ugh i felt this in my soul

3

Falling in love starts with, “Who the fuck is this?” - Louis CK

Why couldn’t he just feel the same?
Why did the universe have to be so cruel to let me fall for someone who can never feel the same?
The torture of having such strong feelings for someone who you barely mean anything to.
And to think that I was so careful as to who I fell for cause I thought that what they felt would actually last.
I wish all my feelings towards him ended on the very first good bye.
Then I wouldn’t have spent years feeling so stupid and hating myself because I can’t control how much this means to me.
I wish I had moved on then, like they did.
At least the situation would’ve been fair.
The fact that this has been one-sided from that day aches my soul just thinking about it.
When will this feeling of unrequitedness end?
—  I’m so tired
Why now? - Another Saeyoung Angst Fic

Title: Why Not?
Rating: Mature, includes death and shooting
Genre: Angst, all the angst
Game: Mystic Messenger
Characters: MC, RFA and Saeran
Description: MC loves Saeyoung and wants to tell him, but it’s too late, he’s found someone else, what’s MC to do?

Hey my lovely lovely followers, been wanting to do an angsty fic for a while and I wanted to do an MM one, I was inspired by this prompt, so enjoy :D

How long had I known Saeyoung for? Too long. How much had I been through with him? Too much. Ever since I had joined the RFA nearly two years ago, I knew I had felt something for the infamous hacker of the group. We had such amazing banter on the group chat, he constantly made me laugh and brought light in my life more than I thought a guy could ever do. Every time I logged in and he was in the chat room already, we always greeted each other with such love and admiration for one another, it felt good. More than good, amazing, fantastic, brilliant, any kind of positive adjective you could think of.

After the first few days of being part of the RFA, getting to know everyone, it didn’t take me long to realise I had feelings for him. The trip to go save his brother, Saeran, kind of just confirmed my feelings. My problem was, I wasn’t sure if he felt the same way.  He kept talking to me throughout his troubles, we even shared a few moments between us whilst Saeran was still healing. He would hug me just a little tighter, our fingers would brush against each-others and he would purposefully do it again, we even almost kissed one time but Saeran had woken up badly from a dream breaking the moment. I didn’t blame him, not in the least, but I genuinely wondered what would have happened if he had continued to sleep.

Zen was the first one to notice how I felt, and naturally Jumin was the last. It was during a meal that Zen and Yoosung asked how I felt whilst Saeyoung was on the phone checking on Saeran at home. Of course, I couldn’t deny it, and thankfully they were more than happy to hear about it.

“Oh my God, I’m so happy for you!” Yoosung grinned like a child.

“You two would make such a good couple, honestly, you’ve been through so much together” Zen grinned too “you going to tell him?”

“I’m not sure, I mean, Saeran comes first right now and he’s doing so well, I don’t want to mess that up, you know?” I said.

“No, of course, but do you want to tell him?” Zen asked.

“I do, not sure how but I do” I smiled, the blush on my cheeks flaring up.

“We’ll help you figure something out, I bet if you do something romantic and slightly geeky, he’ll have to tell you how he feels and you’ll be together forever, and and….”

“Zen, calm down” I chuckled, shushing him when Saeyoung came back and sat next to me.

“Saeran’s ok, had another nightmare but they’re getting easier so, all’s good in the hood!” he grinned, digging back into his food.

“I’m glad he’s ok, like I said, if you need anything again in the future, I’m there” I offered.

“Thanks! I do appreciate that!” he said, giving me a quick hug and we all continued our meal.

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‘All I Do Is Imagine You Happy’

Summary : Love doesn’t simply conquer everything.

Prompt : “You know, it hurt when I realized you weren’t in love with me. But nothing can compare the pain I felt when I saw you fall in love with him”

Word Count : 1,309 words

Warnings : Angst.

A/N : I fucking hate uni, it’s draining my soul, disabling me from taking pleasure of anything. Ugh. This is from my old archive, collecting dust. Actually forgot I wrote it and it was missing the ending. So I wrote it in like 5 minutes (so it will be shit). ALSO, I might need to stop torturing our poor Chubby Dumpling.

Note that English is not my first language so if you see any mistakes, point them out. 


You looked at him warily, sure that it was the alcohol talking and not him.

“You’re drunk, Buck” you remind him as you grip his body tighter to you, trying to avoid him from staggering and falling. His cheeks were flushed, but his eyes were still blue and clear, focusing on you huffing underneath his massive frame in the darkness of the compound.

“Not enough” he states when the two of you continue the journey to his bedroom –one that you find unbelievably long in this state. You ignore the way his hot breath tickles the side of your neck and how the tip of his nose kept brushing the same spot with every sway of a step you take. You realize then just how close of a proximity his face was to yours, and you tried to put some sort of distance by leaning your head onto your other side.

The both of you finally managed to reach his door, and you fumbled momentarily in trying to open it without losing your footing. When it opens, you bring him inside and made a move to place him on his bed.

But he stops you when he brings his free hand to cup your cheek, lightly brushing his thumb across. Though you were still supporting him heavily, he manages to root his feet on the spot.

“You’re so beautiful” he whispers. In the dark the blue in his eyes were vivid, and so was the way they were dilated.
“Thanks?” you said, lowering your head down to avoid his stare before pushing forward.

But Bucky was persistent (like he usually is) and holds you down firmly again. You didn’t look up, not wanting to let things spiral out of control. Yet it was inescapable when Bucky tilts your face upward by your chin, and you were forced to look at him in the eyes once more.

