unconventional living

3

Since it’s the last day of the year, I decided to put together my favorite potted plant drawings of the year. 

[1. Drawing of a green plant in a blue pot above a caption that says “It’s okay to live an unconventional life.” in green text.
2. Drawing of a green plant in a purple pot above a caption that says “There are many great people you have yet to meet and many great movies you have yet to see. There are fantastic things ahead!” in green text.
3. Drawing of a green plant in a purple pot next to a caption that says “You do many things that make me happy.” in handwritten purple and green text.]

Challenge assumptions about living situations in adulthood.

Challenge the assumption that romantic/sexual partners should always eventually live together for their relationship to be considered valid or serious.

Challenge the assumption that choosing to have platonic roommates/housemates/flatmates is a short-term, less ideal, or less meaningful living arrangement.

Challenge the assumption that choosing to live alone is selfish, less ideal, or harmful.

Challenge the assumption that choosing either of those arrangements is incompatible with having meaningful, serious, long-term romantic and/or sexual and/or qp relationships with people you aren’t living with.

She wore messy well. You saw it in small things like her unkempt hair and sloppy smile. You knew she had no time for order and perfection, just enough time to let her whirlwind of a life pass through. No stops or starts, just go, go, go, and yet she never ceased to look lovely in the most disheveled of ways. She was simply perfect by being unconventionally beautiful, and to me that is the best kind of beauty to be.
—  @endlessunicornsauce needing more time to breathe :)

shoutout to ppl with unconventional trauma

who lived through tense situations where they were terrified, who’s fear was programmed into them by the people around them, who were mistreated, lied to, and manipulated, who lived in environments that made them feel unsafe, who had their food, safety, and support system messed with, who were overexposed to an unsafe world, who’s trauma was the result of other disorders.

your trauma is valid, even if you were never hit or assaulted. even if people deny you went through emotional abuse. even if you feel you have no place in the trauma recovery community because no one is like you. you matter.

Situations where ENFPs thrive:
  • Doing something new and risky: We are the initiators. We are the momentum every new project needs. Wanna try something new? Grab your closest ENFP. 
  • Being humble and funny: ENFPs have the ability to brag about themselves without coming off as a self-centered asshole. All ENFPs have a long list of accomplishments that they are proud of. We live unconventional lives. There’s nothing cookie-cut about us but we never really talk about them because these accomplishments are special and close to us so we don’t really care if anyone else appreciates them or not. And we never talk about our accomplishments without making fun of ourselves. 
  • In a group of strangers who are all uncomfortable and don’t know each other: We will break the ice. We’ll talk and make fun of ourselves.  We love situations where everyone doesn’t know each other because that’s when we socialise best. We enjoy connecting with people and helping other people connect with each other. 
  • Helping people fit in: Making people feel safe and welcome is our superpower. Our spidey-senses tingle when someone feels left out and, before they know it, they are in and laughing at some stupid joke someone made.
  • “Dumbing” things down: It’s best to go to an ENFP if you want to understand something complicated. We process things very differently and we’re good at breaking down something in our heads  until it’s so simple that even a 5-year old would understand it. . We understand concepts based on analogies and it’s our strongest educational asset.
  • Standing alone: ENFPs have a very strong sense of self. Without our authenticity, we are nothing. We have a core set of values that are well-hidden but if they are compromised then we have no problem standing on our own, all alone if it comes down to it, and defending it.
  • Catastrophic situations: Okay so we have A LOT of flaws (we’re lazy, delusional procrastinators) but we are the most hopeful mbti type(not the most optimistic, that title belongs to the ENFJs) and hope dies last.  We live in the world of possibilities. There’s no such as impossible for us and we’re hard-wired to believe that “there’s always a way”. When the going gets real tough, the ENFPs will be the last ones to quit.

living situation fantasy that I’ve had for a while:

group of interconnected people, some friends, some partners, gets a big plot o land not very far from the city

everyone has their own yurt to live in, or can share a yurt if they want – for an individually customizable blend of alone & together time

one big communal building with real bathrooms/showers, a nice kitchen, a media room, a music room, a lounge, and a basement for storage & in case of tornados

we can all share a car or two for getting into the city as desired

everyone can contribute to upkeep on the land & buildings, contributing skills & knowledge

LOVE ALL AROUND

Don’t settle down and sit in one place. Move around, be nomadic, make each day a new horizon. You are wrong if you think Joy emanates only or principally from human relationships. God has placed it all around us. It is in everything and anything we might experience. We just have to have the courage to turn against our habitual lifestyle and engage in unconventional living.
—  Jon Krakauer
BOHO

Apparently, the new definition of “boho” is an excuse to appropriate whichever the fuck culture you feel like. Wikipedia even has an article about boho-chic, “a style of fashion drawing on various bohemian and hippie influences”. Um, NO!

What is a Bohemian?

A Bohemian is a resident of Bohemia, a region of the Czech Republic or the former Kingdom of Bohemia. In a wider sense, it refers to residents of the Czech lands or today’s Czech Republic in general. In English, the word “Bohemian” was used to denote the Czech people as well as the Czech language before the word “Czech” became prevalent in the early 20th century.

What is a 19th century Bohemian?

In modern usage, the term “Bohemian” is applied to people who live unconventional, usually artistic, lives. This use of the word bohemian first appeared in the English language in the nineteenth century to describe the non-traditional lifestyles of marginalized and impoverished artists, writers, journalists, musicians, and actors in major European cities.

