umbridge's voice

Sassy Harry

There are a few classic sassy Harry moments:

“There’s no need to call me ‘sir,’ Professor.”

and

You may wear that scar like a crown, Potter, but it is not up to a seventeen-year-old boy to tell me how to do my job! It’s time you learned some respect!“

"It’s time you earned it.” said Harry.

But some of his sass is highly underrated:

CoS:

“I know what day it is,” Dudley repeated, coming right up to him.

“Well done,” said Harry. “So you’ve finally learned the days of the week.”

GoF:

“Only you said this morning you would have done it last night so know one could see..I’m not stupid you know!”

“You’re doing a really good impression of it!” Harry snapped.

GoF:

“Congratulations, Harry!” she said, beaming at him. “I wonder if you could give me a quick word? How you felt facing that dragon? How you feel now, about the fairness of the scoring?”

“Yeah, you can have a word,” said Harry savagely. “Good-bye.”

OP:

“Not as stupid as you look, are you, Dud? But I s'pose, if you were, you wouldn’t be able to walk and talk at the same time.”

OP:

“An interview?” repeated Umbridge, her voice thinner and higher than ever. “What do you mean?”

“I mean a reporter asked me questions and I answered them,” said Harry.

OP:

“This is night, Diddykins. That’s what we call it when it goes all dark like this.”

OP:

Yeah? Did he say you look like a pig that’s been taught to walk on its hind legs? ‘Cause that’s not cheek, Dud, that’s true…”

OP:

“Wow, I wonder what it’d be like to have a difficult life?” said Harry sarcastically.

OP:

“Warrington’s aim’s so pathetic I’d be more worried if he was aiming for the person next to me.”

OP:

“Well, I’m terrified now,” said Harry sarcastically. “I s'pose Lord Voldemort’s just a warm-up act compared to you three.” [..]

“You think you’re such a big man, Potter,” said Malfoy, advancing now, Crabbe and Goyle flanking him. “You wait. I’ll have you. You can’t land my father in prison.”

“I thought I just had,” said Harry.

HBP:

“And they’d love to have me,” said Harry sarcastically. “We’d be best pals if they didn’t keep trying to do me in.”

DH:

“Are you out of your mind?” demanded Harry. “A plot to get this house? Are you actually as stupid as you look?”

Now with Part 2!

For Day 1 of @potterprideweekRevolutionaries

Synopsis: When Professor Umbridge tries to intimidate Luna and Ginny into ending their relationship, the two girls refuse to give into her hate and remind her that her bigotry won’t be tolerated by them, the school or the ministry. 


“Miss Lovegood, Miss Weasley, do take a seat.”

Dolores Umbidge’s voice might be as sickly sweet as her overwhelmingly pink office but Ginny wasn’t going to play into her manipulative mind-games.

She was just about to open her mouth to insist that she’d rather stand when Luna spoke from beside her.

“I don’t think that’s a very good idea Professor.”

Umbridge’s eyes flashed with anger that was poorly hidden, though Ginny figured that she probably just didn’t bother masking her fury now that they were behind closed doors in her office with nothing but those ridiculous kitten plates for company.

“Miss. Lovegood-“

“The chairs are surrounded by wrackspurts, Ginny can of course sit if she wants to but I would prefer not to.”

Ginny couldn’t resist a smile at that, Luna was always defying awful people and the majority of the time nobody knew she was doing it; it was one of the things that Ginny admired the most about her.

Umbridge made a noise that sounded suspiciously like a sneer and Ginny had to clench her fists as to not reach for her wand.

Ginny was forced to remind herself that Umbridge was still a Professor even if Umbridge is the devil she could not attack her, at least not in ways that Ginny couldn’t prove were purely accidental.

“Fine” Umbridge stated in a way that meant it was not fine at all and she walked behind her desk but she didn’t sit down either, “Now I presume you two ladies know why you’re here.”

Ginny and Luna looked at each other for a few seconds, speaking silently with their eyes as they often did.

