uncle jimbo

CLYDE: So Tweek? What happened next?

TWEEK: It’s really not that interesting. I told you most of it already.

CLYDE: Yeah but you were super boring and vague. I want details, bro!

TWEEK: I, uh…

CRAIG: Hey guys, there’s a car outside.

CLYDE: What?

CRAIG: I said there’s a car outsid–

JIMBO: DON’T WORRY, YOUR UNEXPECTED PLOT ADVANCEMENT HAS ARRIVED!

JIMBO: I’M FINALLY RELEVANT AGAIN.

STAN: Uncle Jimbo! Finally!

ERIC: It’s Stan’s crazy redneck uncle!

KYLE: How did he get here so fast?

BUTTERS: Oh boy, we’re saved!

KENNY: Mpphh mph!

JIMBO: Now, now. It’s not “crazy redneck,” kid. I prefer “gun-happy conservative.”

ERIC: So you mean a super redneck?

JIMBO: Yes. Exactly.

JIMBO: Now Stanley, I’m not going to ask why– or how for that matter– why you and all of your classmates are up in the middle of the mountains, or why there’s a suspiciously clean yet abandoned bus a mile out.

JIMBO: You’re just lucky you got a hold of me while I was in the neighborhood.

STAN: Does this mean you have guns with you?

JIMBO: Plenty of them, glad you asked.

STAN: You didn’t happen to see any guys wearing ski masks around, did you?

JIMBO: No, but I might have shot a couple of… deer… who may have been suspiciously shaped like a human beings and also were wearing ski masks. On accident, of course.

ERIC: Awesome.

JIMBO: Wow there sure are a lot of you. I don’t even know if I have enough room for–

JIMBO: Oh, Jesus Christ! I’m too late! He’s dead!

JIMBO: I hope he wasn’t anybody important.

JIMBO: Now– now kids, you’re good bud Jimbo here is going to teach you a couple things about disposing of a body–

STAN: Oh, no. That’s just Scott Malkinson.

STAN: He’s got diabetes.

SCOTT: asfkjgfsv

JIMBO: Oh.

JIMBO: Well we need to get out of here and get this boy a chocolate bar, pronto!

CLYDE: That’s Stan’s uncle?

CRAIG: Yeah.

CLYDE: I don’t want to get into a car ride with him. He looks like he smells.

CRAIG: It won’t be any worse than being in a car with you.

CLYDE: Ouch, Craig.

CLYDE: Your comments sting my soul.

“Trust me Stan, I know what I’m talking about. Lingerie is always the perfect gift to buy. Trust me, it works all the time with your mother. Gets her all turned on and-”

“Eew, Dad. Seriously?”

“Listen to your father, Stanley. He’s right. Lingerie is a man’s best friend. Can’t go wrong with it.”

“Uncle Jimbo, how would you even kn-”

“Stan, just do it. Buy the lingerie.”

“I just don’t think a bra and thong are a good anniversary gift for Kyle.”

Off-screen Post #16

Dear Butters,

I handed this to you directly so that nobody else would read it. Please rip the letter up afterward.

We still don’t have any news on the whereabouts of Kenny. I think we’re just going to have to sit and wait for him to write another letter, if that ever happens.

Despite being in danger of being tracked by Trent, and taking all the necessary precautions to prevent that from happening, I’d say everyone is doing well. We’ve adjusted to our new location. When Stan’s uncle Jimbo heard our story, he allowed us to use his bomb shelter to keep ourselves in a well hidden location. We talked the situation over with our parents, and they allowed it, so long as we don’t use any of the guns out of the appropriate situation.

We’re still going to school, of course. But going home to the shelter means there’s no chance of being attacked in our sleep. 

It still feels really odd just waiting something like this out, but, I prefer it to Cartman’s offered alternative.

We still need to find Kenny as soon as possible, so hopefully we can direct him to the shelter before Trent gets to him. The police are supposedly searching for him, but we know how useless they can be. 

If we could get our friends to form a search party with us, we’d be a lot safer and a lot more effective. So that’s what we’ve been trying to do while we’re out at school.

I really don’t know if it’s working.

Cartman keeps saying that Kenny will be fine without us. But that really is wishful thinking. We need to be more practical in this situation. Trent is a very real threat. He could get any of us. I know you think he’s done with you, or maybe you think you can fight him, but I need you to be sensible. This isn’t something we can choose to ignore or get distracted from.

Trent is bloodthirsty, and he will do whatever it takes to get revenge on us. I wouldn’t put it past him to use you as some kind of bait or torture victim. Please talk to Jimbo. He’ll let you into the shelter.

I know this is hard for you. Probably harder on you than all of us. I know you keep going out on your own and looking for him. But you need to be kept safe as well. So please… don’t be blinded by your emotions.
- Kyle


Arc 2 in order…

[ Ask The Main Four A Question! ]

Christmas Drabbles #4.2 (Naughty or Nice)

Jerome x Reader (gender any)

Getting pictures with Santa always seemed like a good time, even though you seemed much too old to be there. Especially compared to the toddlers and children whose parents had dragged out in their best outfits.

You used to go every year with your friends. It was a silly tradition, but one that you refused to give up just because you’d moved to Gotham to live with your uncle, Jim Gordon. It had been a wild year to graduate from high school. The Maniax had taken your cheer squad bus hostage, and the ginger boy who seemed to lead them had taken an unusual interest in you. One that you hated to admit it… you somewhat returned.

