underground eats



So, I imagined HorrorSwap not long ago, and I can’t believe I never thought about HorrorFell.  

I headcanon Papyrus as being the Captain of the Royal Guard in Underfell–which usually accompanies a falling out with Undyne.  Soooo, in order to avoid this becoming a King Papyrus ending (which I totally want to imagine, too; I’m lowkey intrigued as hell by the King Papyrus endings), let’s go through a neutral run.  A few monsters get dusted, likely in self-defense, Papyrus actually spares the human, and then they manage to give Undyne the slip.  Alphys dies/disappears, and so does Mettaton.  Asgore ends up giving up his SOUL, so he dies, too.  

Undyne, mad with grief, refuses to let Toriel take the throne.  I’m going to say she goes as far as to dust her.  Papyrus and Undyne fight, and it turns out that Undyne’s still as strong and badass as ever–she’s beating the unholy shit out of his face when Sans arrives on the scene.  They fight, and one of Undyne’s spears goes through his head.  His HoPe may be abysmal, but he manages to survive.  

He and Papyrus end up becoming a bit rogue, I’d say.  Papyrus isn’t the Captain anymore because he refuses to follow Undyne, and Sans straight-up hates her.  Papyrus ends up rallying Snowdin against Undyne, so it gets cut off from the ration supplies.  Luckily, humans are still drawn to the mountain, usually by the folklore, and some still fall in.  

Papyrus never really considered eating humans, but these are desperate times.  Monsters have already run out of food–Grillby jacked up his prices and burned up several monsters that tried to ban together to break into his storage.  The Bunny Shop Owner has been dusted, along with her entire family.  Monsters can’t eat one another because of the dust situation, so they end up becoming irritable and desperate, and even the smallest provocation can end up in a dusting.  Papyrus has actually tried to get them to stop–he’s the strongest monster in Snowdin, as well as the impromptu leader, so his threats carry quite a bit of weight.  He needs the monsters alive to help him fight against Undyne’s followers–and there’s way more of them.  They keep Snowdin cut off from the rest of the food, and all the skirmishes have left Papyrus with more than a few wounds.

His jaw is partly unhinged, though it doesn’t impair his shouting, and his teeth are now jagged and sharp; most of them never healed from his battle with Undyne.  His skull is littered with cracks and impact fractures, and the fingers of one hand are all crooked and gnarled.  

And then Sans brought some ingredients out of the shed and told Papyrus that he could make his lasagna again.  

Eating humans, along with the head injuries, have left Papyrus a little unwell.  He shouts all the time, sure, but now he gets angry at the Snowdin citizens for nothing and is liable to come bursting into their homes in the middle of the night, bones at the ready to punish them for some imagined slight.  He often demands that they test out his traps, too, which leads to several monsters getting maimed.  

Even so, the situation has improved in Snowdin since Sans started taking it upon himself to hunt.  Papyrus is the one that distributes the food, so it keeps everyone in line for the most part; they have to endure his outbursts if they want to eat.  

Although, if any of the monsters saw a human, they’d rip them apart while they were still alive.

Sans is even more unhinged than Papyrus, often toying with the humans before killing them, looking for any sort of entertainment he can get. Of course, Papyrus has set up some traps that are pretty interesting to watch; whenever he sees one of them get chopped in half or freeze to death, he can’t help but laugh and enjoy the show.  

Although there are still some days when he just gets to the point.

The only thing that really drives Sans is the need to watch over Papyrus and get back at Undyne for what she did to both of them.  If not for that, well… he would have fallen down when she cracked open his skull for sure.  

