unhEALTHY!!

Please Help + Reblog

Hello tumblr users! My name is Max, and I’m here to ask for some help. I am a trans/nonbinary individual with depression, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and Dependent Personality Disorder. Some of you might already know, but on July 3rd I recently escaped a neglectful, very unhealthy living situation with my father and am now living solely with my mom.

My mom works very hard (over 40 hours a week) and she’s very good at providing for me. I feared that now that she has me 24/7 instead of sharing me 50/50, our financial situation would get even worse, and I was right. Even with all her hard work our finances have been tight.

On top of that, multiple months ago my therapist prescribed an Emotional Support Animal for me, and I agree with her medical opinion that one would be useful (if not essential). And while this is a good thing, it has two problems:

1) The place where I am currently living with my mom has a strict no pets rule. A letter from my therapist may change his feelings about this, but our landlord has never budged before so I doubt it. This may lead to us choosing to move, which will definitely come with financial complications as well as lots of stress.

2) Our current income (with my mom as the sole earner) could not support the costs of owning a cat, let alone the costs of even acquiring one. On top of that, the specific breed for my needs is an expensive breed too.

These days I spend most of my life in the same position in my bed, staring at the television or my phone. When I do shower I have to do it sitting down, and even then it’s exhausting. These, and many other symptoms, affect me daily. This is a real treatment that I need.

Please consider donating or commissioning me. I’m looking for and will be applying to jobs (although that has been very difficult as of late since my spoons have been so low) but there is no guarantee that I will be accepted or that the money from the job(s) will be enough. I could really use the financial help that commissions and donations would provide, especially while I don’t yet have a job.

If you’re interested in commissioning me you can find my commission info here and you can find examples of my art here

If you’re interested in donating, my paypal is maximatv.business@gmail.com (or you can click here but please ignore my legal name). Even one or two dollars would help, and I would be so grateful for any amount that you could spare.

And if you (like me) don’t have money to donate, please reblog this! I could really use the help.

anonymous asked:

Piggybacking off that other anon, if you had to pick a character to... go, who would it be/ who would make the most sense, and in what context?

Honestly, the only character I really feel like would make a good death is the one who’s already gone in canon: Rose.

Think about it. Rose has all the answers. She’s old and powerful and yeah she’s a flawed person with her own complexity but her passing is the catalyst for many, many things. We have Pearl dredging up some very old things that she probably hasn’t addressed in centuries as she attempts to cope and move on and redefine herself without Rose, which is deeply important for Pearl because she has had an unhealthy past of defining herself as by Rose and for Rose.

Steven’s particular situation would not have happened with Rose there. It wouldn’t have been the same. And honestly, because Rose is such a complicated character, it’s incredibly interesting to explore her in hindsight, as the sort of ghost she’s become. Figuring out who she is. Figuring out who they are without her. 

Because Rose is the perfect main character, she’s the natural leader and experienced. But as far as we know most of her real conflict and struggle was letting go of the past. Just look at Room. Room was not created to serve someone who didn’t have regrets. Steven doesn’t really use Room’s services much at all, outside of very rare occasions, one of which is to create a pure fantasy situation- reenacting the ending of the book. But Rose, seemingly, spent most of her time there, because before Steven, there was no other section of the temple, just an empty cave. 

Especially in reading Rose as Pink Diamond, Rose’s sacrifice is a situation where she’s not really gone, in the sense that she continues to haunt the cast, her presence is still felt, but what she’s given up is her control of a situation. 

The Diamonds are stated as “deciders”- part of the problem on Homeworld is that they’re given huge amounts of unquestioning power. Even abdicating her throne, if Rose was Pink, then she would still be accompanied by that muscle memory of authority- we would still see the other Crystal Gems used to looking to her as a leader, to deferring to her- look at Garnet when Rose contradicts her in Story For Steven and compare that to, say, Steven, Amethyst, or Pearl contradicting her. In one case Garnet immediately drops Greg and turns nervous, making no move to defend her point. 