He didn’t speak, and neither did you. The two of you stare at each other with two distinctly different looks; his eyes held a great deal of longing while yours were filled with apprehension. It was when he looks down at your lips briefly before leaning in that you break the moment by avoiding the kiss.

Somehow, that manages to sober him up, and he felt the all too familiar ache begin to crawl its way back to his heart. He takes his hands off of you, swaying for just a moment before standing on his own. You swallow the lump in your throat when he took a step closer to his bed, still not wanting to look at him.

You know, it hurt when I realized you weren’t in love with me” he began, his voice clear as day. Your heart is now picking up its pace, and with every irregular beat you could feel his gaze burning at your silent form.

But nothing can compare the pain I felt when I saw you fall in love with him” he finishes his sentence, letting the tension skyrocket in the room.

You felt the sting in his words and physically wince. It was never in your intention to hurt him, because deep down you did love him –you just decided not to reciprocate. He was too important to you to be gambling into chances, so you tried to steer the bond the two of you shared safely to friendship. You wanted to tell him why you had to do it, but thought better not to. The engagement ring in your pocket weighs heavily, reminding you of your decision.

Bucky throws himself onto his bed when you didn’t respond, and let out a frustrated sigh. You never did enjoy being confronted but he had to let it out. It was unfair to him and he knows you know that.

It was when the silence was deafening did you softly spoke the words “I’m sorry”. But what good did it bring? It only reminded you of the little things you did that carried horrible consequences.
“All I do is imagine you happy –you deserve nothing less than that” you said, your voice strong even when everything inside of you was trembling, the throbbing ache getting unbearable with every beat of your heart. You didn’t have the courage to look up at him because how could you look at the man you had hurt when all he did was care for you?

Bucky was sitting upright, looking at you standing in the middle of his room with slumped shoulders, eyes practically glued to the floor. Your voice may have been strong and steady, but he notices your quivering hands.

‘All I do is imagine you happy –you deserve nothing less than that’. Your words rang loudly in his ears. He remembered then the times the both of you spent before things went downhill. He remembered eating pizza while binge watching Disney films with you and Steve. He remembers the way you sang off tune to Aladdin’s songs. He remembers you making breakfast for him, Steve and Sam after their routine jog.

‘All I do is imagine you happy’. He remembers the way you lean back with your eyes closed, laughing without a care in the world at one of Nat’s jokes during a barbecue they had. He remembers your dimples popping on each side of you cheeks when you smiled brightly as Wanda took a picture commemorating that day.

‘All I do is imagine you happy’. It was when he notices how you care for the team that he sees you differently. He recalls the times you make sure that Tony eats properly and rejoin society once in a while whenever Pepper is busy, the times you helped Clint get out of a vent when he got stuck, the times you accompany Bruce during missions. What he remembers most is how close you are to Nat and Wanda, and the image of you cheering Wanda up whenever she was upset with PIetro.

‘All I do is imagine you happy’. He remembers the times you spent making him feel welcomed to the Avenger’s family.

‘All I do is imagine you happy’.

“I’m happy with you” he says suddenly, waking himself up from his walk on memory lane. You acknowledge what he says and jerk your head up, finally meeting his gaze. Your eyes were glossy, and he could tell you were desperately trying not to let the emotions swirling inside get the best of you.

“But I’m not” you lie as you muster all the strength in you to do, leaving a bitter taste on your tongue. You saw then that your greatest mistake was not being brave enough with your feelings, but something inside you rationalizes this with an excuse; that it was better this way. Two damaged souls will only leave shards of broken things in their wake. “You deserve someone better than me” you continued, each word stinging your heart, tearing your soul apart piece by piece.

Time stopped for Bucky, or rather his heart did in that moment. This is not you; the words that you’re spilling out did not belong to your tongue. It was unnatural. He didn’t, couldn’t hear what you said afterwards, didn’t want to register your final good-bye as you wiped your eyes dry, that familiar impassive façade adopted from Nat resurfacing. You were building your walls once more, and he couldn’t do anything to put a stop this time because he was trying his damn hardest to simply breathe.

A bullet to the chest would hurt less than this, you thought as you saw the destruction you made in the form of Bucky Barnes, silent and unmoving on his bed. The glassed windows reflected the City’s lights, and all you want to remember in this moment is how they flickered gently behind him.

And how you broke him.


Tagging @bexboo616 @imaginingbucky @avengersnthings @softcorehippos @minervaem @avengerofyourheart

If you want to be tagged or untagged, send an ask or comment! (: 

I’m so blind in my eyes, I can not see what others see in me, I never felt sexy, or cute, the guys toy with my heart and mind, the women’s ( girls) picks or talk down on me cause I don’t care for the conversation about sex or love.
But when I look at this picture of me all I can say is ’ Grace an Mercy’. A peace of mind, a heartfelt soul, sassy with southern class, soft to the touch. Why do I always meet to butt hole of the land. Ugh! ..

Sunshowers (A Preview)

(A Prompto x Fem!OC Soulmate AU)

Tagging: @blindbae, @cupnoodle-queen and @nifwrites because they inspired me to write this <3

Setting: This whole fic will take place within Insomnia, as well as some Lucian holiday destinations and landmarks (i.e. Galdin Quay and the Rock of Ravatogh). The story will predominantly be centred on Prompto and the Reader’s high school life. Although this fic will include people and places from FFXV, it does not follow the game at all. Seriously, I’m borrowing the characters and the places and all that but the plot and the story are going to be completely original (well, sans the fact that I’ve obviously been inspired by high school drama)!

