ugh this looks like a shit

Whenever I see a post on tumblr suggesting aliens don’t have gender, I always think–‘but what if also the reverse. What if aliens also have some fundamental social construct we don’t’.

Like, they come and meet us and they’re like ‘hey this is an awkward question but what’s your gooblebygark?’

And we’re like what.

‘You know, the… the thing. Your goobledygark. The thing that dictates whether you’re gnarfgnoovles or brubledoopes’

What. What. What the fuck, those words don’t even mean anything??? What are you talking about?

‘Look, your ridiculous human languages don’t seem to have the words for these! But they’re totally a thing, they’re like, fundamental aspects of social life for our species, just… just let us lick you so we can know what verb tense to use when we speak to you.’

What does one thing have to do with the other??? That makes no–

‘UGH, nevermind, you’re totally brubledoopes, I can just tell, I don’t even need to taste your bacterial skin colonies.’

And then another alien overhears and is like ‘holy shit, you can’t stereotype like that, that’s SO NOT COOL’

‘yeaH BUT THEY WON’T LET ME LICK THEM’

SKAM S04E06 Clip 3 - Fake Fake Fake

EVA: I wanted to write a causerie, but I’m not funny at all. I think it’s really difficult.

NOORA: I don’t even get what a causerie is.

EVA: I was really struggling. It’s like.. It doesn’t even matter whether I have a good day when we have a mock exam. I feel like it’s..

[DIALOGUE FADES OUT]

EVA: Are you joining us? Sana!

SANA: Huh?

EVA: Are you joining us for McDonalds?

SANA: No, I’m reading for my mock exam.

NOORA: Okay. Should we buy you something?

SANA: No, no thanks.

EVA: Yes.. Talk to you later.

NOORA: Bye.

EVA: I’m sooo hungry.

NOORA: Me too!

ISAK: Have Sara stolen your friends or something?

SANA: Huh? No!

ISAK: No? Okay, I’m kidding. Fake, fake, fake, fake. Ugh, girls. Sara doesn’t even like Vilde.

SANA: How do you know?

ISAK: Because she talks shit about her.

SANA: To you?

ISAK: Mhm.

SANA: Are you and Sara friends or something?

ISAK: We were in a relationship.

SANA: That’s true. How could you even stand dating her?

ISAK: No, good question.. It wasn’t a very sexual relationship, to put it that way. We mostly chatted. Looking back on that relationship, I was more of an online therapist than a boyfriend. I would’ve loved some payment for all that time I spent reading shit talk about russ friends and stuff. I couldn’t give more of a fuck. Hey! Sister species are species which are determined morphologically?

SANA: No. Sister species are species which are similar in exterior traits, but which can be completely different genetically.

ISAK: I’m gonna go hang myself.

important facts & quotes from hidden oracle reread #4 part one

i cited everything from the hardback edition bc im a nerd 

- page one apollo is already making pop culture references (1)

- meg is such a badass oh my g od (14)

- riodan does such a beautiful way of explaining things in this novels. awe-inspiring. mind blowing. example: “Her eyes glinted darkly like a crow’s. (I can make that comparison because I invented crows.)” (14-15) wow. beautiful. 

- so i understand this series is going to be about Apollo’s redemption and ~~~~finding himself~~~~ or w\e but JESUS PLEASE RICK you can’t just say “She [Meg] reminded me of the strays my sister was always adopting: dogs, panthers, homeless maidens, small dragons.” (15) WITHOUT PROVIDING SEVERAL BOOKS AS EXAMPLE FOR SAID SENTENCE all i want is a book focused on artemis and her army of small dragons and lesbians dear gods please 

- omfg can you just imagine sally having to go over to Percy’s room and having to tell him that the greek god of the sun apollo was there to see him omfg. imagine the salt. imagine both of them just groaning. imagine.