But Rose, like the other ‘old guard’ Crystal Gems, rebels against that role that she’s been given by redefining and changing it. And in Rose, her great act of rebellion, more than the war, was letting go

Think about it. As the rebel leader, Rose is still acting as a leader, a Diamond, who is trying to shape the world that Gems experience. The most un-Diamond-like thing Rose could do, which she did, was dissolving the last link in the chain of command in the Crystal Gems. Now we have Garnet, who mostly takes charge because she has quick reflexes and quick response times, and the other Crystal Gems feel largely free to weigh in on her decisions, and Pearl, noticeably, is conflicted about even calling Garnet a leader in Arcade Mania, though she does praise Garnet’s leaderly qualities. 

And I feel like this is why, canonically, if the Rose Diamond theory is true, that the Crystal Gems haven’t told this to Steven. Because the idea, or expectation, that Steven would be Rose’s successor in that regard- is exactly the opposite of what it seems like Rose was trying to achieve.

Because Rose wanted to reach people without the pedestal. I think this is what initially drew her to relationships with humans, and part of what made Greg stand out from the rest- because Greg, too, was dazzled by this image of the beautiful, magical space alien, but he came to see her as an individual and let himself disagree with her. Greg’s descriptions and narratives of Rose are no less loving than Pearl’s or Garnet’s- but they are very honest. Not every decision Rose made was a perfect one, Rose was not a perfect person.

And this is, in many ways, people’s relationship with Steven! Steven is not perfect and doesn’t feel like he needs to pretend to be perfect. He’s largely been raised and guided towards reaching out to others and making it clear when he’s not okay. Steven is given high expectations, yeah, his situation isn’t perfect- because perfect situations don’t make interesting characters- he’s raised in Rose’s shadow, with the idea of filling her shoes, and it’s hard- but he is not put on a pedestal the way that Rose was. 

Because very often, we see images of Rose that suggest she is presenting herself in this sort of resting, godly manner- the portrait above the door, the fountain. And Steven climbing into the arms of one of the fountain statues shows us that this image is, in some ways, bleak and unapproachable- bereft of comfort. And it’s equally bleak for the person keeping it up; look at We Need To Talk. Rose is quietly adamant that Greg wouldn’t like her history if he knew it and that thus he shouldn’t hear it- but she’s coming out of a war! We know Garnet and Pearl are still unpackaging and processing things that happened then, are still deeply cut up over what happened, and Rose would feel personally responsible for the war- starting it was her decision. 

But Rose never sought comfort, and, instead, she wanted to keep playing the role of the perfect leader, the consummate Diamond, in her relationship with Greg. It was only later, as they grew closer, that she really let herself grieve, I think. 

anonymous asked:

What are your thoughts on the episode statistical probabilities? You don't have to answer if you don't want to, I was just curious about your opinion

soooo I received this ask when I was at work like a week ago and resolved to answer it when I got home… and then promptly forgot about it. so. sorry, anon. 

anyway: I do not care for statistical probabilities but not with the visceral hatred I feel for its sequel, chrysalis. (jesus christ I hate chrysalis so fucking much oh my god but don’t get me started. or do. I’m always willing to yell about chrysalis). statistical probabilities had a lot of potential, but it fell rather disappointingly short of achieving it. 

prior to DS9, the federation had generally been portrayed as utopia – with all basic needs met and all prejudices thoroughly overcome, mankind is free to explore the stars for no other reason than the existential betterment of the species. which is fine for what it is and what it allowed tos to say in the 60s and tng to say in the 80s and 90s, but then ds9 came along and said, “well, wait a minute. maybe eradicating hunger and poverty and inequality isn’t enough. maybe a utopia created by people, with their myriad flaws, isn’t quite as perfect as the federation and starfleet would like to think.” so you get more shades of grey, things like section 31 and starfleet as a military institution (which it of course is somewhat in tos and tng, but not nearly to the same degree as in ds9.)