Neither of them could recall any reason why Umbridge would call them to her office unless she knew they were involved with the D.A. but if she had any proof the D.A. existed then surely Harry would be standing here with them or instead of them.

“I’m afraid we don’t know Professor.” Ginny says, her voice light and her smile thin

Umbridge let out a long drawn-out sigh that almost had Ginny rolling her eyes to the back of her head.

And here she thought Draco Malfoy held the title of Drama Queen at Hogwarts with Zacharias Smith or Lavender Brown in second but apparently Umbridge surpassed them all by a mile.

“You both are here because I received some disturbing news from a member of the inquisitorial squad yesterday afternoon regarding you both.”

Umbridge looked expectantly at them but Luna and Ginny merely blinked back.

Umbridge laughed airily, “I invited you here today to clear what I am sure are only rumours because as I’m sure you’re aware if this information is true, you two would be in an extreme amount of trouble.”

“Just what are being accused of Professor Umbridge?” Ginny asked, barely concealing the boredom in her voice.

There are plenty of things she would rather have been doing than being interrogated by Professor Umbridge; sneaking into the kitchens to get food, making out with Luna, training with the D.A., cuddling with Luna, studying for her Transfiguration test the following week, spending time with Luna when not in the presence of a despicable toad-like professor and so on and so forth.

Professor Umbridge locked eyes with Ginny and held her gaze for a long moment.

“You are aware of the educational decree number 31 I take it Miss Weasley?”

Ginny fought the twist in her stomach at the disgust of such a decree and the knowledge of what was coming next and internally began battling to prepare for it.

“Yes of course Professor. Boys and girls are not permitted to be within 8 inches of each other.”

“And pray tell Miss Weasley why would I enact such a decree might you think?”

Biting back a smart answer, Ginny instead replied, “I’m not certain Professor.”

Umbridge tilted her head and smiled condescendingly, “I did it as to not distract our students from their schoolwork which is of course the very reason why you are attending this school, to get your education.”

Ginny was very tempted to tell this toad that she was only here to play quidditch but figured that might wind her up in detention for life and she’d heard rumours of what this vile creature did to students who got detention with her and Ginny would rather not suffer through that, she’d much rather punish Umbridge in subtle ways in which she could never get caught.

“So” Umbridge said, standing up a bit straighter, “What do you have to say for yourselves then?”

Once again, Ginny and Luna turned to each other, confusion evident in both of their eyes but unfortunate understanding as well.

“Professor” Luna said her voice still as quiet as ever and Umbridge had to step forward and lean closer to hear her, “If you are implying we have broken this decree then I’m afraid this information you were given was incorrect. Ginny and I haven’t been within eight inches of any boy since that decree went up; we’ve even switched seats in classes so we’re beside each other and not the boys we used to sit beside.”

“But you’ve been within eight inches of each other” Umbridge did not phrase this as a question and Ginny wondered just how much this woman knows about her relationship with Luna.

Keep reading

Detention - Fred Weasley

Requested by anonymous.

“You all know why you’re here, so I expect your cooperation on keeping this room as silent as possible. Once you finish your writing, you may leave,” Umbridge said, her voice squeaking at every other word. The few people around you reached for their quills while you glared at Fred. He eventually felt your gaze and looked up.

“What?” he mouthed silently.

“You should be the one writing, not me,” you whispered.

“And why is that?” he asked at a normal volume now that Umbridge had stepped out of the room.

“Because you’re the reason we’re in here.”

“Excuse me,” Fred said, slinging his arm over the back of your chair. “I believe it was your idea.”

“No, it was definitely your idea.” He laughed, and you knew he was smiling widely, even though you weren’t looking at him.

“Sure, I came up with the plan, but it was definitely your idea to prank Angelina.” You mumbled something before reaching into your bag for your quill. Fred snorted and removed his arm to reach into his bag. “So no response?”

“Nope,” you said, beginning to write your sentences. 

“Because you know I’m right. It was your idea.” You blew air out of your nose and snapped your head to face him.