-”If I had still been an immortal, I might have flirted with her [Sally Jackson] myself.” (30-31) l o l Sally is a middle aged married woman seven months pregnant and still bringing in the gods you go girl im proud of you

- Sally Jackson is one of the best characters in the entire series. citation: every riodan book ever even the non-pjo it’s a fact 

- i 10000% support the idea that percy gave apollo the led zeppelin shirt as a sneaky joke he’s so smart i love him so much

- “Percy laced his fingers. They were long and nimble.”(35) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

- He [Percy] would have made an excellent musician.” (35) f u ck 

- literally all percy wants is to “stay alive” long enough to go to college, meet his baby sister, and see his mom get her book published my heart is broken for this boy (35-36)

- the return of the seven layer dip fuck me up (40)

- jfc that poor Prius it’s been through so much (52-54)

- page 67 and Percy’s already made two comic book references he’s such a canon nerd 

- “Cops love me almost as much as teachers do.” god Percy Jackson what are you doing to me

- apollo tried to order a pizza to CHB and honestly same (73)

- g o d will solace jfc wow

- we’re to assume Will’s a skier (his Okemo Mountain jacket & skiers tan) (82) and now i have to write the inevitable fic that comes out of this fact

- Will’s mom was a alt.-country singer from Austin, Texas (83) which wow and honestly makes the fact will is a horrible singer 1000% better

- yellow daises grow year-round in the Apollo cabin, and it smells like fresh linens and dried sage. (83)

- kayla is aiming for the olympics and honestly im so proud already 

- fact: any and all solangelo interaction have me crying into my book 

- “Will put his hand on Nico’s shoulder, ‘Nico, we need to have another talk about your people skills.’” lol this implies that they’ve had this talk before and im dying to hear it

- the Hermes kids are big fans of Rocky Horror Picture Show (95) and now i have to write a seperate list of headcanons for this fact

- speaking of, Apollo used to cosplay as Rocky bc why not. (95-96)

- listen i know im solangelo trash BUT - “Will and Nico sat shoulder to shoulder, bantering good-naturedly. They were so cute together it made me feel desolate.” im destroyed (110)

- “but if I sit alone at my table, strange things happen.” “it’s a mood disorder” “i cant control it” stfu nico u nerd u just want to sit with your boyfriend im dead (110)

- Will nodded serenely. “It’s the strangest thing. Not that Nico would ever misuse his powers to get what he wants.” death to goody-two-shoes will solace 2k17

- off topic but CAN YOU JUST IMAGINE CHIRON THO. like. this happens and will and nico are just standing there. in front of him. telling him they have to sit together OR NICO WILL JUST HAPPEN TO PUT CRACKS INTO HIS CAMP. just imagine. him staring at them. sighing. deciding not to fight this one. agreeing & watching them giggle away bc they’re so SNEAKY & now they can EAT TOGETHER WOW 

-   lol when Meg was going to town on the hot dogs and “Julia and Alice watched her with a mixture of fascination and horror.” (111)

- “Will and Nico exchanged a look that might have meant, here we go.” (112) okay im sorry im just sO GONE FOR LITTLE MOMENTS LIKE THIS I JUST WANT NICO TO BE HAPPY AND COMFORTABLE IN HIS RELATIONSHIPS OKAY

- apollo refers to the seven as “the A-list” (112) same tho

- Jason, Piper, Coach Hedge, Mellie and baby Chuck are all in LA with Piper’s father like???? (113) THIS IS SOMETHING I NEED TO SEE? What’s the living arrangement? Is Jason living with Piper? OH GOD IS JASON LIVING WITH HEDGE AND MELLIE? DO THEY ALL LIVE IN SOME BIG PLACE PIPER’S DAD RENTED OUT???? do Piper and Jason babysit? do they have family dinners? how’s baby chuck doing??? how are they all adjusting to domestic life?? I NEED TO KNOW THIS IS ALL VERY IMPORTANT TO ME 

- lol nico’s just as pissed as eveRYONE IN THE FANDOM about Leo’s not-death and im living for it (113)

- also nico carries around Leo’s lil ‘IM ALIVE LOL’ letter\hologram\thing? like i get it was completely for the plot but?????? “i look at it whenever i want to get angry” (114) like ok nico u lil bean whatever u say u little emo shit

- apollo’s little ‘lol when u have a headache in olympus hephaestus just cracks open your skull and removes whatever brain god\dess u just birthed up lol it’s so much easier ugh’ (116) w h a t t h e f u c k 

- fact: harley is adorable no citation needed

- also you’re telling me chiron, basically as old as time itself tbh, doesn’t speak portuguese? k (120)

- “i am merely assessing how well paolo’s arms are functioning after surgery” (120) those are some big words william u nervous or something??

