ugh this does things to me

Keith in the garrison part 2
  • Iverson(To Lance): You need to take things far more seriously! You need to learn some damn responsibility boy! You should be more like Keith! Model student he is
  • Lance: Yes sir *rolls his eyes at Hunk when he isn't looking*
  • *Later*
  • Lance: ugh I just don't see what's so good about Keith! Why does Iverson insist I should be like him? Ew
  • Hunk: Well, you do need to take things more seriously
  • Lance: What?! As serious as Keith, Christ look at him!
  • Keith, who is staring at the chicken nugget he just dropped: I think this is the saddest thing that's ever happened to me
  • Shiro, unimpressed: Keith you're literally an orphan
  • Keith: fuck off

Whenever I see a post on tumblr suggesting aliens don’t have gender, I always think–‘but what if also the reverse. What if aliens also have some fundamental social construct we don’t’.

Like, they come and meet us and they’re like ‘hey this is an awkward question but what’s your gooblebygark?’

And we’re like what.

‘You know, the… the thing. Your goobledygark. The thing that dictates whether you’re gnarfgnoovles or brubledoopes’

What. What. What the fuck, those words don’t even mean anything??? What are you talking about?

‘Look, your ridiculous human languages don’t seem to have the words for these! But they’re totally a thing, they’re like, fundamental aspects of social life for our species, just… just let us lick you so we can know what verb tense to use when we speak to you.’

What does one thing have to do with the other??? That makes no–

‘UGH, nevermind, you’re totally brubledoopes, I can just tell, I don’t even need to taste your bacterial skin colonies.’

And then another alien overhears and is like ‘holy shit, you can’t stereotype like that, that’s SO NOT COOL’

‘yeaH BUT THEY WON’T LET ME LICK THEM’

2

Mind Reader

Characters: Dean x Reader

Warnings: angst adjacent, smut, dirty talk, LOTS of language

Word Count: 2.7k

A/N: I was looking through some REALLY old requests and I came across an idea from @jennalyncarrigan1230 from who knows how long ago. She pitched an idea that I have twisted and LOVE the outcome. I doubt she even remembers sending the ask, but her initial idea sparked this smutty goodness. This took on a life of its own. I haven’t wrote Dean smut or ANY smut in quite some time. This is officially DIRTY. Or at least by my standards it is. Hope you enjoy. ;) Italics & Bold indicate reader’s thoughts.  This has very little plot. Just the poor reader thinking her secret dirty thoughts about Dean only to have them be not so secret anymore.

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“Baby Stark”

Pairing: Tony Stark x Reader

Summary: After returning to New York, Tony is greeted with surprising news that has potential to change his life.

A/N: another one from draft-purgatory. lol i’ve never written for tony stark, and i i struggle to capture his swaggering tone. however, but i thought it would be fun to write for a slightly softer tony stark.

His elbows resting on the metal railing surrounding the large helicopter landing pad, Tony Stark skims his eyes over the beautiful aerial view of Manhattan. A relaxed smile perks onto his lips as the familiar clamor of the concrete jungle sinks in. “It’s good to be back,” he hums to himself, taking in the majestic view carved around the Avengers Tower.

After rapping his knuckles against the metal railing, Tony saunters down the glass walkway leading into the tower, the eery silence reminding him that everyone is on a mission. He’s about to greet F.R.I.D.A.Y. when a smile enters his view, one that he isn’t expecting.

She sits on the counter of the bar, her legs elegantly crossed despite the restrictive nature of her pencil skirt. The sunlight streams into the room through the glass windows, creating a natural glow about her. A coy smile perks onto her lips as Tony’s drinks her in, his lower lip getting caught between his teeth as his eyes dance up her legs and body. She’s the most alluring girl he’d ever seen -he’d thought so two years ago when they first met, and he still thinks so now- and it’s one of the many reasons why he’s infatuated with her.

“I thought I told you not to wait for me,” He grins, glad that she ignored his request.

