Callie and Arizona held hands as they made their way to their living room to interview various surrogates. A perky blonde with green eyes and petite frame waved as the potential people she’d be working for stepped in.
Laughs were shared, jokes were made, and some snippets of childhood memories filled the house. Just as the sun was setting, the last woman they interviewed left with a cheerful good bye.
“So?” Callie asked. “What do you think?”
Arizona bit her lip, knowing that her next words were going to shock her wife. “I don’t want any of them.”
Callie’s expression fell, brown eyes studying glistening blue eyes that shook. “This is about your fellowship isn’t it?”
Arizona held up her hands. “No, Callie no.” She sighed and took a step closer to Callie; she needed to feel her presence, feel those chocolate brown eyes engulf her in love and support.
“Please, if you don’t want a baby just-”
“I want to carry.”
Callie scoffed in disbelief, her arms crossing to protect herself. Arizona sensing Callie’s guard came up splayed pale fingers on wide hips. “I’ve thought about it. The past few days. Seeing all of these women rave about their health and go on and on about their joy into bringing a life into this world…I want that. I’m scared but…”
Callie could feel Arizona’s strength dissipate, allowing her body to engulf Arizona into her arms. She let Arizona’s lips kiss her neck and the vibration of her voice trail down her spine. “I want this. I want all kids of kids with you and I’m ready to try again.”
After three IVF trials, Arizona found out she was pregnant after a hesitant bathroom trip some months ago. She was casually eating a salad when that Mystery Meat Taco Tuesday meal wafted past her nose. Her stomach churned, a concerned Callie placing a hand on her back just before the blonde shot up and ran to the nearest bathroom.
After hurling on her knees for a few minutes, Callie showed up; she slowly opened the door, her wife’s head beaded with sweat and she held up their now prized object.
A pregnancy test.
After finding it was positive, they both cleared the rest of their surgeries for the day and celebrated by taking Sofia out for milkshakes at their favorite diner.
Now, 5 months along, Arizona licked her ice cream cone before speaking up. “Sofia, remember how we talked about giving you a brother or sister?”
Taking a generous lick herself, Sofia nodded. “Mhmm.”
“Well, you’re going to have one this summer.” Callie chimed in. She was nervous about her daughter’s response, how she’d feel about another baby being in their life, another person they’d have to dedicate their attention to.
Sofia bit into her waffle cone resulting in a dab of vanilla ice cream smearing over her lips. “So I’m going to be a big sister?”
“You are!” Arizona lay a hand on her back.
And it was as simple as that.
“Look what I found hidden with Sofia’s old things.”
After finding out that they were going to have another daughter, Callie and Arizona were quick to rummage through some old clothes and toys Sofia used to have to save money.
“Awe!” Arizona took the onesie in her hands, tears welling up in her eyes.
I love my mommies.
“I love Teddy for making this.”
She set the article of clothing on her huge stomach and looked at Callie with happiness; like real, true, butterfly invading your stomach happiness. With just a few more days until their daughter was scheduled to be born, Callie and Arizona enjoyed each other with light kisses and constant belly talk that Sofia gladly joined in on.
A sharp pain coursed down her lower back before a “pop” sounded in the room.
“Please tell me you couldn’t hold your bladder…” Callie said slowly.
Stunned herself at the abrupt and unexpected surprise, Arizona’s eyes widened in fear. “I-I think my water just broke. “
They rushed to the hospital and sent Sofia to stay with Arizona’s parents. Addison greeted them a few hours later after a shouting and panicked Callie Torres called her while she was enjoying her lunch with her own family.
“Are we ready to deliver a baby today?”
Glaring and clenching her teeth almost to the point of chipping a tooth, Arizona groaned. “Please, just get her out of me. I,” she held her breath when another wave of pain washed over her. “Ow!”
Callie held her hand, letting Arizona squeeze as tightly as she wanted and gently brushed a piece of blonde hair behind her ear. “You’re doing great, sweetie.”
Lifting Arizona’s gown and checking how dilated Arizona was, Addison smirked and scribbled something onto her chart. “This baby wants to get out. It looks like you’re already 10 centimeters dilated, Arizona.”
“Oh, thank god,” she gasped clutching Callie’s hand harder than before.
After thirty minutes of pushing, cursing, blood, sweat and many tears, their new baby cried and screamed as she entered the world.
“Wow,” Callie looked at the baby, glanced at Arizona before focusing all of her attention on the tiny, tiny human in Addison’s hands.
“A beautiful baby girl.” Addison smiled warmly.
“She looks just like you, Arizona.” Well, as much as a new born could.
Callie cut the cord, impatiently waited for the nurses to clean her up and beamed as she finally placed their baby girl in Arizona’s arms.
“I love you so much.” Arizona whispered in exhaustion. Her blue eyes met Callie’s brown, a silent conversation going on before them.
“Thank you,” Callie said kissing Arizona’s forehead.
“As I was feeding squirrels in the park, I noticed a small
one that didn’t seem to trust me. While the others came close enough to
eat out of my hand, he kept his distance. I threw a peanut his way. He
edged up, grabbed it nervously, and ran off. Next time he must have felt
less afraid, because he came a little closer. The safer he felt, the
more he trusted me. Finally he sat right at my feet, as bold as any
squirrel clamoring for the next peanut.
Trust is like that—it always seems to come down to
trusting in yourself. Others can’t overcome fear for you; you have to do
it on your own. It’s hard, because fear and doubt hold on tight. We are
afraid of being rejected, of being hurt once more. So we keep a safe
distance. We think separating ourselves from others will protect us, but
that doesn’t work, either. It leaves us feeling alone and unloved.
Trusting yourself begins by recognizing that it’s okay to
be afraid. Having fear is not the problem, because everyone feels
anxious and insecure sometimes. The problem is not being honest enough
to admit your fear. Whenever I accept my own doubt and insecurity, I’m
more open to other people. The deeper I go into myself, the stronger I
become, because I realize that my real self is much bigger than any
In accepting yourself completely, trust becomes complete. There is
no longer any separation between people, because there is no longer any
separation inside. In the space where fear used to live, love is
allowed to grow.”