In 1848, William Makepeace Thackeray used the word bohemianism in his novel Vanity Fair. In 1862, the Westminster Review described a Bohemian as “simply an artist or littérateur who, consciously or unconsciously, secedes from conventionality in life and in art”. During the 1860s the term was associated in particular with the pre-Raphaelite movement.

This is the kind of shit I’m talking about right here:

Kimonos are a traditional Japanese garment. They have nothing to do with the Bohemian movement.

Native American war bonnets are sacred religious items. Here is a great post explaining why you’re a shithead appropriating the culture of an oppressed people when you wear one.

The word beginning with a G on the shirt above is a racial slur against the Romani people. This is the equivalent of making a shirt that says the N word with some pretty flowers around it. During the Porajmos, 220,000 to 500,000 native Romani were exterminated by German Nazis. You might as well wear a shirt that says “I HEART GENOCIDE”.

In summary…

If you are appropriating cultural styles (Native American, Romani, etc) which have 0 relation to Bohemia or 19th century literary movements, you are NOT A BOHEMIAN. PLEASE STOP CALLING YOURSELF ONE AND REFERRING TO YOUR STYLE AS “BOHO”.

Note: Most of the text above was sourced from Wikipedia. Thanks to @dysfunctional-nick for the Romani info.

all of my favorite secret blogs are super personal ones that aren’t written for wide audiences at all – and i don’t mean that in the tumblr way, i mean it in the “nobody is reading this and nobody will ever read this so i may as well treat it no differently than a RL diary” way.

by and large, these blogs belong to people who live alone. people who probably seem conventional enough to those around them, even if their writings indicate wildly unconventional lives behind closed doors. i don’t mean that salaciously or anything – i’m just saying, they’re quirky in ways that reality show scouts would flip their shit for, and they don’t even know it.

most of these people enjoy what i assume began as hobbies, but became whole second lives. they’re as varied as the authors, and in fear of exposing any of them to googlers, i’ll say no more.

i follow a pool of around ten of these blogs, and i’ve never once interacted with any of the authors. i’m drawn to the authors because they’re so honest and seemingly nice, but also because they all seem so lonely, and i feel like i’m visiting them or something… even if all i’m really doing is standing outside their windows like a voyeur with a license.

i guess scattered periods of my own life have left me prone to empathy for the isolated, and specifically the isolated who’d still shield half their shit if they weren’t. but mainly they’ve become my favorite books, and i’m always hoping for happy endings.

i have no idea why i’m posting this.

You are wrong if you think Joy emanates only or principally from human relationships. God has placed it all around us. It is in everything and anything we might experience. We just have to have the courage to turn against our habitual lifestyle and engage in unconventional living.
—  Jon Krakauer

“I have always been attracted to women. When I officially came out at
        25 years old, no one was surprised. What was surprising is, I was
        married to a man. He just so happened to be my best friend of ten
        years, and honestly he knew I was a lesbian. We had more of an open
        marriage because I wanted my family to believe I was happy and “on the
        right path” but also following my heart. After five whole years of
        being someone I wasn’t, scared how people would portray me, and
        literally living the “white picket fence life” I never wanted, I told
        him I wanted a divorce, I wanted to be myself, and that our kids would
        just have to live an unconventional life. This all happened when my
        sons were 1 years old and 3 months old. It was scary, I felt out of
        control, impulsive.Yet, my mother’s side of the family was completely
        on board. They all just wanted me to be happy and said they could tell
        I had been in a bad place for years. I lost a lot of friends, and some
        family for not agreeing with my choices, but I finally did what was
        best FOR ME, not everyone else.

        One month later, I ran into my biggest girl crush from high school. We
        became friends again, she met my kids, and the way I began to feel for
        her was unlike any other. We are now happily engaged, due to get
        married MAy 25, 2016 of this year. My entire family and hers are
        celebrating with us in town on June 11, 2016 and we couldn’t be more
        thrilled.

        My kids are now “OUR KIDS”. They call her “mom” and me “mommy”.

        I never in a million years thought I would get my dream, so be a
        mother and a wife to a beautiful woman, but I got it.

        I went from being in a loveless marriage with someone I could never be
        in love with or give my heart to, to being a single mother just coming
        out being a lesbian (even though everyone says they already knew), and
        now engaged to the love of my life.

        Never give up on yourself, even when the world seems to not agree,
        keep pushing. I promise, IT WILL GET BETTER!”
T. Kleiner, KY

We are surrounded by unconventional things all our lives. Things scare us, and exposure is inevitable. We watch tv shows when we’re not supposed to, we look up things on the internet not meant for children’s eyes, we read books and articles and magazine headlines about abuse, rape, adultery, etc. You can avoid these things all you want, but they’re out there, and bullying a small group of shippers on the internet will change nothing. Stop putting the responsibility of what influences you on some random blogger you don’t even know. Saying people are affected by the presentation of adultery  is no more damaging than bullying people for liking something unconventional. You say I’m not getting the picture, but from what I see, neither are you. You justify your bullying with something that cannot be changed. Adultery in the real world, between real people can’t even be helped. People fall in and out of love all the time. I’m not saying it’s healthy or right to go behind a partners back, but it’s something that happens all the time, every day, to a lot of people. All I want is to stop the bullying over a subject that is so ingrained in our society and media, that we could never dent it if we tried.

Also, stop holding your ship on a higher tier than others. Just because it’s canon, doesn’t mean people can’t ship anything else.

 Be nice to each other, even if you disagree.