Skam week. Part 26
It’s coming. That’s what Sana thought when the bell that indicated the end of the classes rang. She had spent the whole night thinking about that exact moment, the moment when she would have to face him, this time for real. No excuses, no escaping, no avoiding. Just the both of them, in front of each other, talking about them. She would listen to him and he would listen to her and then they would have to make a decision, stop everything or take the plunge and try.
She got out of her class and walked down the hallway thinking about what she was about to face when she heard someone calling her.
“Hey! Sana!” Noora said approaching her “How are you?”
“I’m fine, I guess” she said
“Have you talked to him?” Noora asked not knowing if she should.
“No. Or yes. I mean, he texted me last night. Apparently Elias told him that I like him”
“No he didn’t!” Noora said widening her eyes
“Yes, he did.” Sana said rolling her eyes “He heard us talking yesterday and went to talk to Yousef and ask him for an explanation”
“And did he give one?”
“Yeah, but Elias only told me some things, I actually want to hear it from him”
“That means you’re going to talk to him?” Noora stopped her and smiled
“I texted him last night, I told him we could talk after school” Sana said biting her lip.
“I haven’t decided what I’m going to do yet. But I’m willing to listen to him, though”
“Of course, no pressure”
“Have you…” Sana started, fearing the answer to the question she was about to ask “Have you talked to him?”
“Me?” Noora asked confused. Then she understood what she was insinuating “No, no, no. Sana, no. We don’t talk. He only texted me yesterday via Facebook because he thought you may listen to me instead of him. But we don’t text each other. At all”
“Okay, that’s good to know” Sana said smiling to herself
“Aw, look at you all smiley!” Noora said tenderly
“I still have to hear his side of the story but at least now I’m in a better place than where I was a week ago”
“Of course, and no one is expecting you to do anything that you’re not comfortable with but it’s nice to see you smiling and that he’s able to make you smile like that”
“Yeah…” Sana said biting her lip “I’m actually really nervous, I’m shaking right now”
Sana showed Noora her hands and she was in fact shaking.
“What if I mess it up? What if he messes it up? What if he’s changed his mind?” Sana said worried
“Hey, don’t think about that. Just wait and see what happens”
Sana nodded and both of the girls restarted their way out of the building when Sana heard her name being called again. This time it wasn’t one girl but three the ones approaching them, Eva, Chris and Vilde.
“Sana, wait!” Eva yelled.
The three girls got to them and stopped in front of them clearly nervous.
“Sana, we want to apologize about yesterday” Chris started “we didn’t react the way we were supposed to. We should’ve left with you instantly but we were so shocked in that moment. But still, it’s not an excuse and we’re sorry”
“And also, we’re sorry we’ve been shitty friends lately” Eva added “We were too focused on being popular and partying that we didn’t realize that you were feeling left out, that we were leaving you out. And we know is not only about the pepsimax girls and that we’ve been behaving like that for a really long time and we’re sorry for that. And we left the bus by the way”
“Also…Sana” Vilde said with a thread of voice not daring to look at her in the eyes “I’m really sorry…I know that I say things that I shouldn’t say and that I’m an ignorant sometimes and I know that’s not an excuse but I’m really sorry if I hurt you. I’ll try to think before talking from now on. Maybe you can educate me so I won’t be an ignorant anymore and I can understand you better? I really want to be friends again.”
Sana took a moment to process of the words. She wasn’t expecting any of that. She had already convinced herself that the girls were better off without her. But them apologizing to her, that was unexpected, especially coming for Vilde.
“Girls, it’s okay. You really don’t have to leave the bus because of me. Especially you, Vilde. You were really excited about the whole bus thing”
“I don’t want to be in a bus where you’re not Sana, where neither of you are. I know it doesn’t seem like it, but I really love you guys and the whole purpose of this bus thing was to be friends with you” Vilde said
“And we’ve broken that promise and we’re really sorry for that” Eva added.
“Besides, we could rent a bicycle and still be cooler than their bus, because we’d have you girl” Chris said making all the girls laugh
“I don’t even know what to say” Sana said
“Say you’ll forgive us? Please?” Vilde said pouting
Sana looked at Noora and she scrunched up her nose in this cute way she always did while nodding.
