday so until then just try to not look at it, okay?”


I really like the art of this one, the woman’s face oddly reminds me of Klimpt’s works, the red outline really adds to the Art Deco feeling of the advert.

I presume this 3D coin is better than the previous hypno-coin which was only in 2D. If this is true I eagerly await the advert for the IMAX Hypno-Coin in the back of this weeks issue of Harley Quinn.

Of course this advert is mostly focusing on the 25 free lessons with the hypno-coin only being there because no child is going to willingly spend their pocket money on more education without a pretty sweet free gift.

“Make people obey your commands without subject’s knowledge,” is a really weirdly worded part. It almost sounds like the idea is that you have several other people doing what you ask them without the hypnosis subject knowing they are doing what you said. And if people are already obeying your commands why do you need these free lessons and the hypno-coin? You already seem pretty set.


Apparently President Eisenhower wants to teach us hypnosis in one evening. That is both quite a feat and a surprising hobby. I also like how the pointing finger looks more like it comes from someone just out of shot than it does from the man in the photo.

Of these 23 lessons we have the basic ones, and then some that sounds utterly baffling to the modern audience. “Develop new personality” presumably means become more charismatic but that could also be covered by “The center of attraction”. I love how the last lesson is “How to entertain” not, “How to entertain with hypnosis” just how to entertain in general, so stuff on how to juggle and how to throw a good dinner party.

The mail back slip is also fun as it asks us to “Check here for the hypnotic powers you want” like some crazy RPG character sheet. The last one is “Make money” which I presume means becoming a therapist or a stage hypnotist. You may be glad to know, these days people are expected to have more experience than 23 lessons purchased from the back of a comic book.

You might spot that the top version of this ad contains the one hypno-coin ad within it. This book had a load of ads over the years and there were several variations. A common variation didn’t offer the hypno-coin and just had a mail back form in it’s place, suggesting that the maker of the hypno-coin and the writer of the book had a falling out and thus parted ways.


You will also notice that the name of the company selling it changes from Stravon Publishers to Bond Book Co. Yes, once James got bored getting drunk and having exciting adventures he decided to settle down and peddle crap via mail order. What is even more funny is that despite the name changing the address is totally the same in both ads! 113 West 57th Street New York! I wonder if the company got a legal threat and changed it’s name to avoid issues?

The image used in both ads is pretty amusing to me. The man looks excited by his power while the wife just looks wistful. Like she is imagining what life could have been like if she had dated that musician she knew rather than settling and dating the man who buys hypnosis books from comic book ads.

“Want the thrill of imposing your will over someone,” could once again be straight from erotica. Of course this context casts the course giving “full personal satisfaction” and coming with “24 revealing photographs” in a totally different light.


The Svengali-esq glowing eyes has always been a major hypnosis trope in comic books. However in this case it seems like the man is holding up a paper yellow triangle. That or he is doing his unicorn impression.

One of the subheadings says that “Expert Hypnotists Enjoy Big Success.” Which sounds great until you think about it. Of course an expert in the field is going to be good at it, that is how you become an expert. It also does not say that aforementioned expert hypnotists used this book.


First things first. The man at the top looks like he is about to grab the girl’s nose. Also this lady appears to be cosplaying as Catwoman. The lady at the bottom seems to be doing the thriller dance while the man at the back seems to be doing a gesture that would get him sent to prison in Germany.

These glasses are apparently ingenious devices, but I frankly can’t see it (See what I did there?). I like how they advertise they fit in your pocket like normal glasses in case you randomly think they are 50ft tall or something.

And I hate to let you all know that these glasses render every book or aid about hypnotism obsolete. So sorry if you brought anything new recently, turns out it is utterly useless and you should have spent your $2 more wisely. Let this be a lesson to you in the future.

The math on the book is interesting. As according to the advert:

Trade Price: $10

One Secret From The Book: $5

Secrets In Book: Priceless

Their Price: $1.98

So either they are telling fibs or they are really stupid and dramatically cutting their own profit. Maybe that is why these glasses are not more common despite rendering everything else obsolete! The company that made them ruined themselves by dropping their book prices too low. If it was not for that error all of the erotic hypnosis conventions would look like meetings of the Elvis Costello fan club.

The mechanical hypnotist sounds like quite the invention and apparently if you aim it at yourself you can do some self-hypnosis. Interestingly, despite advertising a mechanical hypnotist this advert settles for just a picture of eyes staring at you.


This picture is awesome. Dracula is all up in this girls face going “Bluh Look into my eyes” and the girl is having none of it. Personally I imagine her replying “Oh knock it off Vald, some of us have to work in the day you know.”

