A Side of Me You Never Found - snowbaz
laST fic :((((((( thank you to @carryon-countdown for doin this amazing event for the fandom. here’s carry on countdown: chapter 61 :)
Baz is ANGSTY
Is it so hard to believe, that maybe I like you?
The car is quiet on the way back to Baz’s manor.
Baz’s driving is slightly slower, less panicked and angry than before. Sometimes I don’t think he’s concentrating enough on the road, staring out to the horizon with his fingers pinching his bottom lip. I try not to stare, but it’s hard. Baz is so close, so here. I can’t help but wonder what would have happened if… if I didn’t…
“Baz?” I ask.
He doesn’t react.
Until he pulls over.
And for the first time tonight, he relaxes.
“When you kissed me, did you mean to?” He interrogates softly.
Did I? Yes.
But…for how long?
I remember in fourth year, when I started to feel my relationship with Agatha slipping away from us both. When I swapped out my time with the girl of my dreams, to watch Baz (to study Baz). It was a pass-time that frustrated myself more than anyone, because there was something about Baz that I needed. Watching him, learning his habits and schedule, essentially obsessing over him for no reason other than my own obliviousness.
This continued through the next few years, even after everything he did to me. I never forget what he’s done, no, and I’m not even sure I forgive him, but I still admire him. For his strength, mostly, but also for his grace. Tonight is no different. He’s danger and chaos, but (paradoxically) I feel safer knowing he’s here.
Crowley, he’s here.
“Of course I meant to,” I answer softly.
“No, but did you mean it, Simon.”
“Yes, Baz - I kissed you because I like you and I want to kiss you. Is that so hard to believe?”
He gives me a sorry glance. We stay silent for as long as is needed, until he slowly reaches across his body to un-click his seat-belt.
“Where are you going?” I worry, remember what happened the last time this happened.
“Nowhere, I just-”
“I need to get out-”
And I grab him by the shirt and kiss him once more.
We don’t part. Even when our lips aren’t touching, our foreheads stay pressed together. I look at him, but his eyes are closed. For what feels like forever, we stay in that moment. Baz doesn’t move at all, but my hands drift from his chest, to arms, to neck and jaw. He sighs when he opens his eyes, but smiles quietly as he kisses me once more.
“You, somehow, are the only thing that makes sense right now,” he tells me, barely audible. “Which is ironic, because you have never, in your life, made any sense with your mouth before.”