“Of course I forgive you” Sana finally said
“Yaay” Vilde said starting a group hug with all the girls.
“I’m so happy that we’re all together again. You should’ve seen Sara’s face when we told her we were leaving them” Eva said laughing
“I can picture it” Sana said
“Sana? One more thing” Vilde started “Can you tell Elias I’m sorry for what I said about him?”
“I will” Sana said nodding
“So, what’s new?” Chris asked
“Well, Sana is late to a meeting” Noora said looking at her watch
“A meeting? With who?” Vilde asked
“Is it a boy, Sana?” Eva wanted to know
“It is!” Noora confirmed
“Oh, Sana! You have a date? That’s so cute” Vilde said
“It’s not a date. I’m just meeting a guy to talk about some things” Sana said blushing
“Sounds like a date to me, girl” Eva laughed
“Who’s the guy? Do we know him?”
Sana looked at Chris, who had just talked, and then at Noora who nodded.
“They’re going to find out anyway” the blonde girl said
“It’s Yousef, my brother’s friend. We’re just going to talk about some stuff”
“But I thought Noora was the one that liked Yousef…” Vilde said thinking
“Vilde!” Noora said putting her arm around Vilde’s shoulder “Remember that thing about thinking before talking? Yeah? Why don’t you start right now?”
Sana just rolled her eyes and laughed, at least she was apologizing now, that’s progress.
The girls finally got out of the school building. Eva stopped them and pointed at something in front of them.
“Aren’t those Isak and Even?” she asked “And isn’t that Yousef?”
“What?” Sana said widening her eyes
“I thought they were mad at each other” Noora wondered.
“Uh, I think I better get going and find out what’s going on. I’ll see you girls” Sana said waving goodbye
“Good luck!” She heard one of the girls saying
Sana approached the three guys and was surprised when she found them talking very calmly.
“Hi! Everything alright here?” She asked frowning
Isak and Even turned to her with a big smile while Yousef just looked at her like he hadn’t seen her in two years, eyes widened, mouth slightly parted, his heart pounding fast in his chest.
“Yes, we were just talking about the old times” Even said
“Okay?” Sana said unsure.
“Yousef was apologizing for what happened on Friday, and so were we” Isak added
“You were?” Sana asked looking at Yousef for the first time since she had arrived.
The boy only nodded, still too nervous to talk. Sana couldn’t help but smirk noticing his expression.
“So, everything’s cool between you?” Sana asked facing Even and Isak again
“Yeah, everything’s cool” Even said “There’s still a pending conversation with the rest of the guys, so we can talk things out but it’s a start”
“Good to hear” she said smiling
“Also, Elias texted me yesterday” Even added
“He did?” She asked
“Yes. He wanted to apologize. I told him that you already had but he said he wanted to it himself”
“So, Sana, it seems like you and Yousef have plans so we better get going” Isak said raising an eyebrow
“Yeah” she said
“You two have fun” he added
“But not too much, I need that brain for my biology project next week”
“Just go already, Isak!” she said rolling her eyes
“Fine, fine. We’re going, jesus”
Even put his arm around his boyfriend’s shoulder and nodded at Yousef as a way to say goodbye. Then they both slowly left making Sana roll her eyes. Those boys were so extra sometimes, she thought to herself trying not to laugh.
She turned to face Yousef who was already looking at her with a half a smile. They stayed silence for a moment until she finally spoke.
And again another awkward silence.
“So…shall we go?”
“Yes, yes, of course, of course” he said way too quickly
They started to walk in silence, side by side but not too close to each other.
They had been walking for a few minutes when Yousef cleared his throat to speak.
“So…um…do you want to go to any place in particular?”
She thought for a moment and then smiled to herself when a place came to her mind
“I actually do. How do you feel about playing basketball?” she asked biting her bottom lip.
“Sounds amazing” he said smiling while memories of two Fridays ago came to his mind.