Also that font for the word Hypnotism. I love it. Seriously, if anyone can find it I am so typing every post on this blog in it. It is that beautiful.

One thing stands out and that is the fact that this book has a listed author! I went to Amazon to see if I can find any other books by this man or even an updated copy of this one but it turns out L.E. Young only existed within this advert, his words never getting further than the back of comic books.

Deals so good even our mascot is shocked. Or moderate dull surprise. Or asleep, it is hard to tell. It also looks like the picture is fraying a little.

But hey, this is at least practical hypnotism as opposed to theoretical hypnotism which only works if you attempt it in the Large Hadron collider.

In the latter paragraphs the spacing gets really weird and it bugs me no end. I think its is just the small ad and font don’t work well with bold text, but either way, it looks odd. Obviously by the end they had run out of space as the text shrinks down to basically nothing.

I love how the book has photos to show “operating positions”. It makes it sound like using a forklift or other heavy machinery. “Before attempting hypnosis make sure your hypnotist has their handbrake on and their gear is in neutral. Remember when attempting hypnosis wear a hard hat and high visibility vest at all times.”


Okay. So this isn’t a comic book ad, but was printed in a magazine. You see it around an awful lot and due to this we actual have a date for it, so we know it was published in 1961.

Best thing? You can buy this book on Amazon. It was actually a thing that got proper publication and everything!

As you can see the price has changed a bit since then. Interestingly at time of typing Amazon says it has a new copy in stock.

A frigid woman can now respond to her husbands touch! I presume she would have responded to it before, just with “Not now dear I am trying to do the dishes”.

Also I love the term “Full sexual power”, I can’t help but imagine that being shouted during an episode of Star Trek, “The deflector dish is at full sexual power captain!”

What we see here is the very common sight of a posh man trying to hug a lady from behind while she is trying to enjoy a bit of theater, only to be beaten back by her pet lightning bolts.

I also presume this is linked to the L.E. Young book, considering that the people seem to be the same and that font looks pretty similar. Alas, it is not as beautiful as its predecessor. Sorry font, my heart is fickle.

While being able to influence others thoughts and control their desires is a useful skill, I doubt it will make you the master of every situation. For instance I don’t think those skills help much when you are fleeing from a large boulder or situations where you can’t get a stubborn lid off a jar.

But you can make people sway at will, which is a very useful skill should you live in a hot climate and hang around heavily populated places without air conditioning.

An interesting one this. Herbert L. Flint was a very popular stage hypnotist and I even covered one of his promotional pictures in my post on old hypnosis posters.

Seemingly this book was a way of cashing in on his fame. Convincing others to take up the hobby. While this one does mention the “secrets” of hypnosis several times, the text is a lot more grounded than previous adverts.

Due to his fame and busy schedule Flint was unable to join his subject on the cover of the book and thus had to be drawn in over a picture of her sleeping, that or Mr Flint lived in a small bubble.

So is the photograph the new discovery? That the way to hypnotize in 30 seconds is to draw a circle and point at it disapprovingly?

I also like how the author is “a widely experienced hypnotist and consultant” but doesn’t give their name to the project. You would think that someone who made such a revolutionary thing would love to stick their name on the cover.

At least the book shows us step by step and move by move, I would hate to get my movements out of step. I really do hope it came with those feet cutouts you used to get with how to dance books so you can see where to stand.

The man is this picture is obviously a mobster from the 1930s. Maybe this is what happened when prohibition ended, a load of out of work Mobsters with no booze to run all became hypnotists.

Unlike the other disks and coins advertised this one apparently doesn’t need any form of instruction book, just spin it in front of someone and they go under.

I love how they specify this marvel of technology works on both men and women, its one of those details that really sells the product to me. What makes me laugh is the fact they list discounted prices if you buy multiple disks! I get you might want a spare but who would have a use for 4 of the same hypno-disk?


This machine carries a hypnotic prestige and how can anything with a name like Hypno-Whirlascope have anything but prestige?

I love how this is the device of serious students. Not those layabout hypnosis students who sit around drinking and watching daytime TV. If a student walks in with this, then you are know they are 100% dedicated to their classes.

Also you have to be delighted by it or return it within 10 days. If it is merely pleasing or enjoyable you need to send it right back to the company.

Now, I know what you are thinking. “I want to buy one of these but how will I get it from place to place?” Well don’t you worry, they have you covered as the machine comes with a carrying handle.

This advert comes from 1912 and gives a good way to deal with subjects who refuse to make eye contact. Put them in a neck brace! It also looks like the lady has just seen that the man has dirt under his fingernails and is utterly disgusted with him.

