ugh the beard

Varric's Roast
The Inner Circle
Varric's Roast

This banter where the whole Inquisition squad goes after Varric in the Trespasser DLC

Varric: Great, we’re in the Deep Roads. I feel myself getting “dwarfier” by the minute. Did I just sprout a beard? Ugh, I hate caves.

Cassandra: Yes, yes. You hate the Deep Roads, and caves, and the outdoors.

Sera: And everything that isn’t hearing himself talk…

Dorian: Orleasian cafés, taverns that are too tidy, slopes of greater than 10°.

Blackwall: Also quiet, and most kinds of smells. Rain. Water in general.

Vivienne: And Orlesians, Fereldens, Nevarrans, mages, templars, the entire Merchant Guild, nugs- 

Iron Bull: And slopes, uneven ground, the dark, pretty much all kinds of weather.

Cole: The smell of the sea, [Varric voice] Who made the ground vertical? Mountains covered in the dead.

Varric: Look, I have to complain or you’ll forget I’m here and trip over me! I’m providing a service.

What’s in your bag beard - Albus Dumbledore Edition

Dumbledore: I heard there was this new trend at my school, that everyone shows what they’re carrying around every day. Since I am the headmaster, I thought I should join in.

Dumbledore: They taste like liquid Sugar.

Dumbledore: Let’s go on.

Dumbledore: Another thing that’s very important to me:

Dumbledore: Music can be quite useful to ease up a tense situation.
I want to introduce you to someone.

Dumbledore: Obviously, a school as big as Hogwarts needs a lot of money, so it’s always good to have a Niffler or two with you.
Let me look for more.

Dumbledore: What the fuck is this?

Dumbledore: How could I forget about this?!


Bonus:

Dumbledore: Baby shoes. Not at all for nostalgic reasons

Dumbledore: Look how tiny they are!



((OOC: Dumbledore out.
In the usual Sami-style I’m late to the party. But you know? Save the best for last ;) Luckily my thread will probably not be the last of this series
Anyway special thanks to @kapitan5o​ for having this amazing idea! And my admiration to everyone who did this so far, y’all were incredibly creative!
Now I’ll shut up))

This is Daniel Norris. He’s from Tennessee and is currently a pitcher for the Toronto Blue Jays. He shaves with an axe, lives in a van, loves Jesus, and drinks a lot of coffee. I’m swooning.

anonymous asked:

mels cher***'s having a workout dvd and simon is godfather and i thesun{.}co{}uk/tvandshowbiz/2943308/new-baby-new-direction-everything-you-need-to-know-about-cheryl-and-her-bump-from-directioners-to-wolverhampton-and-yoga/

Oh hey! Cheryl’s talking to the tabloids again - how fun for her! I mean, I’m not the Melly to say I told you so (I’m exactly that Melly let’s be real) and that this baby was a huge part of her rebrand and would be monetized to within an inch of its smol life, but let Melly lay down the mentionable bits:

B – BRAND: the mum-to-be is said to be spending £1million on rebranding herself and launching a new career, including a post-baby workout DVD and a baby book. She’s also been working on her Cheryl’s Trust charity and its new HQ in Newcastle. A source said: “She sees becoming a mother as the chance to start a new direction. She has a big-money offer on the table to do something along the lines of Cheryl’s New Mum Diary.”

F – FASHION: expect Cheryl’s post-pregnancy style to be as spot-on as ever. Mum and baby brands are clamouring for her to be seen with their items. 

G –  GLOSSY SHOOT: the traditional welcome for any celeb family, all dressed in white and beaming. Experts say the first pictures of the baby would net a  fortune. Top PR agent Sean O’Brien said: “A magazine would be likely to offer around £500,000 for an exclusive contract. That would include the first pictures and a couple of lifestyle shoots during the first year.”

Q – QUIDS IN: this baby could earn a small fortune from magazine deals to babywear ranges. PR agent Sean O’Brien reckons Cheryl could design a High Street clothing range. He said: “An exclusive range would be worth £300,000 to £400,000. Add a magazine deal and you’re looking at £1million in the first year.”

S – SIMON COWELL: he created One Direction and gave Cheryl a career after Girls Aloud as a judge on The X Factor, so surely Simon is in line to be a godfather. 

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