Plot/Premise: Alright, so I initially wanted to make this a complete psychological/horror/angst-fest- but then I was at work today, printing of A LOT of documents for my manager, and I got to thinking… there aren’t really any FFXV high school AUs out there. So maybe… I can kill off two birds with one stone and kinda write a soulmate highschool AU! And well, I guess this is how it’s gonna happen now:

Prompto, Noctis and Fem!OC start off the fic in the middle of their first year of high school with an established friendship. They begin by teasing Reader about her awkward and overly helpful behaviour around well-respected senior Ignis Scientia. A school ball is coming up, and as part of the school council, Ignis is looking for volunteers to chair the Ball Committee. Reader volunteers immediately so that she gets to spend time with Ignis. Prompto and Noctis are goaded into following her along.

Luna attends the school and is in Ignis’ grade (as you can tell, I have altered ages a little to fit my plot LOL)- Noctis likes her BUT no one really knows this. Because he doesn’t express himself and his feelings and all that stuff- he’s been raised to be the next CEO of the Caelum Corporation- currently run by his father, Regis Lucis Caelum (this is a minor side plot that won’t be delved into much here but I just wanted to note it down because I plan on eventually writing a Noctis x Luna AU as well one day- not sure when though xD NO promises made there~!)Luna actually has a thing for Noctis too- but feels it’s inappropriate to pursue.

Prompto is completing an internship at his local mechanic garage- Cindy Aurum is his beautiful, sexy supervisor and he thinks he’s in love with her. That is, until… well… let’s just say Gladiolus Amicitia and Cindy are a THING in this fic. So Prompto has his little heart broken. Who’s there to pick up the pieces? Not Noctis because he’s unfortunately at some charity gala event- Prompto has to call the next best thing to his male best pal: Fem!OC xD

Fem!OC meets Prompto, comforts him, and talks about her own issues with her ‘love’ for Ignis Scientia- and her doubts about being ‘good enough’. It is at this moment, during this conversation that Prompto starts to feel like he’s been missing something great right in front of him this whole time. He’s never felt anxious around Fem!OC and he’s always been attracted to her in a way that just DIDN’T make sense.

He overhears some talk in the library about ‘soulmates’ and the lore behind it. He gets curious about the odd mark on the sole of his left foot. He decides to do a little investigating. On Fem!OC’s right foot, of course! Fem!OC herself is much too invested in her ‘love’ for Ignis to even notice Prompto’s starting to act a little strange around her (and this is where the ANGST AND DRAMA kicks in)!!!

Anyways, basically- their Ball Committee goes on a team building trip of Galdin Quay and all that fan-service stuff happens… and Prompto ends up confirming his suspicions about Fem!OC.

Fem!OC has no clue and continues trying to pursue Ignis. Ignis… well, he’s secretly already seeing someone else BUT she’s not even in school (three guesses who guys…). And Prompto… slowly getting destroyed but smiling in the face of adversity because… he’s like a sunshower. It looks clear and sunny but… well- it’s still raining, isn’t it? *OH DARN IT, MY HEART HURTS SO GOOD!*

Why I chose to use a Fem!OC instead of a Fem!Reader: Simply because I need to place the soul mark in a specific area and, well, not everyone’s gonna have a mark in that area. I dunno- it just felt more intuitive to do it this way? Plus, I have a pretty good idea about how this character is going to be developed and how we’re going to explore her back story and why she’s so ‘in love’ with Ignis, and so blind to Prompto- her freaking SOULMATE… UGH! Trust me guys, you will want to strangle and hug this gal at the same time xD

And finally, why Prompto? Well, because I can’t write him well and this is an opportunity for me to improve the way I characterise him in my headcanons and scenarios! Prompto’s the hardest for me to write because he’s just so multi-faceted and sweet and gosh I just love him so much, I don’t want to butcher the precious bean <3 So yeah, that is why I decided to write this long fic ft. Prompto- because I want to do him justice and learn more about him at the same time!

Note: this is all pretty tentative at the moment- but I did promise to give you guys a sneak peek at what I was planning! Let me know what you think! :D <3

reymanova  asked:

if you're feelin it, i would love to see a fic where bi!fitz and bi!daisy find out about each other's sexualities :)

AN ~ I’m always feeling Fitz & Daisy *insert bruce banner face here*. This is set during 1x20/1x21-ish, post-Ward reveal & Daisy rescue, at that motel. Thanks for the prompt, I hope you like it!

Rated light T, for some swearing, & (anti)-Ward mentions.

Read on AO3 (~700wd)

-

Today was the longest day ever, Skye decided.

The sun was taking its time to set and she was taking her time to ignore the rest of the team before dinner – and even that, she was tossing up on. She sat by the pool, kicking her feet lazily in the water and watching the light refractions sway and bend. She hadn’t expected a California motel to be this dead, at this time of year, but she was glad for it as she drifted in the silence and her own thoughts.

After a while, she was interrupted by a crunching sound - of ice or glass or gravel – and the appearance of a bottle of beer in the corner of her vision. She turned toward it hesitantly, and found that it was attached to a hand, and the hand was attached to Fitz. Pressing her lips together, Skye offered him what smile she could manage.