This advert does suggest a lot of wonderful things, curing bad habits, curing disease, putting on great shows and getting the love you desire. A few of it’s other promises are slightly interesting. “Put people to sleep at any hour of the day or night,” seemingly suggests that other forms of hypnosis only work during business hours.

And for those of you who are worried by all of this, don’t be! This book is endorsed by ministers of the gospel, lawyers, doctors, business men and society women! Unfortunately dentists, advertising managers and performance artists were unavailable for comment. 

For those curious the New York Institute of Science was dedicated to the study of the occult and had a specialty in magnetic healing. It started in 1899 but folded the year this advert was published, making it sound like this free gift was a last ditch attempt to get people interested.


A lot of hypnosis adverts were aimed at males and promised them the ability to control girls. However, here is a rare example aimed totally at women. See, these mystical powers make you into any guys dream girl so they go utterly crazy over you!

I love some of the lines from this. The fact that men “seem to lose control (in an erotic sort of way)” just makes me giggle. It is a line to reassure you that your new found power wont make every many in the vicinity go utterly insane.

And of course we get a test of this, so they give it to a lady to test on her boss. Interestingly it says he “worships” her with the worship in inverted commas, I presume they mean “worships” as in “has sex with” but the image of him making a giant shrine to her and minting her currency with her image on it is amusing to imagine.

They guarantee it works, but you have to try it three times first. So maybe the first few times try it on a man you are only sort of in love with. But this is the thing for you if you have desired “warm handsome men “touching” you”. Once again I presume “touching” is a 70s euphemism for “fingering you until you can’t see straight”, but it interesting they specify warm along with handsome. I presume they mean warm in the emotional sense or maybe it is just informing necrophiliacs that this skill set is not for them.

The last paragraph is beautiful. See, the system is so powerful they can’t talk about it all here, if you want to know the rest you better take up their free trial! I am honestly surprised that didn’t get used in more of these ads.


This isn’t hypnosis. But it’s mind control and I needed to share this advert.

I presume this service wasn’t offered in Europe as they have always preferred manual stuff. All that picture needs is a big red arrow with “You are here” on it.

The text is a thing of beauty. “New power is about to jump into your life,” I have no idea how it is going to jump in, but I am hoping it isn’t through my bedroom window.

I give the guy credit, the first example given is getting more money out of the bank, which is always a good sales pitch.

We are then introduced to Evelyn C. who makes their boss apologize and worship her in the middle of the office all because he insulted her. The whole part reads like the origin story of a super villain and I think Evelyn is well on the path to becoming a tyrant.

“People who think they can hold back facts will meet their Master in you!” Why is their BDSM partner within me? Did I eat them and not notice them? How are they going to meet them? Do I need to eat them too or will the Master burst forth like something from Alien?

Apparently the best bit of all of this is that we are going to have to bolt the door to prevent people showering us with gifts. That doesn’t sound good, that sounds horrifying. And then we are told stories of people who just get given money! This is set up like a good thing, but it does make me think about the people who were compelled to give the money, doesn’t that mean that their life is now worse? If two people both use this, what would happen? Would it go down to a clash of wills or would the universe just rip?

Now we get to the three minute part of the advert and and find everything here is a house of lies. Minute 1 is writing the form, which is fair enough. But minute 2 is getting a package from them. Packages do not take a minute to arrive, they several working days. Minute 3 is just open it and get the power automatically, which basically means they are selling one of the books from Fallout, no need to read it, just stare at it for a bit.

To round off this we are given the story of Larry S. who wanted to see his girlfriend, but couldn’t write her a letter or phone her. So Larry, like any sane person, decides plan three is to use magic mind powers to summon her to him. Honestly Larry, would it not be quicker to get in the car and drive to her? But nope, magic mind powers and she dropped everything and rushed to him, we just need to hope the lady in question isn’t a surgeon, firefighter or police officer.

After reading this I had to go and check out the author. And yes Scott Reed is a proper author and had other actual books. Including this one:

Psycho-Command sounds a lot like the power M. Bison uses in the Street Fighter series, and I am totally down for a book that teaches me to fly across the screen in a mass of energy knocking down all who stand before me. However, the reviews say it is closer to The Secret. Color me disappointed.

fckn-unicorn  asked:

What do you have to say about a virgo sun, aquarius moon and capricorn rising? ♥ Love your blog, btw

Thank you!

You come across as a stoic and responsible person. One part of you is very practical, while the other part curiously seeks knowledge. You can be a bit aloof and blunt at times, which can lead to accidentally hurting other peoples feelings. You’re an honest person who never sugar-coats the truth, but you also have the ability to be sympathetic, without letting that sympathy cloud your judgement.

