Before I fully get started with this blog post, I would like to express a huge thank you to all of those who have been supporting me whilst i’ve been taking what has essentially been a short hiatus from my blog. Money has been tighter than usual, University harder + much more stressful than what I had originally thought and my relationships have been a bit wonky to say the least. I also appreciate everyone not badgering me about my whereabouts and rather lightly saying that they couldn’t wait to have me back. So seriously, thank you all so very much, you are the reason I enjoy writing on this blog so much.
While it won’t win any awards for musical genius, the lyrics in Baz Luhrmann’s sunscreen have unashamedly become my life bible. The two quotes above have come to mind recently, and after an overwhelming number of tweets expressing the same feelings, they’ve inspired me to write this post in the hope it may help others out there who are feeling the same way or possibly even make some people stop and think for a moment if they’re the friend on the other side.
I used to have a ‘friend’ many years ago that would constantly make me feel like poop. Whenever we’d meet up the conversation would always be about her and she would purposely avoid talking about fun things that were going on in my life by just not asking or changing the subject. However as soon as anything bad happened to me she would be instantly interested to hear all the details and pity me and my unfortunate events. When my blog started taking off she would never ask how it was going, any holidays were ignored, photos weren’t liked or commented on and unless it was an argument or fall out, happy relationships were a topic completely off bounds. After a few years of feeling pretty miserable I decided that enough was enough and slowly broke away from our friendship…and do you know what? It felt so much better.
I’ve never had many girl friends, because friendships with the opposite sex are a whole world easier without the bitching, jealousy or stroppy moments. My ‘breakup’ left me feeling worried that that’s how friendships with girls were supposed to be and i became even more wary about making new female friends. It wasn’t until about a year later that I found a couple of girls that behaved like proper friends and we made a truly wonderful bond without any of the drama. All could be bared with no judging, no relishing negative events and most importantly genuine excitement for each other when positive things happened -It turned out my original 'friend’ really wasn’t much of a friend at all!
As you get older time gets sparse and meet-ups become fewer and far between - the odd coffee here and there on a lunch break, dinner booked in for months in advance, sporadic texts and a quick scroll and comment through social media updates replace the daily meetings and weekly wine nights you used to share. The true test of a friendship however is if when you finally do meet up after a month or two and catch-up on all the goss, it’s like you never left each other and all that positivity is still there. Luckily for me I have a few friendships where this is the case and it makes meeting up a rather exciting occasion filling each other in on what’s been happening over a nice drink, good food and a lot of laughs. The conversation flows, each one of us takes turns to ask lots of questions to find out what each other is up to and there’s no envy or avoiding asking about things you think might make you jealous. But sadly not all of my new friendships held onto that positive vibe they started out with and catch-up conversations have become more and more one-sided. I love hearing about what’s going on in my friend’s lives but when I start leaving numerous meet-ups knowing everything about their life with them knowing nothing about mine because they haven’t asked to hear more about things I may have said, or even just haven’t asked at all, it makes me a little sad and I start to wonder why.
When I was being bullied at school my mum always used to say ‘They’re just jealous’ and I would shrug it off because at 15, overweight, with severe acne, glasses and braces there really was nothing for anyone to be envious of! The truth is, everyone gets jealous, especially women, because there’s so much pressure on us to be/look/act and live a certain way. Even I’ve fallen foul to pangs of jealousy when a friend looks amazing in a dress I couldn’t pull off or if they’re off out to a fancy restaurant of an evening and I’m stuck in with my holey pyjamas and an Indian takeaway. But I’ve never let that envy get in the way of a friendship and not told them they looked amazing in that dress or asked in great detail how their dinner date went.
I suppose the moral of this rambly story (if you’re still with me) is that you shouldn’t let jealousy get in the way of friendships. It happens, even to the best of friendships but if that relationship is precious then you should hold on tight. There’s a difference between being real friends and feeling a little envious to that poisonous relationship that’s based purely on competition. I do think jealousy is a hell of a lot harder to cope with when you and your bestie have had that carefree friendship in the past, but like every relationship worth having, it takes a bit of work.
So share your experiences, ask questions, get as much goss as you can and if you’re a little jealous, smile and let it go. Just because you don’t look as good as your bestie today or your weekend isn’t as fun packed as theirs don’t hold it against them – be happy for them, praise them and share their excitement…because that’s what friends are for.
This weekend’s been jam packed with fun for me! Last week was a busy one, i don’t feel like i’ve stopped this year yet having started a new job and really trying to focus on developing my blog and youtube channel so i’ve been feeling a little frazzled. The boy surprised me with a massive bouquet of flowers about two weeks ago and they’re still going strong so they kept me smiling even when the stress started to creep back in. I’ve also been making a concious effort to swap my usual hardcore coffee and tea for green in order to boost some antioxidants and i think it’s starting to help too - i’ll keep you posted on that one!
When Friday rolled around i could have just collapsed on the sofa in my pjs with a big glass of wine, but i squeezed myself into my favourite peplum dress, slapped on some lippy and went out for drinky poos with my girlies! We hadn’t seen each other in ages since a few of us left the office and others moved away so it was really nice to catch up over some lovely food and even lovlier cocktails. After a civilised evening we headed home with bellies full of nosh and heads full of gossip!
Saturday morning i was on an epic parcel collecting mission as i’d missed about six throughout the week that i needed to collect…as you can see there’s going to be a lot of exciting things coming up on xameliax over the next month - where i’m going to keep it all in the meantime however i just don’t know! As the boy has been so wonderful these past few weeks to put up with my chronic tiredness, eye bags, and the laptop that’s been glued to my hands when we’re watching tv i decided to take him out for dinner to say thank you for being amazing. We got dolled up and trotted out to our favourite date night spot Pizza Express and then out for a few drinks enjoying each other’s company.
Yesterday was spent in front of the telly after a well deserved lie in cuddling and catching up on some Grey’s! All in all a busy weekend but one that i thoroughly enjoyed…if only they were a teeny bit longer ey.
This weekend has been an absolute scorcher and i’ve loved every second of it! It started like all good weekend should on Friday night when i made a trip to see an old friend and catch up over some white wine spritzers in a beer garden. It’s so nice catching up with someone you haven’t seen in so long and finding out all the exciting things that have been happening, especially when it feels like you haven’t been apart at all by the end of it.
Saturday was spent lounging in the beautiful sunshine reading my book and indulging in a beer or two! I never thought i’d be lying in my back garden in a bikini feeling too hot with the miserable weather we’ve had so far this year but there we go. I loved every single second of it and i may have even picked up a bit of colour - shock horror! In the evening i took my first trip to a comedy club where i spent the night laughing my socks off in Jongleurs and it was so much fun!
Today has been another day sunbathing and beer garden drinkies - got to make the most of it while it’s here fellow Brits! I wish i’d got the whole week off to spend soaking up some rays but sadly back to the world of work we go tomorrow…at least there’s air con!
What did you get up to this super hot weekend? Tweet me @xameliax #heatwaveweekend