ugh trying not to cry

No matter how hard he works, no matter how hard he tries, there has always been this insurmountable wall.

An obstacle that he just cannot overcome.

He attends every practice.

He polishes his skills with intense, hard work. 

He pushes through the pain, through the straining muscles and heavy lungs.

He refuses to give up, even when they lose year after year.

Every year there is the hope - next year, we’ll get them.

There’s always a next year.

A next time…

Until now.

This loss is final. The end. Their last chance, in their last year of high school, to finally snag victory-

But they couldn’t do it.

And Hajime, as the ace?

He fails.

He has his chance, his opportunity to score the winning point - but he can’t do it.

His spike is picked up and Seijou ultimately loses.

The knowledge that he has held them back is almost more than he can take.

He keeps his brave face up. He barely lets himself feel - forcing himself to dry his eyes and stand next to his team while they shake hands. It feels robotic, it feels forced, but he can’t lose it here.

Not in front of his teammates. He just can’t.

It isn’t until he’s finally alone in the privacy of his room that he really allows himself to feel.

He can’t even bring himself to take off his uniform. He just collapses on his bed, breathes in deep, and cries.

No, he doesn’t cry - he bawls. He shakes, trembling, curling himself up into the tiniest ball imaginable. He can’t even remember the last time he’s cried like this. Everything hurts. 

He chokes down sobs, trying to quiet himself, but it’s to no avail. He vaguely remembers that it doesn’t matter - his parents are out of town, so nobody is gonna come and find him - but it’s only a fleeting thought. He cries until his vision is fuzzy, his head hurts and his throat burns, heavy from the effort of trying to force in breaths. He’s still trembling, but he doesn’t register any of it.

All he’s thinking about are the plays. 

The plays he failed to make that day.

Did he play alright? Maybe. But he can’t help himself; he sees all the ways in which he could have jumped higher, hit harder, been better-

It’s frustrating. He’s angry, he’s sad - he’s a complicated mess of emotions, none of which he can begin to understand while focusing so hard on where he’s sure he has failed.

He has no idea how much time has passed before the throbbing in his head starts to alleviate. His body starts to relax and he sighs, quietly, feeling a warmth settling into his face.

He hears a voice, but it sounds far away.

“Hajime…”

It sounds kind of like his name, but he can’t really be bothered to listen. He feels pressure on his temples, small but firm, rubbing away the tension there. 

He feels like he can finally, breathe, finally move, so he cracks his eyes open. His vision is hazy, but he recognizes the person sitting on the edge of his bed almost immediately. A heavy weight settles in his stomach as he realizes he’s been caught.

He tries to sit up but his whole body rejects that idea, pain seeping through his muscles.  He winces, and those hands massaging his forehead move to his chest, pushing him back down.

Hajime chances a look up and he doesn’t see Tooru looking at him with pity. No, rather, it’s something else entirely… something gentle. Something vulnerable.

Something… caring?

Tooru bites his lip; he presses himself a little closer, a hand running through Hajime’s hair, pushing the dark strands out of his face. His thumb brushes against his forehead, before he leans in and presses a slow, gentle kiss right in that spot.

“It’s okay,” he says, and his voice is so soft. “It’s okay, Hajime. I’m here. I’ve got you…” He huffs a breath, his hand continuing to move through Hajime’s hair, massaging his scalp. The action is soothing, and Hajime finds himself relaxing, body slowly uncurling from where he’d been tightly wound on his side.

Tooru doesn’t stop there. He continues massaging his scalp, but his other hand continues his ministrations on his temples. Once he’s satisfied there, he lets his fingers continue their exploration, searching out the tense muscles in Hajime’s neck and shoulders, pressing into them until Hajime heaves out a sigh of relief.

The trembling stops. He stops thinking about what he’s done wrong. Instead, he focuses on the warm feeling of Tooru touching him. It’s the same warm feeling as he feels when they’re out there, together, on the court-

“Hajime,” Tooru’s voice breaks him out of his thoughts, “You know, it’s like you always say. There are six people out there on that court. We all played together. We win together… and we lose together.” He feels the hands halt their movements. The bed dips, and Tooru climbs in, settling in behind Hajime.

“You made me so proud today,” Tooru tells him, his breath hot against the back of Hajime’s neck. “You’re strong. You’re capable. You’re the best damn ace we could have ever asked for.” 

