unf i love it so much


John Boyega talks about Harrison Ford for the 2015 Britannia Awards

Harrison knows he’s Harrison Ford, and I knew it that day. I always had a conspiracy theory that he knew he was Harrison Ford, but people always say, “When you meet Harrison, he’s casual, he’s laidback.” And all those things he is…but at the same time, he knows who he is.

This guy needs to be in more stuff… So much more stuff.

Good Morning

Title: Good Morning

Rating: M

Description: You wake up a little early, and are more than a little turned on by Tom’s sexy snoring… 

A/N: This short little thing basically just happened because I would rather fantasize about Tom Hiddleston’s scratchy morning voice than get much needed sleep. Enjoy! ^__^ 


You open your eyes, and lie awake in the semi-dark light of way-too-early-morning. Your heart sinks as you realize what day it is: Monday.

But then- you remember just which Monday. A long weekend Monday. Which means another day to spend with Tom.

You roll over quietly, checking to see if your boyfriend is still asleep, which he is. You smile as the sound of his faint, sexy snore fills the room. His snore always turned you on, ever since you started living together and you first got to hear it. It was so masculine.

You nudge his shoulder gently, and he stirs a little. “Mmm?” he mumbles, lifting his head from the pillow and rolling over to face your side of the bed. His eyes adjust, and he frowns as he sees the time.

“It’s 6:00 in the morning, love…” he mumbles in his scratchy, drawling morning voice, another thing that turns you on beyond belief. You grin. “Yeah… but today’s a holiday.” He smiles, and rolls back over to you. “So shouldn’t we be sleeping in?”

You smirk mischievously. “Your sexy snoring is getting me in the mood.” He grins. “Then I guess I’ll just have to snore more often, hm?” You laugh softly as you crawl closer to him, shifting one of your legs to the other side of him so that you straddle his lap under the covers.

You lean down, and give him a deep kiss, feeling the short, scratchy stubble of his yet to be shaven chin. He smiles against your lips, and you shift against his lap, feeling his member start to become stimulated beneath his tight sleeping boxers.

He groans lightly, and moves his hands underneath your tiny white nightie, kneading your hips as you kiss him again.

He takes a breath. “Good morning,” he says with a little laugh, and you bring your hands down over his broad chest, massaging circles around his defined pectorals.

He pauses for breath, then kisses you again as he lifts your nightie above your head, leaving you naked and chilly in the morning temperature.

“Oh, darling…” he mutters, eyeing your breasts with a still tired, yet hungry gaze. He suckles on each one gently, making you moan, and you work on tugging his boxers down.

When you finally do, his painfully stiff erection springs out, no doubt hard from overnight, and you start to run your finger and your thumb from the base to tip, making him quiver under your touch.

After a minute of this, he finally grabs you by the waist, and lifts you up, lowering you onto his cock. You gasp as you take him in, feeling him deep inside of you, filling you so perfectly. You move up, and down again over him, and he bites his lip as you start to bounce, working yourself off of him.

He thrusts upward, heightening your pleasure, and at the angle that you’re both at and the leverage he’s got, he hits your g-spot again and again, bringing you close with every thrust.

“Oh love… just like that,” he encourages, squeezing his eyes shut. You moan loudly. “Oh, Tom, yeah!” He pushes your hips and moves you in time with his thrusts, and you feel your climax approach.

He keeps thrusting, and you both come undone at the same time, breathing each other’s names as you feel his seed spill deep inside of you.

“Thomas…Thomas… oh…” you whisper breathlessly as you come down from the high, feeling his cock throb rhythmically as he loses his breath.

He leans back into the pillow, looking up at you. “I love you so much, you know that?” he asks after a moment, quirking a smile as he tugs you down overtop of him. “I love you more,” you muse, and he chuckles.

“That’s a war best settled in bed. Next time, of course,” he grins, and you nuzzle your head into the crook of his arm as you two drift off back to sleep under the warm, fluffy comforter. 


Sasha’s POV

I hummed to myself as I set the table, I just finished making dinner, over the years Justin has put on what most people call marriage weight, his ass was getting thick. I smiled to myself daydreaming of his plump ass. He would prolly be getting that thicc suck tonight. 

I loved cooking for my man, he was scrawny when we first met, looking unfed and malnourished, like a crackhead. I always tease him when I see his hip bones jutting out, sometimes he forgets to eat from being so busy. I worry because he spreads himself so thin, he sometimes feels obligated to give everyone a piece of himself. He deserves so much more, he just stresses so much. I’m always there for him, to support him because we take care of each other. He is in every definition my best friend. 

That’s why I needed this night to be perfect, it was our first date in a while. I would be surprising him tonight. I was going to be making him a very happy man.

I am proud of Justin for accomplishing and maximizing his brand for an IPO in Wall Street. He was already so successful but he was even more attractive now that he was the Boss. The tailored suits he wore after leaving the house. I could gas that nigga up all day long.

Lately he has been going on business trip after business trip. He always tries to make time for me, no matter how busy his schedule cos that is Justin’s personality. After his record production merged he works so hard, spending long hours making music and expanding his label company. He had a little apartment made in the building since we lived so far from LA.

I love Justin, so I love his passion for performing and music. I wouldn’t make him choose something that makes Justin who he is, if it weren’t for his music I wouldn’t have never worked on his album. I wouldn’t love Justin for who he is if he wasn’t him. Music is such a huge part of him. 

There was really no one else who could do it for me than him. It’s corny and shit, I would have never thought I be a head ass and get married. He wanted it, marriage, he wanted a family. I wanted to travel and live in the moment. I didn’t even see myself married to a man, let alone a white man. 

I saw myself moving in and out of people’s lives, being independent, just constantly creating. I guess I stayed because Justin made everything seem small. I fell in love and I found out pretty quickly I would do anything for him because I just wanted him in my life. It was crazy how you feel like someone is just a part of you. He is my other half. I tell him everything. 

I felt like I was unlovable for so long. Justin made me believe I was worthy and good enough. He gave me the strength to love myself again. Without him, my life would be so full of self loathing and hopelessness. He made me feel like life was worth living, as long as I lived it with him. I love him because he is everything I needed, everything I could ever want in a person, I love him because he loved me when I couldn’t love myself. He taught me to love again; he is very much someone who inspires me everyday.

It was hard sometimes because of the time differences and locations, I didn’t see him weeks at a time. 

I wanted to travel with him but it wasn’t a good idea for optics. Not seeing him hurt me but it came with the business. I usually traveled to Atlanta or Miami producing his other artists.

It’s the best feeling to come home to someone and they uplift you. 

I believed that we were individuals with our own experiences, our relationship was very open with one another. I never wanted to control who he was. I’m very open with the fact he is allowed to do whatever, I’m not someone to tell him no because things he experiences cultivate he creative mind. We are both artists and I would never tell him he should stop doing things he likes because of me; we agreed we will always communicate no matter the situation; we both have the space to talk to one another. We worked just like that, long distance didn’t hinder our relationship. If anything it made it stronger.

It didn’t stop me from missing him. We’ve been through a lot together. This dinner means a lot to the both us.

I looked at the time on my phone.

6:15 he should be here by 6:30, everything was coming together.

I was exhausted, I flew in from a five hour flight yesterday, honestly phone sex and my vibrator was getting old. I needed to be dicked down. I’m talking about sideways diagonal, at this point I really don’t care. I need Justin to tear this ass up.

I spent the day shopping for the perfect lingerie and oils for massages. I got my eyebrows done, my hair was laid, baby hairs popping.