- “hmph” - nico di angelo, 2016 (120) 

- this isn’t really important but there’s a satyr named herbert and he’s my new favorite character sorry i dont make the rules (124)

- ok so there’s an unnamed random camper who mutters in Italian (127) and now i’ve got the BIGGEST headcanon that this random girl and Nico (omg maybe a few others????) meet a few times a month just to rant to each other in Italian so none of them get sloppy with the language and u g h im such a bitch for nico di angelo frienships

- “A boy in the crowd gasped, ‘she’s a communist!’” (127) i fucking hate this book omfg

i’ll do more later in order to mentally prepare myself for the dark prophecy but it’s 3 am and im tired  

For fuck’s sake what the actual fuck is happening why is there a fucking bootleg-Del worm thing near me I was just listening to music what the actual hell is going on are you fucking serious I’m 26 years old and I’m about to shit myself like what the fuck technically I didn’t even have a choice about being in this goddamn band I was like 10 and I didn’t even know my own parents and I was raised by a possessed guy and his ghost friend and a zombie looking blue haired twat and an actual goddamn satanist like how the fuck did I even grow up nicely with these arseholes I just wanna dance and have fun like what the fuck even happened I got fucking gunned down and replaced with a fucking robot and now I’m a goddamn adult woman and I’m still dealing with this shit I’m too tired for this what the fuck even is this snake looking fuck get away from me what the actual fuck I’m going to piss myself what the fuck. what the fuckk

♥ DEADPOOL SENTENCE STARTERS
feel free to adjust sentences to make it fit your muse better!

  • ❛ Ladies and gentlemen, I give you… me! ❜
  • ❛ I had another Liam Neeson nightmare. I kidnapped his daughter and he just wasn’t having it. ❜
  • ❛ You’re probably thinking, “Whose balls did I have to fondle to get my very own movie”? ❜
  • ❛ You guys going for a bite? Early bird special? ❜
  • ❛ Fuck, you’re old. ❜
  • ❛ Fake laugh. Hiding real pain. Go get Silver Balls. ❜
  • ❛ What the shit? That’s the coolest name ever! ❜
  • ❛ Now, I’m about to do to you what Limp Bizkit did to music in the late 90s. ❜
  • ❛ A fourth wall break inside a fourth wall break? That’s like, sixteen walls. ❜
  • ❛ My boyfriend said this was a superhero movie but that guy in the suit just turned that other guy into a fucking kabab! ❜
  • ❛ Well, I may be super, but I’m no hero. ❜
  • ❛ But some of the best love stories start with a murder. ❜
  • ❛ Looks aren’t everything. ❜
  • ❛ Hashtag drive-by. ❜
  • ❛ Ugh, stupid, stupid. Worth it! ❜
  • ❛ That’s right! You’re about to be killed by a zamboni! ❜
  • ❛ Tell me where your fucking boss is or you’re going to die! In five minutes! ❜
  • ❛ I should’ve come and found you sooner, but the guy under this mask, he ain’t the same one that you remember. ❜
  • ❛ After a brief adjustment period and a bunch of drinks, it’s a face… I’d be happy to sit on. ❜
  • ❛ Time to make the chimi-fuckin’-changas. ❜
  • ❛ Oh, I so pity the dude who pressures her into prom sex. ❜
  • ❛ Whatever they did to me made me totally indestructible… and completely unfuckable. ❜
  • ❛ Star in your own horror films. Because you look like Freddy Krueger face-fucked a topographical map of Utah. ❜
  • ❛ Life is an endless series of trainwrecks with only brief commercial-like breaks of happiness. ❜
  • ❛ Finish fucking her the fuck up. ❜
  • ❛ Suck a cock. ❜
  • ❛ This guy’s got the right idea. he wore the brown pants. ❜
  • ❛ I’d go with you, but… I don’t want to. ❜
  • ❛ I’ve never said this to anyone before, but don’t swallow! ❜
  • ❛ Your right leg is Thanksgiving and your left leg is Christmas. Can I come and visit you between the holidays? ❜
  • ❛ Maximum effort. ❜
  • ❛ I didn’t just get the cure to el cancer, I got the cure to el everything. ❜
  • ❛ Ahhhh. I’m touching myself tonight. ❜
  • ❛ Ahhh! Your poor wife! ❜
  • ❛ Wanna get fucked up? ❜
  • ❛ Daddy needs to express some rage. ❜
  • ❛ Shit. Did I leave the stove on? ❜
  • ❛ Well I hate to break it to you, but your forty-eight minutes are up. ❜
  • ❛ Right up Main Street. ❜
  • ❛ Have you decided what you’re gonna say to her? ❜
  • ❛ I bet it’s going to feel really big in that hand later… ❜
  • ❛ This is a shameful and reckless use of your powers. ❜
  • ❛ Why such a douche this morning? ❜
  • ❛ Have you seen this man? ❜
a little like writing or loving