Steve and Dustin headcanons

  • Dustin is the lil bro Steve never knew he needed
  • He’s honestly grown so fond of him and protective, now he understands what Jonathan must’ve felt like when Will went missing
  • Dustin tries to teach him D&D but it’s a little bit too complicated for Steve to understand but he tries his best
  • Mrs Henderson LOVES her new son and invites him over for dinner all the time
  • If you can’t find Steve anywhere he’s most likely over at the Henderson household
  • He also bought Dustin a salamander for Christmas
  • “Hey, I knew how much Dart meant to you so I got you something”
  • Dustin opened up a terribly wrapped present and inside he found a fat salamander with silver markings on its side
  • “Its a marbled salamander, I read that they liked being underground and eating bugs”
  • When Dustin first picked it up, the sliminess of it reminded him of when he first found Dart
  • “Where did you find him?”
  • “I found him just hanging around my pool, at first I thought it was another one of those baby dog-“
  • “Demodog”
  • “Right. Demodog.”
  • Dustin just stood there, looking at the little guy in his hand, admiring how the markings seemed to glow in the light
  • “So what are you going to name him?”
  • “Athos” (another character from The Three Musketeers)
  • When it’s a rainy or snowy day Steve will give him rides to school and anywhere else he needs to be so Dustin doesn’t get sick
  • Dustin helping Steve with science homework
  • Movie nights
  • Just them being bros

December sales are always wild to look at in bookselling – here are our top ten bestselling books from our busiest month of the year. In crayon, of course.


Apparently I can give this both a #foodporn and #Volcanomonday tag. Original caption:

daisyheadmaisy78Caldeiras: a natural geothermal area where the famous #Cozido da Furnas is cooked underground. You can eat it at the famous Tony’s Restaurant :)

Cardassian Animals

I was just playing around with what one might see at a Cardassian zoo, and thought you guys might get some enjoyment out of it.  Some of these animals are mentioned in canon, but I mostly came up with the descriptions.  I also came up with a term for an animal that is somewhere between mammal and reptile - tUrn’hU (warm scale), inspired by @feltelures and @tinsnip Kardasi, thought the concept itself is mine.

Vole (tUrn’hU) – small, six-legged creature with a scattering of hair and sharp teeth, poor eyesight, minor “spoon” on the head, spends most time underground or in other dark places, often considered a “pest,” common across most of Prime·       

Regnar (reptile) – small reptile, usually found in the desert and surrounding areas, blind, capable of blending into the environment, very fast, population unknown due to speed and “cloaking” ability·        

Zabu (mammal) – large domesticated mammal, similar to a cow, used in agriculture for both its meat and its milk, which is especially prized for the thick, sweet cream that can be made from it, large hump around shoulders which stores reserves during times of draught and food scarcity, very sturdy animal, able to survive in most environments, variations found across Prime·     

Măgath (reptile) – snakes, ranges in size, coloration, temperament, can be either venomous or non-venomous, various subspecies found in all regions of Prime. 

Common Garden Kut Măgath – medium sized black snake often found in gardens, eats small rodents, lizards, and insects, non-venomous, fairly non-aggressive unless directly threatened. 

Roklan – the largest species of snake native to Cardassia Prime, found only in the jungles of the Southern continent, non-venomous, but extremely rare due to habitat loss.

Cova - medium to large snake found in the lower mountainous regions and rocky outcroppings, coloration ranges from sandy to red to brown, often has bands or speckles to help it camouflage, very thick body, highly venomous, venom causes seizures and distress on the pulmonary system, a single bite can kill an adult Cardassian, the venom has been known to have been harvested by the Obsidian Order for use in toxic agents, vulnerable (pronounced sho-vah)   ·        

Taspar (bird) – small avian species found in less arid regions of Prime, colorful, known for its beautiful song, most common along the coastal regions, but has been known to colonize cities where water is plentiful·        

Regova (bird) – avian species found primarily in the desert and surrounding areas, four legs and two large wings, powerful jaws and talons for attacking prey and defending their nests, females are particularly aggressive, especially when nesting or guarding recently hatched young, feathers are generally rust colored with a shiny black beak and large black eyes, vulnerable due to eggs being harvested for food·        