“Only because you wouldn’t stop flirting with her, Freddie,” you said, keeping your teeth clenched. His face softened and his eyebrows raised as he looked at you sympathetically. You turned away and tried to get back to writing. Fred scooted closer to you, throwing his arm over the back of your chair again. He was looking up at you, trying to get you to look back at him.

“Mr. Weasley! Do you need to write another hundred sentences?” Umbridge asked, reappearing into the room. He pulled away from you and started writing until Umbridge left again. Once she was gone, he came back to your side, this time putting his arm around your waist.

“What?” you asked, finally looking at him. 

“You know I wasn’t flirting with Angelina.” You frowned and looked back down at your paper. 

“Do I?”

“Y/N, I love you. I thought you wanted to prank her for fun.”

“Well it was fun,” you muttered.

“You know I’m crazy about you, right? Angelina doesn’t mean anything to me.”

“I’m not really talking to you right now,” you said, scooting up in your chair so his arm wasn’t around you anymore. 

“Okay, you’re right, it’s my fault we’re here. Give me your paper,” he said, trying to pull it away from you. You pulled it back and he frowned at you. “Y/N.”

“You shouldn’t have made it so obvious that it was us,” you said. Fred tilted his chin down, eyeing you. 

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, you put our initials on the back of the bomb. Once Umbridge found the shell, of course she would know it was us.” He chewed his lip and you knew he was trying not to smile.

“Okay, but then doesn’t that prove that I wasn’t flirting with Angelina?” You opened your mouth to answer, but then closed it almost immediately. “Hah!” Fred said, poking the tip of your nose. You rolled your eyes and shook your head.

“It doesn’t prove anything. Maybe you just did it because you knew I was upset.” 

“Maybe you should just understand that I love you.”

“Maybe you should get back to writing,” you said, a moment too late.

“Miss Y/L/N, Mr. Weasley, do I need to give you more work to do? You’ll be writing “I will not cause mischief” six hundred times now.” You groaned quietly and went back to writing. She lingered over you both, squeaking to herself a few times. Eventually, something called her out of the room, and you both looked back at each other. One of the other students in detention had already left, so it was just you, Fred, and three third year Hufflepuffs.

“Y/N,” Fred said, taking your hand. “I take full responsibility for the prank, and I’m sorry if you thought I was flirting with Angelina. Let me prove to you how sorry I am.”

“How?” you asked softly, looking down at your hand in his. 

“Well I can’t do it with a punch of kids watching.” You laughed and rolled your eyes. Fred beamed and scooted a little closer to you. “That’s better. I love hearing your laugh.”

“I’m sorry I’m a little jealous,” you said with a sigh, twirling your quill around your fingers.

“A little?” Fred asked with a laugh. You dropped his hand and spun away from him. “No, no, I’m sorry,” he said, grabbing your waist and tugging you closer to him again. “It’s okay that you’re jealous, it just shows how much you care.” You sighed and put your quill down and faced him. He grinned on one side of his face and watched you eagerly.

“It wasn’t our best idea to hit Angelina during the Quidditch match, even if it was against Hufflepuff.” Fred snorted and nodded.

“No, probably not.”

“And we should definitely apologize to her.”

“Yes.”

“And tell her it was my idea.”

“Really?” Fred asked. “You don’t have to do that.”

“Well, it was my idea.” Fred smiled and shook his head.

“No, it was our idea. She’s used to getting pranked anyway. She’s known George and I since first year.” You laced your hand in his and Fred wrapped his arm around your waist.

“I love you,” you said. He pulled you close, closing the gap between the two of you finally. After kissing softly for a moment, it turned into the two of you making out, and Fred pulled you into his lap. Not for too long, though, because Umbridge walked in a moment later and pulled you apart magically.

“Students should not be showing public displays of affection, especially whilst in detention.”

“Next time I’ll make sure to lock the door,” Fred said smugly. You could see the tension in her face as she smiled through her anger. 