for nursey week, day 2: “surprise or simplicity.”


“If that pen explodes in your mouth,” Dex says from the bathroom doorway, “I am not gonna feel bad for you.”

Derek startles–and does drop the pen out of his mouth–and looks up. “What?”

Dex cocks a brow at him, flicking off the bathroom light and flopping down on the hotel bed next to Derek’s. “You’ve had two pens explode in your mouth from chewing on them like that,” he says. His red hair is wet, tousled from where he must’ve run his hands through it after his shower, and he rolls onto his stomach, propping himself on his elbows to look at Derek. “What’re you glaring at, anyway?”

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

Hi so I absolutely adore the fics you've posted so far for bmc. It really brings to light the emotions of the characters and it's so well done. If it grabs your fancy, would you consider writing one where Jeremy becomes so delirious (from getting sick or a headache from the squip or something) that he spills all the self-deprecating things the squip told him to say to Michael? It would make my world if that existed, especially in your style of writing. <3

“Is Jeremy here today?” 

“Jeremy’s always Heere.” Michael says automatically without looking up from his phone. Where he is currently texting Jeremy. He’s almost forgotten that there are people actually around him when someone hits him across the back of his head. “Ow what the hell, Rich!

“Don’t even try, you brought that on yourself,” Rich says and the lisp does nothing to diminish the glare he’s got fixed on Michael. 

“If anything you brought that pun on yourself!” When Rich looks like he’s going to hit Michael again, or possibly punch him in the throat for better reach, Michael decides the safest thing is probably to just tell him what’s up. “Alright, yeah no, Jeremy stayed home today. I texted him this morning and apparently he’s sick. I’m gonna go see if he needs anything after school so if there’s anything you wanna tell him I can pass the message along.”

“Nah, I was just wondering since I hadn’t seen him even though I’d seen you.” When Michael only looks confused Rich continues, “Dude. You’re pretty much attached at the hip as much as two people who aren’t actually attached at the hip can be.” 

“You’re over exaggerating.”

“Oh yeah? Is that right?” 

“Yeah that’s right,” Michael says, looking down at his phone again. 

“Just out of curiosity,” Rich says with a suspicious air of innocence, “who’s that you’ve been texting?” 

“It’s-”

“This entire time since I came up to you-”

“I don’t appreciate-”

“and probably the entire day since you found out he won’t be he- at school?”

“Well I can’t just ignore him when he’s sick and miserable now can I?” 

