We’re sitting around a circle talking about the worst thing we’ve ever done.
When it’s my turn to tell the story- I lie.
I don’t tell them about your 60 missed calls and the 12 text messages in which you begged me to fight for love as much as you were willing to die for it.
I don’t tell them that I kissed your bestfriend a week after I asked you to never call again or that when you found out, you didn’t hear it from me. I forget to tell the part where you lose who you are over me for some time. How you pick up your old habits. How you started drinking on the weekends and how they turned to weekdays. I don’t even tell them that I never apologized and I don’t talk about how I never looked back. I skip the part where you swore to yourself that you’d never love anyone else like me because it’s not the kind of story I want to tell.
Because when they ask me about the worst thing I have ever done, it always comes back to you.
I wonder how you’re doing and if maybe you’ve found it in yourself to forgive me.
When they ask me about the worst thing I’ve ever done, I spare the time of the details. I jump to the biggest thing, I tell them that I wasn’t deserving of a love like that. That I destroyed the one person who loved me above anything else. I tell them that you set the world on fire for me and I looked the other way.
I see how his face lights up every time he sees me
And he smirks at me with a twinkle in his eyes
And I feel the longing every time we hug
And when he grabs me by the hips and pulls me to him it feels like lightning
And every touch between us is secret
And each glance lingers knowingly
And when he wraps his arms around me it feels like home
And when we steal kisses its gentle
And it’s hungry
Like we forgot how to breathe
And this is the only way to stay alive.
But we’re just friends
And oh my god I just want the day to come
When our secret is out
And you call me yours