“Come to crash my pity party?” she wondered.

“If you’ll have me,” Fitz offered. Skye nodded at the patch of pavement beside her, and Fitz sat, and began unlacing his shoes. Skye almost felt like laughing; just as she almost felt like wrapping her arms around him - for her own comfort or for his, she wasn’t really sure. She settled for cracking the bottle open instead, and returned her attention to the gently swirling water before her. Fitz sat beside her in silence for a while, until he gently asked:

“How’re you doing?”

Skye sighed, long and deep and bitter, and scratched at the label on her bottle with a thumbnail.

“I just feel so… fucking stupid,” she muttered. “I should have seen it. I don’t know how. I should’ve…”

She shook her head, and Fitz hummed in sympathy.

“He’s a master spy, though,” he reminded her. “He’d have to be, or- or they wouldn’t have sent him. You’ve only just started learning all this stuff. We’ve been in it for years and didn’t bat an eyelid. Even May, and if May didn’t catch it, none of us had a snowflake’s chance. Don’t be so hard on yourself.”

“I guess.” Skye snorted, laughing ruefully before taking a swig of her beer. “Still, I could have at least picked someone fucking normal to – to -“

“Fall in love with?” Fitz suggested.

“If only.” Smiling a little pitifully, she sighed again, and this time felt some weight actually leave her shoulders. “I always fall for fucking useless guys. I just never thought I’d go for that- Hydra- Nazi- monster. I feel like washing my whole soul out with soap. Ugh. I just wish I could go back in time and pick someone else. Jemma, d’you think?”

Fitz spluttered, choking on his beer, and Skye laughed a little; this time for real.

“Shit, sorry!” She slapped him on the back as he recovered. “Guess that hadn’t come up, huh?”

“Nah- no – it’s just –“ Fitz’s voice rasped, and he struggled to get it back under control. “It’s just – your boyfriend, I sort of assumed –“

Skye shook her head. “I’m bi. It’s a common mistake though, cause I do tend to go for guys.”

“Me too.”

Skye started before she could stop herself, and Fitz blushed.

“I mean – I don’t go for guys, not really,” he explained. “I don’t go for anyone that much, to be honest. But I meant, I’m bi. I liked you. I liked…”

“Ward?” Skye met Fitz’s eyes with sympathy. “Fuck hot people, am I right? Man, if I ever figure out that soul soap, I’ll let you know.”

“Thanks.” Fitz was still blushing, though, as he shook his head. “Honestly, I’m just glad he didn’t pick me. I don’t think I could’ve done what you did. That was bloody brilliant. Smart as hell, but I couldn’t have thought that fast. Or acted that well.”

“Well, thanks, but shitting your pants really does a lot to get the old neurons firing. I think you’d surprise yourself, Fitzy-boy.”

“I think I’d rather not get the chance to, if we’re being honest,” Fitz confessed. Skye grinned, and tapped the neck of his bottle with hers.

“I’ll drink to that,” she declared. “No more adventures for a while, huh?”

“If I ever have an adventure again, it’ll be too soon.”

“Here here.”

anonymous asked:

Oh my gosh. Oh my GOSH. I just finished DoT and OH MY GOSH. I cried. I cried so much. So beautiful. Seriously, ugh, my heart. Spent 24 straight hours just straight reading it and finished it in about a day and a half and ugh!!! You have my soul, Shaya. Ugh ugh ugh. So so soooooo good. ❤️

I was wondering why my Horcruxes felt more powerful today. Lots of new delicious tears. ♥♥ Thank you for reading. I’m glad you liked it. 

Ever felt so lonely?

Ever felt so lonely it physically hurts?
Felt your own heart breaking beneath your shirt?
Heard the ambulance sirens?
Wishing you were inside?
Running and running with no place to hide?

Felt the blood flow from your veins?
Symbolising the emotional pain?
Seen the tears roll down your cheek?
Planning your exit from the bleak?

Watched the life leave your eyes?
Heard the laughter turn to sighs?
Felt your patience grow thinner?
Along with your body since you skipped dinner?

Stood upon a building tall?
Borderline praying to fall?
Dived into an ocean deep?
Dreamt of drowning in your sleep?

Found life so painfully dull?
You felt like drilling a hole in your skull?
Felt your soul grow so numb?
It’s like it’s always been but without the fun?

Ever felt so lonely it physically hurts?
Felt your own heart pounding through your shirt?
Heard of horrors on the news?
Wishing the victim had been you?
Felt yourself grow emptier by the day?
Begging to go some place far away?

holy fuck so i have a story in case any of you care, so tonight i went out with that guy i mentioned earlier the hella hot one, and we went to this party at this bar and it was amazing and we hung out the whole time and he kept smiling at me and he’d like put his hand on my back when we walked through the streets and it was so cute hELp and so we were there until like eleven thirty until we realized it and i was low-key freaking out cause that’s when i was supposed to be back at my dorm which was like four blocks away but i didn’t wanna like be lame and suggest we go so i just kept my mouth shut until he noticed that it was like almost midnight and he goes “holy shit we’re screwed,” and he started laughing and it was the hottest yet cutest thing ever i cry. and so he like says goodbye to like the people he knew and then literally just went and grabbed my hand and we straight up ran through the streets of New York at miDniGhT. and when we got back and snuck up to the doors he grabbed my face and kissed me before smiling and going. “goodnight gorgeous,” and then he just walked off leaving me there a fucking mess. I’m dying so now i’m sitting in my dorm annoying the fuck out of my roommates bc i’m typing this out and i’m so giddy and happy and i haven’t felt butterflies in god knows how long bc i dated my ex for nearly a year and we stopped caring a couple of months ago and idk it’s weird but i just uGh i’m happy :-))