and you also get things like statistical probabilities. saying “infinite diversity in infinite combinations” is one thing, but the reason why quark saying of the federation“they’re worse than the borg” is so striking is because, from a certain point of view, he’s not wrong. the federation has a specific culture that follows from its economy, and member worlds tend to assimilate that culture. to do otherwise would be to chafe at the very nature of what the federation is – and that doesn’t really lend itself to peaceful cooperation. the klingons, for example, could never join the federation. their cultures are too fundamentally different.

so what does that have to do with statistical probabilities? well, the “federation as utopia” has the unfortunate implication of erasing those things that make us different, and that includes people with disabilities and neurodivergences (geordi and his blindness is a whole different post tbh and I’d have to rewatch tng before I could really get into it). ds9 takes rather an opposite tack in this regard by saying “yes, people like you exist in this universe.”

I have said before how much I love that ds9 portrays the federation as imperfect, and this is no exception. the federation may see itself as the epitome of equality, but statistical probabilities is the federation saying “people like you may exist, but they have no place in our society”. I mean, the jack pack is institutionalized for christ’s sake.

there are so many excellent moments in statistical probabilities that just slay me

Jack: Here it comes. The ‘we can still contribute’ speech. No, no, no, no, no. I will not forget what was done to me. I will not be part of a society that put me away for being too smart.

I love that Julian starts out believing what the federation has told him – that he should be ashamed of what he is, that he should pretend to be “normal”. I mean, what neurodivergent person can’t relate to that kind of kneejerk self hatred? and I love the conversation julian has with miles about “the common people”. pretending to be neurotypical is exhausting, so of course julian should revel in the company of people like him. 

so the episode has a lot of really great potential on the heels of dr. bashir I presume: what an opportunity for a scathing critique of how disability and neurodivergence are treated in today’s society, how we’re forced into neat, socially acceptable boxes, regardless of the cost to our soul. How differences are cast out, especially if those differences are inconvenient. and then instead of following through, instead of saying “you are valuable for more than what you accomplish and how well you pretend”, the episode goes back on its word and says “the federation was right about you all along, you are dangerous, you should be fixed or hidden away.”

and I absolutely hate the focus on contribution. “It’s my fault, not theirs,” julian says to miles at the end. “I should never had let things go so far. If I hadn’t been so bent on trying to prove to the world that they had something to contribute.” and of course julian should feel that way – the federation has told him, explicitly, that the only reason his presence in society is acceptable is because of what he contributes as a doctor. but then miles says, “They did contribute.” and the narrative agrees with him! the jack pack is seen as valuable – to miles, to the federation, to the galaxy – because of their contribution. and I hate that. you are not what you contribute to the world. you are inherently valuable because of who you are, not because of what you do. you do not deserve mistreatment because you’re not productive. in a post-scarcity economy, production should be the last marker of worth. you deserve food and shelter and happiness regardless of what you’re capable of, and the federation has the means to provide that. and that all logically follows from the flaws that ds9 portrays in the show, but the narrative doesn’t critique it

julian, our pov character for this episode, lets the jack pack get shipped back to the institution where the federation says they belong and doesn’t say a word against it. julian spent the first half of the episode unlearning what the federation has been whispering in his ear his whole life, but he winds up exactly where he started. and obviously it’s not his responsibility to effect change (being nd himself), but he’s the narrative opinion proxy and thus bears responsibility for what the show is trying to say. right up until the end when it becomes abruptly clear that no, julian isn’t the narrative opinion proxy, miles is. the audience isn’t supposed to identify with julian and the jack pack – we’re supposed to look at them with pity and fear and discomfort until they start pretending they’re “normal” again.

except I’m not miles. I’m julian and sarina and patrick and jack and lauren; I’m different, and statistical probabilities tells me that’s scary, something to be fixed or hidden away.

I am not broken.