I put on a burgundy red blow job proof lipstick cos like I said he will get that thicc succ tonight, we on that nut if you buck type of shit. 

I got on my ‘fuck me now’ dress with ‘we getting some dick tonight’ heels. I’m going all in. 

My ass was looking extra phat, I had on that dress that basically fucking hypnotized a nigga like biggie biggie can’t you see sometimes yours words just hypnotize me. I mean this the type of dress that make me wanna fuck my whole self bitch.

6:30 I lit the candles and waited for my mans to arrive. I heard Esther barking at the door, and anticipated his entrance. But my baby ended up just barking at the wind.

6:45 he was probably stuck in traffic.

6:55 I texted him but his dumb ass didn’t respond yet. This bitch better walk in any second.

7:10 his food began to get cold so I put it in the microwave. I made jerk chicken, with rice and beans, mac and cheese, and collard greens. I just slaved over this white men, I roll my eyes. 

7:15 I fixed my cleavage in the mirror. I ended up calling him but it went straight to voicemail. I called again, and again. I began to worry. Where is he? He wouldn’t forget today? I called the studio and his office but no answer. I dialed his assistant, she answered on the second ring.

“This is Bieber Records, how may I help you?”

“Hey, Liv can you transfer me to Justin’s phone or something? Is he in the office?

“Sorry Sasha, Justin is busy in the studio, he told me to not let anyone disturb him”

“Don’t I get special priviliges, Liv” I tried to compensate with her.

“I don’t want to loose my job Sasha” she said worriedly.

“Alright, just tell him I called then” I hung up the phone.

I blow out the candles, I’m passed the point of mad, I’m livid.

I go upstairs and change out of the dress and this over complicated lingerie set. Throw on a t-shirt, wash off this stupid ass blowjob proof lipstick, it smears all over my lips, with a fustrated sigh, I get a wash cloth a scrub my lips. I will myself not to cry cos that’s what I’m sure as hell not gonna do. I saw the deep bags under my eyes once I scrubbed off the remainder of my face.

I was just hormonal right now.

I wrapped my hair with a silk scarf and then slipped my bonnet on.

I go into the medicine cabinet and take my vitamins with someone water, I needed some alcohol but that wouldn’t be a good idea. I sleepily get into bed. I get under the covers and can’t help but break down. 

I missed him, I was lonely, stupid, but most of all anger ached through every inch of my body.

He stood me up. He didn’t even call to let me know. I wanted to fight his ass on sight before I could plan to jump him, my emotionally exhausted ass knocked out as soon as I found a comfortable spot.

I jumped up from what sounded like crashing from downstairs. Someone was obviously trying to break in. Don’t be a scary bitch, run these niggas up out of here.

I took one of Justin’s golf clubs and stood in front of the door ready to hit the motherfucker who decided to interrupt my sleep. 

My bedroom door swings wide open to reveal Justin. I could smell the liquor leaking out of his pores.

I drop the club, I haven’t seen him in almost three weeks before I could feel happy, all I could see was red. I don’t let it surface because what good would it do if he was drunk as shit.

“Fuck you scared the shit out of me. Where were you?”

“Something came up at work”, Justin dismissed.

“U missed dinner earlier”. I hint.

“S’okay I already ate Sash”, I try to put on a front, but that breaks me.

I lead him to the bed and take off his shoes and dress clothes leaving him in his underwear. I lay next to him and give him a glass of water with vitamins and Advil to lessen the blow of the inevitable hang over.

Justin passes out and I cuddle into my drunken husband’s neck, seeking the warmth he emanates. I hear his phone vibrate on the floor.

I get the phone and throw his clothes in his damn hamper. Scooter’s contact was lighting the screen.

I hear yelling and frustrated sighs, and accusations of not being in the studio. A lot of cussing, I can’t make out his voice among everyone yelling or thinking they are yelling at Justin.

“Scooter, is everything alright”, immediate silence.

“Justin is with you?” Scooter finally breaks it. Suspect…….

“Yes, he came home about ten minutes ago drunk, did anything happen, he seemed upset?”

“I don’t know Sash; don’t stress your pretty little head. He will be fine, probably had a little confrontation with the team, nothing unusual”, Scooter tells me.

“Alright thank you, have a good night then”, I yawn.

“Wait Sasha, Happy Birthday, hope to see you soon”

“Thanks, I really appreciate it”, the hear the phone click on the other end. At least someone remembered.

I could have sworn Justin was playing around this morning and this week, not mentioning it on purpose. I thought he was gonna surprise me, he always pulled pranks that I always fell for. 

Was I stupid for questioning my relationship? Am I making this a bigger deal than it is.

All I had was Justin, he had shared his friends and a family with me. They called me to wish me a happy birthday.

Selena even called, Justin’s ex. They were still friends and I trusted Justin, I put up with it because it’s always led to a fight.

I wasn’t that type of person to tell him he can’t be friends with other girls, that’s controlling and also ignorant.

I don’t think I can do this shit anymore.

I just went to bed not trying to think about how hurt I was.

“Justin, Justin”, I gently tried to wake him up. I had some shit planned for this nigga.

“Baby”, I kissed the side of his head, and made my way to his lips. He slowly opened his eyes, confused and settled in his surroundings. He bit my bottom lip and slowly suckled on to them as he brushed his tongue against mine. Nasty cos I tasted stale alcohol. It was still good because Justin has plump lips.

He woke up to me in a lingerie set and see through kimono leaving little to the imagination. I smiled at his wanton kisses. He purposefully tickled me and blew raspberries on my neck while making me laugh. I eventually gave him one last kiss.

“I’ve made you breakfast, your favorite”, I sing.

“Thank you baby”, I basked in the deep raspy baritone of his voice and admiration. I really loved the moments when he was all mine.

“So, I was thinking we can spend the whole day together, I’ve missed you”, I rattled on.

As Justin ate his French toast, he pressed a kiss to the crown of my head. “You know I’ve missed you too baby”, he said with a full mouth.

“Don’t choke”, I raised an eyebrow almost reprimanding him. I continued asking him what he wanted to do for the rest of the day.

“Baby, I can’t today, I have to work”, I stopped talking. I nod my head. I quickly got up from the bed and went to the closet to choose his suit and tie and began to iron his outfit. As I ironed, I tried not to cry but the tears started falling before I could stop them.

“Baby, don’t be like that. C’mere”, he sat his empty plate on the night stand. He went to go comfort me; placing his arms around my waist attempting to soothe my tears. I continue to iron his clothes ignoring his advances. Once I finished, I tried to escape his grasp but it was no use. He turned me around and held my chin firmly.

“You know I want to, Sash”, he smiles his sad rehearsed smile that I always fall for but I feel rebellious today. I was allowed to be selfish, all I want was him to at least try and put effort into our marriage. I sure as hell didn’t sign up to be alone.

“You’re the boss, take off for one day”, I plead.

“You’re cute, you know that. It’s not that easy honey”, he kissed my cheek and went to get ready.

“Justin we need to talk”, his eyebrows crossed in confusion. “Is there anything I need to know Justin? Tell me, I can take it. You came home shit-faced drunk at 3 in the morning, Scooter was worried. I was worried”, 

“Nothing Sasha, I was working late and—” I abruptly cut him off.

“No, you missed our date night”, I shout with unshed tears. I knew I was extremely sensitive but he had no excuse.

“I’m so sorry, baby, I’ve must have missed it on the schedule, Liv probably forgot to tell me”, he lied easily. I knew he was lying because his assistant goes over his schedule everyday.

