unbelievable but true

At the Battle of Hogwarts
  • <b> Voldemort:</b> harry potter is dead
  • <b> Harry:</b> *rolls off Hagrid* lol bitch you thought
  • <b> Narcissa:</b>
  • <b> Narcissa:</b> gasp
  • <b> Narcissa:</b> wow
  • <b> Narcissa:</b> unbelievable
  • <b> Narcissa:</b> a true Christmas miracle
  • <b> Narcissa:</b> what a shocker
  • <b> Narcissa:</b> wow
Humans are Weird: Spices

Alien: Today in my “Human Studies” book, I’m reading about human foods.

Human: Ooh, cool.

Alien: But I’m not sure this is accurate. It says here that humans purposely ingest a plant high in a pain-causing chemical, capsaicin.

Human: Oh, peppers? Yeah. Spicy.

Alien: But why would you want to eat something that causes you pain?

Human: Some people like the burn. I think it causes the same sort of reaction as drinking alcohol…?

Alien: That activity doesn’t make sense to me either. Can we discuss it after?

Human: Sure.

Alien: So, these “peppers.” Do you enjoy eating them?

Human: Me? Well, not by themselves. But I do like somewhat spicy foods. My brother, though, he likes them much hotter. He’s eaten some really spicy peppers, even ate a ghost pepper by itself.

Alien: Ghost pepper.

Human: Yeah, it’s the spiciest natural pepper. His face got pretty red, and he got the hiccups.

Alien: That… doesn’t sound like a healthy reaction.

Human: It just means that it’s a really spicy pepper. I mean, if I ate one of those, it might kill me, but he was fine.

Alien. Why would it kill you?

Human: Too spicy. You have to have a tolerance for capsaicin or it can literally kill you. And the ghost pepper is so hot that to handle it, you gotta wear gloves.

Alien: Your planet has plants that can KILL people, and which you can’t handle directly, and your brother ATE ONE, by ITSELF??

Human: Yeah.

Alien: …

Human: He says that when he gets desensitized to ghost pepper, he wants a Carolina Reaper.

Alien: I’m almost afraid to ask.

Human: …

Alien: What’s a Carolina Reaper?

Human: A pepper scientifically engineered for spiciness. It’s currently the world’s hottest pepper.

Alien: *stares at human in disbelief*

Alien: *stares at human studies book*

Alien: *stares at human again*

Alien: *whispers to self* How… how are humans real?

Green Day, more commonly known in the zones as Nuclear Family, consists of three different ‘joys:

Saint Jimmy: The leader of Nuclear Family, Jimmy may be the only one in the crew to own a raygun, but he much prefers his trusty switchblade. In his younger years, it was told from crew to crew to never do anything to displease him, lest he decides you’re not worth his time and stab you. Now he’s mellowed out, but the threat still stands; Jimmy’s a man of honor, and a vigilante to boot, and he won’t let anything stand in his way.

Love Slave: Born in the zones and the wild card in the Nuclear Family, Slave is more acoustic than the other two - no rayguns, blades or bombs for him, the only thing he needs is his barbed-wire lined baseball bat called The Grouch. He spends most of his time in Hyper Thrust, so much so that Jimmy and Jesus have to often come down and have “extraction missions” to bring him back to their base. Slave’s practical and a bit polka dotty, but he’s good to have in a clap.

Jesus of Suburbia: Jesus is said to have grown up with Saint Jimmy in the Outskirts, coming with him when they ran from the City. Jesus is Jimmy’s right-hand man, closer to him than even Love Slave. Whenever Jimmy opts to wield the switchblade over the raygun, Jesus uses it for him, fighting alongside his best friend. He often times wears the “drunk bunny” head in the place of his mask, but just as often it gets stuck (he’ll sit there for five, ten, twenty minutes before Jimmy and Slave realize he needs help, again). Outside of a fight, he’s clumsy and dorky, but don’t underestimate him - he’ll just as quickly beat you down, even faster than both Saint Jimmy and Love Slave.