Riding Hound (mammal) – canine like animal, approximately the size of a horse with a long snout and a tufted tail, large, tufted paws good for moving on desert sands and rocky areas, colors range from light gray to black, mostly domesticated, though can be willful, originally used for transportation, but now mostly kept for sport and enjoyment, common·        

Dwarf Riding Hound (mammal) – a miniature version of a Riding Hound, approximately the size of a goat, domesticated and very docile, originally breed to pull carts and plows, now used for children’s riding and enjoyment, greater range of color and coat patterns than full size Riding Hounds, common·        

Kovabug (insect) – a small, hard-shelled insect known for its beautiful coloration, the outer shell is a deep blue with hints of green in the sunlight, the shell splits to deploy the wings underneath, which make a pleasant humming sound as the insect flies, highly prized by Cardassian children, who often collect the colorful discarded shells when the insect molts, common in most regions with decent vegetation·        

Urall (mammal) – a largish herbivore, prized for its hide, which is used to make high-end leather, extinct in the wild, but kept by a small handful of artisans who produce the leather for the Cardassian elite ·        

Flayers (tUrn’hU) – extremely dangerous predatory animal, found in the desert, sand colored fur and scales with deep gray forehead “spoon,” large, piercing fangs, excellent eyesight and hearing, armored back and ridges along spine and around eyes, six legs, prey on everything from gettle to zabu, have been known to even attack and kill adult Cardassians, hunt in small packs of 5-10 members, but can be cannibalistic, vulnerable·        

Gettle (mammal) – smaller pack animal, grazers that live off of the sturdy grasses that grow on the outskirts of Prime’s many deserts, reddish-brown colored fur with a white underbelly, all have spiraling black horns, though the males are larger than the females, have become extremely rare due to poaching·        

Onyx Beetles (insect) – named for their color, commonly found in gardens, will often burrow underground and eat the roots of plants, common·        

Sleg Corgan (reptile) – large reptile native to the lower regions of the Northern continent, carnivorous, but has also been known to scavenge on deceased prey, incredibly well adapted to food scarcity, it eats only twice a year, known for slow movement, except when hunting, and spends most of its time completely motionless, rare·        

Utoxa (bird) – water fowl, found primarily along the coast near Lakarian City and Culat during the warm winters in that area, will migrate to the equatorial region during the cooler months, long turquoise feathers with dark blue underbellies and webbed feet, fish eaters, vulnerable·        

Scottril (tUrn’hU) – related to the vole, six legs and a small forehead “spoon,” lives primarily in city sewers and other dark, damp areas, colors range from dark brown to black, limited eyesight, but extremely keen sense of smell, common ·        

Toj’Lath (tUrn’hU) – ancient ancestor of the modern Cardassian, about half the height of an adult Cardassian, but very broad, similar ridge structure and coloration, though it has more blue highlights and scaling, highly intelligent, has a series of horns that start on the bridge of the nose, which increase in size as they run up to the hairline, strong prehensile tail, unlike most tUrn’hU, the “egg horn” never drops off, but stays in the place of the forehead “spoon,” revered by the Hebitians and often depicted on ancient tombs and religious artifacts, rare·        

Hekant (mammal) – a small, herbivorous mammal with long ears, known for its downy coat, mostly domesticated and used for meat and fur, though there are still some wild varieties found in various regions of Prime, selectively bred for a variety of colors and coat patterns, sometimes kept as pets, common  ·        

Rhirzum (mammal) – a large feline with elongated fangs, also found only in the jungles of the Southern continent, however, fossil evidence suggests that this species used to be found across Prime, only known mammalian species on Prime to have developed venom, which can be sprayed and is akin to acid, causing severe pain, scarring, and blindness, it is believed that their venom was diluted with other compounds by the Hebitian clergy and when ingested produced trance-like states, rare due to habitat loss·        