“I couldn’t wait until dinner, and I wanted to be here when you arrived. Is that such a crime?” (Y/N) hops off the counter and saunters towards him. She cups his cheek in a way that makes Tony feel like he’s the only person in the world.

“Well, counselor, I recommend -” His words are cut off as (Y/N) yanks the lapels of his jacket to bring his face towards her for a kiss. Tony laughs against her lips, but the laugh quickly gets drowned out by a rough growl as she lightly bites his lower lip. A smile creeps in around the edges of her kiss as she slides her hands down his muscular back. A nip of teeth, a glide of tongue, and she easily has him under her spell.

It’s only a matter of time when the need for oxygen brings the kiss to an end. Tony gently knocks his forehead against (Y/N)’s. “Remind me to always bring up a counterargument, because baby, I could get used to that,” he drawls.

(Y/N) laughs, a devilish glint lighting up her eyes. “Welcome back to New York, Mr. Stark. It’s been a while.” Her hand dangerously inch south as she brings his ear to her lips. “That was a little preview of what’s going to happen tonight.”

He feigns exasperation as (Y/N) playfully smacks his ass but twirls out of his arms before he can do anything. A low noise escapes his throat as she shoots him a sexy smile over her shoulder while kicking off her “ball-busting stilettos”, as she calls them.

Tony leans against the wall and watches (Y/N)’s shadow dance in the glow of the sun. Two years into the relationship, and he still gets butterflies. His fun, beautiful girlfriend, the skyline of the most magical city in America, wonderful weather - his life is perfect and Tony wishes it would stay this way for a long time.

“As much as I love pencil skirts, I need to change,” (Y/N) announces. “I have workout pants in my bag, but could I borrow a shirt or sweater?”

“Baby, at this point, you’ve stolen over half of my comfortable clothes. Why do you even bother asking?”

(Y/N) smirks and plants a kiss on his cheek before sashaying towards the door of Tony’s private apartment. Before she opens the door, she turns to him. “T, I have something to tell you.“

"Mmhmm,” Tony hums, pulling out his phone from his pocket.

“I probably should have told you, but I was kind of scared of how you would react. I thought it would be wise to tell you when you were back in New York.” She hesitates for a bit, her fingertips drumming against the doorframe. “Promise not to freak?” she asks, a slightly icy look glazing her eyes.

A small alarm rings in his head, but Tony maintains a calm expression. “I promise. Did you max out my credit card?” he jokes.

(Y/N) rolls her eyes but relaxes a bit, which pleases Tony. “No, and I never will.”

“My wallet thanks you, baby. But what’s up?”

“Tony.” She swallows. “How do you feel about becoming a dad?”

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anonymous asked:

So, first off, hi there! Second... what kind of things do you think nerd!Derek would do to try and get jock!Stiles' attention? Or, what kind of cutesy things do you think jock!Stiles would attempt to make nerd!Derek notice him and laugh. (Spoiler alert, Derek already does notice him, but shhhh!)

So I combined these two prompts, I hope you guys don’t mind! Have some more nerd!Derek from me ^^

(Also, my eternal thanks to both @pale-silver-comb and @halesheart for telling me my writing isn’t horseshit and I should continue)

Title: You Hold My Attention (Without Even Trying)

“Oh my god, again?”

Scott frowns. “This is seriously getting out of hand.”

“Ugh, I know,” Stiles says as he bends down to pick up the flowers – tulips today – that dropped out of his locker when he opened it. “I mean, it was cute at first, but after the fifth time you get wet flowers smacked into your face, it kind of gets old.”

Speaking of wet flowers, they’re soaking through his shirt where he was cradling them under his arm. He holds them out in front of him, scrunching his face when they drip onto his sneakers. He’s not exaggerating when he says he’s kind of tired of them. Don’t get him wrong, he still appreciates the fact that someone takes the time out of their day to buy him flowers, but it’s just a bit – well – too much.

