My first love was my father. I love him to this day and I know that he loves me. He is an honest, strong man and has always been a wonderful provider. The only thing that my life lacked growing up was his attention and I still yearn for it today.
My father worked away from home most of my life and I have almost no memory of him before my age of ten. What I do remember is that when my father was home, we (I have two sisters) were never his primary focus. I always felt that we were in the way and at times even a bother. He was not a doting father.
I am 43 years old now and have two children of my own. Although I never doubt my fathers love for me, I still crave his attention. I still crave some sort of acknowledgement that I am here and that I am important. I am constantly disappointed and it kills me, so I am trying to come to terms with this by letting go of the expectation that this 78 year old man is suddenly going to change. I am trying to accept my father and his love just as they are. He may not love me the way that I need to be loved, but it is the best way he knows how. I have to allow that to be good enough.