Thăv’os (tUrn’hU) – a medium sized, horned animal with six legs and a very faint forehead “spoon,” found in the upper regions of the mountains, remarkable at climbing the steep cliffs, the bones of its legs were extremely thin, but very solid and were often harvested to be used as writing implements, primarily covered in light gray scales, but has a mane of white, feathery hair on its head, chest, and shoulders, vulnerable ·        

Vompăt (mammal) – a small, domesticated animals with a long, furry body and four short legs, extremely friendly and curious, make excellent pets, common·        

Zeryd (bird) – a large avian animal, two pairs of small, non-functional wings, but has two long, extremely powerful legs ending in two clawed toes, a kick can disembowel most prey and they will eat almost anything, including carrion, tearing off chunks of flesh with their razor sharp beaks, both males and females are covered in shiny, black feathers, despite being found in more arid regions of Prime, rare·        

Arafta (tUrn’hU) a moderately sized animal found only on a small island off the Southern continent peninsula, it is covered in beige armored scales, though it also has a smattering of fur, it spends most of its life in the trees, where it uses its claws to dig into the bark for insects, though it will also eat fruit, lives in small family groups, intelligent and curious, but extremely rare due to limited habitat


is an adventure, running, horror and hiding game. This is an AU that takes place many years after Frisk had fallen down on the Underground. Monsters have lost hope,have gone insane and their appearance has changed in terrifying ways. The Monsters of the Underground is killing and eating flesh meat, if the monster saw you there’s no way out to survive. Only one thing that can you survive with partner “Flowey”. Instead of Flowey being Good, Flowey actually wants to help you escape this Creepy and Scary Place then Flowey said “Be careful! If a monsters sees us…. WE’RE DEAD!”

How to survive:
•Keep your eyes open and watch your step on the path you walk.
•Don’t move if your hiding in the bushes, cabinet, bed and others safety place to hide.
•If you step the bear trap, Don’t scream and shout just ignore the pain.
•If your body is bleeding, please run and stay away from the monster nearby.

The Ground-Bound Yian Kut-Ku, or: I just took down one of these and, after closely examining its corpse, have some observations to share.

Let’s look at the bone structure first. Yian Kut-Ku’s wings seem to have a basic “frame” formed by the humerus, radius and ulna, metacarpals, and the last phalanx. (For those who don’t know dem bones, that’d be the upper arm, forearm, palm, and finger bones.) You can see the other phalanges (”fingers”) at the top of the wings.

Using the final phalanx as wing support is not something seen–so far as I know–in extant species. However, one extinct group very famously exhibited that trait:


Originally, pterosaurs were believed to have been weak gliders, but evidence now suggests that they were, in fact, capable of true flight. I’ve had Yian Kut-Ku take off into the sky and rob me of a kill enough times to vouch that it, too, is capable of true flight. But I have to wonder how it possibly could, as it appears to be lacking several adaptations.

The first is the propatagium. All vetebrate species capable of flight have a membranous structure in their flying limbs called the patagium, which helps give shape to the wing and therefore makes flight possible. Many flying vertebrates also have a propatagium, which is a membrane that extends from the shoulder to the wrist and forms the front edge of the wing.

In the diagram comparing bone structure, you can see the outline of some propatagia, but here’s another one. The propatagium is the triangular area running from the top of the humerus to the end of the radius and ulna:

Notice how the propatagium gives the wing a more streamlined shape? Rather than being all crooked angles and bony joints, the leading edge of the wing becomes a smooth surface.

My knowledge of physics is too scant to be able to say for sure if that smoother shape contributes to lift or reduces drag, but I can give you a working example. Say you’re driving down the highway and stick your hand out the car window. If you stick your hand out flat, with your thumb tucked in and your palm facing the road, you’ll find you can make it rise or fall by shifting your wrist and tilting your palm; one direction, and it seems to catch the wind and rise on it–another direction, and it seems the wind is only pushing you back. Now imagine trying that, but with your thumb sticking out to create an angled gap. The air won’t flow nearly as well over that uneven surface, and that is why other flying creatures have a propatagium: to smooth out their wing shape.