“You both have detention tomorrow with Professor Snape. Eight hundred words each,” she said, magically creating two new sheets of paper for you. She set them down on your desks, and went to stand at the front of the room where she could watch you. However, she couldn’t see underneath the desk where the two of you were holding hands.

Kiss of Rage - Fred Weasley Imagine (Part 1)

HERE IT IS, MY VERY FIRST IMAGINE! Hope you all like it, please send in requests and feedback and yadda-yadda-yadda! xxx 

(I made that .gif and it happens to be the inspiration of this Imagine!

UPDATE: I wrote a Part two here!
——————————————————————–

Y/N, Fred and George have all been best friends since their third year of Hogwarts. The three of them all being in Gryffindor means that they practically spend every waking moment with each other, consisting of walking to classes together, playing jokes with each other and sitting together whenever possible. But, now that Dolores Umbridge has taken on the role of Head Master, that was all about to change.

Professor Umbridge has a need for everything to be her way or the highway, as Y/N and the twins are soon to discover. “I can’t believe all the rules that Umbitch is giving us!” Y/N complains to her two redheaded friends in the Gryffindor common room. “She won’t even let us use magic in our Defense Against The Dark Arts Class!” “Someone needs to teach her a lesson” George says while throwing a mischievous look to his brother “No, no, no.” Y/N says with a stern look. “No. You won’t be pulling anything on her, even if she does extremely deserve it”. “Sadly she’s got a point” Fred agrees, “Her punishments are sure to be far worse than any of the other teachers’”.

*

A week with Umbridge has come and gone, and things have only gone soaring down hill. Flying on brooms has been forbidden, so that means no Quidditch. But that’s not all that’s been forbidden. Music during school hours and boys having their hands in their pockets have all been banned, she’s even forbidden all Weasley’s Wizard Wheezes products, much to the twins’ and everyone else’s dismay.

When Y/N didn’t think things could get any worse, as she was telling Fred while walking to Potions, a bright spark of light flashed between the two and they flew to opposite sides of the corridor. Looking up from the floor, Y/N sees Umbridge walk in between them, saying in her usual smug voice, “Boys and girls are not permitted to be within eight inches of each other”. Helping Y/N up to her feet, Fred resumes next to Y/N even closer in protest, resulting in a deeper shade of pink settling on both of their cheeks, going unnoticed by the other. You see, Y/N and Fred have quite a fancy to one another, but the other person doesn’t know. Fred is head over heels for Y/N, and she is just as mad about him.

For the rest of that afternoon the two continued to be zapped away from each other along with George if he were on the other side of Y/N. The moment they stepped out of a class together they would be flung across the room by a spark of light, followed by the same commandments of being eight inches away from each other, growing on their nerves more and more with every zap.

*

That night, Harry came running back into the Gryffindor Common room clutching his hand. “Look what she’s done to me!” On Harry’s hand read the words ‘I must not tell lies’ etched into his skin with spots of blood. “This situation is really getting out of hand” said George, trying to stifle his laughter at his attempt at a witty pun. “George, shut up you prat” Y/N said while fighting a smile. Turning to Harry she said “We need to teach her a lesson”. With a confused look on his face, George was off. “What about all of that ‘no no no’ crap you were giving me before? And you Fred, saying that her punishments would be worse than anyone else’s, which is quite clearly true” he remarked. “I don’t care” Fred started, “She’s going out of her way to make us all miserable, and she is not getting away with it” at this moment Fred stood up, his eyes filled with determination. George jumped up at this too. “Great,” he started, “our first rule we break in protest can be that stupid Weasley’s Wizard Wheezes rule, by putting fireworks in her hat, or–“ “No, no, no.” Y/N began, but she needn’t finish, because George had immediately folded his arms with a pout at her first ‘no’. “No. We’re not going to stoop down to her pathetic levels of punishment. We need to do something that will show her that we can’t be bossed around, that we won’t be treated like dirt, and George put that bloody box of fireworks down or so help me” Y/N barked, resulting in further pouting and grumbling from George, and a cute little laugh coming from Fred, who was stood next to Y/N throwing an arm around her shoulder while continuing to chuckle.