Hajime doesn’t have to ask for it; Tooru just knows. He wraps his arm around Hajime’s waist, pressing their bodies flush together.

“Don’t ever think otherwise, and don’t try and hide from me, okay?” Tooru punctuates this with a kiss to the back of his neck. “I love you.”

Hajime’s vision blurs again, but this time he’s not alone.

He lets Tooru stay, brushing away his tears, kissing him, holding him. Loving him.

He lets Tooru stay and he lets himself feel everything that he needs to.

And the next morning, as Hajime wakes up, the warm weight at his back and the fingers tangled with his remind him that he’s not alone.

These obstacles might be a challenge, but they’re not one that he’s facing alone.

Also, can we talk about the way Jane was smiling in that last scene with Kurt?! (Before the flash forward, of course) She was so SO happy. She was finally with the man she loves and it showed. Ugh I’m at work smiling like an idiot but trying not to cry because of how perfect that moment was and I’m really glad it’s just me here at work because I’m not functioning properly today. Can’t even handle small talk.

Everything is Jeller and nothing hurts

I was a little too happy last night…

Okay so after Ragnar became earl in season 1 he started wearing a new arm ring right

which should look familiar because 

But this isn’t a case of Ragnar having a matching or similar arm ring made for Athelstan, as I had always kind of assumed had been the case because ngl I didn’t pay attention to how often Ragnar’s had changed, but in early season 2 he is already wearing a different one…

Anyways if you pay attention you’ll notice most of the characters all wear slightly different ones, so it would have made more sense for Ragnar to have a completely unique one created for Athelstan if he’d had one made especially for him buttttt I don’t think that’s what happened and it is now my officially accepted head canon that the arm ring Ragnar gave to Athelstan in 2x02 is in fact his old one and I just???? Am I super late to the party here or???? Because this just adds so many more layers to the significance of it and I can’t deal…

And now I can’t stop thinking about the beautiful symmetry of Athelstan walking around wearing a piece of Ragnar’s old jewelry for the longest time, and then years later Ragnar finding himself in mourning and wearing a piece of Athelstan’s jewelry as a result… and I’m gonna go weep now bye.

WINNER 2014 S/S. Runway 01. Modern Suit.

“WINNER exhibited tasteful suits in this collection. The monotone or colorful suits create a classy yet modern look. By choosing suits with different number of buttons, each member contributes to creating a witty ambience to the suits that one could deem dull. TAEHYUN looks young and classy as he fully buttons up his shirt inside the three-button suit while going tieless. JINWOO creates a classic and vintage look by wearing a tie to go with his navy three-button suit. The three-button suit that used to belong to middle-aged men was reborn as a classy one through WINNER. By wearing different colored tinted shirts, SEUNGYOON and MINHO stand on the opposite ends of the spectrum. SEUNGYOON’s green suit is funky while MINHO’s navy one is masculine. The materials stand out as well. SEUNGHOON’s suit jacket that uses different material to the collar makes him powerfully individualistic.”

you know when your otp is so fucked but you have got that ONE scene were you’re convinced they are totaly in love so you rewatched it over and over again analysing their every move to prove to yourself they are canon like , where is his hand? ohhh totally touching her more-than-her-friend-way, LOOK AT THE EYE CONTACT YOU MIGHT AS WELL LOOK PUT SOME PROTECTION ON RIGHT NOW CAUSE YOU ARE HAVING THE EYE SEX THEIR EYES HAVE BANGED I REPEAT THEIR EYES HAVE HAD THE SEX 

i can’t believe i’ll start school tomorrow, i really need like 1 more week at least pls pls pls 

american colleges though

oh, you wanna simply accept us just cause we’ve admitted you? you’ll need to pay the $300 fee even though we know that you’ve paid that $70 fee just to apply to our school

and wait, you trying to submit a housing contract? you’ll have to pay this $300 fee, and wait, are you a freshman? let’s had this extra $50 fee to the pile

are you ready to apply for classes? yeah, let’s go, it’s orientation time! but hey, you know you’ll need to pay $102 right? since you’ll be staying for ONE night and we’ll be feeding you

oh, and for a year at our school, you’ll need $10K for tuition, $10K for room and board, and don’t forget the books, that be another like $1K, and of course you’ll need to eat…that requires money, so good luck!