IT MAKES ME SO ANGRY THAT YOU ALL ARE ACTING LIKE LUCAS IS THE DEVIL BECAUSE HE WAS JEALOUS OVER EVAN.

BECAUSE LUCAS KNOWS THE FUCKING STORY OF THE CORPAUNGA (OR HOWEVER ITS SPELLED) SO GOD FORBID HE GETS INSECURE AND JEALOUS WHEN HE FINDS OUT THAT THE GIRL HE LIKES STAYED UP ALL NIGHT TALKING TO SOME GUY.

GIVE HIM A MOTHERFUCKING BREAK, JESUS. I WOULD HAVE THE SAME REACTION IF I WAS HIM. I MEAN CORY KEPT REPEATEDLY REMINDING EVERYONE OF HOW SKI LODGE RUINED EVERYTHING. SO.

AND THEN BECAUSE HE SAID HE WANTED TO SAVE CERTAIN TALKS FOR HIM AND HIS GIRLFRIEND. OH FUCKING WELL, IM PRETTY SURE HES ALLOWED TO WANT TO TALK TO HIS GIRLFRIEND.

AND HE DIDNT TELL HER WHO SHE CAN AND CANT TALK TO. SO THAT CAN QUIT BEING SAID AS WELL.

YALL NEED TO CHILL THE FUCK OUT AND LEAVE LUCAS ALONE AND DONT START ACTING LIKE RUCAS IS UNHEALTHY. BECAUSE IT FUCKING ISNT.

GO AHEAD AND COME AT ME FOR THIS BECAUSE IM SO PREPARED TO DEFEND MY PRECIOUS SON RIGHT NOW. IM TIRED OF PEOPLE SHITTING ON MY CHILDREN.

Since I feel like this is important because the excuses keep coming now.

1. Lucas chose Riley out of jealousy that’s so unhealthy!

Actually, Lucas was upset because talking all night used to be their thing, he felt bad because ever since the triangle happen they haven’t been able to talk like their used to. Evan remind him that when you are able to talk to a person, she’s the one. At the end he says “I don’t care if you talk to other people, I just want us to have important conversations and too talk a lot more” he wants them to be like they used to be, he’s not stopping Riley for talking to anyone. He also aknowledge how Riley’s influence has affect him in a positive way, Riley makes Lucas anger issues under control.

2. He chose Rilet because Maya told him to!

He kept the purple jelly bean, the purple jelly bean represents Riley on GM Triangle. She was his choice all alone, he needed someone to encourage him, and that was Maya. “I could never hurt you”, he wanted to make sure Maya was not going to get hurt over all of this.

3. “Maya needed a chance, she never gets anything”

Maya has exactly what she always wanted. A family, someone who will marry her mom and be the dad she always wanted, amazing friends, an amazing friend that would put her happiness before hers. A now sort of boyfriend that likes her and she likes too. She is happy. Lucas choosing Riley doesn’t affect her negatively but makes her happy.

4. Riley and Maya are one of the best friendships ever. They are selfless with one another, they will compromise their own happiness if it means the other one is happy. Nothing will turn them apart, not even a guy. They love each other first.

i love how some r/cas shippers (not all) basically argue that lucaya is a “toxic” relationship that is unhealthy because they constantly tease each other and should not be presented to the minds of young impressionable kids who watch disney channel

then those same shippers also support j/shaya even though it is a romantic relationship between a college freshman and a high school freshman who are at very different stages of maturity in their lives and should not be presented to the minds of young impressionable kids who watch disney channel

Promised myself I would stop but after being curious after one of Zumpie’s posts, I looked at a SQer blog and this just stood out.

“What Swan Queen is…is the story of two women who are the opposite sides of the same coin, who both love the same child and family and who have over five years of hard work, listening, push and pull and remarkable growth have evolved from a deeply unhealthy adversarial relationship into a beautifully healthy and support partnership - one full of deep respect, love and faith in and for each other.

They could be lovers tomorrow and it would be organic. But they can also never reach that point and still be something amazing and lovely. Their friendship is the definition of relationship goals.”