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does anyone else have sudden urges to reinvent themselves, travel the world, start jogging, learn new languages, learn to cook exotic foods, redecorate, or start journaling? like you’re just sitting there and all of a sudden you want to be able to speak fluent latin or look out over paris from the eiffel tower, or be standing over a shiny metal pot stirring some kind of soup in an apartment that’s perfect for yourself? because i get that a lot.

THAT THING WHEN KIDS POINT AT YOU YELLING QUESTIONS WHEN YOU ARE VISIBLY DISABLED

It kinda sucks. It really sucks. I like kids and I work with kids and I’m totally used to it and it still sucks. It hurts my feelings.

I didn’t become disabled and get an instant magical free training in how to teach kids about disability and diversity. I also didn’t sign up for a delicate unpaid education-and-outreach job every time I go to the frickin’ grocery store. (I actually don’t have time for that).

BUT. And this is a big butt.

I am actually learning to love it, this stupid important unpaid job that I didn’t even get to choose.

I know I know, I have an unfair advantage because I already thought kids were ridiculous and hilarious to begin with. And I worked with them before I started using a wheelchair. But working with kids and having to have the disability conversation in so many iterations so many times over is teaching me a whole lot about this whole situation! And it got much less stressful after I realized this helpful key secret:

kids don’t actually have a problem with disability.

Especially compared to the adults you encounter who will or won’t ask about it and will or won’t hire you or date you or what-have-you, so many kids have absolutely no problem with disability. Unless the media // the adults around them have gotten to their brains before you, this whole conversation might be alarmingly simple, quick, and painless:

SCENARIO 1:

“hey why are you on that?” [“on that” refers to my wheelchair]. 

(whenever possible I put down what I’m doing in order to smile and make eye contact for this. It will probably be less than 20 seconds).

“oh my wheelchair? Great question! I have a disability that makes my bones crack easily, so it’s safer and faster for me to use a wheelchair sometimes. It’s just how I help my body be at its best!”

“oh!”

“cool right?”

“yeah!”

“did you have any other questions?” [I only throw that in on good days]

“um. nope!”


[kid goes to play]

[exhale]


My advice is to expect Scenario One. All you gotta do to prepare is have a one-sentence explanation of your assistive device / disability that you feel comfortable with. Kids do not give a shit about your diagnosis, and you don’t need to prove anything to them. All they need from you is a simple, casual answer.

I * always * explicitly use the word disability for a few reasons. I used to just casually say “I fractured my leg” which was also true, but kids learn really early on to feel pity for someone who has an injury, so they would say things like “ohh I feel bad for you” or “oh when will you get better” which always made the conversation longer and more uncomfortable. Then I realized I had a lot of power in shaping their interaction with disability (and their response to it) in these brief encounters, and also I GET TO DECIDE HOW I ANSWER! So I revised my answer to frame my injuries (and my wheels), as a normal, casual part of my life. Feel free to use my exact wording if it helps you:

“oh my wheelchair? Great question! I have a disability that   (very basic explanation)     so it’s safer and faster for me to use a wheelchair sometimes. It’s just how I help my body be at its best!”

Okay I studied sociolinguistics in college so here’s my geeky little break-down:

  • oh my wheelchair?” ← gives a nice nonchalant “oh this old thing” vibe and sends the message that it’s okay and normal to talk about wheelchairs.
  • great question!” ← teaches the child that disability is not shameful
  • I have a disability that ___” ← addresses the taboo right away, deflating any tension, awkwardness, and curiosity in the rest of the conversation. Suddenly you have all the power here, since there’s no secret anymore.
  • so it’s safer and faster for me to use a wheelchair” ← emphasizes the positive attributes of assistive devices. You could also say “it helps me do everything I want to do” or “my wheels are faster than my feet” or whatever you want. Again, simplicity works for you in this.
  • It’s just how I help my body be at its best!” ← hopefully kids are already getting some messaging about taking care of their bodies: brushing their teeth, eating a snack, sleeping enough, etc. This line should be relatable to them and also caps the conversation in a helpful way: it’s almost like saying “this is just how it is” and creates a sense of gentle, positive closure.