Just before your turn, they took a break and several minutes later a new Santa came out. There was something oddly familiar about him behind that fake beard and stuffed red coat.

“Your turn.” The attendant smiled and gestured for you to step forward.

Balancing on Santa’s knee, you smiled for the picture but faltered as the man gripped your hip a little too tightly…The flash went off and you heard Jerome’s voice in your ear.  “Miss me dollface? Don’t show this to your uncle Jimbo…”

Turning in his lap, you gasped. “Jerome?!”

He had pulled down the beard and was now grinning manically at you. His smile far too wide, skin paler than you recalled, but it was the same man.

“It’s Joker now babe…”  He stood suddenly, sending you tumbling to the ground as he pulled out a gun and fired it in the air. “Ho ho ho…HAPPY HOLIDAYS GOTHAM CITY!”


Jim Gordon was the first on the scene the moment he heard that you had been kidnapped. A chill came over him as he stared at the picture that had been left as a message for him. It was of you… sitting on Jerome’s lap, the ginger had pulled down his beard to ensure that they knew who it was.

Across the bottom he had written in a untidy red penned scrawl.

“Naughty or Nice?”

4/12

Both? Let’s Go With Both.

In which I give up, give in, and just add more universes to an already ever-expanding fic multiverse. 

i have two divergences for THIS FIC.  This one is the MPREG version.  But don’t worry, I have the “lab babies” version coming soon.

Things Count Buckula Learns In the Care and Feeding of Pregnant Husbands

1.  Big Kitten Eyes are best deployed when one picks up one’s bitty pregnant husband and does not want him to protest being carried around.

“No, really, I’m not doing this for you, Stevie.  I’m doing this for me.  Cuddles, please?”

Works every damn time. 

2.  While one was already raised with a healthy respect for women (see:  Ma, Aunt Sarah, Peggy Carter, Natalia, Jane, Pepper, DARCY SWEET BABY JESUS HELP YOU IF YOU PISS HER OFF), the whole pregnant thing raises this to a whole new level.  OW.  Really.  OW.   

“No, Bruce says I’m healthy, even though I’m temporarily down-sized but I’m fine.  The cubs are gonna be fine too, even if they’re doing jumping jacks on my bladder.”

“Cubs?”

“That’s what you say when you go into nesting mode.”

“…”

3.  “Chocolate?”

“Dark chocolate fudge would be appreciated.  Also, bring extra for the girls, please?  Try not to bring home any strawberries or Pepper will – “

“I’m not Tony FFS - “

“I know, but you’re my jerk and I love you anyway.” 

“Mmmm.  One more kiss for the road.”

“‘kay.”

4.  “Cap smash.”

“No, really, this is breaking all the science in my brain.  How the hell can Bitty Cap go all smash-y with a motorcycle?”

“Cap smash GOOD.” 

“Whoops, there we go, Bucky take the wheel.”

Apparently, HYDRA missed the memo that Super Soldiers retained all their strength and powers even while temporarily tiny and pregnant.  Also, whether bitty or big, Steven Grant Rogers has a temper and will not hesitate to go smash on anyone attempting to harm his unborn babies or his husband. 

Said husband is also no slouch in going feral and rending HYDRA limb from limb either. 

5.  No, the babies are not going to be named Renesmee and Anastasia.  Clint, what the fuck have you been reading?

6.  The floor is currently open for naming twin baby girls.  No, Grampy, we’re not naming them after your cousins Carmilla and Elisabeta - they’re the crazy psychotic ones in the family, remember?

7.  Foot massages and backrubs will be rewarded creatively by a contented pregnant husband.  

8.  It is totally acceptable to have happy tears when one feels the babies kick for the first time.

9.  When both expectant fathers have terribly creative vocabularies for swearing (Army, Irish, Romanian and polyglot), one must accept the difficulty of not cussing around the babies with resignation.  Also, Steve especially has all the reason in the world to swear. 

It is to be hoped that the babies’ first words will not be a profanity. 

10.  Telling the babies stories about their Uncles Dum Dum, Jimbo, Gabe, Monty and Jackie is totally acceptable.  That, plus singing them lullabies, totally calms them down and lets their poor, pregnant Dada have a good night’s sleep.

***

Note:  So far, I’m thinking Caitlin and Sophia for the names of the girls, nicknames being Kitty and Sophie.  Think that’ll work?

((that new ep, tho))

  • white people: I don't believe racism exists, I need proof I NEED PROOOOOOOOOF
  • black people: *gives personal experiences/essays/research papers/doctoral thesis/powerpoint presentations/argumentative analyses and the names of a few hundred unarmed dead black people killed by whites*
  • white people: pshhht, that's nothing, look at what the blacks do to us! *posts link to Uncle JimBo's Nigger Hating Conservative Fun House blog*
  • Uncle JimBo: them blacks........... they ain't right
  • white people: YOU GONNA TELL ME UNCLE JIMBO IS WRONG???

deadnotsleepng  asked:

imagine when they're docked at earth, bones managed to get permission for joanna to visit. hes really nervous bc he hasnt seen her for like two years, and the rest of the crew is nervous bc holy shit, this is a miny Mccoy. if she hates them, theyre all probably screwed. but jo transports on, and the first thing she does is hug bones, and then she calls jim "uncle jimbo" and insists on calling spock "mr sock" and its a mess and everyone loves her and she loves them and its wonderful

Imagine everyone on the ship affectionately referring to her as ‘’Miss Mini Doctor McCoy”.

Imagine her strutting around in a blue shirt thats 8 sizes to big for her.

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