I don’t think about having a drink, I think about having a bottle. That’s how I know I’m an alcoholic.
—  Lena Slaughter
My dash is slow....

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Daddy Issues

My first love was my father. I love him to this day and I know that he loves me. He is an honest, strong man and has always been a wonderful provider. The only thing that my life lacked growing up was his attention and I still yearn for it today.

My father worked away from home most of my life and I have almost no memory of him before my age of ten. What I do remember is that when my father was home, we (I have two sisters) were never his primary focus. I always felt that we were in the way and at times even a bother. He was not a doting father.

I am 43 years old now and have two children of my own. Although I never doubt my fathers love for me, I still crave his attention. I still crave some sort of acknowledgement that I am here and that I am important. I am constantly disappointed and it kills me, so I am trying to come to terms with this by letting go of the expectation that this 78 year old man is suddenly going to change. I am trying to accept my father and his love just as they are. He may not love me the way that I need to be loved, but it is the best way he knows how. I have to allow that to be good enough.

Everyone in your life was meant to be there at one point or another, but not all of them are meant to stay.
—  Lena Slaughter