Rich’s responding smirk tells him he definitely just rose to a very obvious bait and probably should have just kept his mouth shut. 


The thing is, Jeremy doesn’t do well when he’s sick. To start it off, he has no self-awareness or any clue at what warrants a sick day at home so it’s a miracle he actually didn’t come to school only to have Michael drag his sniffling and swaying ass home. Michael just assumes that Mr. Heere most likely was awake and forced Jeremy back to bed before taking off to his brand new job. 

Michael doesn’t bother with ringing the doorbell when he gets to Jeremy’s house. He knows the key is under the doormat out front, despite how many times he’s told Jeremy it’s the dumbest place in the world to put the house key (”Don’t say I didn’t warn you when you literally get murdered”, “Michael nobody even gets robbed this part of town!”, “Well there’s a first for everything!”). He unlocks the door, grumbling about safety and mostly lack thereof the entire time before he makes his way up the stairs to Jeremy’s bedroom. 

He hear the coughing before he’s even half-way up. He knocks on the door and shouts a quick “Don’t be naked,” purely out of curtesy, before barging in. 

“Hey Mich-” Jeremy’s raspy voice is cut-off by wet sounding coughs that tear through his body and forces him to turn over on his side so that he won’t choke. 

“Holy shit dude,” Michael says eloquently as he sits down on the bed next to Jeremy’s form. “I got you some cough drops,” he pauses as Jeremy’s cough takes over the conversation yet again, “but I honestly don’t think any cough drops in the world is gonna do shit for you right now.” 

“Ugh…” Jeremy looks up at Michael with wet eyes, “dad got me somethin’” he says and makes a gesture in the general direction of his bedside table where a bottle of something Michael presumes is medicine is residing. “It’s meant to like,” he makes a questionable gesture with his hand, “loosen up the crap in my throat, so that it doesn’t get stuck. Which is great and all but in turn means tha I’m coughing up slime every minute.” 

“Gross.”

“Tell me about it.” Jeremy says with a sigh and rolls onto his back again. Michael reaches out and puts his hand on Jeremy’s sweaty forehead, just to check. He nearly snatches his hand back after half a second and the only thing that stops him is that Jeremy had closed his eyes the second Michael touched him and is now letting out a sigh as if he’s actually remembering to relax for the first time today. 

“Dude, you’re burning up.” He feel slightly concerned now. Jeremy had told him he was sick but this is… a lot more than he had let on while texting. 

“Mm-hm…” Jeremy says, his eyes are still closed and there’s no actual indication that he’s heard Michael at all. Michael strokes his hand across Jeremy’s forehead and ignores the disgusting feeling of sweat clinging to it. It must feel nice to get something cool touching his hot skin. 

“Hey Jeremy,” he says as he strokes his thumb up the bridge of Jeremy’s nose, “I’m gonna go get some damp towels so you can cool down a bit, yeah?” and so he can get rid of some of that gross-ass sweat currently covering Jeremy’s body as far as he can see. Jeremy seems to have tossed his blanket practically across the bedroom at some point to alleviate some of the heat but even in nothing but a tank-top and boxers he looks like he’s going to boil from the inside-out. When he comes back with four smaller towels and a bowl of cold water Jeremy hasn’t opened his eyes and Michael thinks he might’ve fallen asleep. He arranges one of the towels over Jeremy’s eyes and the latter lets out a sigh of immense relief. “Does your head hurt, Jer?”

“Why’re you being so nice…” Jeremy’s voice is weak and it sounds like it hurts to talk. Michael frowns at the words. 

“When am I ever mean to you?” He asks with a scoff.

“You’re just always nice even after what I did.” Michael has to swallow down an automatic feeling of dread. Any reminder of the Squip usually has that affect. 

“We’re past that, Jeremy.” He keeps his voice quiet so he still sounds calm and not at all like his heart is beating out of his chest.

“I still hear him sometimes.” The words are so simple, and said so softly but it still seems like Jeremy is screeching, as though he’s calling out for help. 