“You told Liv not to let anyone disturb you, you were in the studio. I called, I thought you were hurt cos you never miss our date nights”, I point out.

“I know I’ve hurt you sweetheart, but I will spend every day making it up to you”, he smiled. I wiped my tears cos now I was mad. I was gonna cuss he out last night but today is a new day. 

“You know it’s funny how you think that you can lie to me? Yo, I’m not about to sit here like a fool. I’m tired Justin. It’s more than the fucking date, we haven’t seen each other in three weeks, I had a long ass flight, working with your artists, and you got the motherfuckin audacity to come here drunk off your ass, really nigga, that’s what were doing now. You got me fucked up, you five minutes to explain yourself. If you leave this house, sleep somewhere else tonight” I crossed my arms and he did the wow nigga face cos he caught lying. Ain’t shit sometimes. I’m flaring my nose.

“You are selfish and trifling right now” I yell at him. “You a bitch ass nigga” I said as I began walking away. He pulled me back to face him.

“Don’t fucking touch me” I yanked my arm away from he tight grip.

“C’mon Sasha, tell me what I did” he begged like a little bitch.

“I want to slap that dumb ass look you got on your face right now” I pointed my finger in his face.

“Did you forget something yesterday”, I said calmly, almost serene like. It was borderline scary.

“The date—”, he stopped talking as I started shaking my head.

“No”, I barked. I needed to calm down. I let out a breath and tried to hold in the anger I had. 

“You really forgot”, I swallowed as my throat started to close up. Justin furrowed his eyebrows.

I shook my head and laughed. I was beyond angry. 

“My birthday Justin, it was my birthday yesterday, and my husband forgot. Not only did you forget but you stood me up and decided to come home in the middle of the night drunk as fuck”, I nodded at him. I wipe my tears. He just stood there with the same blank face. I had to walk away from him right now. 

“Come back Sasha, I’m sorry baby, I fucked up” I ignored him because I was so fucking pissed but I didn’t want him to see me cry. I locked myself in the bathroom.

“Please let me in” he pounded on the door.

This was the worst time to be having a fight, if only if he knew. 

I changed into a long t-shirt and cotton panties, I didn’t feel so sexy anymore. Did he really not want me? I felt embarrassed and stupid. 

I eventually unlocked the bathroom door and heard Justin taking a shower 

I took out my untouched birthday cake, and cut a big chunk. I ate the rich chocolate cake with a large glass of milk and began watching re-runs of Scandal. Justin and I used to watch a new episode every Thursday together. 

Everything I did reminded me of Justin. I hated it when we fought, I’m emotional right now.

It was really sad that he couldn’t even remember my birthday. This is what I’ve become; a sad wife, I didn’t even want to be married in the first place; he begged me, begged for this domestic life. I went back in the kitchen for more cake. I took my mac and sat at the kitchen table. Eating and shopping. I heard Justin come down stairs. He was in a charcoal grey suit I picked out for him, he looked good but I the sight of his made me extremely angry.

Justin opened the fridge. He smiled and looked over to me, I quickly glance back to my computer screen. I was biting my lip, fuck him. I’m gonna spend his fucking money. Stupid ass bitch. Not like I could actually put a dent in it.

Justin went back upstairs as I loaded shit into my online shopping bag. I hit the word buy and cracked my knuckles and went onto the next high end website. He came back down in lounger wear while I sat drinking milk. He started heating up food/

He came up behind me, I immediately tensed. He started to massage my shoulders, and started to place kisses on my back. I shivered from his attention. I closed my eyes and let out a soft moan as Justin scraped his teeth over my sweet spot. He didn’t play fair.

He spun me around, and kissed me deeply. He kissed me with ‘I’m sorry’s’ as I silently forgave his negligence and cursed his silver tongue and his full lips and his big calloused hands from the strings of his guitar. He slid his hand into my panties and sucked on my neck, as I moaned out expletives. His fingers began an assault on my clit, slowly massaging circles as something began to build in my chest. One finger, two, than three began to thrust into my hot center. I couldn’t hold in the moans and control the yeses and gods that came out on it’s own.

“You like when I fuck you like this baby”, Justin sucked on the shell of my ear, as I began to climb for release.

“Aah—yesssss”,  I couldn’t form a coherent sentence at the moment.

“Who makes you feel this way”, his tempo began to increase in 808 beats. I felt my pussy quiver as the wetness pooled. I moaned and pleaded for him to make me come.

“Come for me baby”, Justin demanded in his husky voice. I let go as my core throbbed. Justin continued to rub my now sensitive area as his mouth made his way up to my mouth.

“You’re so beautiful”, I was speechless. I hadn’t felt this good in a long time. Sex with Justin was always this good. Justin kissed me again.

He bent down to remove my panties. He placed an open mouth kiss on my stomach and made his way up to my breasts. He took off my shirt; he cupped and kneaded my naked breasts as my nipples hardened. I moaned his name in a low plead, he placed opened mouth kisses all over my neck and chest. He slowly circled his tongue around a nipple, making me clench my jaw. I hated when he teased me like this. His teeth finally tugged on my nipple causing me to throw my head back, he sucked and bit at the nipple as his hand kneaded the other between his thumb and pointer finger, slightly pulling on the hardened nipple. As he attacked the second breast with his mouth, I began to feel the wetness gather and drip down my thighs.

“Justin, please”, I beg.

“Please what?” his facetious tone made me frustrated.

“fucking touch me already”,

“I am touching you, be more specific”, he commanded.

“I want you to lick me, fuck me, at this point I don’t care”, I moved his hand in between the apex of my thighs.

“That’s all you had to say, baby”, he grinned. I rolled my eyes back as his finger thrusted into my wet pussy. He lifted me up on the table. And sat down on the chair with everything on display, my legs spread wide open for Justin, and only Justin.

He slowly kissed my thighs and made his way to the middle. He placed an open mouth kiss on my clit. I moaned as my hands grabbed on to his hair, pulling through it. He began to suck my clit into his mouth while thrusting two fingers in me. Justin alternated his ministrations by switching to sucking and licking up my clit. His fingers were drenched with my arousal. He made his way inside my core making me scream his name and lock my thighs around his head. My hips began gyrate on his mouth, I felt his silver tongue lap up my wetness and thrust into me. I moaned and moaned, until my release gushed onto his mouth. Justin lapped up every drop, and kissed his way up to my mouth. He pulled me on to his lap and started grinding into my pussy. I groaned at the friction and tangy taste of myself on Justin’s mouth. His chin was drenched with me; I’ve never seen anything more erotic. I sucked his bottom lip into my mouth.

“Fuck me”, I pleaded into his mouth. Justin pulled down his boxers revealing his hard erection. I rotated my hips as if there were music playing. We found a hot steady rhythm. Justin hands gripped my hips hard, and thrusted into me. I gasped and tried to let my head fall back again but he held my chin in place and forced me to look at him. He pistoled his cock deep into my pussy as fast as he could. I could do nothing but arch my back as he pounded into me over and over again, my legs were shaking and my core was tightening around his hard dick. I felt liquid dripping to my thighs, as he continued his thrusts. My body stiffened and then exploded uncontrollably. My pussy throbbed, my legs shook, and my stomach quivered as I was hit by a wave and an after wave, I was unable to do anything but submit to them. I heard a deep guttural sound as Justin lost his rhythm and began to pump into me erratically, as his orgasm over took him.

He kissed me hard, letting me know that I was his, for now. I happily sighed.

“I love you”, I said into his ear, I only got a grunt and a kiss on the side of my head.