 In relationships, you’re attracted to people who can intellectually stimulate you. You enjoy dressing nicely and spending a bit extra on yourself when you feel like you’ve earned it. Working towards a successful future is very important to you, since you aspire to have the utmost security. And although you’re very competent, your responsibilities can cause you a lot of stress at times.

anonymous asked:

Rilaya bookstore au.

The girl shelving books in the far corner of the store does not look like she wants to be there. She tosses them haphazardly into their places three at a time and heaves a sigh when she realizes she still has another aisle to organize. The store is new; her mother had come into some money and thought it would be a good idea to start a little business in a corner of the city wedged between a bakery and a boutique. It’s a cute area, but Maya isn’t too sure about the whole business thing. It feels to her like more work than it was worth, but it makes her mom happy, so she doesn’t make much of a fuss.

The store isn’t even officially open yet and her mom is in the back room, so Maya is confused when the bell signals someone entering the building. “We aren’t open yet, sorry,” she says as she weaves through the aisles to meet whoever had come in. She stops when she sees a girl about her age holding a big basket full of bread, cookies, and pastries half her size.

The girl sets the basket down on the counter and waves at Maya with a cheery smile on her face. “Hi! I’m Riley; my family owns Topanga’s next door and we wanted to bring you guys a welcome basket!”

“Oh, okay. Well, thanks; that’s real nice of you. I’m Maya.”

“Nice to meet you, Maya! That’s a really pretty name.” Riley pauses and glances around the nearly-completed interior of the store. “Do you mind if I look around?”

“Uh, sure, if dusty old books are your thing,” Maya says. “My mom wants everything to be antique.”

“That’s what’s so great about it!” Riley responds as she sets off to look through the shelves. “Every book here has a story, and not just the one that’s written in it,” she says, running her fingers over the aged, cracked spines of the books in the romance section. “I wonder who owned these when they were first printed.”

“Why?” Maya asks. “They were just regular people, and most of them are probably dead.”

“Well, yeah, but I really don’t think there’s such a thing as regular people anyway. Everyone’s unique. Nobody has ever had the exact same experience as someone else in the world. Don’t you think that’s incredible?”

“I think you’re way too philosophically cheery to be, what? Fifteen? Sixteen years old?”

“I am just the right amount of philosophically cheery, thank you very much!”

Maya laughs. “You’re adorable.”

“Thanks!” Riley says. “It’s too bad you aren’t open yet; some of these books look pretty good. You’ll have to let me know when I can buy something!”

Maya thinks for a moment. “Tell ya what,” she says. “Go and find one you really want and I’ll go ahead and give it to you. You can be the store’s first customer.”

“Really?” Riley’s eyes light up.

“Sure,” Maya says. “I need to finish stacking the rest of these books, so just come get me when you’re ready.”

“Thank you!” Riley throws her arms around Maya in a quick embrace before skipping off to the fantasy section. Maya can’t help but to blush and stare after her.

Maya looks over at Riley every once in a while as she adds books to their shelves. It takes that girl forever to find something, she thinks, but there isn’t any wonder when she pulls each book out, examines both covers, reads the synopsis, and thumbs through the pages before replacing it and looking at the next one. There’s something charming about the process that makes Maya think that maybe the books do deserve more love than she gives them.

She’s almost finished with the last shelf when Riley finally approaches her with a weathered copy of The Last Unicorn. “This is the one I want!” she says.

“I didn’t even realize we had this,” Maya says. “I didn’t know people even wrote books about unicorns that weren’t for little kids.”

“Apparently they do,” Riley says. “What do I owe you?”

“Nothing,” Maya says. “You brought us that basket and we can spare one book.”

Riley smiles. Thank you so much,” she says. “You know, I’m really glad you guys are putting a bookstore here. It’s going to be really nice! You should come over to Topanga’s sometime and then we’ll have two places to hang out.”

“You want to hang out?”

“I mean…yeah, if that’s okay with you!” Riley says. “Actually, I was thinking…you’re really nice and pretty and maybe we could make it a date if you want? We don’t have to!”

“A date, huh?” Maya smiles and nods. “Yeah, I think I might like that.”

Listen, twenty years ago, it wasn’t so cool to have a calculator watch, right? And spending all day inside playing with your calculator watch sent a clear message that you weren’t doing so well socially. And judgments like ‘like’ and ‘dislike’ and ‘smiles’ and ‘frowns’ were limited to junior high. Someone would write a note and it would say, ‘Do you like unicorns and stickers?’ and you’d say, ‘Yeah, I like unicorns and stickers! Smile!’ That kind of thing. But now it’s not just junior high kids who do it, it’s everyone, and it seems to me sometimes I’ve entered some inverted zone, some mirror world where the dorkiest shit in the world is completely dominant. The world has dorkified itself.
—  David Eggers, The Circle