“What do you mean?” He desperately tries to keep his voice calm as he sits down next to Jeremy, he wishes he hadn’t put a towel over half of Jeremy’s face now, wishes he could see what’s going on with Jeremy’s facial expression.

“I keep trying to-” Jeremy has to pause for a second as his voice breaks, “I just want to be better than what he said I was.” 

“Jeremy whatever he said it-” Michael’s words are interrupted by Jeremy who seemingly isn’t done. 

“He would always tell me how terrible I was, how I was gross and how everyone else thought so too…” Michael grabs Jeremy’s hand and squeezes it, unsure what else to do. “Fuck he was right. He was always right.” 

“That’s not true…” Michael whispers shifting so that he’s sitting closer to Jeremy, still squeezing his hand tight. 

“I still hear him, and- and sometimes I forget I don’t have to listen anymore!” Jeremy’s voice is shaky and Michael knows he’s crying, “I keep forgetting I don’t have to say it too.”  

“What do you mean?” Michael doesn’t want to know, but if Jeremy needs to talk he’ll listen, he’ll always listen. 

“He’d make me say things-things about myself…” comes the delayed response and this time Michael listens to the urge that’s telling him to remove the towel from Jeremy’s eyes, his headache be damned. He won’t let Jeremy get so caught up in his own thoughts that he doesn’t remember he isn’t alone. Jeremy blinks his eyes open, and Michael notices right away that he was right. Jeremy’s eyes are red and the second the towel is off his eyes start to water and he looks so frightened and so small that Michael wants nothing more than to take all of the bad, horrible things the Squip told him and make them disappear. He knows he can’t though, the best he can do is just sit there, and hold Jeremy’s hand. 

“You don’t have to tell me,” he says softly and brings Jeremy’s hand up to his lips, pressing a kiss to the sweaty palm, “but I’m here, okay? I’m right here, and I’m listening.” Michael can’t be sure if his words do any good as Jeremy only seems to cry harder, but Jeremy needs to know he’s not alone. It takes a few minutes but after a while Jeremy seems to calm down enough to continue.

“Everything about me makes me wanna die.” Jeremy sniffs and fresh tears spring to his eyes and all Michael can do is gather Jeremy up in his arms and hold him close. “He’d make me repeat that…” Jeremy continues, “and I didn’t- I felt it. He just took things I already thought and felt and made me- I want him gone!” Michael’s heart breaks as Jeremy’s ramble ends in a wail, “I want him gone I want him- he’s still- Michael!” Jeremy sobs and grabs at the front of Michael’s shirt. 

“I’m here. It’s gonna be okay. He can’t do shit anymore. He-it’s just a voice and it’s awful and I hate it but that’s all it is. it can’t do shit to you anymore.” Even as he says it he isn’t sure if it’s true. With Jeremy still sobbing in his arms, he feels powerless and wonders silently if the Squip isn’t already doing shit, or if he’s just done enough damage to last Jeremy a lifetime. 

He pushes the thought away and squeezes Jeremy tighter. 

BTS BOYFRIEND- Namjoon Edition

I looked at the masterlist and our inbox and realised that Namjoon is the only one we haven’t made a ‘boyfriend’ post about. So here we go :):)

Originally posted by beuits

- LOTS AND LOTS OF CONVERSATIONS ABOUT THE MEANING OF LIFE. You’re not gonna have a boyfriend who has the IQ of 148 and do nothing

-He would take you EVERYWHERE WITH HIM. Whether that is: Dance practice, concerts, shopping, to meet him mum etc etc

- - You’d wake up to him having the whole duvet to himself and then you start to contemplate whether you or him should just get another bed

- Randmom outbursts of love. This includes flowers, little gifts and even taking you to your favourite restaurant after work

- Sometimes on the weekend, he would force you to have dance battles with him. He only does it to make a fool of himself and make you happy

- HOW YALL MET: You two were at the same restaurant waiting to get a takeaway and the waiter messed both of your orders up. You then spend the next 10 minutes just complaining about bad service and then somehow end up talking about the latest movies. 