Yian Kut-Ku has no propatagium, however, and thus has poor wing aerodynamics. While I am no expert in these matters, I’m fairly sure that this monster is probably totally incapable of gliding, and must flap at a near constant rate to achieve and sustain flight.

That constant flapping, however, would rely on powerful wing and breast muscles, and here is where my next concern comes in: its unnervingly flat chest.

The sternum, or breastbone, is an important piece of vertebrate anatomy. In most species, the sternum is flat, vaguely necktie-shaped, and usually made up of several different bones; in humans, it’s made up of three: the manubrium, the body, and the xyphoid process. The sternum serves as an attachment point for the ribs, which helps to form the ribcage and offer better protection to the heart, lungs, and other thoracic squishy bits.

It is also the attachment site of the pectoralis muscles (yes, the pecs), which–despite being located on the chest–are critical for the movement of the shoulder joint. One of the primary functions of the pectoralis major is to adduct the humerus. Hold your arm out to the side, then bring it back against your body; you just used your pectoral muscle there.

As you might well imagine, birds, bats, and other winged creatures have large pectoral muscles, as these would control the flapping of their wings. Well, you’d be right. They do, and these large muscles require a strong attachment point, which they have in the sternum.

This is a human sternum:

This is an avian sternum:

That terrifying ridge rises up at the front of the bird’s chest, but you would never know it because their breast muscles are that thick. A quick way to see if a bird is underweight or unhealthy is actually to feel around its sternum, which is also called the keel due to its shape. If the muscle on either side is level with the keel, the bird is probably at a healthy weight; if the muscle extends beyond the keel, birdy needs a diet, and if the keel juts out above the muscle, the bird should probably gain some weight.

Most of the musculature needed for flight is found in the pectorals; very little of it is actually in the wings themselves. This is why two chicken breasts can feed a family of four, while two chicken wings can feed, like, a child… if they aren’t too hungry. Also because domestic poultry has been selectively bred to have large breast muscle, but the point remains.

By the way, bats also have a keeled sternum, although it’s somewhat less dramatic:

Given that Yian Kut-Ku must flap constantly in order to sustain flight, you would expect it to compensate by having a bulky chest with powerful pectoral muscles attached to a keeled sternum–but it doesn’t. Oklahoma has more exciting topography than Yian Kut-Ku’s chest. My chest has more exciting topography than Yian Kut-Ku’s chest, and in case that reference means nothing to you, let’s just say that I’m 23 and still shop in the junior’s department.

So how, then, does this wonky wyvern take to the skies? Since I don’t like saying “fuck if I know” when I’m in a scientific mood, I’m going to go with my next best answer, which is: its legs.

Yian Kut-Ku appears to have rather powerful legs, which I’ll admit would be a very necessary adaptation. With how foxed up its wings are and how weak its chest is, it’s probably dependent on jumping to get airborne. In-game, we see that this monster is capable of leaping rather high to reposition itself on the field of battle, with its wings giving it a little bit of a boost. We also see that it makes very heavy landings, and that bulky musculature would help absorb the shock of its feet hitting the ground.

It also has a rather long, heavy tail which would very much work against it in flight. If you’re trying to push yourself forward through the air–as a flying creature does–you want there to be as little of you to push as possible, and anything that you have to push should serve a purpose. The tails of bats and pterosaurs are downright vestigial. The tail feathers of bird function like a rudder, helping the bird steer itself in flight. Flying squirrels do have a rather big, bushy tail, but they use it to slow themselves down; additionally, they are not true flyers, bur instead glide–something Yian Kut-Ku is most likely incapable of. Yian Kut-Ku’s tail, then, serves no purpose in flight, and would actually be a hindrance. More on that in a bit.