fun fact: bisexual is not a curse word and no one will die if your character says it on tv. in fact, no one will die even if your character outright says they are are bisexual, rather than saying they “don’t like labels” or hooking up with people of the same gender for gratuitous fanservice rather than any actual character or plot development. i know. take it all in. it’s unbelievable but true.

my hands are stronger than my heart and brain combined together
it sounds unbelievable but it’s
true hear me out
my hands have done a lot for me
they’ve wiped the tears from my face so i could face the world again
they’ve pushed against my mattress getting me out of bed when my own brain told me to lay there all day
they’ve thanked my best friend with hugs when my brain suddenly forgot how to say “thank you”
but remembered to say thank you to my broken heart instead because the pain always reminds me i’m still alive
most importantly my hands have shown me there’s a way to express my self that’s not
beating myself up
my hands tell me that everything will be okay
when every other part of my body says i’m dying
—  s-asx 
The mortal instruments. Malec in the book series
  • <p> <b>Magnus:</b> *literally nearly dies*<p/><b>Cassandra:</b> so Alec came to his rescue, cool. bUT DO Y'ALL KNOW HOW CUTE CLARY AND JACE WERE??? JACE'S LIPS WERE ON CLARY'S KISSING HER DEEPLY AND SLIDING HIS ARMS AROUND HER WAIST WHILST CLARY HUGGED HIM AND WRAPPED HER LEG AROUND JACE'S NECK, BECAUSE WHO CARES ABOUT MAGNUS OR ALEC RIGHT??? : )))))))<p/></p>
youtube

Conspiracy of Silence

A documentary listed for viewing was to be aired on the Discovery Channel, on May 3, 1994. This documentary exposed a network of religious leaders and Washington politicians who flew children to Washington D.C. for sex orgies.

Many children suffered the indignity of wearing nothing but their underwear and a number displayed on a piece of cardboard hanging from their necks when being auctioned off to foreigners in Las Vegas, Nevada and Toronto, Canada.
At the last minute before airing, unknown congressmen threatened the TV Cable industry with restrictive legislation if this documentary was aired. Almost immediately, the rights to the documentary were purchased by unknown persons who had ordered all copies destroyed.
A copy of this videotape was furnished anonymously to former Nebraska state senator and attorney John De Camp who made it available to retired FBI Agent Ted L. Gunderson. While the video quality is not top grade, this tape is a blockbuster in what is revealed by the participants involved.

More full length Crime Documentaries 

3

Doctor killed patients by using LEMON JUICE as surgery antiseptic

In 2010, german doctor Arnold Pier, who used lemon juice to disinfect his patients’ operation wounds and removed healthy organs, was sentenced to four years imprisonment followed by a four-year ban on practising medicine.
The 54-year-old owner and head doctor of a private clinic was found guilty on two counts of negligent homicide and 21 counts of bodily harm.

He surgically removed appendixes, a gallbladder and a kidney without medical cause or permission from patients. In another case a woman died because he broke off treatment, while another was subjected to unnecessary chemotherapy.
Another incident involved a man who had accidentally sawed his thumbs off. Instead of immediately sending the patient to a specialist, Pier simply sewed his thumbs back on, an action an expert described as “waiting on a wonder.”
He continued “How he imagined he could simply sew the thumbs back on is hard to grasp.” The thumbs rotted and had to be amputated.

In 2006 Pier had purchased the bankrupt Antonius Klinik in Wegberg for €25,000 with the intention of restructuring operations there. But Pier did not know his limits and overestimated his abilities.
He had been acting as owner, chief doctor, medical director and surgeon at once.

The court had acknowledged a belief that Piers had not acted out of malice, but had made mistakes in an attempt to help patients while he was overwhelmed.
Authorities were tipped off by an anonymous clinic employee, and indictment actually charged Piers with seven deaths and 60 acts of bodily harm.

