unapologeticallyeboni

Thoughts of you inevitably attract
Mini heart attacks and
Palpitations
And this
Makes me certain that with your touch your
Fingertips must’ve left behind shards of glass somewhere lingering inside me
They’re
Clinging to my flesh like your last I love you’s
And simultaneously those words are like glue
They are the only thing holding me together
I am nearly always uncertain of so many things and yet
I was always so committed to the fantasy of having your love reciprocated
So deeply absorbed in a fairytale
So convinced that my parent’s 3 bedroom house was a 20 story tower instead
And that my Yorky was a fire breathing dragon
I waited
For your rescue
And when you finally arrived
Your armor was distastefully dull but I saw your potential to shine
I had literally carved you into my life, had mental pictures of what our children would be like
Me as a mother, go figure
No matter how crazy planning our future to a “T” was, I couldn’t stop…

My God

No matter where I put myself you were there
I’ve spent so much time being afraid of you though, afraid of us
And for good reason too, you don’t know what you want and I’ve always known that no matter what was in the middle, what I wanted began and ended with you
Which is why I so often found myself trailing behind you like some love sick puppy
How did I even get here?
I wish I had thought to bring bread crumbs
How do any of us ever get here?
I have never been the kind of woman to grow too attached to men, to fall in love with men
You know, the kind of “all about my man” women
That’s never been me
Until it was…
I guess all it takes is one.

—  UnapologeticallyEboni

Some men will love you until you’re weak in the knees and then kick you to the ground when you can no longer hold yourself upright
Some men will make you feel damn guilty for pouring all of your love into them
They will drink you down to your last drop and move on to have their remaining thirst quenched elsewhere
Leaving you tattered and undesirably broken

It is these men that drain us of all of our trust and the will to love

—  UnapologeticallyEboni