*

The following morning they had Charms first. The three of them walked together, with Fred on Y/N’s left and George on her right. And, to none of their surprises, a great flash of light sparked between the three, propelling them to opposite ends of the corridor. “Boys and girls are not permitted to be within eight inches of each other!” Professor Umbridge chirped as she walked off with that evil smile plastered to her face. After rolling their eyes at the inconvenience of being blasted across the room, they got back to their feet, resuming their original formation and continuing their conversation on who would win between a Hippogriff and Professor Snape. Their debate lasted only a few extra seconds before another great shot of light erupted between the three, once again sending them and their books flying in opposite directions of each other. “Boys and girls are NOT permitted to be within eight inches of each other!” replied that dreaded voice, in a much harsher tone than usual. As Y/N had gotten to her feet, Fred jumped up in a fit of rage, slammed his books onto the floor and yelled, “THAT’S IT!” and before Y/N knew it she was pushed up against one of the columns of the corridor and had Fred’s lips firmly attached to her own. Her eyes widened at the random outburst of affection, but having such a huge thing for the red headed boy kissing her, she kissed right back, despite the mass of students crowded around now, including George whistling and cheering, and Professor Umbridge looking pinker in the face than her dress. She lifted her want and sent a bright spark at the couple, without a thing happening. The flash of light failed to zap the two away; they were intertwined with one another and her zaps of light couldn’t do a thing about it. Umbridge tried again and again with more force each time, but nothing would happen. Y/N and Fred remained held together, their lips locked.

Umbridge now physically tore the two lovebirds away from each other with her own bare hands. As both Y/N and Fred had run out of breath by this stage, they didn’t put up too much of a fight. “YOU TWO WILL MARCH YOURSELVES DOWN TO MY OFFICE IMMEDIATELY!” the tiny woman screeched, as Y/N and Fred stood next to each other with a cheeky grin on both of their faces, their cheeks still blushing from their heated PDA. As Professor Umbridge stormed up the stairs with Y/N and Fred closely behind, the mass of students that had gathered around began to cheer, including George shouting “you should’ve grabbed her arse!” above the other voices. After Umbridge turned and shot George a harsh glare, she continued charging towards her office, where Fred took this opportunity to take hold of Y/N’s hand. Even though they knew they were in for it big time, the smiles never left their faces, knowing that this would be the start of something wonderful.

———————————-

HOPE YOU LIKED IT!

@cantfighttheweasleypower

I personally say yes. Because I don’t like shows that use stereotypes and such to make such an “Interesting Story Wow” that isn’t for me. However, I do think that’s a choice you should make yourself.

Watch it. Consider how it uses autism. Consider how it focuses on creating sympathy and pity for “how hard it is living with autism” in that simperingly sweet voice like Umbridge in HP uses.

My friend @sanerontheinside introduced me to Leverage a few months back. One of the characters in the show is unapologetically autistic to me. And she’s amazing. There’s no shame, no deconstruction, no “oh but she doesn’t have a significant other who supports her” rhetoric in it. It’s just her, as herself, with none of the attendant prejudice and stereotypes that are always attached to autism.

If you want a show to watch, go with Leverage. It’s got a diverse set of characters, who have PTSD, imposter syndrome, and autism. It’s far more entertaining and positive representation than any of the new and trendy shows popping up are.

King and Queen (Draco x Reader x Harry part.4)

Originally posted by infp-soup

Terribly sorry for the long wait! I was so unsatisfied with this chapter-*shakes fist* but I’m glad I finally finished it since now I can move to the more important things - dates.