I just… couldn’t disagree more.

Back to School Tips

I do not begin classes until August 22, but I know a lot of people start back like the first week of August. I wanted to upload some tips for y’all that would hopefully help you throughout the year! 

These tips are what have helped me throughout high school, so I am just sharing with you what has helped me.

STUDYING

  • Do not spend ALL of your time studying. It is good to have some time to hang out with friends or go see a sports game. 
  • Take breaks. Do not sit down and try to study for six hours straight. It’s unhealthy, and your brain will probably get exhausted. Try studying for twenty to thirty minutes and taking a small ten to fifteen minute break. [
  • Spend less time on subjects you excel in and more time on the subjects you struggle with. It is sometimes hard to study all of your classes in one day. Spend, for example, twenty minutes on a subject you do well in (like for me, it’s English), and forty minutes to an hour on a subject you struggle with (my struggle subject is math).
  • Make flashcards. I know flashcards do not help everyone, but if they help you, make them. I sometimes make flashcards just to write the information down so that I can remember it.
  • Write it down AFTER class. It is unrealistic for me to write down all of my class notes; however, I do write down equations, vocabulary, and things I found important in each class. If I have an upcoming test, I like to write the information out simply because that helps me remember it.

TESTING

  • Don’t stress yourself out. You do not know what the test is like unless your teachers tell you, but that is no reason to freak out. Most teachers usually have a format that they generally put EVERY test in. Figure out that format so that you’re familiar with the test set-up at least. This will take a lot of the stress off of you.
  • Breathe. Do not get too anxious about a test and start (again) stressing yourself out. One bad grade will not ruin your high school career.

OTHER

  • Use a planner. If you can remember all of your due dates, kudos to you. However, if you’re like me, you sometimes forget because the teacher does not remind you every day that you have a paper due in two weeks. This helps to keep track of long-term assignments and study schedules.
  • Do not be pressured to make an A+ on every paper. This is unrealistic. I have felt this pressure to do this for a while, but honestly, it isn’t worth it to throw away my mental health for an A+. I constantly have to remind myself that it is okay to not make an A+ or even an A sometimes.
  • Focus on yourself a few times throughout the day. This can be just a five minute reflection on your mental health and stress levels, etc. You do not have to spend hours focusing on yourself, just as least five minutes occasionally throughout the day.
  • Make a study schedule. This makes studying so much easier. I do this each week, focusing mainly on one or two classes a day and putting smaller time slots in for other classes that are going to be my main focus another day. I will upload my study schedule in August to show you what I do when I am planning my study schedule.

The main thing is to make sure that YOU are happy with what is happening with your studying and grades. The only person that can define what is good and what is not is you. Do not make yourself sick worrying about school. Set aside some “me time” where you’re not studying or flipping through a textbook or anything school related.

PSA

The only thing I just can’t accept is J*shaya. To all the sweet little girls watching this show, please know that an older guy saying that he is going to wait for you, is not okay. It’s unhealthy, bad, gross, not at all something that you should settle for!!!!
And I’m sorry if this offends shippers, but don’t come fucking crying in my posts cause I’m not going to change my mind, idc what you say.

anyway I hate that I depend on this hell site for validation and affirmation

when I don’t receive any of that, I “realize” my emotions are not important to others, therefore meaning they’re more worth bottling up because if no one pays attention what’s the point?

with tumblr it’s like a hit or miss scenario. I either get the reassurance I need or I keep trying, ultimately giving up. I think this may be why so many people consider the site both unhealthy and a good outlet for coping

notlewdchei  asked:

ok mom your dva hc posts have summoned me from the depths of the blanket cave under my bed and i am here to lay down some motherfucking fiction based on my unhealthy obsessive knowlegde of real starcraft history *crackles knuckles and neck and shoulders knees and toes*

IM READY TO BE EDUCATED ON STARCRAFT HISTORY LAY IT ON ME