Most of the humans I have met in my life have made me feel so alone and I am just hoping that will change because I literally can’t stand this anymore. I doubt people even see me as a real, breathing soul, they just think of me as of a joke. I was told I wouldn’t make it in school back when I was in kindergarten, because I was a loner. Well turns out I did. I never thought like the rest, and got shamed for it. I felt like it was better to always keep shut about my feelings. My biggest talent is being nice to people whom I wouldn’t hesitate killing ugh. I can’t help but think of most of them as shallow, and I know it is toxic, but why would I change it? Changing that would mean hurting myself, and I’ve had enough pain for the rest of my existence on Earth and beyond. I just don’t understand why I’m here. I would rather be somewhere else, maybe with like two good friends I have. I shouldn’t trust anyone.

6

What If Kara Had Arrived To Earth On Time? 5/?

The night of Cat’s date arrives and she’s surprised to find Kara also on a date

I need to punch something. 

I need to find something to unleash my wrath on before a poor soul crosses my way, and I end up tearing them to pieces.

I don’t even know what I’m so angry about, I just know that my blood feels like it’s boiling inside my veins.

What was she doing there? What was she doing with him? With that poor excuse of a man? Ugh! The way he kept ogling her was sickening. I felt violated, and his stare wasn’t even directed me. How could she stand him?

He just kept talking about himself. He wouldn’t even let her speak, and she just sat there smiling at him like an idiot! What is wrong with her?!

He was just so wrong for her. Sweet, trusting Kara. He probably just wants to sleep with her. I shudder at the thought.

I almost got up from my chair a couple times when he got too close. She just kept leaning into him and his cheap cologne. One more roll of my eyes and I would’ve had a stroke. 

At one point he leaned over to give her a kiss on the cheek, and when I scoffed indignantly the corners of her mouth turned up in a smile, as if she could hear me. Which would be impossible since we were on opposite sides of the restaurant.

I just- I had to leave. Before I did something stupid I would regret later. 

Now I just feel… down. I’m always a mess of new, scary feelings when it concerns her. I’m confused, and lost… and I just can’t tell where is up anymore.

Davina’s “I love you” to Kol meant so much MORE. It wasn’t just her first “I love you” to Kol…notice how Kol is always calling Davina by her full name? Also notice how Davina told Kol “I love you, Kol Mikaelson.” And in that moment, Kol was relieved that Davina felt the same way he felt about her. It was as if all of his broken pieces were mastered into one. It was as if every little fucked up thing that he has EVER done didn’t cease to exist in that moment. We got that all from one single facial expression. They’re kindred souls.

My heart wants you dead - P.2

x Min Yoongi (Suga)

ANGST/Supernatural (Demons & Angels)

Masterlist || Words: 1301 || Part 2/? || [1] [2] [3] [4]

“No one expects an angel to set fire to the world.”

Originally posted by yoonkooks

Suga was seated on the sofa as you received the take out from the delivery boy.

“Thank you very much.” You smiled and grabbed the bag from him.

“No problem hot stuff.” He smirked. “Oh I’m sorry I didn’t know you had a-“

You turned around and saw Suga standing behind you, his eyes looking at the bag of food.

“Uhm, bye.” You said and closed the door. “That was awkward.” You laughed.

This was the fifth time Suga was at your place this week and you really enjoyed his company, when he left every time you couldn’t help but feel a bit sad. He felt like a best friend already.

Suga took the bag from you and laid up the food on the coffee table in the living room.

The evening was over quick and Suga was going to leave. You honestly didn’t want him to leave, you wanted him to stay. But you knew yourself that you had the next days filled with a lot of work.

You stood in the hallway and watched him with a sad expression as he put on his jacket and tied his shoes.

“Hey?” He said, making you look up at him instead of the floor. “What’s wrong?”

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Making Amends

Description: A smutty part two to “Imagine finding out about soulless!Sam…”

Pairing: Soulless!Sam x Reader

Warnings: smut, little bit of sad shit, 

A/n: I’m gonna try to pump out as many fics as I can this week cause pretty soon here I’ll only be able to post on weekends, so if you have any requests at all, nows the time to send them in!

Originally posted by samhellbound

I drove all day, ending up in some shitty motel in Wisconsin. I settled in, trying to calm myself down a little, but it didn’t work. I couldn’t help but think about people that I loved and trusted shut me out the way they did. At least Sam didn’t have a soul, so he probably didn’t really care about anyone, probably no real conscious either. But Dean? His soul was definitely in tact, but he still didn’t even try to get a hold of you except for when he needed help. The tears rolled freely down my face as I broke out in sobs, feeling weak and vulnerable. I walked to my bed, curling up in a ball. The sobs shook through my body, and before I knew I had even fallen asleep, I was waking up to knocking on my door.

“Give me a minute, here!” I yelled at the door, rushing to the bathroom mirror to wipe away the smeared mascara from the night before. I rushed over to the door, smoothing my t-shirt before opening the door and almost slamming it shut right away.

Keep reading

Every Piece Counts |Save File 3| Down with the door!