 Hope you enjoy it D: sorry there’s not much romance, but plot haha… *shifts awkwardly* 

[1] [2] [3] [5] [6]

Keep reading

In Grade 11 I dropped my ipod Nano in the school library and it shuffled automatically and started playing “Getting Along” from AVPS so damn loudly and like Dylan’s voice is going and i’m trying to get through the 30 fucking people to pick it up before Joe starts singing in his Umbridge voice and it’s just echoing and I’m just having a fucking heart attack and sometimes I just hate the Starkid Fandom but still god bless them. 

Detention Escapade

Weasley Twins x Reader

Prompt: You and Fred and George sneak out of detention (which is being held by Umbridge).

Your name: submit What is this?

“Dammit Fred.” You mutter under your breath as you sit down in the wooden seats outside of Umbridge’s room. “I can’t believe you messed up the prank.”

“Hey!” Fred exclaimed, turning towards you as he sat down, his eyes accusing. “Y/N, you were the one who didn’t tell me that she was coming!“

“Settle down, ladies.” George spoke lowly, playing the peace keeper once again, sitting on your other side.

Earlier that week, you and the twins had decided to play a prank on some Slytherins who they had found picking on a muggle-born first year. With Umbridge now taking over Hogwarts, and her greatly favouring Slytherins over the other students, the school was falling into a state of despair. More than often students were being put into detention for small acts of ‘rebellion’, such as speaking up in class. So, you and the two twins felt the school needed a little laughter and thought it was best to combine justice with a little fun.

All was going well, until the crucial element of the plan had failed. The corridor was empty except for the group of Slytherin fourth years, and a single box in the middle of the corridor at the next turn. It had taken ages to find the right charms (and admittedly a little help from Hermione) for you to enchant the small box with a complex spell that would explode red and gold dye onto its unsuspecting victims within a four metre radius.

You, George and Fred had hidden in a empty classroom with Colin’s camera (who the twins had to bribe with a month’s free supply of Weasley’s Wizard Wheezes) and were waiting to jump out and take a picture so you could have a souvenir of the prank. So after a small but loud explosion, you’d jumped out and snapped a picture laughing victoriously, only to stop dead in your tracks as you saw Umbridge and Filch coated in the majority of the dye, with the third years practically unscathed behind them. Though it had been a humorous sight, seeing Umbridge’s front covered in Gryffindor’s colours and her back still pink, and Filch’s usual grey now with a splash of colour, you had been rewarded with a month of detention.

“I’m sorry, but you were the one who said ‘they are coming’ before shoving us in that classroom.” You retort, crossing your arms defiantly across your chest.

“That was still a good prank though.” George muttered, causing you to laugh lightly in agreement.

“Yeah, and we got a brilliant picture,“ Fred grinned,“thank Merlin that Peeves stole the camera back from Filch.”

“Ha!“You scoff, “You are just lucky that Peeves seems to hate Umbridge more than the entire school put together!”

The sound of the door knob turning brought your attention back to reality as you looked up expectantly at the wooden door. The door creaked open slightly, and a small girlish voice commanded for you to enter. Taking a deep breath in, you stood and walked into the vile pink room. This was not your first time serving detention, the scars on the back of your hand would prove that and you knew of how frequently the Weasley twins visited this place, despite them having cut down on the quantity of their antics.

Cats meowed in their plates and you throw a disgusted glance in their direction, before sitting down on the pink cushioned chair in front of Umbridge’s desk, with Fred taking the seat to your left and George, the seat to your right. Umbridge had her back turned to the you, instead choosing the look out of the window and with delight, you notice the bright red stain decorating Umridge’s hand. With a grin, you nudge the twins and hold back a laugh as their eyes sparkle with mischief and humour.

"Mr Weasleys, Miss/Mr L/N, I have had quite enough of your silly little antics. I had hoped we could have come to some agreement, but I’m afraid you’ve done too much!” Umbridge whirled around, flickering her furious gaze between the three of you. Umbridge had clearly attempted to hide the changed pigmentation of her skin and the ginger tone of her hair beneath the garish pink fur hat, yet even beneath the thick layer of make-up, you could clearly see the splashes and swirls of golds and red littering her face and neck. You bite on your tongue to stop yourself from laughing and establish a straight face, avoiding eye contact with either of the twins, who would surely make you laugh. "I have never felt more insulted in my entire profession!”