My personal opinion on the matter of disclosure is that the vast majority of kids don’t care at all about the fancy name of your disability. I don’t emphasize simplicity because I think kids need to be talked down to, I emphasize simplicity because it keeps the conversation clear, casual, and quick. In the adult world, disclosure is practically demanded of disabled people: even if they don’t ask, everyone wants to know what, exactly, is “wrong” with you. So my choice in not naming my specific disability in these conversations with kids is conscious and political. Not disclosing my diagnosis keeps our conversation out of the medical sphere (disabled people are so over-medicalized anyway) and gives us a chance to connect human-to-human. Some people feel that sharing a diagnosis will raise “awareness” for their illness or disability but I’m not sure that awareness is what I need from kids. I don’t need them to be aware that my bod has wonky collagen production, I need them to know how to interact with me respectfully. I’m not adamantly against specific diagnosis disclosure, (again, YOU GET TO CHOOSE what you say in these situations!) but I also don’t think it’s necessary or important and I think more often than not, it derails the conversation. Especially if you already didn’t have time for this to begin with. Guaranteed, a diagnosis disclosure will add time to this convo.

Often kids will ask what happened to you, assuming that you’ve had some kind of accident. I have a congenital disability, so even when I * have * fractured and had an ‘accident’ and that is why I’m wheeling instead of walking, I usually just casually say: “oh, nothing happened! Same old me. I have a disability…” and continue my spiel from there. 

They will also ask what’s wrong with you (which is the hardest to stomach) and I do the same thing: “oh, nothing’s wrong! I just have a disability…” etc. If I’m just absolutely not in the mood or if a kid seems weirdly aggressive (which is almost never the case, but it does happen), I’ll cheerfully say “oh nothing’s wrong, but thank you so much for asking!” and that usually shuts down the conversation. 

Lovelies, I know how fucking painful this is. Ugh it sucks so much. But it does get easier and gentler and sometimes kids say really goofy things that you get to laugh about later. This conversation is yours. You get to do as you please with it. Have fun. If you want, for little ones throw in an afterthought: “plus it gives me magical powers. But don’t tell anyone.” Having someone look at you like you could be legitimately fucking magical might make your day. 

Hell, you ARE legitimately fucking magical. Go you for reading this and thinking about this and doing you. 

love,

haley

does anyone else get nervous about things because there’s a small chance of dying even though you know it’s rare?? like i’m terrified of riding a bike on the street because what if a car just swerved and hit me?? and i live in the suburbs like it’s not crowded or anything here and i’m even nervous of doing it on the sidewalk. and sometimes i get nervous driving because what if someone hits me and it’s a really bad crash and ugh i just get nervous about these things

Imagine Yurio confronting Yuuri after the podium ceremony

Yurio starts kicking him in the back the same way he did to Victor in episode 10 and Yuuri turns around confused

And there’s Yurio, rageful and ready to strike out , rapidly blinking away the tears in his eyes and he says “I won gold. You lost. So you better not retire you pathetic pig!”

And Yuuri is at a loss , but ultimately chuckles and agrees. “ Yes next year i’ll win gold…and the year after that to , I need to beat Victors 5 year consecutive streak yknow?”

And finally , relieved that Yuuri is not retiring, Yurios tears spill and he launches himself at Yuuri desperately clinging to him.

And Yuuri tenses up at first , but ends up gently hugging him back and asking very softly “ What do you want to do now that you’ve won gold Yurio?”

And Yurio starts openly sobbing , almost hyperventilating and says “ I want to eat pork cutlet bowls with you Yuuri.”