Thank you all for all your support it means a lot! I just want to hug you all! This chapter was supposed to go out like a few days ago but… My house almost burned down but everything’s fine! It’s still standing and no one got hurt it just smells like burned bones and chicken… And I gave this chapter a lot of thought cause I was like, I can’t get into the action without Goth healing a bit of his wounds so yeah! Enjoy!

Rated +13

Goth belongs to @nekophy
Memory, Sketch, and Writer belong to me

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Memory sighed as he closed the door and looked up to see Writer working on some paperwork.
“How’s Goth?,” Writer asked without looking up.
“He still won’t come out,” Memory sighed again. “And Sketch?”
“Still sulking”
“Heh. I see, I mean I won’t blame him, Goth did lock himself in Sketch’s room”
“It’s his fault for putting Goth in his room”
“It’s been a day… I hope he comes out to at least eat… Uh… Writer your…cheek”
Writer’s cheek was bruised and a bit cracked.
“It was Geno’s goodbye”
“Does it hurt? Do you want me to get you something for it?”
“No, I did pretty much deserve it I was a bit too harsh on the kid. But I was only telling the truth if I’d let Geno say what he wanted he’ll only tell Goth what he wanted to hear and that would only confuse and hurt him more. It would be better to hurt now so he can heal faster than to find out later and hurt more”
“Writer…were you by any chance harsh on him cause you were worry about him?”
Writer stopped writing and looked up at Memory, who was smiling at him.
“You’re kind in your own way”
Writer turned his eyes away as his face flushed red. He looked down and continued to work.
“You’re just rubbing off on me…”
Memory chuckled but then him smile disappeared and fixed his eyes on Writer. “About what you said about Palette… About him still being…alive”
“It’s just as I said,” he looks up at Memory. “He’s not gone”
Memory looks at Writer then smiles. “Alright I believe in you, I’ve always had”
Writer smiles back at Memory. “Thank you my frie- Sketch? Where are you going?”
Sketch walked pass Memory and out of the room, he looked upset. Both Memory and Writer looked at each other then follower Sketch.
•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
Goth locked himself in Sketch’s room and he was sitting on Sketch’s bed, hugging his knees. I’m tired… And thirsty… Why did this had to happened? Why Palette? It should’ve been me instead…
Goth looked around the room, papers of sketches of many characters and places were everywhere. I wonder if there’s a sketch of Palette around here…
“Wait! Sketch what are you doing?!”
“Sketch stop! Goth’s in th-”
BAM! Goth jumped when he saw Sketch kick down his door. Sketch looked at Goth and dramatically pointed at him.
“Child of Geno and Death, Goth!,” Sketch announced. “I have a bone to pick with you!”
Goth didn’t know what was going on so he just sat there, too confused on what was going on. “Wha-”
“Do you have any idea how much I’m suffering?!”
Goth got even more confused. “W-What?”
“My name is Sketch for a reason! And that’s because I must sketch 27/7! But I can’t because you locked me out of my room and all of my art supplies are here!”
Goth blinked at him then looked down at his art belt that was filled with pencils and pens.
“I don’t mean pencils and pens! I mean paper!,” Sketch took out a napkin from his pocket and dabbed his tear-filled(?) eyes. “And I got so desperate for paper,” he sobbed. “That I even went in Writer’s room and sketched on his paperwork!”
“What?!,” Writer ran out of the room.
“Uh Sketch,” Memory smiled nervously at Sketch. “That wasn’t a good idea, you know how your brother gets when you do something like that”
“Oh I know,” Sketch smiles. “I just love messing with him, he’s funny when he’s mad besides”
“SKETCH!!”
Sketch dodge as bones came from the ground where he was standing. “I’ve haven’t had a warmup in a while!“
Writer came in the room furious and clutching pieces of paper in his hand. “I’m going to make you wish you never had fingers!!”
“Aww! What’s wrong bro? I made your work more pretty! And look!,” Sketch teleported next to Writer, unclipped a little pocket from his art belt, pulled out a piece of paper, unfold it, put his arm around Writer’s shoulders, and showed him the paper. “I sketched you and Memo! I ship you two cause I know how much you love him and-”
Writer tried to punch Sketch but he teleported making Writer punch only the air. “I only see him as a friend and love him like a brother!”
“Oh? So brother complex?”
That made Writer snap cause his left eye began to glow, he raised his hand towards Sketch, making his heart blue and Sketch’s eyes widen in surprise.
“Well shit,” Sketch sighed.
Wait…, Goth thought, he only has half a soul… Why?
Goth jumped as Writer send Sketch flying towards the wall and Sketch crash through it.
“I’m not done with you yet, you bastard!”
Memory smiled and sighed as he watched Writer walk out of the room. Memory walked towards Goth.
“Please do forgive them but don’t worry their quarrel will end soon”
“That’s a quarrel?! Then what’s a fight?!”
Memory smiled at him, frozen in place, as Goth saw Sketch throw Writer across the hallway.
“Well,” Memory finally said. “Why don’t we go to my room? It’s safer there”
He’s dodging the question!
Memory suddenly took a step to the side and Sketch rolled in the room pass Memory and stopped when he hit the bed.
“Ugh…,” Sketch groaned as he stood up. “He’s really not holding back today… Oh! Goth!”
“Y-Yes?”
“I know we haven’t known each other for a long but I’ve always felt a deep connection with you”
“What?!”
Sketch’s soul turned blue again. “Remember meeeeeeee…..,” his yell echo through the room as he was dragged out.
Goth blinked in confusion. “Uh…”
“Don’t pay attention to him, he’s just joking,” Memory chuckled. “He likes to mess with people and be dramatic a lot”
“Oh…”
“Now, can you walk?”
Goth nodded and got to his feet but his legs almost gave out, Memory tried to help him but Goth held out his hand, stopping him.
“I’m alright just got a bit…dizzy”
Memory looked at Goth worriedly. “Alright… If you say so…”
Memory walked out of the room and Goth followed. I feel so…weak and tired… I want to see my parents…
“Goth are you sure you’re alright?”
Goth looked up at Memory, who was looking at him full of worry.
“Where are my parents?”
“They had to go back to their AUs but they said they’ll come back as fast as they can well… Here we are, it’s not much and Goth can you step back a bit?”
“Huh? Oh, okay?”
Goth stepped back and Writer went flying pass him. Goth slowly looked at the side to see a hole in the wall.
“Well you can come in now,” Memory smiled.
Goth walked in the room and before Memory closed the door Goth saw Writer coming out of the hole, rubbing his head, then a chair went flying towards him but before it hit him the door closed and there was only a crashing sound.
“If you’re tired you can use my bed or lay on the couch and if you want anything don’t be hesitant to ask, okay?”
Goth looked around his room and was surprise to see it look more like and office than a room.
The bed looks so out of place… Goth didn’t want to be disrespectful so he sat on the couch.
“Do you want anything?,” Memory looked at Goth.
Goth just shook his head and looked away.
“Alright,” Memory smiled. “Please don’t be afraid to ask about anything”
Goth looked up to see Memory looking at his watch and walk towards his desk. There was this huge crashing sound making Goth jump.
“You know they’re destroying the house”
“Yes but that’s okay,” Memory smiles. “At least that shows that they care about each other”
“By fighting each other?”
“Siblings are…complicated”
“Siblings…you did keep saying they’re brothers”
“They’re twin brothers”
“Twins? Like Dream and Nightmare?”
“Kind of it’s a bit…complicated. I don’t know all the details”
For some reason I feel like he can’t really talk about it…
“Oh…”
Goth looked around his room. He immediately noticed jars filled with heart shaped crystals. There just like his necklace but different color… He must really like heart shape crystals…
