unicorn poop

The TMI

I tried posting this yesterday but tumblr was bein a lil bitch so. I have given this some thought, and I can’t be the only one??? What about the real, the icky stuff of the inquisition?? Like

• the inquisitor walking funny because she has a damp cloth full of satans tears in her breeches. I mean. It just won’t stay put.

• someone stopping the whole travellers party because they ate a suspicious sausage and the time to poop is Now

• Hair??? Its always bouncy and shiny where as I can’t lay down on my couch for one god damn minute without it looking like I stuck a fork into the electrical socket

• WHAT. IS UP. with the smut that goes “oo bby u just got home from battle and non stop travel imma eat you out like a buffé, schlurp”
HAVE YOU EVER HAD PICKLED HERRING

• Also sweaty penipses. Dick cheese. (Alistair approves)

• I would like to hear some accidental battle-poots, Bioware. Everyone farts. And it would be funny, because that is who I am as a person.
Iron Bull putting a bit too much force into his swing and prrrrrf.
I’d die laughing

•Solas drinks his tea to help his constipation.
(Now we know why he is so grumpy)

ENFP Stereotypes

You know, as I scroll through the ENFP tag here on tumblr, I have to wonder where this horribly wrong stereotype about ENFPs being “bubbly” and spouting nothing but nonsense came from, when you consider the efforts and personalities of real life notable ENFPs such as: Salman Rushdie, John Lennon, Joan of Arc, and Erasmus.

Ne and Fi together produce hilarity, yes, but often with a razor sharp and sometimes offensive slant behind it; Fi is moralizing, it wants to make a point, and it WILL shock and offend people to do it, if they feel strong enough about the subject. Because Fe is lacking, there is no bubbly Fe-filter – just brutal honesty via Te. Fi, as ENTP points out, is the “definition of ANGST.”

Somehow, all the other high Fi-types are taken seriously, but because Ne-dom is capable of concealing truth under biting humor, there’s a misconception online that this results in them being stereotyped as silly rather than the serious intellectualism that comes with Ne + Fi.

Yes, they tell jokes. They often tell barbed jokes. ENFPs like to point out the uncomfortable truths no one in society wants to deal with – through humor. What is so particularly shallow and bubbly about that? They use sarcasm and wit to deal with feelings, to point out the stupidity of modern society, and to affect change. They may hide seriousness from time to time, if uncomfortable discussing deep things with you, but ENFPs in general do not go about being the cheerleaders of the known universe. Often, we find something (Fi) that matters intensely to us, and then there’s nothing funny about it.

If you are dealing with a really bubbly extroverted personality, who seems to use Ne just to have fun and be silly rather than as a serious filter through how they see reality, which shapes every viewpoint with immediate contradictions, do yourself, and ENFPs a favor and call them what they are: ESFJs.

- ENFP Mod

(I adore ESFJs, BUT STOP CALLING THEM ENFPs.)

2

I took these photos for posterity- the date is April 19th, 2017. Today we got the most glue we have ever had the opportunity to obtain since the beginning of known time. As you can see, we now carry clear glue in gallons. The slots for regular glue are completely filled. You now have a choice in brand as well. 

Prediction: people will still only use Elmer’s Glue because the tutorials suggest Elmer’s. It is a lie. You can use any of them. Brand names are a construct, they must be defied. 

We also have kits to make specific kinds of slime.

Including poop. 

Yes. 

Poop. 

Yes! You, too, can make a non-newtonian fluid that looks just like human feces after an enthusiastic trip to Golden Corral. Kit includes plastic flies and corn kernels. 

William Shakespeare would be so proud of us.

But don’t worry, mom and dad! We’ve got something for Little Suzie, too! Presenting- Unicorn Poop: brightly-colored rainbow slime with little gemstones inside. You can have an awkward conversation with your child about how unicorns are extinct because shitting out literal diamonds caused the entire species to experience anal lacerations and that it was not an adaptable feature. 

Or perhaps it would just be easier to say that Darwin killed the unicorns.

Of course… no one really ever buys the kits. The big draw for most of the kids is to be able to customize it yourself and experiment with materials, so making something from a kit doesn’t really appeal to people. (We’ve even had trouble selling the glow in the dark kind. I mean… dudes. It glows in the dark!)

So as we’re talking about it, my boss makes a face at the poop slime (oh god, I just had flashbacks to June 2016) and says:

“I really hope no one wants to make that at the next one.”

STOP.

Deer in the headlights. 

“…..whaaaaat?”

“Oh, the Slime Bar was such a success that we’re having another one in two weeks.”

Hello Darkness, my old friend….

It is going to be a long, long summer. 

mattie-spiritwalker  asked:

What is the best way to differentiate whether a person uses Fe or Ne? I notice both functions in either dom/aux position radiate joy and energy oftentimes and like to share their ideas and opinions verbally and often. It sounds silly, knowing that there is a lot of difference between a judging function and a perceiving function, but behavior wise I sometimes struggle to pinpoint the difference.

Have you ever read, or seen a movie based on, Oscar Wilde?