After we both came from our high. I forgot about my purchases, and he led me up to the bedroom with candles lit, my food I cooked last night warmed, a bubble bath set, and the massage oils on the night stand. I was happy, not that he forgot, but he would make it up to me. I looked up at him with unshed tears.

He squeezed my hand and began to apologize. I cut him off with a deep kiss. I already forgave him. 

“Justin I have to tell you something” I smiled and started crying.

“What is it baby, stop crying, I’m sorry I hurt you” he comforted me as kissed the tears away.

I walked over to the night stand and took a picture out of a manilla folder. I handed it to him.

“I thought, I thought” he had tears in his eyes.

“I know, me too”

“You’re pregnant” his tears fell.

“Surprise” I kissed his lips.

“I’m so sorry, I’m never gonna hurt you again, either of you” he kissed me hard. “What did the doctor say?” he was so concerned. 

“The usual, rest, eat healthy, don’t get stressed” I said poignantly.

“How far along are you?” he asked.

“I’m 12 weeks, Justin” I laughed through tears.

“You’re barely showing though” Justin rubbed my stomach.

“The due date is in March, you know, just like you, happy early birthday” I joked.

“I’m so happy, I thought the doctor said it wasn’t going to happen”

“I never knew how much I wanted kids until after I the miscarriages, but I’m so happy too, you make me mad but so happy at the same damn time. I’m so scared, Justin. I’m scared, I don’t even wanna say it allowed”

“I know baby, we have to stay positive, we will get through this, all of us, together. I already love him so much, I love you though, thank you”

“I’m sorry it took me so long” I teared up a little.

“Never be sorry for that, stop it, you’re perfect. I will always love you whether or not we have children or not. I love you so fucking much”

“I love you too Justin” I pressed  kiss into his lips. “Make love to me, please” I whispered, he picked me up and carefully laid me on the bed.

“No more rough sex from now on” Justin warned. I laughed.

This is all that mattered. Him with me, talking, loving, and enjoying each other: that was all I wanted for my birthday, and I got more than I imagined.

I stopped traveling because I was forced on bed rest, Justin took time off so he could stay home with me, our lifestyle changed instantly to welcome this kid into our lives. I was getting bigger each day, I had a fucking watermelon inside of me.

We didn’t tell the media yet, but our closest friends and family knew. This was the first real pregnancy, I had so many miscarriages before, and they would happen before the three month mark, but I was five months and half months pregnant. We had an appointment to find out the gender today. I wanted to surprise Justin with lunch before we went.

He was in the office, working hard, and he deserved a little surprise. I came to the office, to see his assistant was on lunch break. I saw a sign on Justin’s office door that said ‘do not disturb’. I knocked on the door but no one came to answer.

I opened the door and closed it behind me. I made my way into his huge office, until I heard noises outside from the room; I went in not prepared to see Justin plowing a girl on his desk. I let out a gasp, and the lunch fell to the ground.

I was confused, he was cheating on me, all this time. I made myself known. That couldn’t be him. 

Justin turned around to look at me staring at him and this girl fucking.

“Selena?” I whisper. He betrayed me, I am disgusted. How long was this going on for? Is this why he was so busy? I cringe, I just saw the love of my life balls deep in his ex. Selena began to cry, Justin was silent, and I, well I was in shock. 

I couldn’t move. This wasn’t happening to me, not my husband, Justin would never do this to me. He loved me. 

Everything was a lie. Everything, he played me, he made me believe that I was his forever. I spin around out of the office. I hear Justin pull his pants up and chase me but I already make it to the elevator. The door closed severed us apart as I went down to the lobby. I began to break down; I couldn’t believe what was happening. I ignored the receptionist and made my way to Scooter’s office. There I saw everyone, our—his friends and team.

My tear streaked face was a clear indication I found about the affair. The look on their faces told me all I needed to know.

“You”, I point to Scooter. “All of you knew, didn’t you, poor Justin’s pregnant wife. She is too naïve to find out that her husband was fucking his ex. All the signs were there, she even came to stay at our house for a couple of weeks. No one told me anything. All this time, all this time, no one could even tell me. If you were my friends, you would have said something. No if you were people you would have said something. How could you. You told me I couldn’t come on tour, on business trips, for almost two years of his life all because he told you to, so he could have an affair. Do you know what it feels like to give someone everything and get nothing in return? I went through so much alone. All of you are pathetic. Thank you for helping in single handedly ruining my life, what do I get in return. I gave up everything. I wasted five years of my life married to someone who doesn’t even love me. Let me guess he had an affair while we we’re dating too? Wow. Props to you guys for creating your own mini Truman show”, I started clapping.

“Sasha—”, Hailey began. I put my hand up to silence her

“ Save it, You know what’s funny, I didn’t want this but Justin begged me to marry him, begged me to have his kids  None of you contact me, don’t talk to me, don’t mention me, just act like I never existed because Justin already does a great job of that”, I look at all of my former friends faces, some of them looked guilty and the rest of them looked hurt. I felt my vision blur, my dizziness slammed into me. I felt a sharp pain in my back, I was looking up at the ceiling. I heard my name being called. I just wanted to go to sleep.

I woke up to bright lights, I remembered reality as my eyes shot up. I touched my stomach, I felt empty. I knew, I already can tell. I felt tears uncontrollably fall from the ducts.

I screamed for my child, but the nurses tried to calm me down. The doctor came in and told me the news. I heard nothing but white noise.

They asked me if I wanted to hold him. I cried as I held my beautiful boy to my chest, I cried for all of it. I wish he would have been here, I wish my baby would have survived. I couldn’t save him, I was a horrible excuse of a mother. I shouldn’t have yelled and worked myself up. I should have just sucked it up.

Then they took him away from me. I could no longer breathe. How many times would I go through this alone. 

I was sedated. I woke up to Justin holding my hand. I felt dead, I didn’t even want to touch him. He squeezed my lifeless hand.

I didn’t cry this time. I couldn’t anymore. I felt hallow. 

I starred at the wall, was I not good enough? Why did he marry me if he wanted Selena? 

“Sasha?” he waited to hear a response. I didn’t answer. 

I barely acknowledged him. 

“Sasha”, I couldn’t answer him.

“Baby”, nothing moved. I felt dead inside.

I was repulsed by myself, how could I let this happen.

“Let me explain”, Justin was basically talking to the wall.

Before he could begin, I interrupted his rehearsed speech. “Why?” I simply ask.

Justin was speechless. I had unshed tears in my eyes. Hadn’t I done enough crying?

“Because I’m selfish, I love her, I tried to move on and I met you. You were different. You fell in love with me for me. I was in love with you. I knew how much you love me. You love me more than Selena ever did but I loved her, and she only loves herself, she will never be in love with me. So I married you. Our affair was always on and off, I love you Sasha, I really do but I love her too . You’re my best friend. You would always be there for me. I took it for granted. I’m sorry, please forgive me”.

I silently cried. “How long”,

“Six months after we started dating”, he bows his head.

“You went back to her after each time I miscarried”, I asked. He nodded. 

“When didn’t you fuck her? Please tell me you didn’t on our wedding day” I said as a joke. His silence is the only confirmation I needed.

“Were you ever in love with me?” I wipe the tears from my eyes. Why put someone through this pain. I internalized everything. How was I so blind? How come I wanted to die.

“What did I do wrong?” I beg him to answer me.

“Nothing, you didn’t do anything wrong” His hand tries to grab mine but I flinch away from him. “Sasha, please let—”

“No, you had five years to explain. I don’t want to hear it”, I yell through my blurry eyes. “Justin, do you even love me anymore?” I turn to look at him while he sits on the hospital chair.