Goth pulled his legs up on the couch and hugged his knees. I feel so tired yet I don’t want to sleep… I’m hungry yet I don’t want to eat… I feel so empty… I feel so…alone. Goth hugged his knees tighter. It’s weird, tears won’t come out even though I want to cry… Why? Why couldn’t I do anything? I just let him die! I was so week! I-
Goth felt someone sit beside him so he looked up to see Memory sitting next to him.
“You don’t mind me sitting here, right?”
“Huh? Oh no! I mean this is your couch!”
“Thank you”
There was a silence which made Goth a bit uncomfortable. Should I say something? I don’t really feel like talking…
“You know,” Memory began. “Writer almost lost Sketch once”
“What?”
“Sketch was training one day with someone but they became to unstable so they almost shattered Sketch’s soul”
Goth looked at Memory, confused on why he was telling him this.
“Writer was so frightened that he tried to kill the other guy but I stopped him just in time. I’m sure you noticed that Sketch only has half a soul well…that’s because Writer has the other half.”
“Wait…they share a soul?”
“Yes, I don’t know why or how but when one of their soul shatters their body doesn’t immediately turn to dust it stays there like…a lifeless shell. Until the other fragment of their soul is shattered the body remains solid”
“Why are you telling me this?”
“Please wait until I’m finish. As I was saying, Writer almost lost his brother that day and he blamed himself for that. He couldn’t stand seeing his brother on a bed so close to death. He wouldn’t eat or sleep in fact he couldn’t. Not even shed tears, all because he kept blaming himself. He didn’t want to talk about it because he felt like no one would understand or he would just bother others. At that time I wanted to give him space until he was ready to talk but he never did. I told Sketch about it and the thing he did was get out of bed and went to Writer’s room, still very injured. Writer was surprise yet angry at him but the one that was the most angriest was Sketch. Heck, I’ve never seen Sketch so angry. He was so angry that he gave Writer a good punch to the punch to the face and yelled at him that he didn’t have to blame himself, that it wasn’t his fault. Writer listened to him in shock but he still wasn’t talking until Sketch went into a coughing fit. Writer wanted to help him but Sketch stopped him and do you want to know what he said to him?”
“What?”
“He said ‘I don’t want help from a guy who can’t even help himself’”
Goth was shocked that the joking skeleton he met would say something so harsh.
“Writer and I were both shocked but I’m sure Writer felt like he was losing his brother completely because he didn’t want to open up to anyone. Sketch was only harsh on him because he cares for his brother, he didn’t want to see him suffer. He didn’t want to see only regretting that moment for the rest of his life. Writer felt scared because he almost lost his brother once and he was about to lose him again so before Sketch left the room Writer grabbed his arm and pour out his feelings. He cried as he said that he felt scared, weak, and guilty. That it was his fault that he almost died, that he was too weak to do anything. As Writer confessed everything Sketch just listened to every word, he didn’t move or said a word he just…listened. After Writer was finished he fell on his knees and sobbed like a child and as for Sketch,” Goth noticed Memory smile as he remembers. “He hugged his brother and thanked him. He thanked him for telling him everything and for being honest. Then he looked at his brother and said ‘It’s not your fault, it was never your fault so you shouldn’t be blaming yourself or be feeling guilty for something that was never your fault. It may seem hard and it may feel like no one would understand but we are here for you. We will always be here so don’t hold anything back or you’ll just be hurting yourself and that’ll be hurting me the most if you do’ then Sketch gave him the biggest smile and said ‘If I did got my soul shattered and died I wouldn’t want you to feel sorry for yourself like a complete loser I would want you to live life to the fullest! Not just for you but for both of us and I’m not saying this because we share a soul or because we’re brothers it’s because I would want to see you happy!’ Writer felt a huge weight lift off his shoulders and felt…peace. He felt so much better and look at him now”
Goth heard huge crashes behind the door.
“He living the life to the fullest,” Memory chuckled then he looked at Goth. “Do you get what I’m saying Goth?”
“That they’re really close?”
“No, I’m saying that you don’t have to hold it in”
Goth looked away from Memory.
“I know it may seem hard at first and you would feel like you’re the only one that feels this way but you have to know that you have family and friends that are here for you. If you don’t open up you’ll just hurt yourself even more… I can’t say that I understand what you’re going through, the I understand how you feel but we will never know until you tell us. It doesn’t have to be me it can be someone you’re comfortable with like Geno or Death but you can’t hold it in… You knew Palette better than anyone I’m sure and I knew he was a bright, happy-go-lucky kid”
I don’t want to talk about this…
“I may not had known him a lot but I’m sure he wouldn’t want you to be blaming yourself like this”
Goth looked at Memory, who was smiling at him.
“He would want you to live life to the fullest and to remember him with a smile, to think that all of your memories are happy once not sad once,” Memory looked at his watch then back at Goth with a smile. “Please think about it and I’m always here if you want to talk”
Memory stood up and was about to walk back to his feet but he felt something pull him back. Memory looked over his shoulder and saw Goth grabbing onto his jacket.
“I… I was so weak and…scared,” Goth’s voice began to shake. “I couldn’t do anything but just watch because I was too scared”
Memory sat back down and listened as Goth hugged his knees.
“I let him die because of my stupid fear! It was my fault that he dies! If I wasn’t scared I would’ve made it to him in time and he would’ve still be here!,” tears fell from Goth’s eyes.”He was too young! Why did he had to die?! Is this some sort of sick punishment?! How can I go on when I feel so empty and alone! Why did you have to go Palette!! Why?! I’m so sorry! It’s all my fault! It’s all my fault!!”
Goth cried and then he felt someone hold him, it only took him a second to realize Memory was hugging him.
“It’s not your fault Goth, there are things we can’t control like fear. It was natural to feel fear at that time but you can’t keep blaming yourself for what happened. You know Palette wouldn’t want that. Imagine Palette in your shoes, would you want the cheerful Palette to be sad and keep blaming himself?”
Goth shook his head.
“Then be happy for him, be his smile that’s what Palette would’ve want”
He’s right… Palette would be sad if he saw me like this. Its strange… I feel a bit more calm and being with him gives me a warm feeling… Almost like a
“Big brother…”
“Eh?,” Memory lets Goth go and looks at him.
“You give out a big brother feeling like a nice, overly protective big brother”
Memory looked at Goth then starts to laugh.
“What’s so funny?”
“Haha! Oh nothing it’s just that Writer said the same thing but he said it like, ‘You give out a nice yet stupid big brother feeling”
Memory laughs and Goth chuckled.
“Thank you,” Memory smiles at Goth. “For opening up it still may be hard at first but you’ll be okay”
“I know…but I wish I could see him one more time even for a bit or least hear his voice…
Goth noticed Memory gone quiet so he looked at him. Memory was looking down at his glove covered hands.
“How…bad do you want to see or hear him?”
Goth was surprised at his question. “Very much”
“Why?”
“To know that I can really move on”
Memory was quiet, deep in thought. Then he looked up at Goth looking as if he’s going to regret something later.
“If you like… I can show you him.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(・∀・)*dies*