Many of his plays are satires, open mockery of the absurdities of social norms; he mocked, maligned, twisted, and pointed out the shallowness of it, in comedic form. He mocks three-volume novels, shallow females, and many other things in The Importance of Being Earnest, and social climbing, deceit, and caring about one’s position in life in An Ideal Husband (among many, many other things).

In the 1500s, there was a scholar named Erasmus who thought it a great idea to write an “offensive” (for the times) satire in which a recently deceased pope threatened to force his way into heaven with his gang of banished sinners (he sold them worthless indulgences) after Saint Peter told him to get lost; in order to understand the magnitude of this statement, you must understand that in the 1500′s, common belief saw the Pope as “infallible,” and next to God, therefore to suggest that not only are his indulgences (get out of hell cards, which people paid for with actual money) rubbish, but he’s not going to heaven either, was a radical and offensive statement.

About a decade ago, Rob Bell came on the Christian Evangelical scene and caused a tremendous stir by announcing there is no hell, scripture does not support the concept of hell, and many common beliefs about scripture are fundamentally wrong and based on myth rather than serious study of the period, the people scripture was written for, about, and to, etc. He also caused a sensation by suggesting God isn’t who most people think He is – with the result that many have branded Bell as a heretic, but that hasn’t stopped him.

What do all of these people have in common?

They were/are Ne’s.

Ne is not a function that “radiates joy and energy” and wants everyone to share their ideas; its purpose is to take things as far as they can go, and then leap into the unknown, to challenge people way outside their comfort zones. Ne reads between the lines and essentially mocks that which fail to live up to its standard; it sees beyond the obvious to the intangible, to the absurdities of life, beliefs, practices, and so on. And because inevitably, Ne is either paired with Fi or Ti, it doesn’t much care at its level of potential offensiveness; it believes society should be moving forward at a steady pace and abandoning outdated ideals; Bell was naively “caught off guard” by how viciously traditional Christianity struck out against his radical ideas (he was also, as many Ne’s are, ahead of his time; the same movement has, in the last decade, grown astounding speed and started to turn up in multiple voices, supported by many different people doing similiar research; but like an intuitive, he “saw it” first).

Yes, Ne-doms can be funny – even hilarious. They often are, because they take almost nothing with total seriousness, and can see the absurdities in everything life has to offer; but with the ENFPs in particular (such as Erasmus) there is an underlining strong moral judgment, which often manifests in art or literature aimed at shaking your sensibilities and challenging you to rethink things; they want to frame reality in a different way, to provoke thought. Under the comedian is the dark, introspective but hopeful cynic, who believes nothing is too sacred to point out its flaws. Ne’s are comfortable with that; they encourage it, the more the rest of the world “resists” an idea, the more they are curious to explore it, because it’s just an idea… what harm can it do to think? It’s just an abstract discussion.

Thought drives the Ne-dom, not action, not social motivating in a Fe way (”we have a moral responsibility to drive society forward, join our movement!”) but in a disquieting, somewhat uncomfortable Ne way: “Let me show you through this idea how outdated, absurd, or wrong this belief system is.”

(This example is primarily Ne / Fi, but it should give you a general gist of how Ne decides to act on its beliefs – through an intangible object rather than sensory action.)

The Ne takes Jesus’ teachings about love, forgiveness, and compassion, and pairs it with scenes from movies depicting Christians persecuting each other, burning witches, fighting Muslims over Jerusalem, boycotting Harry Potter novels, or banning Moors… to point out, without words, how far removed Christianity is from Christ’s message.

IMPACT. Disturbing. Offensive. Things people don’t want to think about, but in your face. Ne is saying: deal with this. Look at it. End it.

Someone says, “Life owes me more than this,” and the Ne replies, “Life only owes you death, and it will pay up.”

Ne is not this cuddly thing, or a rainbow-pooping unicorn; Ne is introspective and disturbing and unnerving to those without it, because it threatens everything the world says is fine and is most comfortable when shoving people 100 yards outside their comfort zone.

Fe’s usually let people float in their comfort zone, because offending people gets you nowhere. Fe is about expressing emotion, accomplishing things through social harmony or recruiting others, collective motivation and support, creating emotional dynamics, and, in a healthy Fe, doing it in non-offensive ways that bring general wholeness and improvement to all involved.

If you just want an example of Fe vs. Ne… go to YouTube and watch an interview with Hugh Jackman (ESFJ) and then one with Jeff Goldblum (ENTP) and note the differences. ;)

- ENFP Mod

He’s a Myth {Michael Mell x Reader}

request:  anonymous: Sneezes Mer!Mell x Reader,,,,,
Oh my god, yes????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My sweet boy?!?!!?!??!!! All perfect and mer-mazing?????
There’s gonna be a part two, based on how this first part is received.

warnings: some swearing, but mostly cute stuff. 

word count: 3k


Mermaids don’t exist.
Silly fairy tales aren’t real, animals don’t talk, and happy endings? You could die laughing.

 

Once upon a time, your parents were happy. You’d lived in Connecticut, near the water, and every day, you’d sit out and just watch the way it moved and rippled, and you dreamed about what might be out there. Fish, for sure, of course, but what if there was more? What if those mythical creatures were out there, just looking at you the way you hoped you were looking at them? Magic was such a big part of your mind, and you just wanted to believe in them.

You were young and stupid.

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