- He alwaYS takes you to dance practice. He shows you off to the rest of the gang and boasts to Jungkook how he got a girlfriend first

- RETURN OF THE SEWEED DANCE

- Would probably end up breaking half the things he buys for you

-You will have a rare jin pop out of no where when Namjoon isn’t around….’You better look after my baby, otherwise you will feel the wrath of my bad jokes’

- He would ALWAYS WALWAYS ALLWWWWAAAAYS compliment you on your figure. Always using words you don’t know the meaning of 

EXPECTATION

Originally posted by namjoonsgurl

Originally posted by bangtangirl-cutennes-v

REALITY

Originally posted by joonie-bts

Originally posted by bangtaninspired

- It may be a little awkward at first BUT ONCE YOU GET THE BALL ROLLINNNGG…OH BOOIII

- - Random winks from across the table

- He is a realllyyYYYY KINKY GUY. WHICH BRINGS ME ONTO NAMJOON IN BED

- DADDY AS FUCK UGH

- SHIT TONNES AND TONNES OF FOREPLAY. Sometimes he does foreplay and fucks off, cos he knows how to leave you wanting for more

- DOMINANT COS HE KNOWS WHATS BEST AND KNOWS HOW TO DO U RIGHT

-LOTS and Lots OF NECK BITES AND KISSES. Don’t be surprised when you’reDon’t be surprised when you end up going to wrok the next morning with your neck looking bruised as fuck


ALSO PLEASE APPRECIATE HIS BEAUTIFUL IN-PROPORTION BODY BECAUSE IF U DONT….IM GONNA-

Hope yall liked this…lots of people asked for this in our ask/inbox so hopefully this fULLFILLS YOUR NEEDDSS!!!!. BYFRIEND- BTS EDITION….OFFICIALLY TICKED OFF OF THE LIST. 

~~Much Love…Admin Marzipants x

anonymous asked:

So there's this post going around st*ny circles that basically says as a "burn", oh everyone's comparing Steve Trevor to Steve Rogers but "at least Trevor was a real captain" and lmfao what the fuck, do these morons not realize Cap is an actual fucking captain as well. It's not a fucking ~title~ or stage name, it's his goddamn rank, he's O-3 and he earned it because THAT IS HOW WARTIME PROMOTIONS WENT jfc. Ugh. Sorry for the impromptu rant in your inbox, I'm just fed up with this ignorant shit.

I’d be pissed along with you (normally I am whenever I encounter Steve hate) but I’m too amused at their ignorance. Talk about cutting off your nose to spite your face! LOL! When you try so hard to be a hater, but end up looking like an idiot because you got your facts so incredibly wrong.

In other words, you are 100% correct, Anon, and the people who made and are reblogging that post are 100% wrong. Steve was a legit Captain.

Rank insignia for army officers, including the rank of Captain…

Steve Rogers in full army dress uniform circa Captain America: First Avenger

It’s called a field promotion or battlefield promotion. And when you skip a rank it’s called a jump-step promotion. Very common during WW1 and WW2, in fact, very common right up to the Vietnam War when such commissions were replaced by a centralized promotion system. 

According to the army website: “Battlefield promotions are predicated on extraordinary performance of duties while serving in combat or under combat conditions.”

Which is how Steve was awarded the promotion.

More on the practice of battlefield commissions: “A battlefield commission is awarded to enlisted soldiers who are promoted to the rank of commissioned officer for outstanding leadership on the field of battle. The granting of a battlefield commission has its historical predecessor in the medieval practice of the knighting or ennoblement of a plebeian combatant on the battleground for demonstration of heroic qualities in an exceptional degree.”

You know what the irony of this situation is? Years ago, circa 2009, a movie came out featuring a young soon-to-be Captain who was promoted in a very similar fashion to the way Steve Rogers was promoted by the end of the movie, i.e. skipping rank to be granted the commission of Captain after leading a courageous mission against a serious threat. That character was James T. Kirk, who, incidentally, was played by Chris Pine. And I once defended Kirk’s promotion in a similar way to the way I’m defending Steve’s rank now, as Kirk, like Rogers, is one of my all-time favorite characters.