People will be like, “I listen to every single musical genre except for country,” and that’s just so heartbreaking for me because most every genre started in country music. Like, rock music is a derivative of blues and blues is a derivative of bluegrass, which started as Appalachian song. It’s something that’s in everything, but people just deny it because of country they’re currently hearing. The storytelling in country music is unbelievable. It’s honest and it’s true and it’s real situations. It’s that joke when people are just like, “Oh, country music is about a broken down truck and your dead dog.” But that’s really what happens in day-to-day life! Your car breaks down, you lose love, your heart breaks — that’s what happens. I want to create country music and make it palatable to people my age and people who may not have opened themselves up to it before, to make it a little easier for them to be able to receive it and maybe open up a world that they weren’t aware of before. That’s always the goal: to allow people to seek out art that maybe they didn’t think they could be a part of. Everybody is a part of art in general. You don’t have to be this type of person to listen to this type of music. You don’t have to be this type of person to create this type of art. That’s what I want to show everybody.
—  @babeobaggins on moving into new genres following up the release of last summer’s POSI+IVE from Q&A: BABEO BAGGINS
10 seconds part 2 || Dan Howell

A/N: I decided to write a second part bc apparently I can’t say no. btw I’ll turn 18 tomorrow (April 1st) so I’m already super excited!

Word Count: 1.4K

POV: Reader

MASTERLIST // PART ONE

Originally posted by shinyphan


“Y/N is my girlfriend!” he shouted.

The eyes that were by now staring at me were burning into my skin like fire. I felt my cheeks heat up and at the same time, I felt unbelievably happy. It was true, I was Dan Howell’s girlfriend and nothing could make me smile wider.

“Good joke, Dan.” Tiffany laughed joylessly while touching my boyfriend’s biceps.

Dan quickly moved further away from her and wiped his lips with the sleeves of his sweater.

“I’m not joking. Y/N and I have been dating for nearly 2 months now.” Dan insisted, dead serious.  

“Sure, and why didn’t you tell anybody about it? Were you embarrassed by her?” Tiffany’s high voice that was drenched with mockery and sarcasm rang in my ear, awakening the desire to slap her grin off her face.

“I didn’t tell you because a) we’re not friends and b) it’s non of your business.” Dan shut her up, his on point come back made the room grow silent.

“Now excuse me while I get my girlfriend a drink.” He said right before he got up.

After Dan had held his hand out for me and I reached for it, he pulled me onto my feet. As we walked to the kitchen together I could still feel curious eyes burn into my back but I really couldn’t care less.

The guy who threw the party stored all of the drinks in the kitchen and Dan was given the permission to get whatever he wanted. The kitchen was completely empty when we walked in, I immediately hopped onto the counter and let my legs dangle in the air while Dan went over to the refrigerator.

“Do you like beer?” Dan asked me, holding up two bottles while raising his eyebrows.

“I don’t know, I have actually never tried it.” I admitted with a shy laugh.

“It’s about time then, right?” He asked me before he opened the bottles.

“Sure, but you have to drink it for me if it tastes disgusting.” I told him before I took the beer he was holding out for me.

I took a little sip of the dark liquid, it tasted a little bit bitter but it wasn’t too bad. Still, I wasn’t sure if I could actually finish the whole bottle.

“Y/N?” Dan suddenly asked me, sounding a bit worried.

“Yes?” I asked, unsure of what he was going to say.

“Are you mad at me?” he then simply asked.

I blinked a few times in confusion.

“Why should I be mad?” I wanted to know, still not understanding what he meant.

“Because of Tiffany. That she kissed me.” He spoke quietly like he was feeling really bad about it.

“Oh that…”

I had nearly forgotten that it had actually happened. Tiffany kissed my boyfriend, sure she didn’t know that we were dating and it was a dare but still. Now that I remembered it, I did feel a little bit down. Dan was with me and I should be the only one who got to kiss him.

“I’m really sorry, Y/N. I tried to stop her before it happened but she was so fast and then it was too late.” Dan rambled unstoppably. I could really tell how sorry he was.

“It wasn’t your fault. We should have just told everybody in the first place.” I thought out loud. It was true I did feel relieved now that we didn’t have to hide anymore.

“I can’t wait to show you off to all of my friends.” Dan said with a wink, making me smile and blush at the same time.