And then Yuuri is crying to and Yurio starts beating his little fists against his back and finally asking for what he wants in desperation and as a final plea

“ I want you to come to Russia with me and Victor. I want to beat you again next year and the year after that to, so you dont ever retire. I want you to never leave me and stay by my side! P-please dont leave me”

And both Yuri’s are just a mess at that point and haven’t noticed Victor at all who entered the room earlier and is looking at them both so fondly before he ruins their familial moment by launching himself into the hug as well and saying “Yuuuuuuuuuurrriiii i’m going to be the one to win next year silly , dont get ahead of yourself just because you won a single GPF.”

And then Yurios back to his old self, screaming and having a huff while Victor continues to tease him , and Yuuris laughing and trying to wipe away his tears. And none of them would have it any other way

  • Me: Ugh I don’t really like when the cast does cons because it stresses me out. We never really find out any new info and things are taken way out of context.
  • Bob (regarding Bellarke): I know where we are going because I have read scripts. I will try to avoid that question.
  • Bob (if Bellamy has feelings for Clarke): I definitely think that they’re pushing the audience to think that way.
  • Me: OMG I LOVE CONS IT’S SO EXCITING TO GET NEW INFO AND SEE THE CAST AND HOW HAPPY EVERYONE IS AND

okay so my thoughts at the moment about the tension leading up to friday are basically, this entire time I have been suspicious of Sara (I think we all have) 

and that suspicion just came so naturally. From the moment she was introduced to the story I suspected her of wanting to hurt Sana, of kicking her out of the russbuss group after getting the bus and somehow convincing her friends to not support her… 

But now I have realised, we all have been lead to feel and believe this because we are inside Sana’s head. 

And Sana has been feeling and believing this from the moment Sara has entered the story which is why we have. 

It’s amazing, before we even knew Sana was suspicious of Sara, we were, before she even began asking around we were already thinking “what is Sana up to?” When Sana started taking action and doing something about the sussiness I remember saying something like 

“wow the main is literally doing and thinking what I have been thinking all week” 

and then I realised. 

That’s the point. 

We are so far inside Sana’s head we are having the exact thoughts she is and it’s so on point I can’t believe it. 

the only thing that scares me about this is, if we’re so inside Sana’s head that our theories and suspicions are the exact ones she herself has…then how the hell are we supposed to predict what’s gonna happen next? 

I think this season has managed to consume us in Sana’s mind so well, that when shit really does go down, we will be just as shocked as her. We will literally think just like her. 

ugh it’s amazing and completely terrifying. 

I love it. 

Seth Rollins Sex Headcannons

I love Seth so much… What are the odds that I’m in my Seth Rollins tshirt too! It’s fate guys. Good God look at that gif. UGH HE DOES THINGS TO ME!!!

@ii-love-roman-reigns and @wweimaginesandoneshots

Originally posted by msgem

- This guy has stamina. Like he is the myth who can have like 3+ orgasms one after another. So you’re in for a very long sex session.

- He will actually fuck you anywhere though. He’s up for anywhere at anytime. You name it and he has you with your pants down and near orgasm in like 3.2 seconds. 

- He can tell that you love his beard, like you don’t even have to tell him. He just knows when he moves and you shiver while biting your lip. From then on, he makes a mental note to always brush his beard across your thighs. 

- Is very rough but he can be gentle too. Say the words and he will have you on your back as he kisses every part of your body and treats you like a queen. Or he will have you against a wall with you on your knees. 

- If you look up the dictionary definition of tease, it says ‘Seth Rollins’ because he is the ultimate tease. I can bet that he will probably have you begging, even if you’re like me and you don’t beg for anyone. He. Will. Find. A. Way.

- There will be many occasions where you wake up with his head in between your thighs. 

- The guy probably has rope, handcuffs, vibrators… A fuckton of stuff to make it better for you. 

- He’s had a lot of one night stands, so I think his brain will tell him out of instinct to not leave any lovebites. But he will love it when you scratch his back, or his arms. 

- I think he’d have a kitten kink. But not that much of a daddy kink tbh.