uncle-arthur

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Bewitched: Twitch or Treat, October 27, 1966 
Endora recites “Twas the Night Before Halloween,” with side notes by Uncle Arthur.

Okay, after reading 500+ Kingsman fics I have observed that: 

  • Roxy is never put on any top ten list regarding Kingsman agents, she is her own category
  • If the fic is in multiple chapters, there is at least one obligatory chapter dedicated to Eggsy and Roxy having a sleepover doused in ice cream, alcohol and movies that they never really pay attention to because they spend most of the time covering topics from their mission related field trips through to Roxy promising Eggsy to kick Harry’s arse because the older gentleman spy did something stupid (again)
  • You do not want to cross Merlin. EVER. Otherwise you will find out just how much damage the man can do with his tablet.
  • Most fics also give Merlin’s real name as Alastair or Graham. Sometimes Ian, Iain or Andrew come into play. And sometimes Merlin is not just a code name, it is his actual name.
  • Former Lancelot, James was most certainly Percival’s lover (either occasional, one time or full time) or husband. 
  • Percival is rarely Roxy’s father but always an uncle or godfather. 
  • Sometimes Arthur dies in far more creative ways than how he died in the movie. 
  • Daisy is a princess, has everyone around her little finger, including on one occassion the Royal Family. 
  • JB owns every single soft place in the house or Kingsman’s mansion. Deal with it. 
  • Bors or Lamorak are in house experts in explosives and poisons respectively.
  • Gawain likes to gamble (very rarely loses though), is dangerously good sniper and pretty much the funniest agent to be around. 
  • Bedivere (unless this code name is given to Eggsy) is almost always a stuck up snob and has a proclivity to be a traitor. 
  • Harry is either superb, five Michelin stars chef or he sucks to the point where his culinary achievements are properly made tea and toast. 
  • This also applies to Eggsy.
  • Eggsy is a smug little shit who likes to show off his parkour skills every time he is paired with another agent that isn’t Harry or Roxy. He is ExtraTM when his mission partner seems to be of the same opinion of him as Arthur or Charlie.
  • Merlin stress bakes and Lord have mercy on your soul if you drink all the coffee and not replace the empty pot with a full one.
  • One or two weeks long missions to Siberia are reserved for agents who displease Merlin.
  • Merlin is also a dog sitter. Really good one. But do not EVER speak of the times you came back from mission and found him on the floor playing with the dogs. You will end up in Siberia.
  • In the event that Harry is not appointed as Arthur, the new Arthur is either really competent, forward thinking person or a total elitist snob who usually schemes on how to get rid of Eggsy and turns out to be a traitor later. In this case, Harry is appointed as new Arthur the moment they get rid of the traitor.
  • Harry as Arthur hates the fuckton of paperwork that keeps finding its way into his office but does it anyway. With breaks when he takes JB for a walk. Sometimes he goes back to the field because he is not even fifty five, damn it, he will go crazy from sitting down all day. In this scenario, he freaks the fuck out of new recruits because this Arthur is not like the old one current Galahad killed. This one is good with paperwork and is absolute champion in the field. Never think damage to his left eye has in any way diminished his skills as a field agent. You will regret it. 
  • Every fic has an obligatory sex in fitting room three. No exceptions. 

Uncle Arthur closes shop


Screws the tops on all the bottles, turns the lights out, locks it up

Climbs across his bike and he’s away


Cycles past the gasworks, past the river,

down the high street
Back to mother,

it’s another empty day…

161. UNCLE ARTHUR - Album: David Bowie, 1967

Bug!Au FRUK England xFem!France Part 1 (Pictures and Fic)

(I will try writting a bit to explain my story, like a mini fanfic I guess, I’m sorry if I don’t have the proper grammar, I trying my best to explain myself, Why the world can’t just talk in spanish :,V? hahahaha) 

On a very lively field, a Caterpillar named Arthur lived there. Arthur was a pretty grumpy caterpillar… his BIG eyebrows made him look more grumpier and he wasn’t happy with this…  “Big eyebrows aren’t beautiful! not like Mr. Bonnefoy! Mr. Bonnefoy is truly beautiful, I’m sure that I will become a butterfly like him!” That’s what Arthur always said to himself. Arthur really admired Mr. Bonnefoy, a very handsome and elegant butterfly with big and glamorous wings, Arthur wanted to be like him but…

“Is OBVIOUS that you can’t become a butterfly, Artie~! Your big eyebrows are the proof!”

Marianne said.

“You are a pest, Marianne! You don’t know what are you saying!” Arthur really hated Marianne!

Marianne was another Caterpillar, she enjoyed to remind Arthur that he can’t become a butterfly like her uncle Francis Bonnefoy

“Just accept your destiny, Artie! Accept who you are, your big eyebrows are the proof!”

Marianne hummed and she left with her Uncle. what a pest! Arthur thought.

“I will show her that she’s wrong! I will become a true butterfly!”

Arthur said to himself and he started to fabric his coccon. Arthur really put his heart to make it perfectly, the days passed and his coccon was ready

“Are you still trying?” Marianne teased.

“SHUT UP! I will shut up your little mouth, Fatty!”


Arthur said and with this he locked himself inside of his coccon. Marianne just huffed but she was a bit worried…. 

Days, weeks passed…. it was spring,
Feliciano, a small and lazy bee, was fooling around like always but something catches his attention.

“Oh, what is that? isn’t a flower…”
The small bee said as he got closer to check a strange coccon, but, Feli was pretty naive… what is a coccon?