“I think you look really good Professor.” Fred spoke, a smirk pulling at his lips.

“Yeah! Red is really your colour.” George agreed.

“Though I must say that it doesn’t quite match your outfit.”

“Quite right, Mum always did say gingers should never wear pink. Heard her giving that advice to Ginny.”

You glare at the boys, They are going to get us expelled.You thought, risking a glance at Umbridge who was getting surprisingly red in the face.

"ENOUGH!” Umbridge exploded, her voice squeaky high with rage, “I WILL NOT BE BELITTLED BY A BUNCH OF BLOOD TRAITORS! HOW DARE YOU INSULT ME! HOW DARE-”

Suddenly, a loud bang echoed as the door slammed open. You could hear maniacal laughing growing quieter as you realised it was Peeves zooming off. You smiled at the boys, who grinned back. The plan was in action. There was a clunk as small metal ball fell in front of the door and rolled into the room. It hissed as it opened and a green gas escaped from it. You sniffed lightly and gagged when the retched smell of rotten tomatoes and burning skunk cabbage filled your senses. You looked at Fred who had the same disgusted look on his face and almost laughed when you saw Umbridge. Her face was twisted into a look of contempt as she pulled out a frilly handkerchief and pressed to to her nose and mouth.

"PEEVES!” She yelled, running out into the doorway. You grinned and laughed lightly which changed into a coughing fit as you choked on the putrid gas. George pounded your back, holding in a breath as you missed him exchange a grin with his twin. “Peeves! Come back this instance!” She screeched, heading after him. You rushed to the door, flanked by the twins.

“But Professor, what about our detention?!” You called after her. Umbridge threw you a look of disdain over her shoulder, still running after Peeves. You shared a look with the twins and burst out laughing as you walked back to the common room to retell the story to everyone.

Rereading Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix: Chapter Twenty-One - The Eye of the Snake

isnt that a euphemism for penis pee hole? ANYWAYS…

“Oy!” bellowed Ron, finally losing patience and sticking his head out of the window, “I am a prefect and if one more snowball hits this window - OUCH!”
He withdrew his head sharply, his face covered in snow.
“It’s Fred and George,” he said bitterly, slamming the window behind him.

poor ron but also LOL

- hagrid really doesnt get the big deal about umbridge and im like boiiiiii JUST YOU WAIT

- also hagrids cuts are getting worse I WONDER WHY??? wait just kidding i dont care AT ALL because i hate the grawp plot line

- can i just say i love thestrals? i really want to pet them because theyre all probs v lonely since not many people can see them

- UGH fucking umbridge is here. get a lozenge and stop HEM HEMing all over us.

- okay im not going to quote these few pages but lets just say im getting very EMOTIONAL over the way umbridge is treating hagrid. NOBODY PUTS BABY IN A CORNER.

“I am going to walk” - she mimed walking - Malfoy and Pansy Parkinson were having silen fits of laughter - “among the students” - she pointed at individual members of the class - “and ask them questions.” She pointed at  her mouth to indicate talking.
Hagrid stared at her, clearly at a complete loss to understand why she was acting as though he did not understand normal English. Hermione had tears of fury in her eyes now.
“You hag, you evil hag!” she whispered, as Umbridge walked toward Pansy Parkinson. “I know what you’re doing you awful, twisted, vicious -”

just putting this here to show how much i HATE umbridge and how much i LOVE hermione.

“Do you find,” said Professor Umbridge in a ringing voice to Pansy Parkinson, “that you are able to understand Professor Hagrid when he talks?”
Just like Hermione, Pansy had tears in her eyes, but these were tears of laughter; indeed, her answer was almost incoherent because she was trying to suppress her giggles. “No…because…well…it sounds…like grunting a lot of the time…”
Umbridge scribbled on her clipboard. The few unbruised bits of Hagrid’s face flushed, but he tried to act as though he had not heard Pansy’s answer.