They got to the basketball court where they had spent the afternoon two weeks before. Like it had been prepared, there was a ball waiting for them on the side of the court. Sana looked at it and was tempted to pick it up but she changed her mind.
“Do you think we should talk first?” Sana said pointing at the ball with her head
“Yes, I think that’d be good” he answered
They both sat down on the same spot they had been the last time they were there. Again, silence beat words.
“For someone who was so eager to talk to me, you’ve barely said two words since we left the school” Sana said
“I know, I know I’m sorry” he started “I’m so overwhelmed right now. I didn’t think you would actually come to be honest”
“What? I always keep my word” she said acting offended
“I don’t doubt that”
“Okay so…I’ll start” Sana said “I’m pretty sure you already know this ‘cause apparently my brother can’t keep his mouth shut but, I talked to Noora yesterday. She told me her version of what happened. And I’d like to hear yours”
“Of course” he stayed quiet for a moment trying to put his thoughts in order “I think I should start by saying that…I like you, Sana. You probably already know that, but I wanted to tell you. I like you, I’ve had a crush on you since…well, probably since I met you a couple of years ago. I always kept my distance from you ‘cause you were younger than me and you’re my best friend’s little sister and it didn’t seem appropriate. But this year I just, I couldn’t help myself and I started to approach you and…I loved talking to you, and playing basketball with you and teaching you how to peel carrots because well, you can’t”
“If you’re looking for forgiveness you’re not doing really well right now. Telling me I can’t peel carrots? How dare you?” she said
“I’m sorry, but it’s a fact” he chuckled. “Anyway, I thought you may like me too. But then I told you I wasn’t muslim and you stopped talking to me so I thought everything was over. Then we talked and it felt so good being around you that I had hope, hope that maybe we could work things out. So when Elias told me that you had invited us to the karaoke thing I was really happy ‘cause I thought you had invited us because you wanted me there”
“And I did” she assured him
“Yes I know that, now. But when I entered the club and I saw Even there and then I saw you my mind went back to that Friday when I told you about everything that happened at Bakka. And it felt like you knew them and like you had only invited us so we could be friends with Even again. I felt like I had opened myself to you, told you something nobody knew and that you only used it to play god with us and make your friend happy. And I know that you had the best of intentions but it was like I realized in that moment that you didn’t like me at all and that you were only close to me so you could make us friends again. I think that in that moment, any hope I had left was erased completely. But still, I didn’t want to make assumptions yet, I wanted to talk to you. And then…”
“Then the fight happened” she completed the sentence
“Yeah, then the fight happened. I tried to stop it but no one would listen to me so I thought that you were the only one that could make Elias listen. So I told you and I swear Sana, I swear, that I was going to follow you. I would’ve never sent you into a fight alone knowing that you could get hurt. Not that I’m saying that you’re week, ‘cause you’re the strongest person I know”
Sana couldn’t help but blush at his compliment
“See? That’s the way to forgiveness, telling me how awesome I am” Sana joked
“And you are awesome” he assured
“Continue with your story” she said smiling
“So, like I said, I was going to follow you but Noora stopped me. She seemed pretty upset and before I could react she tried to kiss me. But I rejected her ‘cause I don’t like Noora, I’ve never have and I never will.” He looked straight into Sana’s eyes trying to make sure that she had heard that last sentence. When she nodded he continued “I asked her what was going on with her and she told me about her ex-boyfriend. I tried to comfort her and that’s when she told me that maybe I wasn’t immature after all. I was confused as to why she would think that and she told me that you had said it, that I was immature, that guys like me only play with girls and that muslims and non-muslims can’t be together”
“I only said that because I thought she liked you and I didn’t want her to like you” Sana admitted looking at the floor.
Yousef closed his eyes and cursed himself.
“I’m so stupid” he said
“There’s no way you could’ve known that”
“I know, but still, I shouldn’t have reacted the way I did. In that moment it was like my fears of you not liking me back were confirmed. I felt so stupid, like it had been all in my head and it hadn’t meant anything at all to you. So when Noora tried to kiss me again, I let her…and I kissed her back”
He waited for her to say something but she just looked at him waiting for him to continue. He nodded and started talking again.
