If all Bleach villains were motivated by crushes...
As requested by anon. :)
Sometimes I like to pretend that certain Bleach villains are motivated not by a desire to rule the world or by evil or by a perverted sense of justice, but by having a giant crush on somebody. So what if that were true? What if all Bleach villains just had giant unrequited crushes? What crush would motivate them, and how?
1. Aizen: Motivated by a crush on Shinji
A lonely guy by nature, poor old Aizen just wanted somebody to love him. Specifically, his captain, Shinji. But because Aizen had impossible standards, Aizen couldn’t just ask Shinji out. No, he had to see if Shinji was worthy of his love by hiding his true nature just to see if Shinji noticed. Shinji noticed all right, but instead of trying to get close to Aizen, he pushed Aizen away! Just because Aizen was evil or something! In revenge, Aizen decided to hollowfy Shinji and all of Shinji’s friends and have them exiled. Then he decided to take over the world, because he had nothing else in his life with Shinji gone. Then he started stalking a teenager to make Shinji jealous. But nothing worked. And so Aizen ended up in jail.
Aizen: And it ALL could have been avoided if Shinji had just made out with me!
Shinji: Dude…that’s messed up.
Aizen: YOU’RE messed up!
2. Gin: Motivated by a crush on Matsumoto
Wait….isn’t this one just canon? Well, except that in this AU it’s not so much that Gin loves murder and uses Matsumoto as an excuse. Gin actually does do everything for Matsumoto.
Matsumoto: Okay, but you never asked me if I wanted any of that.
Gin: Shoot. I knew I was forgetting something.
3. Tosen: Motivated by a crush on his nameless friend
Okay but this one is definitely just canon, right?
Tosen: With my friend dead, all I had left was justice.
Nameless friend: So you…decided to pervert justice?
Tosen: I was slightly bitter.
4. Starrk: Motivated by a crush on Aizen
All Starrk wanted was somebody who was strong enough to hang out with him without dissolving. Then he met Aizen, a handsome man who super didn’t dissolve. Starrk was smitten. Naturally, when Aizen invited him back to his place Starrk was into that. But then, when he arrived, Starrk realized that Aizen didn’t want to make out with him. Aizen just wanted him to be his employee. Starrk sunk into depression and started sleeping a lot. He tried to take comfort in the fact that Aizen made him #1 (in Aizen’s heart??), but he couldn’t shake the feeling that Aizen just didn’t feel that way about him. So Starrk decided to try dying in battle.
Starrk: But Aizen did not save me.
Aizen: Dude, I was about to stab you myself.
Starrk: That’s not fun to hear.
5. Ulquiorra: Motivated by a crush on Orihime
Ulquiorra thought he was an espada without feelings. But then he went to the human world, and he happened to spot a super awesome human named Orihime. Suddenly, Ulquiorra felt things he had never felt before. Ulquiorra knew he needed more. So he convinced his boss to let him kidnap Orihime and pretend that was part of his plan. Ulquiorra then tried to use that time to get to know Orihime but that didn’t work because a) Orihime had a crush on Ichigo and b) Ulquiorra had kidnapped her. But Ulquiorra, refusing to believe that kidnapping was a deal breaker, decided that what he really needed to do was kill her crush. That didn’t work out so well.
Ulquiorra: But she did try to hold my hand, so I feel like I was getting somewhere.
6. Grimmjow: Motivated by a crush on Ichigo
Once he saw that handsome, angry, teenage face, Grimmjow just couldn’t let go. He knew he shouldn’t sneak out of Hueco Mundo, but he did. He knew that he should kill that human already, but he just couldn’t bring himself to do it. Abandoning all of the shit he was supposed to be doing, Grimmjow focused on nothing but fighting Ichigo, because that was literally the only way Grimmjow knew how to make friends.
Grimmjow: And in the end, he did hold my hand, so I feel like I got somewhere.
7. Yhwach: Motivated by a crush on Yamamoto
Yes, it was awkward, falling in love with your arch enemy. But Yhwach dealt with it in the only way he knew how: by trying super hard to destroy the shinigami, then disappearing into the shadows for hundreds of years, and then trying super hard to destroy the shinigami again. He even confronted his crush Yamamoto, determined to tell him off for being a jerk, but once he saw him…well, those old feelings started to reemerge. So Yhwach killed him. But instead of making him feel better, it made him feel WORSE. So he took over the Soul King. You know, as a distraction.
Soul King: Why couldn’t you eat an entire carton of ice cream like everyone else?
Yhwach: MY FEELINGS ARE REAL
8. Giselle: Motivated by a crush on Bambietta
I dunno, guys. She just seems really into zombie Bambietta. I mean, is that all Giselle wants from this invasion thing? A zombie girlfriend?
Giselle: AND enemies for my zombie girlfriend to fight!
9. Ginjo: Motivated by a crush on Ichigo
After a bad breakup with Soul Society, Ginjo figured he’d just stay out of the game. But then he heard there was a new substitute shinigami in town and, well, he was just a little curious. Then he saw the guy, and he found himself smitten. He had to get to know that Ichigo guy - but how? He offered Ichigo ramen and tried flirting with him. But Ichigo seemed pretty indifferent. Ginjo offered to let him join his club, but instead of leaping into his arms, Ichigo just seemed interested in getting his powers back. Finally, out of supreme frustration, Ginjo decided to just steal Ichigo’s powers and leave him as broken as Ginjo’s own heart. Then Ichigo killed him.
Ginjo: I really should have said something.
10. Tsukishima: Motivated by a crush on Ginjo
Meanwhile, Tsukishima was just really into Ginjo, so he did everything Ginjo wanted, even though it stung a lot that Ginjo was super into that stupid teenager.
Tsukishima: Luckily Ginjo’s plan let me beat up Kurosaki Ichigo a lot, so that was fun.
Ichigo: THE FULLBRINGER ARC WAS A LOVE TRIANGLE?!