“Of course I love you, I—”. I look into his eyes and see anything but love.

“It is a yes or no question”, if he wanted to say yes, he would have.

Justin bows his head. My chest swells in pain. I wasn’t enough for him. I am not enough for anybody. No one loves me, not even the person who vowed to love me till death do us apart. 

“Where do we go from here, what do you want?” I sniffle, can we get past this? We can go to a therapist. Get some help. Right?

“A divorce”, Justin whispers. I gasp. I look up to see if I heard him right. The answer is the guilt I see in his eyes and his tear streaked face.

I break down and turn away from him, I can’t do this anymore. Does he hate me that much? I hear his footsteps walk away from me. He left me alone. He was always good at that.

I was discharged the next day. Justin came to pick me up. We didn’t say a word to one another.

I was depressed. I felt worthless, unlovable, disgusting, stupid, ugly, I hated myself again. No one was going to pull me out of it this time.

As we got to our- his house, I wrapped myself in the comforter and swallowed myself in bed. I cried and cried until I couldn’t anymore. Justin tried to talk to me but I couldn’t even look at him, I lost his child again, no wonder he didn’t love me anymore.

Selena would be a good mother, she was probably fertile. 

I didn’t get out bed until I had to pee, Justin fought with me to eat but I just cried more until he left me alone. Patty visited me, tried to talk to me but I just gave her soft smiles as she rubbed my back and helped me bathe. 

Hailey, Za, and Khalil came to say hi but I barely talked to them, as they apologized for what happened.

“It wasn’t your fault, I shouldn’t have gotten mad, it was my responsibility to protect him, I couldn’t” I looked in their eyes and they looked scared and guilty still.

They eventually left the room, I had heard them talking to Justin.

I heard Hailey crying about how thin I was.

I just went back to sleep, I didn’t care. 

Justin would try to coax me out of it, but I didn’t trust him anymore. I wanted to forget.

He came into our room and laid down next to me. He whispered he was sorry. I heard it so many times from him. I turned to face him, snuggled into his side, as he wrapped me tightly with his arms. I broke down crying into his neck. This was the first time I had human interaction it weeks.

I started kissing his neck. Justin lightly pushed me away. It hurt me so much for him to reject me like that.

“Make me forget please, I don’t want to be here, please” I cried and Justin kissed me.

“Don’t you ever say that” He scolded me. I nodded.

“Fuck me, please”.

He ripped my panties in half and lifted me toward his face as he sat me on his tongue. I cried out in pleasure as he suck my clit in between his mouth, I realized home much I missed him. I buckled my hips each time his began to change the motion and pressure with the pad of his tongue. I was almost there until he pulled me off of his face and lifte me on his hips. I took his hard cock and placed it at my entrance, he pistoled inside me slowly, torturing me. I met his slowed rhythm. 

“Harder” I begged into his ear.

He pounded into me reaching my cervix. I moaned each time he hit so deep inside of me. He tried to control his rhythm but I felt him nearing the edge as his thrusting sped up I felt him thrust into me one last time as his cum shot inside of me. I got up from the bed and finally took a shower.

I left a piece of myself in that room, I had to cos if I didn’t I would never let myself heal. I had to leave. I packed a bag while Justin fell asleep and left toward the nearest hotel.

I sat across from Justin with our—his lawyers present.

“Sasha take the money” Justin pleads. I shake my head. I wanted nothing from him.

I give him a watery smile. Deep down I know I will never be the same after what he has done.

“This divorce is final, filed under irreconcilable differences, no pre-nuptial agreement, and no alimony, one car and her wardrobe is all she gets to keep. The rest is yours Justin” Justin’s lawyer completes the divorce.

“You’re not taking Esther?” Justin asks.

“You love the dog”, I smile sadly. I couldn’t take his dog. I would be reminded of how I was never good enough. I just wanted to forget.

“How have you been?” Justin tries to coax me but hearing his voice makes it real. I rise from the table, so does Justin. I took one for the team. They all knew the real reason why this divorce was happening, but I decided not to tarnish Justin’s name. I am still in love with him. You don’t stop.

I wipe my tears. I hug Justin and kiss him for the last time on his lips.

“Good bye Justin”, I walk out before I beg him to take me back. He doesn’t love you, he never did and he never will the voice in my head shouts at me. 

He didn’t even fight for me

Justin’s POV

“Sasha could have taken all your money”, my lawyer tries to brighten up.

“Yeah, I know, doesn’t stop me from feeling guilty”, I said. My conscious was hanging on a thread. Now more than ever did I realize that I didn’t deserve Sasha; she agreed to everything, didn’t even take a cent of mine, and only walked away because I told her to.

She was gone forever. Why did I feel like I just made the biggest mistake of my life. 

I punch the wall bruising my knuckles. 

“Justin you okay?” I hear my lawyers ask. 

“I don’t know” I fell my eyes well up with tears. Fuck.

Sasha’s POV

4 years later……

“Jia get back here now”, my three year old daughter was a ball of energy. Once I gave my baby the bubbles, Jia submerged into the water and let me wash her.

Once we both finished getting ready for the day we began to eat breakfast.

“Momma, can I come with you, I don’t want to go to day care today?” my daughter asked while eating her pancakes. This was becoming a ritual. I sighed. 

“Why not, sweets”, I smile.

“Because everyone still acts like a baby and they are nasty” she responded, I swear I had 16 year old sometimes.

“Okay baby, you can come watch mommy today, but tomorrow you go back”

Jia seemed satisfied with the deal for now, and continued to eat her breakfast.

Jia was Justin’s. She was my hope, my light. I thought I was gonna loose her too. I didn’t tell anyone because I was afraid I would loose her too.

She was perfect, everything I had ever asked for.

Jia had my lips but Justin’s eyes and nose. She was beautiful. Jia had gold curly hair that was down to the middle of her back. She looked more like Justin, it was obvious she was his, just compare his baby photos with hers, it was impossible not to see the resemblance.

I found out I was pregnant once I moved to Miami.

I cried. I wanted Jia to have a father, I wanted a family. I was so hurt, he deserved to know. I called but Selena answered, for some reason, I always thought he would come back to me, that we still had a chance to save us. But I was wrong. I quickly hung up and decided to never contact him again.

I still kept my job as a music producer. I worked on songs for Beyoncé, Drake, Cardi B, Rihanna, Nicki Minaj just to name a few. I loved making beats, and of course Jia was always there with me, grabbing the hearts of many people who came to work with me.

I created a pseudo- name, Saana Leif, my mother’s name.

I became successful on my own, without Justin’s name, without his money.

I would be lying if I said I didn’t love him, how couldn’t I. He gave me a glimpse into his life, lied to me, and made me believe every word. Then he took it away from me, telling me he didn’t love me anymore because he never did. I should hate him but I was idiotic. I was a glutton for pain.

Jia Leif was my life, was my love. I felt bad for keeping her away from him. He didn’t love me, so why would he want my daughter. It was constantly a thought that always resurfaced. He had cheated on me, lied to me for five years. I became suicidal. 

My daughter had brought some of me back, and I promised to never let my daughter feel that pain Justin brought me. My wonderful, innocent baby girl didn’t need a sometimes father as he was a sometimes husband.

I sighed and finished cleaning the kitchen.

As I went into the studio carrying Jia on my hip, I went about my business and situated Jia with a coloring book.

I heard the door open and I looked up to see three familiar faces: Khalil, Za,  and Hailey.

How did they find me, I made sure no one could trace me. 