TBC…

The signs as lines from Edgar Allen Poe stories

Aries: “ I heard all things in the heaven and in the earth. I heard many things in hell.”

Taurus: “Ugh! ugh! ugh! – ugh! ugh! ugh! – ugh! ugh! ugh! – ugh! ugh! ugh! – ugh! ugh! ugh!”

Gemini: “Certain period elapses, and some unseen mysterious principle again sets in motion the magic pinions and the wizard wheels

Cancer: “And my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor
Shall be lifted–nevermore!


Leo: “Never before that night had I felt the extent of my own powers –of my sagacity. I could scarcely contain my feelings of triumph

Virgo: “You should have seen how wisely I proceeded –with what caution –with what foresight –with what dissimulation I went to work!

Libra: “These the mere romanticist must eschew, if he do not wish to offend or to disgust.

Scorpio: “Yet, mad am I not – and very surely do I not dream.”

Sagittarius: “ By what miracle I escaped destruction, it is impossible to say.

Capricorn: “They sigh one unto the other in that solitude, and stretch towards the heaven their long ghastly necks, and nod to and fro their everlasting heads.”

Aquarius: “To be buried while alive is, beyond question, the most terrific of these extremes which has ever fallen to the lot of mere mortality

Pisces: “What am I to think of your standing quietly by and seeing me thus unhandsomely used?