umm winston

There’s been some talk lately about Symmetra as a Dungeons and Dragons dungeon master and that has me thinking about Overwatch as just this giant tabletop game set up by this group of friends, with Symmetra as their long-suffering GM

Just, Satya who got roped into this whole thing and decided, well, if I’m going to do this I’m going to do it right.  The campaign is perfect.  She has this fantastic adventure set up, knows all the minutiae of the story, has this long string of clues and exploring required to lead you into the quest.  This is all supposed to take place in a futuristic world so she creates backstory, and different factions, and conflict – it’s amazing.  It should involve the characters reforming a fallen organization called Overwatch, and eventually lead to unraveling the mystery of some hidden “Eye” organization that’s pulling the threads from the background.

And so of course instead of doing this her friends immediately go and fuck right off.


Winston’s never played one of these games before so he’s struggling to figure out how he’s supposed to create a character.

Lena: Just do something unique and fun, luv.
Winston: Uh, uh, uh, okay.  Okay, uh, I’m… I’m a gorilla!”
Satya: A gorilla.
Winston: Yeah, but, uh, a talking one!  He’s, uh… a scientist that works for that organization thing.
Satya: Overwatch. And this is sci-fi, not… whatever involves talking monkeys.
Winston: He’s a gorilla.  And he’s a scientist gorilla who was, uh… made out of science.
Satya: …Care to elaborate?
Winston: Sure.  Uh, they made a whole bunch of sentient gorillas.  On the moon.  For science.  And my character was raised by one of the scientists and then when there was a civil uprising–”
Satya [with her face in her hands]: A civil gorilla uprising?
McCree: Sure, ain’t you never seen Planet of the Apes?
Winston: And then when there was a civil uprising, he got away and came down to Earth and joined that team.
Satya: Fine.

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Winston: so umm… what do you like to do? like… hobbies??

Pip: Uh… you might find it kind of boring…

Winston: :o watt??

Pip: I’m usually a homebody… I like to sit around with a good book or movie to watch. Occasionally I’ll play video games when something good is out. But um… I also like to camp? That’s about the only outdoorsy thing..

Winston: i LOVE camping!!! and to be honest… i’m kind of a homebody too unless my friends drag me out places..

Pip: Oh! That’s a relief. :) Um… maybe we… should go camping sometime?

Winston: :o o-okay that sounds like fun!!!

  • Sombra: Are you ready to lose? 20 to the winner.
  • D.VA: No hacking. Kay?
  • Sombra: Pfft. git gud.
  • D.VA: uh huh.
  • Game announcer: Ready? GO!
  • Sombra: ...huh? Wait...grr...shit.
  • Game announcer: player 1 wins.
  • Sombra: double or nothing.
  • Game announcer: Ready? GO!
  • Sombra: hah! Ahhh! Damn it!
  • Game announcer: player 1 wins.
  • Sombra: DOUBLE. OR. NOTHING.
  • ~~~hours later~~~
  • Winston: Hello, Sombra. Widowmaker is looking for you.
  • Sombra: "frustrated screaming in Spanish"
  • Winston: ...umm.
  • Sombra: I'm coming! I'm coming.
  • D.VA: Just send it to the usual account!
  • Winston: ...What did you do?
  • D.VA: Hack proofed her controller.