Most winged monsters in the world of Monster Hunter (or at least, most winged monsters in the world of MH4U up until you take on Gore Magala at the Ancestral Steppe, because 4U is my first game in the series, and that’s where I am right now) will have what I refer to as the “hover phase” in their fight. They flap in place just barely close enough to the ground to be reached with Sword and Shield, and unless there’s a convenient piece of raised terrain nearby, you’ll only be able to chip away at their toes and tail.

Despite having wings and apparently being capable of true flight, Yian Kut-Ku doesn’t have a hover phase in its fights. It spends the fight on the ground, horking up fireballs and pecking at your face and sprinting a few strides only to fall splat on its bizarrely flat chest. This is likely because it simply cannot fly for extended periods of time. Attempting a hover phase would likely exhaust it. Its inefficient, and doubtlessly tiring, flight is probably the reason why we only ever see Yian Kut-Ku take to the air to flee, or to quickly leap back and change its position on the battlefield.

So what conclusion does this lead me to?

Despite having wings and being capable of flight, Yian Kut-Ku is, first and foremost, a terrestrial species.

We see several things in its in-game behavior that suggest this as well. After sustaining enough damage, Yian Kut-Ku begins rooting around underground for Konchu to eat. Its keen sense of hearing would allow it to pinpoint its subterranean prey with ease, and its heavy beak–which would weigh it down tremendously in flight–is perfectly adapted for crushing their solid shells. But there’s one more tell.

When first encountered in an area, this monster is walking around, its wings folded against its body. It walks with slow, heavy struts, its head stretched out in front, its tail bobbing slightly from side to side behind. Then it spots you and rushes in, its neck flailing, its tail swishing in counterpoint. Wait…

That’s what the tail is for.

Yian Kut-Ku’s heavy, muscular tail–a slap from which can send a hunter sprawling–serves as a counter-balance for its long neck and bulky head, and enables it to make better maneuvers on the ground.

Conclusion: Yian Kut-Ku, despite being classified as a Flying Wyvern, is really more of a big ol’ lizard who occasionally flails its way into the sky.

1. Levi dreamt of meat in the Underground, eats it finally as a captain; stops as his dreams become an abyss full of teeth & human flesh.
2. Farlan was always fond of alcohol, even the shittiest swill; after his death, Levi drinks wine too sweet & toasts w/ a curse by himself.
3. Soldiers shoot sparrows for sport; Levi is broken bones & flightless anger until Erwin puts a moratorium on it.

Levi resents pity.
4. Levi knows the heat of blood, the stench of human refuse, dirty water in the street.

Erwin’s sweat is strangely clean, precious as salt.
5. Levi never thought he’d reach old age–still doesn’t–but planning has become the ultimate luxury.

So he does, privately, for two people
6. The four corners of the year are something Levi marvels at, but he never forgets that dirt is dirt, whether mud or ice.
7. Uniforms stifle w/ austerity; Levi refuses humility & wears a cravat, but he learns that everything is a noose–bolo ties, fancy collars.
8. Nakedness is what Levi learned led to death–frozen corpse or vulnerable shell–but he revels in it now; not all skin is made for harm.
9. Joy is dangerous, like sweet liquor & love, tempting the sky to close up w/ night & clouds.

Levi sleeps at Erwin’s side, eyes open.
10. Levi learns that there is no end to freedom–not after Erwin–& he dreams lullabies of impossible things, sky, skin.

—  “Indulgences” - a series of twitfics written on a commute (1/13/17)

“HOLY BALL SACKS I AM IN THE MOOD FOR SOME DELICIOUS FUCKING GARLIC BREAD” you scream, cradling your Super Sonico figure and reaching for your phone to call up Dominos or some shit.

Well hey, hold the fuck up, we’re gonna not do that today, because we want to eat garlic bread that we made ourselves with real, delicious, actual ingredients. 

I decided I was going to show you my own special way of making roasted garlic, and then I was like, you know what? Sure your followers are all ridiculous piece of trash weeaboos, but they come here for anime recipes and gosh darn it you are going to give it to them.