OH MY FUCKING GOD. hagrid let me hug you. 

“You can see thestrals, Longbottom, can you?” she said.
Neville nodded.
“Whom did you see die?” she asked, her tone indifferent.

HOW THE FUCK ARE YOU JUST GOING TO ASK SOMEONE THAT IN THE MIDDLE OF CLASS LIKE IT AINT NO THANG????? literally seething rn.

“The are very interesting, aren’t they? The way some people can see them and some can’t! I wish I could.”
“Do you?” Harry asked her quietly.
She looked horrorstruck.

YIKES. abort abort abort!!!

- guys this chapter is just hurting my spirit. everyone is being so mean to us. and by us i mean myself and the trio plus hagrid. obviously. 

- also I WISH IT WAS CHRISTMAS AND I WAS GOING TO THE BURROW. lifes not fair.

He did not like to think of Sirius alone in his mother’s old house, perhaps pulling a lonely cracker with Kreacher.

:’( but also kreacher probably knows how to throw down so im pretty sure its fine

- DOBBY DECORATED THE ROOM OF REQUIREMENT AND I LOVE IT. its all pictures of harry and a sign that says ‘have a very harry christmas’ and i wish this was at my house rn

- ginny is the new gryffindor seeker and im just over here thinking about how half of the weasley clan could have been playing together on the school team rn BUT THEY CANT.

“We’re not doing anything new?” said Zacharias Smith, in a disgruntled whisper loud enough to carry through the room. “If I’d known that, I wouldn’t have come…”
“We’re all really sorry Harry didn’t tell you, then.” said Fred loudly. 

FUCKING ZACHARIAS. WHY DOES FRED WEASLEY DIE AND THIS PIECE OF SHIT LIVE? WHY JKR?

He turned and saw Cho standing in the middle of the room, tears pouring down her face.
“Wha-?”
He didn’t know what to do. She was simply standing there, crying silently.
“What’s up?” he said feebly.

harry smooth-ass potter, everybody.

- HARRY AND CHO TOTALLY DID IT GUYS!!!!!!!! and by did it, i mean they made out but STILL

“Did you kiss?” asked Hermione briskly.
Ron sat up so fast that he sent his ink bottle flying all over the rug. disregarding this completely he stared avidly at Harry.
“Well?” he demanded.

THIS IS TOO FUNNY. 

“Because she was crying,” Harry continued heavily.
“Oh,” said Ron, his smile fading slightly. “Are you that bad at kissing?”
“Dunno,” said Harry, who hadn’t considered this, and immediately felt rather worried. “Maybe I am.”
“Of course you’re not,” said Hermione absently, still scribbling away at her letter.
“How do you know?” said Ron in a sharp voice.

THIS IS ALSO TOO FUNNY. oh, ron. i cant wait for you to understand your emotions.

- everyone is always like YAS KWEEN to hermiones iconic ‘emotional range of a teaspoon’ quote but honestly i think her “You’re the most insensitive wart I have ever had the misfortune to meet” one is better.

- OMG HERMIONE IS WRITING A LETTER TO KRUM IN THIS SCENE I COMPLETELY FORGOT yas gurl get it

- HAHAHA rons like ‘what does she see in him?’ and harry doesn’t even try and hold back hes like ‘well, hes famous, older, rich, talented, handsome…’ and its just pretty savage if you ask me

- aaaaaaand harry had his scary snake dream and mr weasleys been attacked. this scene was way more traumatizing than i remember it. harrys like throwing up and everyone in the room is really freaked out. poor bbs.

“I’m not lying, and I’m not mad!” Harry told her, his voice rising to a shout. “I tell you, I saw it happen!”
“I believe you, Potter,” said Professor McGonagall curtly. “Put on your dressing gown - we’re going to see the headmaster.”

THANK GOD FOR MINERVA MCGONAGALL YALL. our lord and savior. 

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