“But there’s one thing you should know. I didn’t feel anything at all kissing her. All the time I was kissing her I only thought about you. Like I literally saw you in my head, you smiling and you playing basketball and again you not being able to peel a single carrot”
“Stop it with the carrots already!” she said rolling her eyes
“I’m sorry! But it was big moment for me. Like, I finally got to talk to you, like really talk to you”
“It was a big moment for me too” she admitted with a shy smile.
“Good to know” he said biting his lip “So…as I was saying, I was only thinking about you and I felt so bad and guilty because, what kind of guy claims to like a girl and then kisses her best friend when things get difficult? I didn’t want to be that guy, I didn’t want to forget about you, I wanted to believe there was still a chance so I stopped Noora, I told her I was sorry and that I couldn’t do that. And I started to freak out, like really really freak out, because I had screwed up and I felt like garbage. She told me that no one needed to know, that we could just forget about it and I thought that we really could but…you saw us and I can’t tell you how sorry I am for that. I’m so sorry I hurt you Sana. I really thought you had left with Elias, I didn’t know you were there, and when I found out, it was like my world crashed. I hate myself for hurting you, I don’t deserve your forgiveness, I’m so stupid and I wouldn’t blame you if you wouldn’t want to talk to me ever again, I wish I could go back to that moment and redo it and…” he started to talk too fast and it was like he couldn’t stop, like he was entering a vicious circle he couldn’t escape.
“Yousef, hey, Yousef, breathe, just breathe” Sana said trying to calm him down. “ I get it, I get why you kissed Noora. You thought everything was lost and you reacted, just like I did two weeks ago. I’m not mad about the kiss anymore, it’s not that…it’s not that…”
“Then what it is?”
“The way we hurt each other. Look at our history. Things got difficult and I reacted by hurting you, then we were forced to talk about it and we solved it. Then things got difficult again and you reacted by hurting me, now we are forced to talk about it and we may solve it. But, do you think that’s how it should be? Because I don’t want to keep being like this”
“I get it, I know what you mean. And you’re right, things shouldn’t be like this. But things are different now, Sana. Two weeks ago, a week ago, two days ago, we didn’t know what we know now”
“And what is that?”
“You know that I like you, and I know that you like me”
“Well, I don’t recall telling you that I like you, though…” she said biting her bottom lip
Yousef smiled faded and it was like his whole face dropped.
“I’m kidding, I’m kidding! Of course I like you.” Sana said laughing
“Not funny” he said acting like he was angry
“Hey, I owed you one”
“Okay, now we’re even”
“Oh, we’re so not close to being even. But I let it rest for now”
They both smiled and shared a look for a moment until Sana broke the silence.
“Do you really think that we could make this work? That we could talk to each other and trust each other?”
“I want to believe so. I’m not going to lie, it’s probably going to be difficult. But I’m willing to try. I just, I promise that I’ll come to you first when something happens, that I won’t make assumptions, that I’ll listen to you. We just have to compromise on that and go from there.”
She slightly nodded and looked at the floor without saying anything.
“Sana” he whispered making her looking at him “are you willing to try? Because I am”
She looked at him for a moment, considering what to say. Something caught her attention from the corner of her eye, the ball, standing on the side of the court. She smiled to herself and stood up
“Let’s play a game. You against me. The first one that scores 20 points win. If you win, we’ll try. If I win..well, I’ll think about it” she smiled at him waiting for an answer
They stood up in the middle of the court and started playing. At first Sana let him score a few times in a row. She wanted him to think that he could actually win. But then, it’s was game on. She started to play as good as she could and he was so confused at first but then he got it and tried to keep the pace.
In the end they were tied. The next one who scored would win. It was Yousef’s turn. He was bouncing the ball, Sana in front of him trying not to let him pass when she had an idea. She stood still and looked at him right in the eyes while smiling. Yousef couldn’t help but look at her too, getting lost in her eyes like every time he would look at her. Then suddenly, her smiled became bigger and before he knew she had stolen the ball from him and was running towards the basket and scoring the points she needed to win.