I pulled his tall body closer to mine before I wrapped my arms around his neck. Since I was still sitting on top of the kitchen counter he was now standing between my legs. ‘He is so beautiful’ I thought to myself as I stared into his chocolate brown eyes.

“Nobody else gets to kiss you.” I whispered right before I connected our lips and felt my heart jump up and down at the same time.

“Just you” Dan smiled into the kiss and everything was alright again.

About 15 minutes later Dan had finished his and the last bit of my beer and we decided to join the people on the dance floor.

Although the music was way too loud the DJ played some good songs from time to time and I just danced and felt free. Both, me and Dan weren’t really the best dancers in the world so we tried our best and mostly just fooled around and invented new ridiculous dance moves.

I was a little bit out of breath when I excused myself to go to the bathroom.

“I’ll miss you.” Dan whined, making me laugh and roll my eyes.

I bumped into Jessica from chemistry class again in the bathroom.

“Why didn’t you tell me that you are dating Dan Howell?!” she squealed and hugged me tightly.

She clearly had a bit of alcohol running through her veins but she looked so excited that I just had to smile at her.

“You are so lucky, Y/N. He is such a gem.” She giggled on her way out of the bathroom, making me grin.

I splashed some cold water on my face, exhausted from all of the dancing me and Dan did. After one last glance at my reflection in the mirror I decided to walk back to my boyfriend who was waiting for me on the dancefloor.

But shortly before I could reach Dan I heard somebody say my name which made me instantly turn around.

“Hey, Y/N. Are you enjoying yourself?” Drew, a jock I barely knew from school asked me.

“I guess.” I answered brusquely not really interested in talking to him.

“I never realized that you look so hot.” He straight up flirted with me. He got much closer to me than I wanted him to. I was feeling quite uncomfortable and annoyed. The only thought I was able to think was ‘Get away from him’.

“I gotta go find my boyfriend.” I warned him and tried to storm away, but he held me back by my arm.

“I don’t think Howell wants to see you right now.” Drew said with an evil smirk while gesturing to where Dan was waiting for me. He wasn’t alone though, Tiffany was standing right next to him.

She was getting shamelessly close to him and from her body language I could tell that she was obviously flirting with him. Her hand was wandering up and down his chest and although Dan repeatedly tried to push her away she wouldn’t stop.

“She isn’t even here.” I could hear Tiffany purr and I was raging with anger.

“Tiffany, I’m not interested in you at all. I like Y/N!” Dan shouted so loud that a few people turned their heads.

I was about to strut over to her and slap that flirtatious smile off her face. Dan wasn’t able to do that because he would never hit a girl but I surely could. Although I wanted to do it so badly I was still held back by Drew’s firm grip.

I desperately tried to free myself but I wasn’t strong enough. I was sure by now that Tiffany talked Drew into doing this. I was angry and scared at the same time and I felt enormously helpless.  

“Why don’t you let go of her?” A guy behind me bellowed, coming to my rescue.

Drew immediately removed his hands from my arm in surprise and shock.

“Fuck off, asshole.” Jason, Dan’s friend threatened him.

Drew’s eyes sparkled with angst and anger but he did as Jason told him.

“Thank you.” I breathed relieved as soon as he was finally gone.  

“Anything for my best friend’s girlfr-“ Jason was about to say but he got interrupted.

“Are you okay?” Dan nearly shouted at me.

I didn’t really have the time to watch how Dan tried to get rid of Tiffany but it seemed like he had finally managed to do it.

“Drew was just being a dick. I’m alright.” I added and shot Jason a friendly smile.

“Thanks mate.” Dan said bro-hugging his best friend.

 “Let’s get out of here.” The three of us synchronically said at the same time, making us laugh as we walked to the front door and left the party behind us.

I Have Loved the Stars Too Fondly...

… to be fearful of the night. 


set in 6x21/22. featuring a ring, an arrow and a crib. for @audreysl0ve, @teresa-ortiz, @cruellasdarling and @thisisamadhouse
ff.net 


He follows her.