Hailey’s POV

“Sasha?” I couldn’t believe I saw my former best friend. She looked different. She looked warm but sure if the moment presented itself she would rip someone a new asshole. She had her long curly hair cut in a sleek tape, her nose pierced on the nostril and septum, and a sleeve of tattoos. She was dressed in tight skirt with a matching top that showed her pierced belly button, showing off her assets. She looked confident. She had to be at least, 27, she was always younger than everyone else.

She didn’t look like Sasha anymore. 

Sasha sat there frozen, her body stiffened.

She looked at us like her mouth was paralyzed, unable to talk.

“Mommy, I’m thirsty”, a child-like voice came out of the room. I saw a little girl who looked familiar. She stared at us with confusion.

“Mommy who are those people?” she whispered loud enough so that I could hear.

Sasha lightly laughed at her daughter’s secretive attempt.

“Baby, these are my friends from when I was younger”, Sasha said to her daughter.

“When you were my age Momma?” she cocked her head.

“Not quite sweets. Well are you gonna say hi to my friends”, Sasha asked her shy daughter. She hid in the crook of her mother’s neck.

“Why are you acting shy for baby? I promise they won’t bite”, she tried to coax her daughter to break the ice. The tension was unbearable.

The little girl slowly came from the safety net of her mother and waved her hand at us in the room.

“What’s your name gorgeous?” I smiled at the baby.

“Jia B. Leif”, she said a soft voice.

“Well you can call me Hailey or Hails”, Jia nodded. Jia looked at Za and Khalil 

“Are you mommy’s brothers cos you have the same color?” Sasha laughed at her child’s curiosity.

“No baby, do you remember when I told just because people look similar doesn’t mean they are related”, Jia nodded at her mother.

“What’s your names?” Jia looked up the two men expectantly. She tugged on Za’s shirt to lift her up. Za silently asked Sasha for her permission. Sasha nodded and he proceeded to lift Jia in his arms.

“You can call me Za”, Za smiled at his old friend’s kid.

“This is Khalil”, Za introduced.

“What’s up baby”, Khalil asked the little girl.

“I’m not a baby”, Jia had as much sass as her mother did, and probably more. Sasha rolled her eyes.

“Jujube, no sass, be nice”, Jia rolled her eyes just like her mother did a second ago and groaned. Sasha shook her head.

“Can you please put me down?” she asked Za, so Za did.

“Bye, Bye!” Jia ran to her mom.

“I’ll get you a capri sun, how does that sound sweets?” Jia nodded.

“Can you please color and behave while mommy works?” Sasha asked her daughter. Jia nodded and went back into the room she came from.

“She is gorgeous Sasha”, Khalil offered

“How did you find me?” Sasha whispered. She had unshed tears. She looked flustered. Almost like a fragile bird. She looked like she was about to run. She looked at the door waiting for Justin to come in any minute. He didn’t come with us this time around.

“Hey, don’t cry, he is not here with us”, I went to comfort her.

“We missed you”, Khalil rubbed her back.

Sasha was unresponsive. “I missed you guys too”, she said she let out a breath she was holding in.

I hugged her tightly to me as I became choked up. We thought she was gone, what Justin did, what we all helped him do was so fucked up and I felt so ashamed for so long for ruining someone’s world. I truly missed her. She was my best friend. I let go of our hug.

“Oh my god Hailey I missed you so much” Sasha said as I pulled away. “How are Ry and Chaz?” she asked with a watery smile.

“Good, everything is fine, they finally moved out to LA for their own projects”, Za said. She laughed. I wiped the tears from her eyes with a giggle.

“That’s good, you guys look good, unlike me, and I’m still an emotional mess.” She shook her head.

I scoffed. “Sash, you look sexy as hell”. I tell her the truth.

She blushed at the compliment.

“So I’m assuming y’all working on Khalil’s next album”, we all nodded.

“I’m so proud of you, all of you”, she smiled.

“Sash”, she grimaced at the nickname, it was a nickname Justin gave her. “If it helps we didn’t know; I had no idea that you were the producer. I think I speak for us all when I say we’re sorry. Deeply sorry we hurt you” Khalil rubbed her shoulder.

“It’s not your fault. I’m sorry I put you guys between us. I was mad and angry and heartbroken, he asked you guys to not say anything because you’re his friends, I get it. I forgave you guys a long time ago”

“But we were your friends too”,  I whisper, feeling guilty.

“That may be but Justin is your best friend, I know what his management did, team, y’all did. You protected his public image. No matter how it affected me. He didn’t love me anymore, I don’t think he ever did”, Sasha grimaced at her ex-husband.

“So you have a daughter now”, Za smiled, it was more a statement then a question. Sasha hesitantly nodded.

“You look happy, who’s the lucky guy?” Khalil asked innocently.

Sasha laughed humorlessly, “There is no one”, she sadly smiled.

I put two and two together. She hadn’t been with someone since Justin. Jia looked like Justin. Her initials were similar to Justin’s JBL. I felt like a conspiracy theorist.

“She is his”, I stated.

Sasha looked at us with unshed tears. Her silence was my confirmation.

“You can’t tell him, I tried, I picked up my phone so many times, but he told me he didn’t love me anymore. She was conceived in heartbreak, and she shouldn’t know that. She was the only thing that saved me from myself. I wanted to die, I wanted to kill myself. When I found out I cried, abortion was an option but I knew I could never follow through with it after everything, I was selfish, it was my last chance to have a baby. I didn’t want them to make me get one if I told, if I told his management they would make me get one, or he would be tied with me forever. I love him that will never stop, but I’m not vindictive, he was so unhappy with me. I see him from afar; I’ve made peace with it. He is so happy without me, with Selena, they even got engaged. I had to protect my baby, myself from him. He hurt me, I just, it’s hard to get over what he did, all I have is my baby girl. I lost everyone once Justin left me, please don’t let him take her away from me too”, Sasha was full blown sobbing. This was probably her worst nightmare.

Za and Khalil went to comfort her, she was definitely spent. Za wiped her tears.

“We’re not going to tell anyone”, Za promises.

Khalil rubbed her back. “I’m sorry, I told you I’m not like that girl you first met; I was lost, I was hurt. You guys have brought back so much—” Sasha wiped her tears.

“How is he?” Sasha was afraid to ask.

“Well he is definitely not engaged to Selena”, I chuckled lightly.

“He hadn’t spoken to her in 2 years actually”, I finish.

“Oh”, Sasha said surprisingly.

“But he is doing okay, he is no longer the CEO, he dropped down, now he is just the founder of the company”, Za smiles.

“He spends a lot of time with Esther, travels, makes music from time to time, goes to church now”, I laugh.

“He was miserable for a while, almost overdosed, he still smokes, but he has gotten better about it the other stuff. I think he has been celibate for three years now. I haven’t seen him with a girl besides his friends and family”, I note.

“Did Selena leave him?” Sasha asked.

We all hesitantly nodded. I saw the hope leave her eyes.

“Well enough about this, let’s get started on the album”, she smiled at us.

Before I knew it, it was just like all those years ago when she would help Justin with his beats in the studio back in the day. I missed my best friend, it was good to see her. I owed it to her. I felt responsible. She would always have a friend in me.

Justin’s POV

I was at Khalil’s album release party as I bopped to the beats.

I knew this style, I had been repeating all night that whoever created them were a fucking genius, but I couldn’t put a finger on who Khalil worked with.

I heard old school mixed in with 90’s styled beats and R&B. Man, whoever made this deserved a Grammy.

“Leel, who did the beats on the album, I never asked but goddamn, they’re fuckin’ sick”, I said with a laugh.