So I decided along with teaching you how to make delicious roasted garlic, I’m also gonna teach you how to make some delicious fucking garlic bread with those Shingeki no Mini Loaves I taught you how to make.

Try not to shit your pants over this perfection, it’s hard I know, but believe in yourself because you’re about to make some top grade shit.


Delicious Fucking Garlic Toast
(servings: 4 slices)


  • 4 round slices of french bread
  • 2 cloves of roasted garlic
  • 4 Tbsp unsalted butter
  • 1 clove raw garlic, minced
  • 2 Tbsp olive oil
  • 1 Tbsp oregano, minced
  • 4 Tbsp parmesan cheese (optional)
  • olive oil for drizzling onto roasted garlic
  • An underground cave to eat these in (because I swear every time you make this shit people fucking smell it from 100 miles away and they stalk you like fucking blood hounds god damn)

Procedure for Roasting Garlic-

  • Preheat the oven to 375 F
  • Take a bulb of garlic and cut off the top, enough for tops of the cloves to show. It’s basically like watching a strip tease, but like with garlic. Damn. What a turn on.
  • Take a sheet of foil large enough to wrap up the garlic and drizzle a circle of olive oil in the middle of it. Place the garlic cut side down on the olive oil and then drizzle some more olive oil over the top of the bulb.
  • Wrap the entire bulb up in the tin foil and throw that shit in the oven for like 30 minutes.
  • Take it out of the oven after the times up, give it 10 minutes to cool and then it’s totes ready to use.*

*Fun fact, you can eat the cloves whole too, no joke. pour a little more olive oil on top, sprinkle sea salt on, squeeze out a clove and pop it in your mouth. You can also spread this shit like butter, it’s like hella soft too. Guys, I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again. Roasted Garlic is Love. Roasted Garlic is Life.

Procedure for Garlic Toast-

  • Preheat the oven 375 F
  • Combine butter and roasted garlic with a fork, add the minced garlic, oregano and olive oil. Stir the shit until it’s basically a fucking liquid. (My mom says I curse too much, I think i’m just bad to the bone)
  • Use a pastry brush to cover the four slices in the butter garlic sauce
  • sprinkle slices with parmesan (this is optional, you don’t even have to use it all if you don’t want).
  • pair two slices together, closing them like a sandwich with the buttered sides facing each other. Wrap each ‘sandwich’ in tin foil and bake for 10 to 15 minutes.
  • Take out after 15 minutes and open the foil, place the slices on a baking sheet and bake for 5 more minutes, or until slightly browned, OR just browned to your liking, idk some of my friends like this shit hella burnt. 
  • Turn on a really sad anime as you eat these. Use it as a coping mechanism. I’m no psychologist but I’d say this is a pretty healthy method of dealing with emotions.



What a wild ride. Friend, you did it, you’re such a rad person, wow. So cool.

My mom told me I had to be nicer to you guys on here so I’m not really sure what else to say.

Have fun reading your 'mangos’ and playing with those unique body pillows with a naked picture of your virtual spouse and/or waifu on it. 

Also, try making these tomorrow if you have the time, they’ll really help you deal with the outcome of the last samurai flamenco episode and whether or not the homo end is confirmed.  Eat your feelings, do it, I took a psychology class I know this stuff. 

The Signs As Mythical Creature Versions of Real Animals I Made Up


Aries: Wolf // It has scarlet-red fur and ears the size of a grown-man’s hand. They use their crystallized fangs and claws to dig underground. They eat gold, silver, and other precious gems, so they are known to have a sixth sense like a metal detector, and only stay in one place for a little bit.

Taurus:  Hare // It has a very furry blue coat and big marble eyes. They can smell up to 60 miles away and they’re faster than the speed of light. They eat ground rocks and pebbles by streams or creeks, which is why they live in hidden burrows next to the water source.