To the moon and back, there was this old saying in her world, and it seems he’s doing just that – to go with her, no matter what. Her son threatens to kill her every time their paths cross in some way, and it’s… too much. She can’t stay here – in this realm of wishes where the fake Henry is the only family she has left, and he hates her.

So they purchase a bean – in some obscure way, he takes care of it – and they land in her castle, and she’s still holding his hand as they fall to the ground in the courtyard.
He’s… different. Different from the old Robin, that is for sure. Less soft, rougher, he lacks that shades of fatherhood and that quiet wisdom he had. This Robin is more impulsive, darker, and… they fit.

Surprisingly, they fit. 

Keep reading

Things To Know Before Dating A Firefighter

                                                                                  Posted by Dove Designs on 17 March, 2016                                                          |                                      


1. If they are even within 20 minutes of the station, they will always leave you to go on a call.  No matter the circumstances, if you have a fireman on your hands, he will jet to the car and be on his way.

2. Meeting nights are not something you try and fight with them about. They are going to leave and you do not have to like it because it wasn’t up to you anyway.
I have learned that these nights are not optional. Yes other people miss them, but not my firefighter.

3. No matter where you are or what you’re doing the minute they hear a firetrucks horn, they’re looking for it and hoping they’re not missing anything good.
You will learn the lingo. Structures, fully involved (the good stuff) smoke alarms, cat in a tree (ehh I mean they are fireman soooo still good stuff).

4. They know the exact difference between an ambulance, cop, and, of course, a fire truck siren.  Which means that you will have to learn, too.

5. You’ll have to accept that when he has to do hall rental cleanup, you’re going with to help.
You fold the chairs and he stacks them:) And I’m talking at like 12 a.m.,1 a.m.

6. When you come around the firehouse, there will be jokes made and they’ll mess with him about you or even you about him.
Honestly it’s a giant bromance going on and they prey on this kinda stuff.

7. At first, you won’t really have a name to the fire guys. Until you’re around long enough. You’ll just be Boyfriend’s name girlfriend.

8. The fire pager goes where he goes.  Next to the bed, in the car, next to your bed, your living room, EVERYWHERE. And even if it’s not the real pager, it’s the dog app that I can never remember the name of so dog app it is. (Say that really fast to get the full effect).

9. They will probably wear their station shirt / apparel at least 4-5 days a week.
AT LEAST.

10. If you’ve got a good one, you’re always put first. The list will always go “You, the firehouse, me, everyone else.”
But secretly they always want to put the firehouse first.

11. You will learn and know more stations, trucks, members, and chiefs than you will ever want to admit.  Unbelievably true.

12. When you’re driving and you see a fire station, you’ll have to look at it.
If its an amazing building, you’ll have to remember the name. And then you’ll have to tell him about it. And then you’ve just proved number 11 correct. Add it to your list.

13. Never make plans while he’s on a call. You can never know when he’ll be back.
Even if the calls are short, they could stay at least another hour washing the trucks and being boys, of course.

14. In case you didn’t understand the severity of the first one, if you are on the phone and you hear the pager go off in the background, just tell him you love him and hang up.  Because if you don’t, he will. “Got a call, Love you, bye.” Mid-sentence is always what you want to hear.

15. You’ll never want to watch “Ladder 49” again.
You will cry like a baby and then want to make him quit.

16. Outside of the stations, fireman tend to forget that fire isn’t a toy and it’s pretty damn hot.  Playing with the lighter fluid or burning things on the stove*
“No it’s alright, I’m a firefighter.”

17. You will start your own station shirt collection.  From NYFD memorial shirts, a station from where you’re vacationing, even acquired old shirts of his, you will have started your own pile of station shirts.

18. You can’t get angry or upset when he is unavailable because he’s going to go to the firehouse for the fifth time that week, or if there’s another fire prevention thing to do.
You can’t be mad because he’s doing what he loves and also because a man in a uniform isn’t too shabby?

There are a lot more things to know before dating a fireman, but the rest you’ll just have to learn along the way :)

By Logan MacIntosh
DoveDesigns.com