“a ghost writer, they made every track on the record, we kept on sending back material and so forth, and whoever it was came up with something magic”, Khalil smiled. He’d been acting weird ever since coming back from Miami. All my friends were acting fucking weird. Maybe it was the weed. 

“Can I hit the ghost writer up, I want to make a few songs with this kind of talent”, I begged.

“Yeah sure”, Khalil was hesitant, “Do you want something to eat, J”, he changed the subject. 

“Sure man” I crossed my eyebrows in confusion. I watched him as he made his way to the food table, he went to grab Za and whispered something into Za’s ear as he simply nodded and passed the information on to Hailey. Something was up.

As I got closer to the conversation I heard her name.

“We can’t let Justin know that Sasha was put on the album. He can’t know, we helped him keep his secret and we owe it to her to keep hers”, Hailey said to both of them.

They know where Sasha is. I felt a twinge of pain twist in my heart.

“You know where Sasha is”, my friends turned around with guilty faces.

“And you weren’t going to tell me”, I stated, I obviously was hurt by the betrayal of my friends.

“She doesn’t want you to know where she is”, I nodded, I fucked her up man. She hated me.

“How is she”, I had to ask, sorrow filled my heart, I made the biggest mistake of my life, letting her leave, giving up on her.

No one answered my question. I clenched my jaw.

“She is doing okay, she is getting better; she is still hurt about what happened. She’s changed, she doesn’t look like she used to”, Hailey finally said for everyone.

I nodded. “She is in Miami”, my friends nodded

“Can I see her”, I said in a voice so gentle that it could be shattered any second; I probably looked like I was on the verge of break a down. I felt my eyes tear.

I needed to see her again, I couldn’t take no for an answer this time.

I need my girl back

Sasha’s POV

I walked into the Foutaine Bleu and made my way up to the front entrance with Jia sleeping in the crook of my neck.

I saw Hailey near the front desk and smiled brightly at her.

As both of us talked about what we were both up to, we rode the elevator to the suite. Hailey seemed nervous. Was she okay?

As they made our way to the penthouse suite, Hailey slid the key card, to be welcomed by many people; I saw Patty, Jeremy, Bruce, Diane, even Ryan and Chaz. I saw Hailey biting her lip, Khalil looking at me with a comforting smile. Za grabbed me into hug.

“You told him”, I paled.

I felt the tears start to pool, I wanted a hole to swallow me; I had already felt Justin was in the room somewhere.

“We told him where you were, we didn’t tell him he had a little girl”, I nodded. 

I was fucked.

This was gonna blow up in their faces; I was going to get hurt. I felt Jia wake up. Jia recognized Hailey immediately, and wanted to get down from my arms.

I let go of my daughter so she could hug Hailey.

“Sasha?” Patty had unshed tears. I was very close to her way back when. She was like a mother to me, while Bruce and Diane were basically my grandparents, we had all hugged tightly, they seemed afraid that they wouldn’t see me for another four years if they let go.

I had missed my family; I had built strong relationships with each of them. I fled away knowing they would choose Justin over me, if I never had Jia; I always feared that I wouldn’t be strong enough to move on from what had happened.

I cried at our impromptu reunion.

I saw Jazzy and Jaxon, 16 and 15 years old. Jax was looking more like his older brother every day, and Jazzy, my god was she beautiful. Jeremy had opened his arms wide for me. Jeremy had hugged me tight, kissing my forehead, wiping the tears that shed from my face.

I looked at two familiar faces, as I recognized Ryan and Chaz I grabbed on to them for dear life.

I thought I wouldn’t see these people for the rest of my life, and it wasn’t until I saw them I knew how much pain it caused them when I cut them out of my life.

Hailey brought Jia to me while I cried.

“Mommy, why are you crying” Jia asked, I was so overwhelmed.

“I’m just really happy baby”, I laughed, my daughter’s worry dissipated “I haven’t seen these people for a while now”, Jia hid into my neck.

“Can you say hello to them, baby”, my family in-laws had gasped at her.

“She is beautiful, sweets”, Bruce said to me.

“Momma, you have the same nick name as me”, Jia giggled.

Jia was obviously Justin’s child, any one blind could tell.

“Can I hold her”, Patty cried, I nodded, I felt guilt wash through me, but they had understood what had happened between Justin and I.

Jia was shy depending on who was with her, but apparently she had a natural indication, she openly embraced Patty, Jeremy, Bruce and Diane like she knew them all her life. She was basked in the attention all the adults were paying her.

I scanned the room waiting to see Justin face, I was nervous, scared, and terrified. I felt myself panic, I wanted to run. I let some tears fall down my face. I wasn’t strong enough to prepare myself.

I took a seat by the couch to gather my thoughts, I didn’t want Justin to see me like this, I just desperately wanted to run away.

Hailey looked over at me, she gave me a warm smile; she came to me and grabbed my hand. I grasped onto her hand for dear life. I wasn’t ready for what was about to happen, what I was about to feel.

“It’s okay Sasha, we didn’t tell him about Jia, but we told him about you. I’m sorry, he came up behind us when we were talking; he just wanted to talk to you”, I exhaled in relief.

“Where is he?”

“He wanted us to bring you to him, he figured you didn’t want anyone to see the reunion between the two of you”, I nodded.

Hailey led me to Justin’s room; Hailey stopped at the door and went back to the living room, leaving me to open the door.

I opened the door to see the one person I swore I’d never see again.

I closed the door behind me, staring into his chocolate eyes.

“Hello, Sasha”. I swallowed.

“Jay”, I whispered.

“I missed you—”, before Justin could continue I whimpered and shook my head.

“You don’t get to say that to me”, I scolded.

“You’re right”, Justin ended.

“You wanted the divorce, you lied, cheated—no, you betrayed me, you beyond cheated Justin, don’t you realize what you did. I wanted to die, you made me feel that way. I had to move on, you wanted the divorce, you made me waste—you made me believe you loved me—”

“I did love you, I still love you”, Justin cut me off.

“Save it Justin, you only loved yourself”, tears streamed from my eyes.

Justin always knew how to break me, no matter how confident I was, how tough, or how much of a bitch I was, Justin would always bring out the soft side of me.

“You don’t get it do you, you will always be apart me, I will always love you, some nights I’d cry myself to sleep to only wake up to remember that the person I love never loved me. So whatever you want or have to say, I’ll forgive you because of what I feel but I can’t go through what you put me through again, I have to be strong, I have a—I have a daughter, her name is Jia”.

“Congratulations, Sasha”, Justin sighed, he was too late, he thought.

I knew what he must have been thinking. I scoffed.

“It’s not what you think”, I hugged myself; I was scared for his reaction.

“I get it, you moved on—”

“I’ve only been with one man my whole entire life, Justin. You’ve ruined me for any other guy”; Justin’s face was laced with pain, heartbreak, and happiness.

“Justin, she is yours”, I let my tears fall.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry Justin. You wanted the divorce, you said you weren’t in love with me; I thought why would you love half of me. I tried calling you, Selena picked up. I did what I thought was best, I wanted you to be happy”. I cried.

Justin eyes were red, he sat on the bed looking into his hands, and he shook.

“It’s okay, I get it.” Justin whispered.

I sat next to him.

“I have scrap books, videos, I have everything from her first words to first steps. You know if I ever saw you again” I hesitantly put my hand on his shoulder.

Justin looked at me, god I missed him. He looked different, he was rocking the man bun now and a clean shaven goatee.

“You got tattoos” Justin smiled at me.

