uncertainty

By learning to allow different types of discomfort to simply stay in the room with you, without your scrambling for a button to push, you make discomfort matter less. The pool of things you’re afraid of shrinks. It becomes a lot less important to control circumstances, because you know you can handle moments of uncertainty or awkwardness or disappointment without an escape plan.
—  David Cain
Life’s uncertainty makes constant demands on everyone’s coping mechanisms. There are basically two ways to cope with uncertainty – acceptance and resistance. Acceptance means that you allow events to unfold around you and react to them spontaneously, without suppression. Resistance means that you try to change events from what they really are…
Acceptance is healthy because it permits you to clear any stress as soon as it occurs; resistance is unhealthy because it builds up residues of frustration, false expectations, and unfulfilled desires.
—  Deepak Chopra, “Ageless Body, Timeless Mind”

I like to have a plan. I like knowing what is happening next: first there is A, and then there is B, and then we move to C. That’s the natural order of things. Plans equal safety -whenever there is a plan, there is a way to execute things properly.

Lately my life has resembled something closer to alphabet soup. First I go to G and then I’m back to E and then I’m forced all the way to Q.
My neat little list has been ripped into shreds in the face of the unexpected. 

But, the good news is, God knows. 
He knows what the future holds, even if right now everything looks like a muddled mess. 
Quite literally. 

Maybe you’re struggling, too. Maybe things are uncertain and terrifying for you. Maybe you’re not sure where the next paycheck is coming from, or whether or not your family member will make it to spend another Christmas with you, or if you’ll ever be able to stop living out of sloppy-thrown-together boxes… 
Or maybe school is killing you, and your mom won’t get off your back, and the dog next door won’t shut its snout for long enough for you to get some shut-eye. 

Maybe all of those perfectly planned ideas of how your life would be are sitting in a pile right next to you (along with your unfolded laundry). 

Whatever it is, it’s going to be okay. 

Even though we can’t see it now, God is spelling out something glorious. 
And He wouldn’t be able to do that with our neatly organized rows of alphabetized plans - He isn’t mandated by our schedules, He doesn’t follow our mortal intentions. He is not chained to our demands. 

Whatever it is you’re going through, whatever it is that’s got you nervous, whatever it is that has you up at night… it’s gonna be okay.

He has you, even if you don’t think you have yourself.

-31Women (Ansley)

I forgot how amazing but how painful it is to have a crush on someone. I forgot how amazing it feels to be excited to see someone and talk to them but how painful it feels to not know whether or not they want to see you and talk to you.
—  But ever since I met you, I’m starting to remember all over again.
The Rended Citadel of the Nymph

I’ve never visited
But still I know
You have arcane beaches
Of shell and bone,
Ground so fine
We barefoot pad
Across your shores,
Build you up in castles high,

But you’re already
In the sky
In mountain range, overlooking.
Your elocutionist stage
Conducts the wind -
Painted melodies
Gripping forts of the mind.

Your shiny sea,
Glitter-blue, yet more refined,
Turns midnight leaves
Golden white.

For never was there a place like you,
Grounded somehow in the sky,
Light-filled shadows,
A tundra
Of tropic life.

And maybe that’s why
Dark horizons trick my eyes
For when I’ve found sanctuary,
Exposed worn body to the storm,
Gale force boils,
Turbines the sea
Into chandeliered ossuary

The bones of me.

Delicate

My steps have never

Been so careful.

I land like shards

Of glass on silk 

Without leaving 

A single tear.

In loving you,

I have become

Dainty, fainting,

Lost and unsure.

I may meet

The ideal in a way

My free, clumsy

Jumps never could,

But I live to dance,

Not to tiptoe,

And I need solid

Ground.  

- Grace Babcock © 2017