Gemini: Kitten // It has smooth and silky cotton candy pink fur decorated with chocolate brown stripes, and eyes all black, like a demon’s. They may look adorable and defenseless, but they could paralyze you with one scrape of their claws (which have a venom inside). They can dive up to ten miles under water without getting their fur wet. They only eat Seaweed and are known to live on beaches.

Cancer: Hedgehog // It’s quills are various shades of green, blue, and purple, and their fur is a heather grey. Their eyes are a tie-dye version of the same colors they have for their quills and they can see things underground. They eat seashells, and live underwater in the ocean. They’re sometimes referred to as the aquatic version of hedgehogs.

Leo: Skunk // It is a fluorescent shade of red on it’s fur, and it’s stripe, claws/teeth, and eyes are all a snowy white. They use their ‘spray’ (which had a modified range of scents, including: roses, cinnamon, or peaches) to put their predators in a daze. They eat flower petals and live in grassy meadows. 

Virgo: Bird // Their beaks and talons are a mysterious black, with feathers a deathly purple. They have a wingspan as long as double doors and they when they flap them hard enough they can create a gust of wind to ward off predators. They eat tree branches  and live in the sky, atop clouds.

Libra: Dear // Their fur is streaked in various shades of orange, with eyes a flutter of yellow and red. Their hooves are solid red and yellow (the hoof diagonal / opposite is the same color) and their kick is five-times more powerful than a speeding train. They eat stones anywhere from hard-concrete to limestone and live anywhere from the Roman Coliseums to the Egyptian Pyramids.

Scorpio: Cheetah // They have silky black fur with golden spots and eyes. They can emit an aura when threatened that will poison anything within 5-foot-radius. They only eat tropical fruit (bananas; coconut; dragon fruit; etc.) and live on an island shaped like an eye in the middle of the Bermuda Triangle.

Sagittarius: Fox // Their fur is a patchy mix of turquoise and pink, however their eyes are checkered emerald and violet. Their entire inside of their mouths, their ears, claws/fangs, and the tip of their tails are bleach white. Another thing about their tails: they’re three times larger than the usual fox tail, and they have six; they use half of them to defend them in behind, and they throw the other over their front legs for defense/offense. The tails work as whips  and help, especially, when they are cornered. They eat coral and live in the sides of cliffs that edge the water.

Capricorn: Monkey // They have lime green fur with dark green streaks; their crystal blue eyes highlight the lightness circling their eyes. They lash their tails to freeze their predator and then proceed by blasting scorching winds toward them from their hands. They eat only the seeds of butternut trees which is why they live in the southeast of Canada.

Aquarius: Tiger // It has peach and pink-highlighted eyes with blue stripes and red fur, purple hints mix around the stripes. They can cut through cement with their abnormally long claws. They only eat Humus soil, and they live in the ancient Aztec tunnels of Mexico.

Pisces: Zebra // They have white and pink auburn eyes. Their fur is black with illuminating pink stripes that glow in the dark, and their mains are made of white spikes they shoot when threatened by another mythical creature, as they are not offended /scared by normal animals. They eats lily pads and found in the ponds of America, usually hiding in tunnels they built under the sand/dirt surrounding their food source.

my dad's clever joke
  • dad: what do you call a green insect that lives 4 meters underground and eats rocks.
  • me: idk what
  • dad: it's called the green rock eating insect that lives 4 meters underground
  • me:
  • me:
  • dad: *laughs hysterically*
  • so the conversation moves elsewhere
  • 5 minutes later
  • dad: here's a physics and mechanics question for you to think carefully about
  • me: ok
  • dad: if I were to drill a whole in the ground all the way to China, and then drop a rock through that hole, will the rock get to China?
  • me: um idk no? because of gravity?
  • dad: *shakes silently with laughter*
  • me: ?
  • dad: no. It won't. Because at 4 meters the green rock eating insect that lives 4 meters underground eats the rock
  • me:
  • me: *walks away*
  • me: why do I keep falling for his dad jokes. why.
  • I'm disgusted with myself. That clever little shit.