I nodded. I lifted up my shirt, and it revealed Roman numeral numbers. Justin touched them with his fingers and smiled.

“My birthday”, he stated. Justin caressed my face as I closed my eyes to enjoy the warmth.

I felt his lips against my jaw as he made his way to my lips.

I was putty in his hands; I always submitted to him, whatever he did, I let him. I groaned as he bit my lip, he whispered my name into my mouth as he lifted me up into his lap.

I hadn’t had sex since Jia was conceived, four years was a long time.

Justin gave me one last sensual kiss.

I blushed red, I mumbled out a sorry. How embarrassing. 

“You’re fine” Justin molded my hand into his.

“I shouldn’t have done that, Selena and all that” I bowed my head in shame. Not believing they haven’t spoke to one another in a couple of years.

“I haven’t spoken to her in three years, Sasha”. he scooted closer to me.

“I just can’t let you back in” I inched away from him.

“I made a mistake, I want you, only you, and I’m deeply in love with you Sasha, that won’t ever change.”

“A mistake is forgetting the eggs at the store, what you did was… I’m ready to move past it Justin, but we have to talk, heal, and trust one another again. I’m not ready to jump back into anything with you at the moment, but I’ll be your friend”

“A friend that I can kiss” Justin cheekily smiled; he came closer to me.

I stopped him at arms distance. “We’ll see”.

“Jia is here with me, she is with your family”, Justin breathed.

“You have to promise me you won’t let what ever happens between us get in the way of your relationship with her. If you tell her you’re her Dad, you are her Dad forever, you will gain your rights as her father, I’ll revise them, but you have to love her, take care of her, be there for her, pay attention to her. Please tell me you’ll be her Dad and not her sperm donor, because if you fuck up, you will never see me again nor her. Is that understood Justin” I searched his eyes.

“Momma bear came out with claws” Justin laughed. I didn’t, I meant business.

“I promise, Sasha” Justin gave me his word.

I smiled.

I led Justin to our daughter.

She was on her grandfather’s lap telling him a story about preschool.

Jia’s life was about to change.

“Baby, can you come here for a second”, Jia turned to me with a bright face.

Justin saw his daughter for the first time. “I love her already Sasha, how is that possible” he whispered low enough only for me to hear.

“I know, J” I smiled

“She looks just like me”

“Momma, Momma, ‘Justin Bieber’ is behind you”, Jia said loudly.

Everyone laughed at Jia’s comment. Justin probably already decided to make Jia a daddy’s girl by the time he was done with her. I had competition now. 

“Yes baby, I know do you want to meet him”, Jia nodded her;  I grabbed her tiny hand as Justin bent down to greet Jia.

“Hello gorgeous”, Justin said to his daughter as tears fell from his eyes.

“Why is you crying, do I make you sad”, Jia asked.

Justin shook his head, “No sweetheart, you make me really happy”, Justin embraced Jia into his arms as he broke down crying with Jia in his arms. I felt so much love and pain at once, it was draining.

“It okay”, Jia comforted Justin.

Jia pulled away from Justin and wiped away his tears away with her tiny fingers.

“When I cry mommy gives me the best kisses and it makes me feel better”, Jia explained to him. Justin laughed at Jia.

“Is that right, baby”, Justin giggled at his daughter.

Jia nodded. “I’m not a baby, my name is Jia B Leif” Justin smiled at her initials. He understood the hyphen.

“Okay, Jia, can I tell you something”, Jia nodded at her favorite singer.

“I’m your daddy”, Jia opened with bright eyes. She looked at me to confirm what he said was true, I gave the kid a nod.

“Really, I can call you Daddy?” Justin nodded at his daughter.

“Daddy, I missed you, where were you, how come you weren’t with us?” Jia had all of these questions she wanted to ask.

“I was away, baby, I’m here now”, Jia nodded at his answer.

“Mommy does this mean we’re rich”, I laughed; at least she knew her priorities.

“I guess so, baby” I smiled at her.

It was a heartfelt moment between Justin and his daughter. I had tears in my eyes, guilt and sorrow washed inside of me. Patty rubbed my shoulder to console me. As a mother I had to make choices to protect my daughter, that what was what mothers did.

I held onto Patty’s hand, I realized that my life was going to change, for worse or for better, and yet  I was happy for Jia, everything that had happened didn’t vanish, anger and hurt still resided within me but I was ready to move on and let go, I wanted closure. That was the best thing for me; as for Jia, she needed her father.

Justin’s POV

I was taken away by the life I had made; I wished I was there for her birth, her first words, and her first steps. I wanted it all, I desperately wanted to know everything about Jia. She was beautiful, she was a spitting image of me except for the fact she was half black; it was crazy at how she inherited most of my features, I wondered if my next child would look like Sasha, but I stopped myself from thinking ahead.

I didn’t know where I stood with Sasha, I wanted to be the man she wanted, I wanted to be the only one that made her feel a certain way, and I would spend the rest of my life making up for my mistakes.

Jia was asleep in my arms, I watched her suck on her thumb, and flutter her thick long eyelashes. She already had me wrapped around her pinky finger, just by her giggle or the way she called me Daddy.

I looked at my ex wife, sound asleep as well, she looked younger as she slept.

We looked like a family. I knew we had to resolve a lot together as a couple, that was expected, but I wasn’t expecting my Sasha to act so vulnerable, I knew her inside and out, she had become so sad and broken, yet fierce and protective. I could not believe after all I had done to her, she still found a place for me in her heart.

My last thought before I drifted into a peaceful sleep, I realized that I didn’t deserve Sasha, I never did. I was so grateful that I could have my second chance, this time around I would make it right, no matter what it took.

Art by K3sane


Second - as a general request to all my lovely followers - when submitting an artwork that isn’t your own, would you mind terribly also including a link to the original source? I’ll love to publish them but I also want to make sure that the original artist will get the recognition/credit they’re due in an actionable way (thank god for tumblr’s ‘content’ field). Thanks!

Everyone needs to remember this...

Don’t settle for “okay” or “good enough” or “nice”. Life is too short. Be happy with who you are and who you’re with. Love yourself just as much as you love others.

It’s my boyfriend and I’s 3 year anniversary today and we have this tradition to go to the restaurant we ate at when we first started dating. The food is delicious and you always have leftovers because you get a huge amount of food. He could not stop eating and I was afraid he was going to get sick. I watched him scoop one last bit of food into his mouth and then he set the plate down. He rubbed his belly and let out this big burp. People were staring at us and I literally turned the shade of a tomato because it was so hot. He was smirking and I was stuttering over my words because I was so distracted. When we got home he pinned me down with his belly and I could not get out from under his weight. He was definitely enjoying watching my reaction.

anonymous asked:

I get that "stan" is kinda analogous to "fan," but why??? Why is it only in the voltron fandom? Is it a reference to something? Sorry, I don't mean to sound aggressive or anything but it just baffles me lol

no a stan is like everywhere! its a bit of an older term, it might just be coming back a bit more in the voltron fandom because there are fans there that had seen the original 80′s version as kids but its like… a better term then ‘fanboy/fangirl’? like theres being a fan of a character and then theres stanning a character

to put it into perspective, im a fan of the crystal gems like i love amethyst and pearl and steven!!!

but im a Garnet Stan, and u kno how much i love Garnet. I love her characterization and just what she represents so much!!!

I’m the same with Pidge but instead of ‘oh my god look at Garnet UNF’ its more like ‘LOOK AT MY DAUGHTER GO!!!! SHES SO COOL LOOK AT ALL THE COOL SHIT SHE DOES!!!’