ulster men

8

Just A Bunch Of Odd Balls!

Various Teams Get Sexy In The Sheds In Their OddBalls!

Sexy As Hell, Baby!

SPEAKING OF fate series and its weird reluctance to follow up properly on its gender topics by making any of its characters not cis: cu chulainn is literally so easy to interpret as trans

  • changed his name
  • often wasn’t taken seriously because he was “beardless”
  • the only one who didn’t suffer from a curse that would leave all men in ulster bedbound with “the pains of birth”
  • only ever had one child despite having sex with pretty much everything that stood still for long enough
  • knew his child would be a boy & had a name ready even though he supposedly left the land of shadows before connla was born
[OBLIGATORY TRAINING MONTAGE]

WHEN HE’S A YOUNG MAN, CU CHULAINN IS SO FUCKING HOT THAT ALL THE MEN OF ULSTER ARE FUCKING TERRIFIED THAT HE’S GOING TO STEAL THEIR WIVES AND FUCK THEIR DAUGHTERS. THEY’RE ALL INSECURE FUCKS, AND THEY SHOULDN’T WORRY AT ALL. CU CHULAINN DOESN’T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT ANY WOMEN EXCEPT EMER, THE DAUGHTER OF FORGALL, WHO IS A FUCKING DICK. 

FORGALL REALLY FUCKING HATES CO CHULAINN, SO HE SUGGESTS THAT HE FUCKS OFF FOR HERO TRAINING WITH SCATHACH, THE CRAZY SCOTTISH WARRIOR WOMAN, HOPING THAT HE HAS A TRAGIC ACCIDENT AND FUCKING DIES IN THE PROCESS.

THAT DOESN’T HAPPEN THOUGH, BECAUSE CU CHULAINN IS AS MUCH OF A CRAZY MOTHERFUCKER AS SCATHACH. HE LEARNS TO DO ALL SORTS OF CRAZY HEROIC SHIT LIKE THROWING SPEARS WITH HIS FEET.

EVENTUALLY, THOUGH, HIS HAPPY TRAINING MONTAGE IS INTERRUPTED BY SCATHACH’S EVIL TWIN SISTER, AIFE, ATTACKING THE TRAINING CAMP. CU CHULAINN AND AIFE ARE EVENLY MATCHED, BUT HE’S A DEVIOUS LITTLE SHIT, AND TELLS HER HER FAVOURITE HORSE AND CHARIOT ARE FALLING OFF A MOTHERFUCKING CLIFF BEHIND HER. WHEN SHE TURNS AROUND TO LOOK, HE STABS HER A FEW TIMES AND DECLARES HIMSELF THE WINNER. SHE DOESN’T DIE THOUGH, SO HE MAKES HER PROMISE TO STOP TRYING TO FUCK SHIT UP FOR SCATHACH. THEN THEY FUCK AND HE LEAVES.

WHEN HE RETURNS TO IRELAND, CU CHULAINN KIDNAPS EMER, STEALS ALL OF FORGALL’S TREASURE AND PUSHES FORGALL OUT OF A WINDOW TO HIS DEATH. CU CHULAINN IS A BIG FAN OF WINDOW PAIN. HE’S ALSO A DICK, BUT THAT WAS PRETTY FUCKING OBVIOUS.

6

Goliath Slayers

40-29

The All Blacks Are Not Invincible! 

David Has Come Forth!

Erin Go Bragh!

Woof, Baby!