“Yess!! I won!” she said putting her hands up celebrating her victory
“You’re a cheater!” Yousef said offended
“Who said there were any rules here?” she asked
He rolled his eyes but laughed.
“So…” he said approaching her “You won”
“Yeah, I won” she said taking a few steps closer to him
“You said if you won you would think about it. Have you?” he whispered
“Well…You know, it’s a lot to consider” she said biting her lip “I think I should make a list of pros and cons to decide”
She raised her hands like they were two sides of a balance, the left hand representing the pros and the right hand representing the cons.
“Kissing my best friend made you lose a lot of points” she said moving her right hand like someone had put weight on it “But you earned them back with the explanation and the compliments” she continued doing likewise with her left hand
He couldn’t help but laugh at the situation, she looked extremely cute smiling like that.
“You’re really bad at basketball” again, right hand “But I guess you’re kind of good looking” left hand.
“Shh, I’m trying to make a decision here”
He rolled his eyes and muttered something to himself, that girl was going to be the end of him and he couldn’t be happier about it
“So, let’s continue…You know how to cook, I’ll give you that. But, you make fun of me because I can’t cook so, again, you’re losing points”
“I promise I won’t make fun of you anymore” he said putting his hand on his chest solemnly
“Yeah…but, can I trust you though?” she said scrunching her nose “I mean, you said that before and you still made fun of me. Sorry, it has to go in cons side”
“Fine…” he said trying not to laugh
“You send me memes supporting me, that’s good” she said moving her left hand “But they’re pretty lame so, yeah, right hand”
“I can’t believe what I’m hearing” he acted offended
“I guess you could say that you have pretty cool romantic gestures” she continued “Like when you gave me flowers last week. But…we’ve been here for awhile now and I don’t see any flowers in my hands”
“Oh, girl, I’ll give you a bouquet right now if you want!” he said turning around ready to go look for the flowers
“Wait, you don’t have to do that” Sana said grabbing him by the elbow and laughing
He turned around, looked at her and then at her hand on his arm. She followed his gaze and slowly let her hand slide down his arm until it reached his hand, intertwining her fingers with his. That simple touch gave her goose bumps. She bit her lip and raised her head to look at him. She had never seen him looking at her so tenderly and she couldn’t help but smile at him. He raised his eyebrows at her and she nodded, like they didn’t need words to communicate.
“Yeah?” he asked
“Yeah, I’m willing to try this”
And in that moment, both of their smiles were as big as it was even possible.
“But!” she said holding his hand a little tighter “You have to promise that we will talk things out before assuming the worst”
“Always, I promise” he nodded squeezing her hand back.
“And it’s not going to be easy with my parents. They don’t really like you right now”
“No big deal, I’m can be very charming when I want”
“Really? I don’t see it” she said raising her eyebrows
“Well, I’m holding your hand, aren’t I?”
“I can still change my mind, you know?” she said rolling her eyes and letting his hand go
“No, I’m joking, I’m joking” he said trying to hold her hand again which she let him do. “Guess my sense of humor is a con?” he squeezed her hand and smirked
“Sometimes” she smiled “You know, Elias is probably going to give you the talk, you know about not hurting me and so on”
“Yeah, I guess so. He doesn’t have to, though, I won’t let you down again Sana. I promise”
“You better” she said, then smiled and added “because if you do my brother is going to kill you and I will help him bury your body”
“Sounds fair to me” he laughed
They looked at each other for awhile, still holding hands, smiles on their faces, just taking in every detail of that exact moment.
“Want me to walk you home?” he finally asked
“I’d love that” she said
And they started walking. Just like Elias had told Sana the previous, they knew now how it felt being apart and how it felt being together and both of them were sure which feeling they prefer. It didn’t mean it was going to be easy but at least now they were willing to trust each other and try to be better.
1st update of the day
One more to come at night and that’s it, the end
I really hope you’ve liked it and that you don’t think it’s either too dramatic nor too sugar-coated. I’ve tried to give it a good ending ‘cause that’s what I want for the show and still be realistic at the same time
I hope I haven’t disappointed you
Love you al!!