I think I must be destined to a life of defending young Captains played by actors named Chris from imbeciles who don’t bother to check their facts before making ridiculous posts. :D

The Dog Ate My Homework
  • It’s a warm night in Sixth year at Hogwarts and Remus Lupin is sitting, bent over a table in the empty Gryffindor common room trying to finish off some charms homework that is due in the next day.
  • Sirius, who finished the homework earlier in the week (or, more correctly, thought up his excuse for not doing the homework earlier in the week) is sitting next to his boyfriends, desperately attempting to gain his attention.
  • ‘Moooonnnyyyy’ He says, tapping him in the arm with his quill.
  • ‘Moons’ he whines, draping himself over Remus’ shoulders.
  • ‘Moonykins’ he cries, laying across the table on Remus homework.
  • And Remus looks up in frustration, shoving Sirius off the now smudged work.
  • ‘Geroff’ Pads! I promise I will give you attention later, right now I need to finish this so shut up or go away.’
  • And so Sirius slumps down onto his chair beside him and is quiet….for about three seconds.
  • Before he jumps up onto the table and transforms into his animagus, gently padding up and down the table as he whines and wags his tail.
  • Remus tries to hide his smile by biting his lip and staring more aggressively at his work.
  • Padfoot comes over and starts licking his ear slowly irritating Remus into submission as he nips away.
  • ‘Padfoot.. I’m serious.’
  • The dog barks loudly before jumping up and down happily on the sheets of parchment.
  • Remus rolls his eyes as he tries to gather the work from under the stupid dog.
  • ‘Sirius I swear on Merlin’s life…’
  • Padfoot takes the papers between his teeth and growls playfully as he tries to pull the blasted homework away.
  • So Remus pulls it away even harder.
  • Sirius yanks it in response.
  • Remus tugs with all his might.
  • But the big black dog is stronger, and with one sharp heave, he tears the parchment free.
  • But he is so caught up in the fight he doesn’t even realise hes won, so he opens his mouth to get better purchase, and all the homework Remus had worked so hard on is now inside and being chewed up by his boyfriend.
  • Remus mouth falls open as he stares at the salivary wreckage.
  • ‘Pads..’
  • Sirius transforms back to stare at the pile of slobbery mess.
  • ‘Shit Moons… I didn’t mean to..’
  • ‘reparo’ Remus glares over at Sirius as he tries and fails to mend the work.
  • Sirius now sitting cross-legged on the table, looking like a scolded puppy. ‘Rem I’m sorry..’
  • But Remus just sighs in response.
  • The following day and Remus is standing up at the front of the charms classroom.
  • ‘Professor, I’m sorry, I don’t have my homework.’
  • Professor Flitwick just looks up curiously at the usually well-behaved marauder.
  • ‘Excuse me Mr Lupin? No homework? Why?’
  • Remus just blushes.
  • ‘It ugh… well I did it you see.. but then it sort of…’
  • ‘Yes?’
  • ‘Well.. it got ruined.’
  • Flitwick’s eyebrows go up. ‘Ruined? What ruined it?’
  • Remus’ blushes deepens. ‘Um.. well.. it sounds unbelievable.. but..but..’
  • ‘Come on Mr Lupin I don’t have all day.’
  • Remus’ eyes dart nervously around the room. ‘A dog ate it..’ he mumbles.
  • ‘What?’
  • ‘A dog ate it. A dog ate my homework.’ he says, much louder as the whole class giggles.
  • Flitwick shakes his head. ‘Really Mr Lupin. i had at least expected a better excuse.. A dog.. really…’
  • ‘No! No! It’s true professor! It really happened!’
  • ‘Detention Mr Lupin. Maybe try to think of something better next time. You can stop now Mr Black, you’ll be joining him.’

Sirius hadn’t stopped laughing the whole time.