Unavoidable Laws

These are the unavoidable laws of the natural universe…

  1. Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch or you will have to pee.
  2. Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
  3. Law of probability: The probability of ‘being watched’ is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.
  4. Law of the Telephone: When you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.
  5. Law of the Alibi: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning or soon thereafter, you will have a flat tire.
  6. Variation Law: If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now. (Happens every time).
  7.  Bath Theorem: When the body is fully immersed in water or in the shower, the telephone rings.
  8. Law of Close Encounters: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you do not want to be seen with.
  9. Law of the Result: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won’t work, it will.
  10. Law of Biomechanics: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
  11. Theater Rule: At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.
  12. Law of Coffee: As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something, which will last until the coffee is cold.
  13. Murphy’s Law of Lockers: If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.
  14. Law of Dirty Rugs/Carpets: The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich of landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness, color and cost of the carpet/rug.
  15. Law of Location: No matter where you go, there you are.
  16. Law of Logical Argument: Anything is possible if you don’t know what you are talking about.
  17. Brown’s Law: If the shoe fits, it’s ugly.
  18. Oliver’s Law: A closed mouth gathers no feet.
  19. Wilson’s Law: As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

         - unknown