“Oh, I think is moving!” Feli said really amused, what’s wrong? this isn’t a flower for sure!

“Oh!! It’s opening! Ve!” Feliciano was really surprised! The coccon started to rip and something was coming out!

“FINALLY! I’M A BUTTERFLY!!!!” Arthur finally came out, happy and cheerful, he become a butterfly!

“WAAHAAAAAAAA!!! WHAT IS THIS?! YOU AREN’T A FLOWER OR A PRETTY GIRL! AND ABSOLUTELY NOT A BUTTERFLY!” The poor Feliciano cried 

“….” Arthur was a bit confused, Why that little bee was so terrified?

There was a stream close to them, Arthur really needed to check his appearance. He got closer and he checked his reflection.
“…”

“Uhm…Mr. Mot….?” Feliciano was about to ask something but Arthur started to SCREAM

“WHAT’S GOING ON?” WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING?! WHAT THE HELL I AM?!“ Arthur was almost crying! he didn’t planned this! where are his beautiful wings?! why he still have these big eyebrows?! they are even more bigger!

"Oh! your eyebrows are really big, I think you are a moth, Mr. Moth!”

“I KNOW THAT! DAMMIT!”


“VEEEEE!!!” Poor Feliciano… he was being abused, it wasn’t his fault after all!

“Geez…. I’m not a butterfly. I’m just an ugly moth!” Poor Arthur… he was pretty dissapointed.

“Ve! you aren’t that bad! I think you look fine!”
Feliciano said to cheer him up a bit, besides, he was being honest!

“Why are you here anyway? Aren’t you suppose to be around collecting pollen or something?” Arthur huffed, this little bee just came in his worst moment but Feliciano didn’t mind at all to be around Arthur

“My thousand siblings can do that! Queen Bee doesn’t mind at all if I’m not working, she said I’m cute!…Except the Regent Bee, He really get mad at me but… I really prefer to enjoy the day! My name is Feliciano by the way!” What a friendly bee. Arthur decided to not question him anymore and he decided to stop arguing about his luck…at least for now.

The days passed and Arthur was starting to cheer up… just a little bit

“You know… I think being a moth isn’t that bad… At least I have wings, I guess” Arthur said with a sigh as he pet his little friend

“That’s the spirit!”
Feliciano said, He loved to be petted!

A few days later….

“Oh, look, Mr.Arthur!” Feliciano beamed.

Arthur and Feliciano were checking the area but they suddenly found a beautiful rosebush. something was there, under the leaves of the rosebush.

“Look, Look! Is a coccon! I bet there’s a butterfly inside or even a Moth!” Feliciano said happily but Something got in Arthur… he was absolutely mad.

“Oh yeah? I bet there’s SOMETHING INSIDE!” How he could forget her….he still can remember her evil laughs!And she will laugh at him again!

He can’t accept this… He can’t let her watch him and make fun of him again!

“Ve, I wonder who is insi…..” Eh? why Arthur was holding a very big rock?

“WAAAAAAAAAAAAHAAAA!! MR. ARTHUR! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?”

“YOU WILL NEVER FEEL OR WATCH THE SUN EVER AGAIN, MARIANNE BONNEFOY! I’M NOT LETTING YOU LIVE THIS TIME!” Arthur was really mad and scary! he was really going to destroy Marianne’s coccon with a big rock and Feliciano was terrified but suddenly… the coccon started moving!

“AAh!! oh no!” Feliciano cried

“SHIT!” Watch your mouth, Arthur! Arthur and Feliciano ran back to hide, leaving the big rock behind.

“V-Vee” Feliciano was still scared and Arthur huffed a bit, he was really out of himself… but he lost his opportunity!


“Oh! It’s opening!” Feliciano said when they saw the coccon starting to rip, hands coming out from it.

But Arthur didn’t want to see it, he didn’t want to see Marianne, he was still so mad… Marianne was right all this time after all and Arthur was stubborn.

“Mamma mia! A BELLA”“ Feliciano said cheerfully and really excited, that little bee was really flirty!

"what are you talking about….!” Arthur said, finally taking a small peek but then…

“…..!!!” He just froze, his eyes widen and he felt his heart stopping.
what he was watching?…Marianne?

A beautiful feminine creature came out from that coccon… she looked fragile and delicate, she was truly beautiful, a truly beutiful butterfly. It was Marianne.

“A-Ah…O-Ohm…F-Feli?” Arthur was really…surprised and his heart was beating to fast. Arthur called for Feli but… eh?

“………AGH!” Feliciano wasn’t there! what the…?!

“BELLA, BELLA , CIAO, CIAO, CIAO! You are so pretty! pretty pretty! A flower for a pretty lady!”

“F-Feliciano!” Arthur whispered , oh no! what he was doing there?! Feliciano dared to get closer to Marianne and she looked surprised

“Oh…what a cute little bee, you are just a cutie!” Marianne giggled, holding the small bee with her hands and Feliciano was so happy to be petted by a pretty lady!

“Bella, Bella! I’m Feliciano! We were just waiting for you to came out!” Feliciano explained and Marianne just smiled a little bit as she fixed her hair

“We?” she asked interested

“Si, si! Arthur, Arthur! Come here!”

“…Arthur?”…..


TO BE CONTINUE…….

You can read part two here! http://amazingtamales03.tumblr.com/post/162727507371/bugau-fruk-england-x-femfrance-part-2